


Stand By Me

by loonachos



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2020-01-06 10:27:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 93,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18386585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loonachos/pseuds/loonachos
Summary: Follow Hyunjin, Yerim, and Hyejoo through their life as triplets just trying to get through their teenage years with the help of their friends and parents. Welcome to the Losers' Club.





	1. STAND BY ME

STAND BY ME

“Yerim, hurry up! You’re going to make me late to soccer practice!” Hyunjin yelled at the bottom of the stairs.

“Hold on, I can’t find my camera! Ms. Kim’s going to kill me!” How does one keep misplacing a giant and expensive camera? One may never know.

Hyejoo could hear the shouting and rushed footsteps going back and forth in the house from her room. It wasn’t unusual for her two sisters to be shouting at each other to hurry up. While both of them have extracurricular activities outside of school, she opted to playing video games on Saturday mornings. She liked the peace and quiet with her siblings out of the house, but she’d also be lying if she said she didn’t feel lonely at times. Unlike her sisters, Hyejoo was more shy and didn’t have many friends. 

And at the mention of it being quiet and her not having many friends, loud bangs and grunting could be heard from just outside of her window from the second floor. She didn’t even need to look to know who it was. Hyejoo rolled her eyes, paused her game, got up from her seat from the floor, and went to open the window.

“You know my parents aren’t home and I have a front door right?” Hyejoo said looking down at the top of a blonde head.

The said blonde looked up in surprise and almost slipped, but caught herself before she could cause any real damage. “I know, but where’s the fun in that?” She smiled up cheekily.

Hyejoo reached out in alarm and took a hold of the girl’s upper arm. “Jesus, Chaewon! Be careful!”

The blonde finally was able to stick one foot inside before being pulled all the way in, causing both girls to go tumbling down onto the room floor.

“Maybe it’s better that I don’t have friends.” Hyejoo laid on her back staring up at the ceiling.

“What?” Chaewon stood up, brushing off her clothes of dirt from climbing up the house. “You know you love me.”

“I do, but could you please use the front door like a normal person? You’re always trying to give me a heart attack.” The dark haired girl got up on her elbows. “I don’t get why you have to sneak into my room when you know my parents love you.”

“Sorry,” Chaewon mumbled and took a seat next to Hyejoo, who finally decided to sit up as well. “What are you playing?”

“Mario Kart.” Hyejoo replied, handing a second controller over to her friend. “Are you okay?”

She looked over to Chaewon who was staring at the tv screen, avoided her eye contact. She knew Chaewon’s home life wasn’t ideal and the girl often did dangerous things without knowing the real reason why she did the things she did.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Came the simple reply.

Hyejoo sighed, restarting the game so that there were two players. 

“You know you could talk to me right? But if you don’t want to, that’s okay too.” They often had this conversation, but most times, the offer was declined.

Chaewon hummed in response, thankful that she’s never pushed to talk when she didn’t feel like it. “You know you could talk to me too right?”

Hyejoo glanced over at the blonde, who still had her eyes glued to the tv. “What do you mean?”

“Oh come on, Hyejoo. I follow your Twitter. I know when you’re sad tweeting,” the blonde said and then grumbled under her breath as her game character slipped on a banana peel.

Hyejoo let herself slide from 1st place to 3rd, not feeling like playing anymore. This Saturday was supposed to be spent alone in her room, forgetting about her problems. “You know how I am. I’m just moping over nothing.”

Chaewon paused the game and finally looked over to get her friend’s attention. “Whatever you’re dealing with. Your problems are real too. Just because my life is,” she paused for a bit before continuing, “a bit difficult, doesn’t make your problems any less important.” She knew Hyejoo often disregarded her own issues, thinking they were meaningless.

“But they are.” This time, it was Hyejoo who was staring at the television, avoiding eye contact.

“They aren’t.” Chaewon reached out to hold Hyejoo’s hand. “Everyone has their own struggles and you’re my best friend, so stop thinking that you’re not important.”

“You’re my only friend,” Hyejoo mumbled and got up to go sit on her bed.

Chaewon sighed and went over to take her place on the empty spot besides the taller girl. “You have Hyunjin and Yerim too.”

“They’re my sisters. They can’t get rid of me.” Hyejoo hated feeling sorry for herself, but she couldn’t help the way she felt. “No one else talks to me.”

“I talk to you. Am I not enough?”

Hyejoo whipped her head to the side, eyes wide. “What? No, of course you are. That’s not what I meant. I just,” her voice trailed. “My sisters have so many friends and I know I love being alone, but sometimes I just feel like I’m missing out, you know?”

Her siblings were more outgoing than she was, both having multiple friend groups. Hyunjin was friends with almost every sport team at their school and Yerim was just a ball of sunshine that everyone wanted to be around. She sometimes felt like a social outcast compared to them. Her sisters always made sure she felt included though, but it was hard making her own friends who she could actually connect with.

Chaewon was an exception. The girl looked like an innocent princess, but that look disappeared real quick when Hyejoo caught the blonde ditching class while staring out from her own classroom window. She watched as the girl climbed the locked gate, getting her backpack stuck in the process. It seemed like even before she knew her, Chaewon was always climbing around places one way or another.

The second time the princess like aura disappeared was when she heard tiny font curse words being spat out at the end of the hall. Curiosity taking over, she peeked from around the corner of the lockers to see the tiny girl with her hand barely being able to reach the front of a senior girl’s shirt, scrunching it up in her equally tiny fist. The tall girl had her back against the locker, not looking fazed at the threats. Hyejoo was confused for a second until she spotted Yerim on the ground, her hands up covering her face.

She ran over as she saw the senior pushing the blonde back. Before the older girl could reach out again, Hyejoo stood in between the two. “What are you doing?” She didn’t speak much to others, much less in a rude tone, but no one messed with her sister and got away with it. 

“Who the hell are you?” The senior attempted to push her as well, but Hyejoo took a hold of her wrist, giving it a twist as the girl gave out a small yelp of pain. If she learned anything from her oldest triplet, it was how to defend herself.

Hyejoo nodded back at Yerim, who was being helped up by the mysterious blonde. “I’m her sister and I’m not the only one, so you better back off.” Her voice was low as she let go of the wrist.

The taller girl grabbed her hurting arm with the other before trying to shake the pain away. “Tell your sister to back off and stop trying to flirt with my boyfriend.”

“Yerim flirting with a boy? You’re an idiot. Get out of my face before I call the more dangerous sister,” Hyejoo scoffed, obviously not scared of some older girl and her insecurities.

The senior let out a small snarl before turning her back and stomping off like a child.

Hyejoo angry expression changed to concern once the girl was out of sight and turned around. “Are you okay?” She checked Yerim over for injuries and pulled her hands away from covering her face. She gasped at her sister’s busted lip, blood trickling down a little from the corner of her mouth.

Yerim bursted out into tears again as Hyejoo pulled her into a hug. The taller of the two watched as the blonde stood to the side, not saying anything before walking away from the scene.

Hyunjin was not happy when she heard about what happened although Yerim kept insisting she was fine. The oldest sibling made sure every detail of the situation was explained so that she could act accordingly. At the description of the small blonde that saved Yerim, Hyunjin was able to pinpoint her as the girl in her P.E. class that was ruthless at dodgeball. 

“Chaewon. Tiny. My dodgeball nemesis, but I’m always up for some friendly competition. Kid doesn’t talk much, but she got arms that can take out most of the class at armwrestling, including that one loser, Heejin.”

“You keep calling her a loser, but she’s still your best friend.” Yerim’s voice was muffled with an ice pack on her lip.

“I said what I said.” Hyunjin scratched her head trying to remember what she was talking about. “The point is, I’m recruiting Chaewon to see if she wants to kill this bitch.”

“You’re not killing anyone.” Yerim placed down her ice pack on the counter to argue, but Hyejoo, who was sitting besides her, wordlessly picked it up to place it back on her sister’s lip.

“If I don’t get to her first, our parents are going to kill that girl for laying a hand on you,” Hyunjin fired back.

“They are doing no such thing.”

“You want to bet? Are you forgetting that they’re both teachers at our school? Do you remember when mom chewed out that boy’s parents because he was picking on Hyejoo and they were being indifferent about it? Boys will be boys, my ass!”

“Could you please stop cussing?” Yerim reached her free hand over to hold Hyunjin’s, knowing her sister often got heated from being overprotective, but for good reason. “And please don’t kill anyone. I would like us to graduate together without you getting expelled.”

Needless to say, Hyunjin did not listen. Although she didn’t kill anyone, she did recruit Chaewon into her little revenge plan. Both girls ended up getting detention for a week for the mischief they caused, but the real bully got suspended once their parents found out what happened and made sure the principal was informed about the situation.

They don’t remember how it started, but Chaewon soon became a regular at their house. The triplets joked that the girl must be their long lost sister, calling themselves quadruplets when people asked, although the blonde looked nothing like them. Even their parents started treating Chaewon like one of their own.

They were only in their freshman year then, but now they at the end of their junior year and Chaewon was still her only friend. And it was through her sisters, so technically, she didn’t make any friends of her own.

Hyejoo frowned bitterly at the thought, but snapped out of it when she felt a hand slip into her’s, pulling her to lay down. She complied as Chaewon pulled the covers over them and snuggled up to her side. For someone so mischievous, the blonde also had a soft side.

“You’re not missing out on much, Hyejoo. The popular kids go to parties to hang out with people who they probably don’t even like. They’re just there to be surface level friends who don’t even know each other. What’s the point in that?” Much like Hyejoo, Chaewon was pretty much a loner, but a loner by choice. She didn’t find any appeal in making friends if they didn’t have her back. The only real friends she has ever made were the triplets and she was fine with that.

“I know you’re right, but sometimes it just feels like,” Hyejoo paused and frowned, “like there’s something wrong with me.”

“Hyejoo-ah.” Her voice was quiet and sad knowing her best friend felt that way. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You know I love you right?”

It wasn’t often that Chaewon was serious. The girl always joked around to hide behind her emotions. The only affection they got out of her was her consist teasing, so it shouldn’t be taken lightly when she said things like “I love you”.

Hyejoo sniffed, trying not to let a tear out as she shut her eyes tight. “I know. I love you too. I’m just having a bad day I guess.”

“You’ve been having a lot of those.” Hyejoo opened them back up when she felt Chaewon’s thumb at the corner of her eye, wiping a tear before it could fall. “You gotta talk more instead of bottling everything up.”

Hyejoo sniffed again and contemplated on following the advice, but shook the thought out of her head. “Could we just nap?”

Chaewon sighed in defeat, thinking she had made a little progress, but it seemed like Hyejoo still wasn’t ready to talk. She couldn’t blame her though, because she also was one to avoid serious conversations when the topic was about herself. 

The blonde nodded as she pulled Hyejoo towards herself so that the dark haired girl was resting in her arms. The quadruplets often found themselves in this position when any of them were stressed out over something. Naps and cuddling were their thing when they didn’t feel like talking, but they all knew it wasn’t healthy to not talk it out. As if it ran in their blood, all four were prone to hiding their feelings, not wanting to burden anyone with their problems. 

Cuddled up was how Hyunjin and Yerim found the two when Hyejoo wasn’t answering their texts on what she wanted to eat. They brought her back food without getting an answer anyways and extra at that, knowing Chaewon would probably be over during some time of the day.

Hyejoo stirred from her nap when she heard a camera clicking sound, followed by a slap and a quiet “ow”.

“You would forget to put your phone on silent.” She heard Yerim’s hushed, but still loud voice.

“What are you guys doing?” Hyejoo asked annoyed as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

“Just adding to my HyeWon napping collection. Chaewon actually looks cute when she’s not awake.” Hyunjin grinned, waving her phone back and forth.

“I could hear you, you idiot.” Chaewon still had her eyes closed, trying to ignore that she was just woken up from her peaceful nap.

“I should show you my ButterCat napping collection,” Hyejoo said sitting up on her bed.

“Your what now?” Hyunjin asked, eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

“She’s a butterfly and you’re a cat.” There was no emotion behind Hyejoo’s voice as she explained the term.

Yerim bursted out in laughter and slapped Hyunjin’s shoulder. “ButterCat!”

“Would you stop slapping me?” Hyunjin glared at the purple haired girl. “Mom said you guys have to go downstairs to eat at the table.”

Hyejoo nodded and pulled at Chaewon, who grumbled, but didn’t get up. She looked over at her sisters, who already knew what to do. The two walked over, each taking one of the blonde’s arm before pulling her up. Hyejoo was the support, using her feet to push Chaewon’s back up from the bed. They hauled her onto Hyunjin’s back, knowing how groggy the girl gets after a nap.

As they reached the bottom of the stairs, Hyunjin spun around a few times and shook her body to wake the poor girl on her back up.

“Hyunjin!” The oldest sibling stopped her movements as Chaewon snapped from her daze, slowly sliding off of the taller girl’s back. “How many times do I have to tell you that one or two spins are fine, but doing that excessively is dangerous!”

Hyunjin pouted, shoulders slumped as all four made their way into the kitchen. “Sorry, Mom.”

Sooyoung sighed before giving a little loving pat on her oldest daughter’s butt. “Go set up the table.” She took out the takeout containers from the brown bags before walking over to the seated girls, giving Hyejoo and Chaewon each a kiss on the top of their heads. “You girls have fun?”

The two smiled in response as they heard the front door open and in came another blonde entering the kitchen.

“I got ice cream,” the woman said in a sing song voice. “How’s my baby?” she cooed, her smile getting wider, having spotted the smaller blonde.

“Mama! We’re your babies too!” Hyunjin shouted in fake jealousy.

“Hush, I haven’t seen Chaewon in days.” Although Jinsol knew Hyunjin was joking, she went over to greet all of her kids, giving them all kisses much like what Sooyoung just did.

Hyejoo watched in silence as her family chatted away, talking about everything and nothing. Chaewon gave her little looks every once in awhile and it didn’t escape the keen eyes of the other siblings. 

They all excused themselves after they were done eating and headed towards Hyejoo’s room.

“Okay, what’s up?” Hyunjin asked once she closed the door.

“What do you mean what’s up?” Hyejoo turned on her tv to continue on with her gaming, ignoring the fact that she knew her sisters could always tell something was wrong even when she didn’t say a word.

“I was going to let the whole cuddly nappy thing slide because we could all use some cuddly nappy time when we’re stressed, but the whole sad silence at the table was different from your content silence at the table.” Hyunjin crossed her arms as she stood in front of the television.

Hyejoo sighed and placed her controller down, tucking her knees up to her chest, but didn’t say anything.

Hyunjin dropped her arms and walked over to sit in front of the youngest sister as the other two in the room sat by Hyejoo’s side. There was a time when Chaewon would take this as her cue to leave the siblings to have their sisterly moment, but it didn’t take long for them to ask her to stay. 

“What she’s trying to say is that we know you’ve been having a harder time than usual.” Yerim rubbed her back from her right side. “We thought maybe you needed time to sort things out on your own, but you seem to just be getting worse and we’re worried.”

“I’m sorry for worrying you guys,” Hyejoo mumbled, keeping her eyes casted to the ground. She always felt conflicted. Sometimes she just wanted her sisters to leave her alone to dwell in her own misery, but other times, she was glad they knew when to make her talk when she needed to.

“What are you sorry for? We love you and just want you to trust us enough to talk to us.” Although Hyunjin was only a few minutes older than her sisters and three days older than Chaewon, she still felt the responsibility to protect them. Especially knowing that they all were a lot softer than she was.

Hyejoo finally looked up, afraid her sister was hurt that she wouldn’t talk to them. “I do trust you guys. It’s just,” she paused in frustration. “It’s just stupid.”

She felt Chaewon’s hand slip into her’s. “It’s not stupid.”

Sometimes, she wished Chaewon would just talk for her and tell her sisters how she felt, but she knew the girl never said much so that Hyejoo would have the courage to speak for herself. 

“I just feel like such a loser sometimes. You both have so many friends and I’m just playing video games all day.” Hyejoo pulled her hand away and wrapped her arms around her legs that were still up to her chest. 

Hyunjin placed a hand on Hyejoo’s knee. “You’re not a loser. I may seem like I have a lot of friends, but who do I go to when I’m having a hard time? Do you see me ever having a serious conversation with anyone besides you guys?”

“Does anyone ever see me sad besides you guys?” Yerim piped in, voice trembled as she tried to keep it together.

Hyejoo let her tears fall, not trying to hide it this time. No one has ever seen her cry besides her family. And she didn’t hold back as they pulled her into a group hug. They stayed like that for awhile before their legs got numb from the awkward seated position on the floor.

“No one has even heard me aeong besides you guys.” Leave it to Hyunjin to crack a joke when the silence got too long.

Hyejoo let out a tearful laugh. “You’re forgetting about Heejin.”

“Ah, I totally forgot about that loser. She’s an exception.” Hyunjin smiled and ruffled the youngest’s hair. “She loves you too you know? She never shuts up about you.”

Hyejoo smiled back knowing it was true on how much her sister’s best friend doted on her.

When she thought about it, she knew she was loved. It was just hard to see sometimes when everyone else around her seemed so happy laughing and talking to their friends. But like her sisters said, how many of those friendships are as real as the ones she has with her siblings and practically adopted sister, Chaewon?

She went into senior year satisfied with just hanging out with her three sisters, but couldn’t predict the change in events when the principal’s daughter transferred into her school and wouldn’t leave her alone. Apparently, she didn’t want to go to the same school where her mother was the principal, but agreed when her mom told her that they now had a soft serve machine available at lunch. It was one cone per student, but Hyejoo somehow always saw the tiny girl coming out of the cafeteria with two. She claimed it was perks of being the principal’s daughter, but Hyejoo knew for a fact that Principal Haseul would never let anyone get away with it.

“Unnie! Unnie! I got you a cone since you said you had to stay back in class!” The girl came to a stop a few inches away from her, almost ramming both of the desserts into Hyejoo.

“I told you to stop running around with those cones, Yeojin. Students are gonna start talking that your mom is playing favorites.”

“Oh, come on, you know she’d never play favorites. In fact, she’d probably take away my ice cream privileges if anything.” The said girl looked up as she talked, being a whole head shorter than Hyejoo.

She smiled knowing it was probably true and took the offered cone from her friend’s hand. 

Be careful what you wish for, she guessed. She just had to make friends with the loudest kid possible, but was glad when she introduced Yeojin to her siblings and they all bickered right away like old friends. She knew they’d all get along the moment Hyunjin called Yeojin a dumbass and Yeojin shared her bread with the oldest triplet anyways. 

Hyejoo’s circle of friends got louder with each new addition. Over time, she learned how to love herself and was fine with just having her sisters and Chaewon around, but she also didn’t mind all the noise and love that came with the new friendships. It was an unfamiliar feeling, but she wouldn’t have it any other way.


	2. LOSERS

Hyunjin was running late to soccer practice, but what else was new? Well, the new bakery was new and she just had to come across it right before Saturday soccer practice. She couldn’t choose between a few so she opted in just buying them all.

“One before practice won’t hurt right?” she mumbled to herself as she opened up one of the packages from her bag. 

She was about to take a bite out of the delicious carbs when a flash of hair whooshed by her, almost making her drop her food.

“Hey, watch where you’re going!” Hyunjin shouted at the girl who had stopped in front of her.

The girl had on a smirk and stepped on one end of her skateboard, making it pop up into her hand to grab. “Sorry, not sorry! You shouldn’t be eating that before practice anyways.”

“What do you want, loser.” Hyunjin scrunched her face in annoyance as she took a big bite out of her bread, ignoring the girl with the beanie’s advice.

Jeon Heejin. Skater girl. Popular but doesn’t seem to know it. Also, Hyunjin’s best friend. It’s a fact that they live to annoy each other to no end.

“I’m bored.” Heejin shrugged and grabbed for Hyunjin’s bag of bread. If it was anyone else, the taller girl might have knocked them over the head, but she let the skater pick what she wanted from the pile before handing it back. “I thought your moms were dropping you off at practice.”

“They were going to, but I saw the new bakery. Yerim didn’t want to be late to photography club, so they let me off here.” Hyunjin looked into her bag and wasn’t surprised that Heejin took the bread that she had picked out for her, having known her preference. 

“I’m surprised they let you. You’re always late.”

“I told them I was going to run there after.”

“You’re walking as slow as a snail and about to open your second bread.” 

Hyunjin stopped half way opening the package before freezing in her steps and narrowed her eyes, looking deep in thought before putting the package back. “You’re right. I should eat more after I destroy everyone during practice.”

“At this rate, you won’t even make it. For someone so athletic, you’re the slowest walker I know.” Heejin handed her skateboard over to Hyunjin, swung her backpack around to take off a smaller penny board that was attached to the front. “Let’s ride.” She gave out a “rock on” hand sign before getting on the tiny board.

Hyunjin rolled her eyes, but put down the borrowed board down anyways and got on to catch up to the skater girl.

They were surprised to see the soccer team just getting out onto the field. Hyunjin still had time to put away her stuff without being late since she always wore her uniform at home, knowing it’d be too bothersome to change in the crowded locker.

Before she could make it in, a tug at her bread bag made her turn around quick, yanking it back towards her protectively.

Her angry eyes turned into an irritated look as she saw who the culprit was. “Great, two of the most annoying people here to ruin my beautiful Saturday morning.”

“Oh, Heejin’s here?”

“What do you want, Chae?” Hyunjin continued into the locker as the girl followed.

“I came to support you and you’re just gonna be mean to me?” 

The taller of the two didn’t turn around as she handed her beloved bag over to her friend. “Don’t eat it all. I got some for Yerim, Hyejoo, and the moms too.”

As if her best friends shared the same brain, Chaewon gave out a “rock on” hand sign before the two did some kind of friendship handshake that involved the grabbing of each other’s hand and a shoulder bump.

The small blonde exited without another word as Hyunjin got ready for practice. She was out in a minute, just in time for the coach to round everyone up.

“Hyunjin. Ryujin. Team captains. Warm up and then pick your teams.” The coach gave out instructions as the two captains nodded.

“Alright, laps and then some drills. My team in jerseys,” Hyunjin shouted out before going to grab yellow jerseys while the other team stayed in their usual uniform.

Just because she was a slow walker didn’t mean she was a slow runner. She was ahead of the pack as she ran past Heejin and Chaewon who were doing skate tricks near the bleachers.

“Losers!” she yelled out, but they only responded with huge grins and a wave. 

Hyunjin smiled to herself actually enjoying the fact that her friends were there. While Heejin accompanied her for most practices, Chaewon was probably there because Hyejoo was too busy wanting to play video games by herself. Either way, she always hung with the two on Saturdays after soccer.

The first practice game after drills was tough with only a few minutes left on the clock. Hyunjin’s team was up one goal, but Ryujin’s team had the ball at the moment.

The ball went soaring in the air in an attempt to get it across the field as time was running out. Hyunjin sped up her run, not wanting to give her opponent a chance to score. As she got closer to the ball, she jumped for it when she felt an impact to her left causing her to collide with another player. The wind was knocked out of her lungs as she tumbled over another body and landed on her side. Hyunjin groaned, half of her vision black as she tried to figure out where she was. For a second, she couldn’t tell if she was on solid ground or just floating in air. 

“Hey, hey, stay down.” She heard a voice that sounded far away.

“Shit, Hyunjin, I’m so sorry!” She heard another voice, this time, a little closer as she felt the ground beneath her.

Her head started to clear and she tried sitting up again, but arms on her kept her in her place.

“Stop being stubborn and stay down.” This time she knew it was Chaewon who was talking. Her tiny font voice was easy to distinguish.

Her head spun as the coach was asking her questions and running little tests to check if she was okay. “You don’t seem to have a concussion though a bruise is already forming here.” The coach pointed at the left side of her forehead. “Let’s get you to the nurse for those scrapes though.”

Hyunjin took Ryujin’s offering hand to help her up, but yelped in pain when her right foot made contact with the ground as she sat back down.

“Great, just great.” Hyunjin grabbed at her injury, trying to move her ankle, but winced when it started to hurt more.

“I got you.” Ryujin bent down to try to help Hyunjin back up, but was stopped.

“It’s okay. I can take her to the nurse. You guys can keep on practicing,” Heejin said with her hand on the other team captain’s shoulder.

Ryujin hesitated for a second, but let her take over, helping Hyunjin up onto Heejin’s back.

“I’ll grab your stuff and meet up with you guys.” Chaewon had the two skateboards tucked under her arms. Hyunjin’s combination number was stored in her head since they often shared lockers. “I texted Yerim already.”

“Don’t tell the parentals. I’ll let them know later.” Hyunjin didn’t want to notify her moms just yet. She wanted to know the extent of her injuries before her parents worried over nothing.

Chaewon nodded and started walking away as the two headed towards the nurse’s office.

“Doesn’t this remind you of old times?” Heejin walked slow as she gave her friend a piggyback ride.

“Yeah, but it was me who was carrying you. You wouldn’t stop crying after falling out of the tree.” 

“We were ten and you said you were going to catch me, but you didn’t.”

“Hey, I tried but you were too heavy. I cushioned your fall didn’t I?” Hyunjin gave out a puff of air at the memory.

Heejin went to school in France for a few years before transferring to Hyunjin’s school in 5th grade. The girl came to the first day of class frowning in a dress as she tugged at the sleeves with how tight it was. Hyunjin thought it was an odd sight when everyone else was in their school uniform.

Hyunjin saw her again during recess. The girl sat by herself when a group of older kids surrounded her.

“Why are you wearing a dress?” One of the boys stuck his face in close.

The girl looked up, but didn’t say anything. She got up to leave when another kid pulled at the back of her collar.

Hyunjin was used to dealing with bullies. She was the oldest triplet and often times fought her sisters battles. Her two younger siblings were both way too soft, so she made it her responsibility to protect them when their parents weren’t around.

Hyunjin’s sisterly mode was activated as she made her way over to the group, but stopped when she saw the smaller girl turn with a scowl on her face as she raised her leg up to stomp on the boy’s foot. He shouted out in pain, let go of her collar, and hopped around.

“Don’t touch me or I’m going to kick you!” The girl warned the other kids and walked away when she didn’t see any of them advancing towards her.

Hyunjin watched her from afar. She made friends easily, but this new kid intrigued her, making her a bit nervous. Her feet seemed to have a mind of its own when she found herself following the girl to the playground. She watched her sit down on a swing sighing, swinging her legs lightly, and dragging her feet on the ground.

“Hi,” Hyunjin spoke as she approached. “Can I push you?”

The girl looked up and quirked an eyebrow up.

“I mean, on the swing, push you on the swing, so you can go higher,” she stumbled over her words as her voice got quieter at the end of the sentence.

The girl still had her eyebrows up before shrugging. “Sure.”

Hyunjin gently started pushing. “I like your dress.”

“I hate it. My mom got the wrong size uniform, so she stuck me in this.” The girl took a glance back. “I’m Heejin.”

“Hyunjin.”

“You asked to push me yet I’m not going much higher.”

Hyunjin thought the girl looked delicate in her flowery dress, but she kept proving her wrong each time. She smiled and began pushing harder, watching Heejin let her hands go of the swing’s chains and spread her arms out as she let her hair flow in the wind.

That day Hyunjin learned that Heejin was treated like a princess at home. She wasn’t allowed to have fun. Her parents were too afraid that their only child would get hurt in the process. Heejin hated that they thought she was a fragile doll when all she wanted to do was climb trees, so Hyunjin vowed to her that that was what they were going to do. 

Hyunjin was an expert at climbing things. Much to their parents disapproval, her and her siblings would help each other climb counters at home to reach things that were too high. They got the triplets stools after finding out, but where was the fun in that? Everywhere the triplets went, they were always climbing things one way or another.

“You better catch me if I fall!” Heejin yelled down from up high.

It was the end of the week when they decided to get Heejin to climb up her first tree. It was exciting for the both of them. Most girls didn’t want to climb trees, so Hyunjin only shared that activity with her sisters, but now she found a new friend who was just as adventurous. Heejin didn’t have many chances to try new things being always cooped up in her house with overprotective parents.

“Don’t worry. I catch my siblings all the time.” Hyunjin reassured her, looking up, using her hand to block out the sun from her eyes.

“You have siblings?”

“Yeah, we’re triplets.”

“There’s three of you?”

“We look alike at times, but we’re all very different.”

“That’s good. I don’t think your parents would be able to handle three of you.”

Hyunjin pouted, already being used to the teasing as she often found herself teasing back.

“How come I haven’t seen them around?” Heejin grunted as she started to climb down.

“Hyejoo’s sick and Yerim’s too busy practicing for her double dutch competition during breaks.”

“There’s a double dutch competition?”

“Well, it’s not official. Yerim just likes making up clubs with her friends.”

Hyunjin watched as Heejin twirled her foot around trying to reach the next branch without looking. Her foot touched the surface she was looking for, but when she tried resting her weight on it, it made a cracking sound under pressure. Before she could retract the foot, the branch snapped, sending her screaming in panic as her hands tried to steady herself, but it was too late. She crashed at the bottom hearing a grunt in pain that wasn’t her own. She quickly rolled off of Hyunjin who was underneath her.

“Are you okay?” Heejin’s eyes got teary and she couldn’t stop them from falling as she saw her friend lay there. 

Hyunjin groaned again before giving her an “okay” hand sign. “I’m good. You?”

“I scraped my knee.” She pointed at the injury that was bleeding a little, but otherwise, she looked fine. She couldn’t stop the tears from falling though, worry clouding her mind. She was crying more from hurting her new friend than her own pain.

“Stop crying. You’re fine. I’m fine.” Hyunjin stood up and dusted herself off before helping Heejin up. “Do you want a piggyback ride?”

“I can walk.” Heejin sniffed again, using the back of her sleeve to wipe at her face.

“Do you want one anyways?” Hyunjin was already crouched down for her friend to get on. “Come on, I always give my sisters piggyback rides when they’re sad or not feeling good.”

Heejin stopped crying, imagining the cute image and nodded her head as she gently hopped on.

Hyunjin slowly walked them to the nurse’s office while humming a tune Heejin wasn’t familiar with.

“What song is that?” Heejin asked, resting her head on the taller girl’s shoulder.

“I don’t know the title yet. My moms were making it up in their jam session.”

“What’s a jam session? And moms?” The smaller girl lifted up her head in confusion. She didn’t get what a song had to do with jam.

“Yeah, jam sessions where they play instruments and make songs for fun.” Hyunjin did a little hop to readjust their position as Heejin was sliding off. “Most people have one mom and a dad, but I have two moms.” She shrugged not knowing anything else. All she knew was that her family was a bit different than most, but it didn’t bother her when other people questioned it.

Heejin frowned not understanding the fun in playing instruments. At a young age, she was forced to go to piano and guitar lessons, always following books instead of having free will over what she wanted to play. To be honest, the more Hyunjin talked about her family, a little more jealous Heejin would get.

“Your family seems nice,” she quietly said.

“Yeah. My sisters can get annoying at times, but I think it’s because I annoy them first.” Hyunjin smiled thinking about how she loved to tease her siblings although her parents would scold her for it. It’s not her fault that they’re so cute when they’re pouty.

Eventually, Heejin’s parents got too busy with work abroad to stop her from doing what she wanted. Their constant nagging of acting like a lady got less frequent with their absence and Heejin started doing her own thing, getting rid of dresses, learning how to skateboard, and going on adventures with the triplets.

Heejin sighed at the bittersweet memory and did a little hop to readjust their position as Hyunjin was sliding off. “Are you falling asleep back there?”

“No, just too busy trying to think of what to tell moms without having them freak out.” It wasn’t uncommon for her to get injuries with all the sports she played, but her parents still worried over the littlest things sometimes. “Remember when Mama was about to fight that boy that pushed me off the swings because I said I was saving it for you?”

“She kept asking you what the boy looked like so she could glare at him.” Heejin laughed remembering the first time she saw one of Hyunjin’s mom. The tall blonde looked intimidating, but was a sweetheart once you got to know her. “To be fair, you’re not supposed to save swings for people.”

“He already went on there twice and was counting way faster than he should have!” Hyunjin countered back. 

They reached the nurse’s office talking about old memories. The woman behind the desk was not surprised to see Hyunjin there as she went to go get out the first aid kit.

“Ice the bruise on your head for 15 minutes, three times a day until the swelling goes down.” The nurse instructed. “You’re lucky it’s just a sprain this time. You know the drill, don’t put pressure on it and don’t go back to playing sports so quick,” she said wrapping up the ankle.

Hyunjin groaned. They had a game next week and it meant she wouldn’t be able to participate.

“Don’t worry Ms. Wong, I’ll make sure she isn’t being dumb.” Heejin grinned and patted her friend’s shoulder, who only glared at her.

“Are you okay?!” Another voice boomed through as a purple haired girl came in breathless with Chaewon trailing from behind.

“I’m fine Yerim, just a little sprain.” 

“Oh thank god. I heard you hit your head and was worried you’d be losing more brain cells.” Yerim placed her hand over her heart before walking over to give her sister a hug.

Hyunjin pushed her away. “Rude. You’re supposed to be the nice sister.”

“I am the nice sister. I’m going to offer to call moms because I know if you called before practice’s over, they’d freak before even knowing what happened.”

“Oh bless your kind soul, Yerim. You’re the only person I’ve ever respected.” Hyunjin sighed out in relief.

“Hey, I gave you a piggyback ride all the way from the field!” Heejin smacked the girl on the shoulder.

“Ouch! I’m injured!” Hyunjin rubbed her arm although it wasn’t where her soccer injury was at all.

“I brought your bread,” Chaewon piped in, waving the bag around, looking equally annoyed.

“I was just joking. Would y’all chill?” She went to grab the bag, but it was yanked back. “All of the sudden, I’m missing Hyejoo,” she grumbled.

In the end, it didn’t matter that Yerim called their parents first, they still freaked out. Ms. Wong, who was a family friend through a mutual had to talk to them to calm them down.

It was common for everyone to head over to hang out on Saturdays as the four of them went to the parking lot to wait to be picked up. It didn’t take long for the all too familiar soccer mom van to come into view, the front passenger door swinging open before the van could even come to a full stop.

Jinsol stepped out. Well, she practically jumped out. The back sliding door opened next and out came Hyejoo who was holding Hyunjin’s old crutches, and then Sooyoung wearing her at-home glasses, hair up in a messy bun from the driver’s seat.

“Mama, she’s fine.” Yerim stood up to reassure her mom who was approaching fast.

“Either way, my baby’s hurt.” Jinsol had on a worried look as she went to cup Hyunjin’s face before pulling her into a hug.

“For someone who’s supposedly tough, I’ll never get over how much you love being babied,” Chaewon said with a flat tone as she watched the oldest triplet smile in her mom’s embrace before giving out a glare at her friend.

“Oh, I can baby you too, Chaewon.” Jinsol let go of Hyunjin for Sooyoung to take over, checking all of her injuries to make sure she was really okay.

“Yes please.” Chaewon’s face literally turned into the teary eyed emoji as her friend’s mother pulled her in for a hug.

“You’re such a loser,” Hyunjin hissed out at how much of a hypocrite Chaewon was before grabbing onto her hand.

The smaller blonde intertwined their fingers together at the contact.

“I was grabbing for the bread bag,” Hyunjin deadpanned, but otherwise, didn’t pull her hand away as Chaewon grinned knowingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit fluffy, hmm...


	3. COLD NIGHT

Heejin shivered as she walked alone in the middle of the night with only a thin hoodie on. Her fingers fumbled as she zipped it up and wrapped her arms around herself.

Most nights, she’d be lazing around in bed drowning out the world with her headphones on, but here she was, drowning in a world that was sucking the air out of her very lungs.

She was suffocating.

She had to get out and that’s what she did. She didn’t even bother grabbing a thicker jacket as anger took over, storming out of a house she couldn’t call home. Her parents yelled at her to get back, but she couldn’t stand listening to them anymore as she slammed the door behind.

They love her, they would tell her. They just want what’s best for her, they would tell her. How could they possibly know what was best when they didn’t know a thing about her? They didn’t even try as they shut her up every time she tried to speak her mind. Heejin was sick of them wanting her to be someone she wasn’t. She wasn’t some doll they could play dress up to impress their friends of how ladylike she was when all she wanted to do with climb trees and skate in parks she was forbidden to go to. 

And the park was where she ended up at. It was a place she often frequented with her friends, but never alone at this time.

Heejin sniffed back tears as she reached the swings and sat down sighing, swinging her legs lightly, and dragging her feet on the ground.

“What are you doing here?” Came a tiny voice from behind.

Heejin whipped her head around being startled that there was someone else was in the park at this hour. She couldn’t see who it was with the street light beaming down until the person got closer.

“I could be asking you the same.” Heejin was confused, forgetting her problems for a second as the small blonde approached.

Chaewon didn’t respond right away as she took a seat on the swing to the left of taller girl. “Out for a walk.”

“Am I supposed to believe that?”

“If I asked you again, would you tell me the truth too?” Chaewon swung her legs back and forth, making herself go higher. Her face burned as the cold air hit her, making it feel like little pricks of needles.

Heejin clenched her jaw shut. Even without saying anything, they both already knew why they each were out in the middle of the cold night. She chose to swing herself higher to match her friend, face freezing too, but she didn’t care.

It was a few minutes before Chaewon slowed down, coming to a stop, and resting her forehand on the back of her right hand that had a grip on the swing’s chain. “Why don’t any of us talk to each other?”

Heejin slowed down as well and looked over, but Chaewon wasn’t looking at her.

“We’re all best friends yet we choose to hide the most important things.” The blonde looked up this time, catching Heejin’s stare. “Please tell me that you’re okay?”

Heejin kept the eye contact but started to blink back tears. She knew Chaewon’s home life wasn’t good, but she didn’t know it got to the point where she’d catch the girl out alone at night in the park too. “Are you? Because it doesn’t seem like it.”

“Are we just going to answer questions with more questions all night?”

“It’s nothing. I just got into another fight with my parents is all.” Heejin started to swing her legs lightly again so that her feet were dragging, getting little debris in her shoes.

“It’s obviously not nothing if you’re out here. Everyone is always saying their problems are nothing when it’s just eating them from the inside out.”

“As if you don’t do the same? Out of all people, you shouldn’t be one to speak.” Heejin’s tone came out harsher than she would have liked as she watched Chaewon flinch slightly at the volume of her voice. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

Chaewon shook her head. “No, you’re right. It’s been a few years since I’ve known you guys. You’re all the first real friends I’ve ever had, yet sometimes, I still find it hard to believe that I actually have people I could talk to, but don’t make use of it.”

“Chae,” Heejin started.

“I’m trying Heejin. I really am.” Chaewon looked over, eyes red from trying to hold back tears. “I know I don’t have the right to ask you how you’re doing if I don’t ever express myself either. It’s unfair, but if me talking about my feelings gets you and the others to let me know if you’re okay, then I’m willing to talk,” she paused before continuing, “I don’t want to lose you guys.”

“Chaewon, what the hell happened?” The blonde wasn’t one to show much emotions even when her life was tougher than most, and seeing her like this scared Heejin to death.

The girl let out a small cry, hands going up to wipe at her face. “Things are just getting bad and I can’t be in that house anymore. I’ve been staying around places here and there, but I don’t know how much longer I could last.”

This time, it was Heejin who let out a cry at the confession she wasn’t expecting. She got up and walked over to Chaewon before dropping down in front to hug her friend who was still seated on the swing. “You’re so stupid. There’s a point when you have to tell us these things no matter what,” her speech was choppy with how much she was crying.

“I know.” Chaewon held Heejin, stroking her hair as the girl looked up with so much hurt in her eyes. “I thought I could handle it. It was only going to be for a night, but a night turned into two, and then it just became a regular thing until I didn’t know how to tell you guys.”

Chaewon got off of the swing and pulled her friend up. They made their way up a ladder at the playground and sat on the small bridge, blocking most of the wind away from them. There was a backpack there as Chaewon dug through it before pulling out a jacket and handing it over to Heejin, who quietly thanked her. She wasn’t even aware that she was shivering with how many emotions were running through her.

“My parents want me to move back to France,” Heejin finally spoke, breaking the silence between both of them sniffling.

Chaewon turned her head, one of her worst fears coming to life.

“I’m not leaving you guys,” she reassured. “I’ll get a job or two, find my own place.” She looked at her friend in realization. “We could get our own place.”

Chaewon wiped her face with the back of her sleeves. “Your parents have been trying to control everything in your life since before you were even born. How are you going to get them to let you do that?”

“They’ve been trying to control my life yet I still turned out to be some loser skater kid didn’t I?” Heejin raised her arms out to the side and motioned at her choice in clothing with her hoodie, ripped black jeans, and a beanie. 

“True that, loser.” Chaewon joked while still sniffling as Heejin lightly punched her, pulling the blonde closer to her and wrapping her arms around the smaller girl.

“I’m going to turn 18 soon. They can’t stop me.” 

Chaewon hummed in response. Her 18th birthday wasn’t far off from Heejin’s either.

“Heejin!” They heard a voice call out. “Heejin! Where are you, you loser!”

They both looked at each other, eyebrows raised before standing up from the bridge to look over at the direction of the voice.

“Hyunjin?!” Heejin called back to see the girl freeze in her steps before sprinting over.

The oldest triplet tripped up the last step of the ladder, knees coming in contact with the metal bridge, but she didn’t care as she ran over to hug Heejin tightly. 

“Why didn’t you pick up your phone? Why are you out here?” Hyunjin pulled back from the hug with an angry expression before her face softened again. “Your parents called me at 2am. They never call me. They hate me.” 

“I got into a fight with them.” 

“I figured. They said you were gone for at least an hour. I snuck out ‘cause I didn’t know where the hell you were. You didn’t pick up your phone. You always pick up your phone,” Hyunjin said in one breath before turning to Chaewon. “Unlike you. You never pick up your phone. Why the hell are you here too?” 

“Keeping Heejin company?” She knew Hyunjin would be able to see through any lie, but she wasn’t in the mood to repeat her situation, thinking it was better to tell the triplets once they were all together.

Hyunjin’s face didn’t have an expression, obviously knowing it wasn’t the whole truth, but didn’t push. “We’re going to talk later.” She pulled them both into a quick hug before letting go. “You guys can stay at my place tonight.”

“I don’t think we can all sneak into your house without waking your parents,” Heejin commented.

“We’re using the front door. Either way, I have to explain to them why you guys are sleeping over on a school night.” Hyunjin sighed knowing she was going to be in trouble, but keeping her friends safe was a bigger priority.

They made their way out of the park, eyes burning from the lack of sleep and the cold biting into their skin. Hyunjin walked in the middle, holding both of her friend’s hands, trying to keep them warm and scared they were going to disappear if she let go.

Things weren’t always this bad, but lately it seemed like everyone was a little more distant with the way they kept their problems to themselves. Her friends were hurting and she couldn’t be there for them. 

Hyunjin bit the bottom of her lip to keep herself from crying as they reached her house. She let go of their hands, reaching into her pockets to fish out keys to open the front door. 

Yerim and Hyejoo were probably awake since she updated them on the situation, but was surprised to also see her parents awake in the living room.

“Mom. Mama.” Hyunjin gulped as she made eye contact with her sisters who had on apologetic expressions.

“You’re not in trouble,” Sooyoung said before her and Jinsol made their way over to the three girls by the front door.

They looked each girl over once before pulling them all into a big group hug. Yerim, who was by the couch, tugged at Hyejoo’s arm as they joined in, both worried about everyone.

“Next time, please wake us up no matter what time it is,” Jinsol started, her hand on Hyunjin’s cheek. “We rather have you letting us know what’s going on than you getting hurt or something okay?”

“I’m sorry, Mama.” Hyunjin felt guilty for making her parents worry. She seemed to have a knack for that and sometimes hated that part of herself.

“As long as you’re okay.” Sooyoung pulled her into an one armed hug, kissing the top of her head before turning to the others. “Are you girls okay? You know that you’re always welcomed over.”

They both nodded, apologizing for the trouble they’ve caused, and thanked them for a place to stay for the night.

“You have to call your parents though, Heejin. They called us earlier.” Sooyoung’s face showed sympathy, knowing how strict the girl’s parents were.

“I know. I will. They’re going to try to get me to go back though.” Heejin has her eyes casted to the ground, nervous of having to call her parents after her outburst at the house.

“If they’re persistent, you can hand the phone over to me and I’ll talk to them,” Sooyoung offered.

“I can’t ask you to do that.” Heejin looked up at her friend’s mom. As if they didn’t already act like her second set of parents, always doing more for her than her own.

“You’re not asking me or anyone anything,” the tall woman said as she handed over a phone for the girl to call.

Heejin gulped as she began pressing numbers on the device. As she predicted, her parents didn’t listen to a word she had to say, demanding she be home that instant. Sooyoung took over when she saw the teen’s lips tremble. Jinsol ushered the girls upstairs to get some rest, reassuring that things were going to be okay.

They all huddled in Hyunjin and Yerim’s room, sitting on the ground between the beds that were on opposite sides of the walls.

“We don’t have to talk about everything right now, but we’re going to have to some time after this,” Hyunjin spoke up first. “But I just need to know that you’re both okay.”

Chaewon and Heejin shared looks with one another. The blonde making little sighing noises as she prepared to speak. “I— I haven’t been doing okay for awhile now and I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, but I know things are going to get better.” She looked over at Heejin again who took a hold of her hand, giving it a light squeeze.

Chaewon didn’t say much, but Yerim being the most emotional one was already crying, crawling over to hug the blonde. “I’m going to be okay. I have you guys,” she reassured.

“Yeah, you do. So stop trying to be so tough all the time.” Yerim’s voice came out unsteady as she clung onto her friend.

Chaewon took a glance over at Hyejoo who stayed rooted in her spot. The girl already had few expressions, making her harder to read than most, but Chaewon knew that she was angry. Angry and hurt, but still angry. She would have to talk to the youngest triplet alone later she noted.

“I’m going to try to move out once I turn 18.” All eyes were on Heejin now. “I want to take Chaewon with me.”

“With what money?” Hyunjin’s voice raised at the sudden news.

“I’ll get a job. Chaewon already has one.”

“How are you guys going to pay for college and rent?”

They haven’t thought that far.

“Who said I was going to college?” Chaewon spoke up.

It was true, they always talked about college, but Chaewon never mentioned anything about it.

“I can get another job and help Heejin out. We’ll make it work somehow, we have to.” Her voice was smaller than it already was. This was her only option. She couldn’t keep living at playgrounds and hoping someone forgot to lock up a room at school.

“You guys can stay here?” Yerim pulled back to look up at Chaewon.

The blonde sighed wishing it was that easy. “You know we can’t, Yerim. Your parents have already done so much for me. I can’t keep relying on them.”

Everyone in the room couldn’t be more thankful for the triplet’s parents. As if taking care of three kids wasn’t already a lot of work, they had enough love to give to others too. If they could, they would have taken in all of the troubled ones, not understanding how some parents can be the way they are.

“Why do you have your school backpack with you?” Hyunjin had noticed it earlier and wasn’t going to mention it, but the more she thought about it, the more she couldn’t stop overthinking of all the reasons why.

“I thought we were going to talk about everything later?” Chaewon pulled the backpack behind her and fidgeted with the holes in her worn out sleeves.

“It’s not the first time,” Hyunjin stopped herself and grunted in frustration knowing it wasn’t her place to just blurt things out. “What’s the point in hiding these things if we’re going to find out anyways?”

Chaewon looked to the ceiling and shook her head. She hid most of her problems to keep her friends from worrying, yet it seems to be all she was doing. “We can talk about it tomorrow, but we really should go to sleep because we have school tomorrow. I do not want to disappoint your parents by having us all too tired and skipping out.”

Hyunjin was going to make another comment when she felt Heejin’s hand slip into hers. She looked over to see the smaller girl giving her a look, so she sighed instead, deciding to drop the topic. “Fine, but we’re all staying in this room tonight.” 

It wasn’t often that they all crashed on the floor of Hyunjin’s and Yerim’s room, but moments like this made them want to be close, afraid they’d fade once they got out of sight. They stayed tangled in one another, feeling comfort from the contact as they tiredly fell asleep.

Hyejoo was the first to wake from her phone’s alarm indicating it was time to get ready for school. She stretched out feeling the cool air to her left from having slept on the outside, but shot awake when she realized the space to her right was empty as well. She panicked looking around the room to see Chaewon gone and so was her backpack. She quickly threw the covers off of her and made her way out of the room quietly, and down the stairs.

Hyejoo could hear her parents talking and sighed in relief when she spotted a familiar blonde seated at the kitchen island with toast in her hand.

Chaewon looked up, stopping her conversation with Sooyoung. “Good morning.”

Hyejoo’s expression turned to annoyed that she had to worry over nothing so early in the day. “Morning,” she mumbled as she walked over to give both her parents a morning hug before taking a seat next to her friend.

She saw her parents giving each other a look before telling them they were going to get ready for work and that they should wake up the others soon.

Hyejoo nodded but stayed quiet. She sighed once in awhile and it didn’t go unnoticed by the blonde, but she chose not to say anything, waiting for the taller girl to say something first.

“I thought you left,” Hyejoo voice was barely above a whisper.

“What?” There has been times Chaewon would leave before anyone woke, but it was because she had to get stuff back at her house. With Hyejoo’s tone though, she realized that wasn’t what she meant. “What? No. I wouldn’t leave like that.”

It wasn’t the first time she had ran away or just stayed over the triplet’s house because her home life wasn’t going well. She also wasn’t aware that Hyejoo was scared that she’d just get up and leave them for good one day.

“Hyejoo.” She looked over to see the younger girl with her hair covering her face. “I’m not going to leave you. Please don’t ever think that.”

“Every time you leave my house, every time you skip school, I’m scared I won’t see you again.”

It was the first time Chaewon was hearing about this. She has skipped school so many times, even before meeting the triplets and no one ever cared where she was, but having friends made her realize that she was cared for now and she couldn’t keep doing the things she did.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt that way.” Sometimes, she never knew how Hyejoo felt. The girl could talk her ears off when she wanted to talk, but she also didn’t say a word when she didn’t want to speak.

“I just,” Hyejoo took a glance over to Chaewon. “I know I don’t say much, but you know I love you right? We all do.”

Chaewon sighed before getting up to give the seated girl a back hug. “I know and I’m sorry for worrying you guys, but I’ll do better. I promise if you promise to do the same.”

Hyejoo leaned back in the smaller girl’s embrace, feeling like a little weight being lifted off her shoulders at her friend’s reassurance. “I promise.”

All members of the Losers Club ended their breakfast with this promise. They didn’t make promises often because one cannot predict the future and what it holds, but if this promise could get each of them to stop hurting themselves by hiding their problems away, then it was a promise they’d remind each other of every time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i always have to follow up fluff with some angst lol


	4. THROUGH BEING COOL

“No, I’m not going to dare you to kickflip off the quad’s stairs.” Hyunjin rolled her eyes, pressing the phone closer to her ear. 

Yerim laid on her bed which was on the opposite wall of Hyunjin’s. She was currently staring up at the ceiling, not doing anything at all.

“Do I need to remind you that one of your arms just got out of a sling? Do you want to injure the other one too or what?” Hyunjin asked annoyed before turning her head to her sister who has been in the same position for the past 15 minutes or so. “Hey, I’ll call you back later, Heej. I gotta go. Don’t do anything stupid while I’m not there, but I guess it’s a little hard since you’re always stupid anyways. Yeah, yeah, ain’t gonna change my mind. Later loser.”

Hyunjin ended the call and turned her whole body to face her sister. “Okay, what’s wrong because that’s the 5th time you’ve sighed in like five minutes.”

Yerim didn’t take her eyes off of the ceiling and sighed again. “Nothing.”

Hyunjin rolled her eyes. “You and Hyejoo are the most annoying people ever.”

“I thought that was Heejin.”

“I mean, that’s kind of a given. Is anyone really more annoying than her? Even Chae,” Hyunjin paused to think. “Actually, come to think of it, I think they both are equal in the annoying factor.”

“As if you’re any better.”

“Okay, I’m going to let that slide ‘cause you’re looking all mopey, but for real though, what’s up? I mean, if you don’t want to talk to me about it, you should at least talk to Hyejoo instead of sulking.”

Yerim frowned, finally turning her body to face the oldest triplet. “Why would you think I’d rather talk to Hyejoo than you about my problem?”

Hyunjin shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve always been the funny sister. Hyejoo’s more the serious listening type.”

“That’s not true. I tell the both of you everything.” Yerim forgot about her issue for a bit and got out of her bed to join Hyunjin in her’s. “I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel like I choose Hyejoo over you. You know I love you both equally.”

“You don’t make me feel like that. It’s just me.” Hyunjin gave her a small reassuring smile. “And why are you comforting me? I’m supposed to be comforting you right now.”

Yerim laid on her back, looking up at the ceiling again. “I got invited to a party.”

“Oh, okay, that’s cool.”

“Yeah, totally cool.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“It’s a college party.”

“The parentals are not going to like that.”

“Everyone in the photography club is going.” Yerim turned her head towards Hyunjin. “Do you think I’m boring?”

Hyunjin frowned and stared Yerim in the eyes. “Where is this coming from?”

“I told the club I didn’t want to go because our parents weren’t going to let me and they told me to just tell them I’m staying over a friend’s house or something. They said I don’t have a fun bone in me, but I don’t want to lie to moms about stuff like that.”

Hyunjin opened up her arm for Yerim to rest her head on before pulling the slightly younger girl in closer. “I’ve been to parties before. The ones the jocks throw after we win a game. I don’t invite you two ‘cause they’re stupid. All these kids think they’re so cool drinking underaged and making out with random people they don’t even care about. It’s the same thing every time and I thought they’d get bored of it by now, but they don’t. It’s like some stupidity contest they throw to see who’s cooler than who when none of those losers have ever even climbed school rooftops or has their hair dyed purple when it’s obviously against school rules.”

Yerim gave out a small laugh thinking about her once purple hair. She knew it was against the rules, but insisted she had to have it for winter break since they wouldn’t be in school anyways. Her parents let her despite both being teachers there. She got in trouble coming back, but said it was worth it because a pretty picture of her purple hair was now in the yearbook.

“All I’m saying is that everyone’s definition of cool is different and if someone’s telling you that you’re not fun, then they’re obviously not your friend.” Hyunjin kissed the top of Yerim’s head. “And you’re going to give me names because I’m going to destroy them.”

Yerim pulled away. “You’re not destroying anyone. And yeah, I honestly was sad hearing them say that to my face and I know other people talk behind my back about it too. I try not to let it bother me, but I don’t know, I can’t help it sometimes.” She let out another sigh. “But after this talk, I think I’m just through being cool.”

“Aren’t we part of the Losers Club anyways?” Hyunjin raised up her arm up as Yerim laughed and raised hers as well to cross over her sister’s. “All hail Heejin, president of the Losers Club.”

They both laughed and dropped their arms to the side.

“You can’t make that our official slogan.” Yerim slapped her sister’s shoulder lightly.

“Why not? She’s the oldest. We should respect her by having her name in there.”

“I don’t know how she could stand you sometimes.”

“That’s easy. I’ve been told that I’m quite charming.” Hyunjin placed both of her hands under her chin to make herself look like a flower. “Anyways, who cares about some lame party. Are you ready for bowling night? There’s nothing cooler than bowling night.” She exclaimed excitedly.

“Yeah, wanna crash Hyejoo’s room before we go?” Yerim sat up and swung her legs off the bed.

“Totally. Kid’s gonna hate us.” Hyunjin picked up a hoodie by the foot of the bed and threw it on before they made their way to the room next door.

Hyunjin gave two knocks and waited for the usual grunt in response and then opened the door to reveal Hyejoo seated on the floor playing video games and a lump on the bed. She sat down next to the youngest triplet and picked up a controller to wait for the next round.

Yerim walked over to the bed and sat down with her back against the frame. She then placed a hand on the lump. “Time to wake up. We gotta go soon.”

The lump moved a bit before a blonde head popped out from under the covers. “Yerim.”

The said girl hummed in response, looking down at her friend that still had her eyes closed.

“You’re warm.” The blonde shifted in the bed until her head was on Yerim’s lap, snuggling in close.

“You’re never going to get up at this rate, Chae,” Yerim commented, running her hand through the other girl’s hair, trying to untangle some of the knots that formed while she was napping with the blanket all over herself. 

“Just give me five more minutes Mom,” Chaewon said, her voice muffled with her arms on her face.

Yerim smiled knowing the smaller girl was talking about her mom rather than Chaewon’s own mom. The blonde had been in and out of foster homes, never really having parents until she met the triplets. Sooyoung and Jinsol were the only parents she has ever known. They were the only adults that has ever made her feel wanted. The triplet’s parents had fought for Chaewon, wanting to take her in, but the girl’s foster parents were well known in the community. They were perfect on the outside, but anyone who had to stay a night at their house knew better.

Yerim was now running circles with her palm on the blonde’s back. To think that she was just complaining about not being cool made it seem so ridiculous compared to what her friend has gone through. Chaewon hated when any of them thought their problems were less than her’s though. The girl always reminded them that everyone has things they deal with and everyone should talk about it no matter how small it was.

“I need a challenge,” Hyejoo said after winning another round.

“Yeah? I challenge you to bowling then. I’m going to kick your ass.” Hyunjin taunted the younger one.

“I don’t even want to bowl.”

“Yeah, but there’s going to be tons of food and you know you’re only going for that anyways.”

“I mean, I don’t like bowling, but I like spending time with you guys.”

“Aw, you’re so sweet!” Hyunjin pulled Hyejoo in for a hug, but the dark haired girl resisted, pushing her sister away.

“Get off of me.” Hyejoo had on a disgusted face as Hyunjin kept trying to get closer.

“Can’t you just let me love you for once?”

“I already know you do,” Hyejoo said, finally giving up and just letting Hyunjin bury her face in the crook of her neck. “I heard you talked to that girl that has been bothering me lately. You know you don’t have to protect me all the time.”

Hyunjin scoffed. “What were you going to do about her? Just keep letting her and her stupid friends aim for you during dodgeball?”

“It’s dodgeball.”

“Who was bothering you?” This time it was Chaewon’s voice.

They both looked up to see the girl now sitting up, rubbing the tired out of her eyes.

“Chae,” Hyejoo started.

“No really, who the hell has been bothering you ‘cause I’ll make sure they’ll never be able to play dodgeball again.”

“No one. Hyunjin already took care of it.” Hyejoo regretted bringing it up knowing how overprotective everyone got over her.

“You didn’t tell me someone was bothering you,” Yerim said as Chaewon leaned her head onto her shoulder, still groggy from her nap.

“I was just grumbling stuff to Yeojin, so I’m pretty sure the squirt told Hyunjin,” Hyejoo replied.

“Indeed, the squirt did. You tell her anything and you know it’s going to make its way around.” The oldest triplet stood up and stretched. “Let’s go, Heejin texted saying she’s almost here.”

They made their way downstairs to see their parents on the couch watching some drama that was on the television.

“What have you girls been up to?” Jinsol asked.

“Nothing much, video games,” Hyejoo answered.

“You’re always just playing video games all day Hyejoo. When do you even study?”

“It’s the weekend, Mama.”

“You don’t study either way.”

“It’s bowling night. Could we not talk about school for once?”

Jinsol throw up her hands. “You’re right. You’re right. I was your age once too you know? School’s a drag sometimes. I know that.”

“More like always,” Hyejoo mumbled under her breath. She was never one to enjoy school, finding the topics boring and the people even more boring. 

“So you guys ready for bowling night?” Sooyoung asked, choosing to ignore her youngest’s comment for now, knowing it would just put Hyejoo in a bad mood if they tried to talk about it more right now.

Hyunjin raised up her hand excitedly. “Bowling! Bowling! Bowling!”

“Shut up, Hyunjin!” Chaewon yelled, covering her ears with her hands, her hearing a bit sensitive from just waking up.

“You can’t tell me what to do!” Hyunjin grabbed Chaewon’s hands and spun her around in a circle as the girl groaned in annoyance.

“Hyunjin, please stop shouting,” Sooyoung said getting up to help zip up Yerim’s fluffy hoodie.

“Sorry, mom.” The girl piped down and gave the blonde one last spin before pushing her on the couch gently.

It was a normal sight to see the two bickering and being playful. Anyone outside of the family would probably think they disliked each other, but it’d be far from the truth. 

The doorbell rang as they were almost finished getting ready.

“I got it!” Hyunjin ran for the front door and made sure to look through the peephole before yanking the door open to reveal Heejin in her usual skater clothes and beanie. They did their usual handshake before the girl stepped into the house.

“Hi honey, how are you doing?” Sooyoung asked as Heejin walked over to give the taller woman a hug. 

“I’m good, you?” Heejin smiled into the warm embrace.

“Besides keeping Hyunjin in line? I’m good,” Sooyoung joked and looked over to her oldest who was giving her a glare. She laughed as the glare turned into a pout. 

Heejin walked over to Jinsol to give her a greeting hug as well.

The tall blonde gave her a kiss on the head. “One of your beanie’s is on the armrest of the couch. You forgot it last time.”

Heejin looked over. “Ah, that’s where my black beanie went.”

“I told Hyunjin to tell you.”

“Yeah, well, she totally didn’t.” Heejin glanced to her friend who was now in Sooyoung’s embrace. No matter how tough Hyunjin looked, she was just a baby when it came to her parents. Heejin almost wanted to laugh and tease her, but refrained from it, knowing it would just provoke the girl to bother her even more.

“Okay, we gotta meet the others soon, so we should get going,” Sooyoung said, car keys already in hand as she made her way to the door. “Everyone ready? Inhaler Yerim?”

The smallest triplet nodded her head and patted her pocket.

“Alright, lets go.”

They all entered the soccer mom van noisily and talked the whole way to the bowling alley. There wasn’t any special occasion or anything but the family tried to make a night out with everyone at least once a month. 

They reached the venue to see some familiar faces just arriving in the parking lot.

“Yo hi!” They heard right when they got out of the car.

“Hey Yeojin. Hi Principal Jo,” Hyejoo said as everyone else greeted the small girl and her mom.

“You know you don’t have to call me that outside of school right?” Haseul asked with her hand on top of Yeojin’s head to keep her from running.

“Yeah, but it’s kind of funny.” Hyejoo shrugged. She has always hated school, but Haseul always tried her best to meet Hyejoo’s needs when it came to anything she could help with.

They went into a private bowling room to find more familiar faces there. Teachers from the school which were their parents friends.

They kept their greetings short since most wanted to bowl already. Hyunjin was the first up while Hyejoo went straight to the pizza boxes with Yerim trailing behind to talk to everyone.

“If I win, you’re gonna be the official president of the Losers Club.” Hyunjin picked up a ball and told her friend to do the same.

“I’m already the president.” Heejin rolled her eyes.

“That’s right. Know your place.” She stuck out her tongue when Heejin went over to the smack the girl on her arm.

This time, Hyejoo rolled her eyes hearing 2jin bicker like always from her seat. She was going to take another bite when Chaewon sat on her lap. She didn’t mind, shifting in her seat a bit before finishing the rest of her pizza.

“I thought Ms. Kim and Ms. Kim were together,” Chaewon whispered, looking over at the adults.

“Are they not?” Hyejoo glanced over as well.

“Are you guys dumb? My mom and Ms. Kim have been together for a while now,” Yeojin butted in.

“Which Ms. Kim ‘cause both are clinging to your mom’s arms right now,” Chaewon asked with her eyebrows raised.

“Ms. J Kim, duh.” Yeojin rolled her eyes and grabbed a handful of chips.

They both looked at the smaller girl. “They’re both Ms. J Kim,” they deadpanned at the same time.

Yeojin let out an airy laugh. “Oh, you’re right!” She leaned in closer to them. “My mom and Ms. Jungeun Kim sitting on a tree, K-I-S,” her voice was cut off when a hand flew over her mouth.

“You’re so loud,” Chaewon hissed. 

“So Aunt Jiwoo and Ms. Wong?” Hyejoo asked and silently thanked Chaewon for getting her another slice of pizza. “I mean, I knew my parents hung out more with Ms. Wong after Aunt Jiwoo kept hanging around the nurse’s office, but are they a thing?”

“I’m still trying to wrap my head around how Ms. Kim and Ms. Kim aren’t a thing.” Chaewon said.

“I’m pretty sure they were at some point. I hear my mom teasing her Ms. Kim sometimes about it or something. I don’t know about the whole Ms. Wong thing though.” Yeojin shrugged and stood up to stretch, getting ready for her turn that was coming up next.

“You still call her Ms. Kim?” The small blonde questioned.

“I mean, it’d be weird if I call her Aunt Jungeun and then she becomes my other mom or something later right?”

“I guess. You think they’ll get married then?”

“I don’t know. I kind of hope so. Mom used to be so sad, but I think Ms. Kim really makes her happy and,” Yeojin paused before continuing. “And I happen to like Ms. Kim. She doesn’t treat me like some stupid little kid that doesn’t know anything.”

Hyejoo frowned. “No one should be treating you like that anyways.”

Yeojin smiled a sad smile. “Well, people do.” She walked away going back to her hyper self as she picked up her ball to throw it granny style. Surprisingly, it didn’t go in the gutter. 

Chaewon groaned and got off of Hyejoo’s lap to sit on the seat next to her. “I got to go Hyejoo.” She waved her outdated looking phone up.

“What? Already? We just got here. You didn’t even eat yet.” Hyejoo placed her pizza back down on the plate and watched as Chaewon got up.

“It’s okay. I’m just going to go.”

Hyejoo grabbed the blonde’s hand as she started to walk away. “What are you doing? You’re not leaving by yourself. The sun’s down already.”

“It’s fine. I don’t want to bother your family with this.” She tried to pull her hand away, but Hyejoo grabbed on tighter. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” They both turned to see Sooyoung coming towards them.

“Chaewon has to leave and she was going to walk home alone,” Hyejoo explained while her and Chaewon were exchanging glares with each other.

“What? I can just drop you off,” Sooyoung said, already reaching into her pocket to get her car keys.

“No, it’s fine, really. The house is right there.” Chaewon tucked hair behind her ear and kept glancing at the exit.

“Chae, I’m not going to let you walk home at this hour.” Sooyoung made it so her voice was more firm this time and the blonde sighed in defeat.

“I can come with.” Hyejoo stood up as well.

“No. Just stay here.” Chaewon placed a hand on her friend’s shoulder. Hyejoo was about to protest when the smaller girl spoke up again. “Please, I don’t want to ruin tonight for you guys.”

Hyejoo frowned. “I don’t even like bowling. You’re not ruining anything.”

“Just stay,” Chaewon pleaded.

“Fine.” Hyejoo sighed. “Call me when you get there.”

Chaewon nodded and gave Hyejoo a hug, not saying bye to anyone else since she didn’t want to make a big deal out of her leaving early.

“Where’s Chaewon going?” Hyejoo turned her head to see Yerim now by her side.

“She got a text from her fosters.” Hyejoo fidgeted with her fingers, her half eaten pizza forgotten now that she wasn’t feeling hungry anymore.

“You want to go grab more sodas at the front with me?” Yerim asked knowing Hyejoo would probably feel better away from everyone and the noise for a little bit.

“Yeah sure.” Hyejoo got up and took her sister’s hand as they made their way out of the room.

“So Principal Jo and Aunt Jungeun, eh?” Yerim said once they were out of earshot.

“You noticed that too?”

“I mean, I had my suspicions, but I always thought Aunt Jungeun and Aunt Jiwoo were secretly together or something.”

“Apparently they were together at one point, but who knows? They’ve known each other since they were like younger than us.” Hyejoo waited off to the side as Yerim ordered, still listening to her.

Yerim thanked the worker and grabbed a bottle to pass over to Hyejoo as she grabbed the other.

“Hey Yerim!” They both turned to face a couple from the photography club.

“Oh, hey Taeha, Joon,” Yerim replied with a frown.

Hyejoo noticed how her sister didn’t look too happy to see her friends when she usually was bright when greeting people.

“I saw your mom just now. Bowling night with the family?” The girl glanced over at Hyejoo, but didn’t say anything.

“Yep, bowling night with the family.” 

“Are you going to the party I asked you about next week? Your little sister can come along too, though she doesn’t look like she’d enjoy the scene very much.”

Yerim felt Hyejoo scrunch up the back of her shirt from behind. “Yeah, you know what? I don’t think the party scene is for me either.”

“Are you serious Yerim? We finally get invited to a college party and you’re not even going to use this chance to get a boyfriend or something?” Taeha pulled her own boyfriend closer to her.

“Maybe I don’t want a boyfriend.”

“Oh yeah, I forget how boring you are sometimes, Yerim,” she said dragging out the words.

“At least she isn’t an asshole like you,” Hyejoo piped in.

“What did you just say?” The girl took a step forward, but Yerim held her arms out.

“Hey, hey, back off.” Yerim then turned her head around to her sister. “Hyejoo.”

“What?” Hyejoo said, keeping her glare on the other girl.

“Look, I don’t care if you and the rest of the club thinks I’m boring or whatever, but I’m not going. I don’t even think I like going to photography anymore,” Yerim confessed something she hasn’t said to anyone yet. “I only stayed for as long as I did because Ms. Kim said I had a knack for it, but you guys make me feel like I’m some loser you can just mold into your puppet and I’m sick of it.” She paused for a bit, gripping the bottle of soda tighter. “Just because I’m nice doesn’t mean I have to put up with your bullshit.”

Taeha let out a little gasp never having heard Yerim say curse words, and before she could say another word, Yerim was already dragging her sister back to their family as Hyejoo glanced back with a smirk.

“A college party? Boys?” Hyejoo asked.

Yerim rolled her eyes. “Who cares about that stuff. I’m through being cool.”

“Well, I was never cool to begin with, so I guess I can’t be through being cool.” Hyejoo shrugged.

“Mom thinks you’re cool.”

“Dude, shut up, Yerim.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alexa, play Saves the Day's 1999 album "Through Being Cool"


	5. NEVER SAW IT COMING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yvesoul are stressed parents that just want their kids to be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning that this chapter contains issues on mental health. also, love at first sight and enemies to lovers is a bit overplayed, so i took a more subtle route.

“Hey honey, how was your session?”

Hyejoo heard a voice right as she entered the house after her mom. “It was fine, Mama.”

Jinsol stood up from watching tv to give her youngest a hug. “There’s food in the fridge.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Jinsol still had one arm around Hyejoo and gave Sooyoung a look who returned it was a small smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“But you have to come down for dinner later, okay?” The tall blonde gave a squeeze on Hyejoo’s shoulder to only get a grunt in response as the girl stalked off and up the stairs to her room.

When they heard Hyejoo closing her door, Jinsol spoke again, “was today a bad day?”

Sooyoung smiled her sad smile again with hands on her hips until Jinsol came over to give her a hug. The taller of the two returned it, relaxing in her wife’s embrace.

“They upped her medication. She’s not happy about it. Thinks they’ll cause those anxiety attacks like back when she first started them.” Sooyoung sighed and pulled away, letting herself be dragged onto the couch.

“That was a scary few weeks for all of us, but it did get better.” Jinsol rubbed circles on Sooyoung’s back from the stress she was feeling.

“Did it really? I feel like she talks less than she even did before.” Sooyoung tore her gaze from the ground to her wife. “Sometimes I feel like she wants to say something, but she doesn’t. Hyejoo just hides everything and I’m not even sure if she’s talking to her sisters about how she’s feeling. And if she doesn’t talk to them about it, you think she’s really tell everything to a therapist?” Sooyoung blinked back tears and placed her head in her hands. “Sometimes I feel like I’m failing as a mother.”

Jinsol frowned, pulling her wife into another hug. “Honey, no. Please don’t ever think that.” She held on tighter when she felt her shoulder getting wet. “Depression is a scary thing. It can affect anybody for no good reason at all. We just have to be there for her and help her through whatever she’s dealing with the best we can.”

Sooyoung sat back up and wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

“Remember back in high school when we first met?” Jinsol smiled softly.

“Yeah. We had classes together all throughout those four years yet we only noticed each other during senior year and only because we had to become lab partners.”

“What could I say? I was too busy taking notes and studying to care about anyone else around me.” 

“And I was too busy daydreaming about going to dance practice to pay attention in class.” The corners of Sooyoung’s lips curved up thinking about old times.

Jinsol laced their hands together. “You helped me through some tough times too, you know? Even after we got together, I was struggling with all sorts of things like my insecurities and anxiety, and I still am sometimes, but you’re always there being patient with me and I couldn’t be more thankful.” She laid her head on Sooyoung’s shoulder. “Depression is an ongoing battle. We just gotta take it one day at a time.”

Jinsol remembered walking to the back of the class to sit next to a girl with long dark hair at the beginning of senior year. “I’ve never sat this far back before,” she mumbled to herself.

“What?” The girl turned her head from looking out the window.

“What? No— nothing,” Jinsol stammered. “I’m Jinsol.”

“Sooyoung.”

They didn’t talk for the rest of class. Sooyoung went back to looking out the window and Jinsol concentrated on taking notes. Classes passed by with the only exchange in words was when they had to work on something together.

It wasn’t until Jinsol came rushing into class late, apologizing over and over, managing to almost trip over someone’s backpack and dropping her stainless steel water bottle with a loud clunk did their conversation became more than just how much water to add to a beaker.

“You listen to Tigers Jaw?” Sooyoung asked picking up the bottle and placing it on Jinsol’s side of the table.

Jinsol quietly thanked her, sat down, and pulled out her notebook. “I, uh, what?” She hadn’t been paying attention to what her lab partner was saying. She was too busy thinking about what she missed so they won’t blow up the classroom.

“Your water bottle, it has a Tigers Jaw sticker on it,” Sooyoung clarified, pointing at the object with her pen.

Jinsol finally registered what was being said and turned to the dark haired girl, eyebrows raised. “You know Tigers Jaw?”

“Yeah, they’re great. Saw them live once at a free show before they got bigger.”

“Was it at the record store near the mall?”

“Yeah, don’t tell me you were there too.” Sooyoung smiled with her pen in hand, pretending to write in her notebook.

“I was definitely there. Picked up a few things too. I basically have their whole collection including things like their limited flexi disc.”

“That’s so cool. Not like I own any records or anything, but I do want to get some someday.” Sooyoung leaned in like she was going to tell a secret. “I’ve actually never used a record player before.”

“You can totally try mine out some time.” Jinsol smiled before shaking her head. “I mean, what am I saying? We don’t even talk outside of class.”

Sooyoung shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind hanging outside of potions class and grabbing butter beer or something one of these days.”

“Did you just make a Harry Potter joke?” Jinsol let out a small laugh. She never thought about how her lab partner was actually like, but she never thought someone who she barely talked to would have some random common interests with her.

“So what if I did?” Sooyoung narrowed her eyes. “What house are you in?”

“Slytherin or Ravenclaw. Definitely a mix of both,” Jinsol answered automatically. “You?”

Sooyoung hummed in response. “Slytherin or Ravenclaw. Definitely a mix of both,” she repeated Jinsol’s answer with a grin. “I would say I lean a little more on the Slytherin side though.”

“And I’m a bit more of a Ravenclaw.”

“Don’t you hate when people get surprised when you tell them you’re a Slytherin though?”

“It’s like nice people can’t be Slytherins or something.” Jinsol rolled her eyes. “As if the whole series wasn’t told in Harry’s point of view. Obviously there’s going to be some biases there.”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying, but it’s not like I tell people that out loud ‘cause if they’re that narrow minded to think that way then I just let them be. Not wasting my breath,” the inner Slytherin of Sooyoung spoke.

Jinsol studied her lab partner’s face as the girl huffed out an air of annoyance. “You know, I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere before.”

“Well, I’ve been here since freshman year.”

“Me too. We probably had some classes together or something. I always sit in the front.”

“I always sit in the back.” Sooyoung motioned to the table they were seated at. “Sorry, you got stuck back here.”

Jinsol smiled. “No, it’s fine. It’s not so bad back here.”

Sooyoung smiled back. “Where do you hang at for lunch?”

“Uh, I usually hang out in an open classroom or the library.”

“Do you want to eat lunch with me today?”

Jinsol could feel the heat rise up to her face since she wasn’t used to people asking her to hang out with them. “Yeah sure, that sounds good.”

They concluded class without blowing it up and headed out as the bell rang and the teacher dismissed them.

Jinsol was about to take back the yes to the lunch, hesitating on whether she wanted to make new friends or not when a small girl ran up and jumped on Sooyoung with a bone crushing hug.

“Sooyoung unnie!” The girl exclaimed letting go of the hug after a few moments to just grab at one of the senior’s arm.

“Hey Jiwoo. Jiwoo, this is Jinsol, my lab partner. Jinsol, this is Jiwoo, the most annoying kid ever,” Sooyoung introduced.

Jiwoo scoffed. “You know you love me.” She then turned to Jinsol. “You’re pretty, Unnie.”

Th— thanks,” Jinsol managed to say at the bold words.

The lunch was spent with Jiwoo clinging onto Sooyoung and making sure Jinsol felt included in their conversations. Half way through with eating, they introduced another friend named Jungeun to her. Jungeun talked less than the other two, but after about a week of getting to know them, Jungeun suddenly became the most talkative, even sometimes surpassing Jiwoo.

“Jiwoo’s cute,” Jinsol commented during lab after randomly thinking about the bubbly girl and how she has never met someone quite like her.

“Yeah, she’s alright,” Sooyoung said nonchalantly while pouring a liquid into a test tube.

“I meant cute in a friendly way by the way. I wouldn’t hit on your girlfriend or anything,” Jinsol clarified.

Sooyoung dropped the test tube she was holding. It fell onto the table, its contents spilled, but at least the glass didn’t break. “Shit,” she hissed, jumping up from her seat and grabbed a bunch of paper towels from the table to wipe down. “Nothing got on you right?”

“No, nope. I’m good. You good?”

“Yeah, I got it,” Sooyiung said as Jinsol tried to help clean up the mess. “And Jiwoo isn’t my girlfriend. She’s been going out with Jungeun since last year.”

“Really?” Jinsol widen her eyes out of surprise. She never thought it would be the two sophomores who bickered on and off and had pretend play fights with each other to be together, but then again, it did make sense.

“You think anyone else could handle their rowdy asses? Only each other I tell you. They can annoy each other to death for all I care,” Sooyoung said before going back to filling the test tube.

“Sorry to assume Jiwoo was your girlfriend.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m used to it. We’re used to it, but it doesn’t bother us much since Jiwoo and Jungeun trust each other and I’m just glad they trust me too to not listen to rumors.”

“Now that just makes me feel bad even more for assuming that, though I came to that conclusion without hearing any rumors.”

Sooyoung waved her off. “It’s really not a big deal. Jiwoo tends to cling and I’m sure you’ve noticed that too she’s been claiming both your arms as her’s lately.”

“It’s kind of nice,” Jinsol admitted. She didn’t have many friends, but to gain some so fast like this made her feel almost scared that she was enjoying it too much. She didn’t want to keep her hopes up that these friends would last when most of her old friends left as they got bored of her never wanting to leave the house and having no common interests as they grew older.

Jinsol sighed.

“What’s wrong?” Sooyoung asked.

“Nothing,” Jinsol said almost too quickly. 

She watched as Sooyoung’s eyes narrowed, biting her bottom lip.

“I got you something,” Sooyoung suddenly said

“What? Why? What for?” Jinsol asked confused. No one had every given her something if it wasn’t for her birthday or Christmas.

“It’s nothing much. I was just listening to some music the other day and thought you’d like this.” Sooyoung dug around in her backpack before pulling out a cd case. “A mixtape.” She slid it over to Jinsol. “Well, a mix cd, but same difference. I figured you’d like these songs and I don’t know, go to a show with me someday?”

Jinsol smiled a goofy smile. “And get to push you around in a mosh pit? Definitely.” She picked up the cd to see the cover filled with cute little drawings and the back had the bands and song titles handwritten out.

Sooyoung let out a laugh. “I’m down for that.” She rubbed her slightly sweaty palms on her pants as the nervousness went away.

Jinsol grinned wider. Just a moment ago, she thought of building her walls up higher to keep herself from getting hurt, but in an instant, she changed her mind. Maybe it was better to let someone in for once instead of trying to push away a friend who actually takes the time to get to know her.

Jinsol would be lying if she said she wasn’t still scared, but she was willing to put her heart just a bit out there to see if anything good could come out of befriending Sooyoung. 

It turned out that Sooyoung was an amazing friend and they got closer even after going to different colleges. They weren’t that far apart, but each time they had the chance to see each other during weekends and holidays made them realize that they wanted more than just friendship. It took them almost two years to figure that out before they actually started dating. 

Jinsol was a nervous wreck, never having the experience of being in a relationship, much less coming into realization that she wasn’t exactly straight. But Sooyoung was sweet and patient and something about her just made her feel like home, and Jinsol needed that. Don’t get her wrong though, the Jung sisters are close, but her parents has made her feel like she was living in her siblings shadow academically. Even though she was a top student, there was always something she was doing wrong and she hated over thinking and stressing about how nothing she did ever was good enough for her parents. 

Sometimes parents think they know best, but sometimes they don’t even know their kids at all. And it’s so hard to talk to them about it because sometimes, they just don’t listen. That’s all Jinsol has ever wanted, someone to just listen to her.

“Do you miss it? Everything we did back then.” Jinsol placed their intertwined hands in her lap as they reminisce about their teenage days.

“High school or dancing?”

“Both I guess.”

“High school, no. Dancing, we still dance don’t we?” Sooyoung smiled and kissed the back of Jinsol’s hand.

“Yeah, but it’s not like how you wanted to dance back then.”

“That was back then. Dreams change.” Sooyoung sighed thinking about how much she had wanted to dance professionally, but nothing ever came out of it. “When the triplets were born and I held each one in my arms, I couldn’t imagine my life any other way. Sure, I didn’t make a career out of dancing, but I still dance with you. I still make music and create art with you and raise our babies with you. Hell, we’re practically raising Chaewon too.”

Jinsol’s smile was bittersweet. “Chaewon. I couldn’t be more thankful for that kid, but she was such a handful at first.”

“I mean, could you blame her? She went from foster home to foster home, never having a place she could hold onto to call her own. She wouldn’t even trust us for months about how she could eat whatever she wanted in the house. Thought it was some trick to get her to owe us something. Could you imagine thinking like that at such a young age? To be conditioned to think that other people caring for you is because of some selfish motive?” Sooyoung couldn’t fathom a life where one had to keep everyone at arm’s length. She was shy, but used to caring for others and getting the same amount of care back.

“She has come a long way that’s for sure. I’m still iffy about sending her off home every time though. We don’t even know what’s going on in that house. Chaewon comes over hungry and tired all the time and I just—“ Jinsol paused and let out a shaky breath. “I know she’s not my child, but at the same time, I can’t help but feel like she’s one of ours and it scares me to think of how much we don’t know anything about her situation.”

This time, it was Sooyoung pulling Jinsol into a hug. “I feel like she’s one of ours too. I’m always thinking about how thankful I am that the girls have her as a friend, especially Hyejoo. Chaewon has been the only person she’s really opened up to besides her sisters. And just like Hyejoo, we can’t do anything but try to be there for Chaewon as well.”

“If she’d just say something, anything, maybe we could help her.” 

“She’s just scared. She used to be a lot more scared, but it seems like the triplets are helping her out as much as she has been helping them.”

Jinsol nodded in agreement. “Hyejoo’s been teaching Chaewon how to play more games these days. Says she needs a gaming partner although Chae’s skill level is at Animal Crossing.” She let out a small chuckle, remembering walking into Hyejoo’s room to see some intense video game coaching as Chaewon’s character ran around shooting at nothing but walls as she tried to hide.

“Did she just appear at our house one day?” Sooyoung joked.

“Hyunjin brought her home on a fine afternoon claiming Chaewon was her dodgeball nemesis and detention partner in crime. I did not know how I felt about it, but she did stick up for Yerim with that one senior girl.”

“I swear, if that senior was over 18, I might have punched her.”

“Sooyoung!” Jinsol smacked her wife’s arm in disbelief.

“Ow, what?” Sooyoung rubbed her arm. “She gave Yerim a split lip. Who the hell does that to the sun? We had to get Jiwoo to refresh her on self defense to feel safe at school again.”

“The sun was found jobless the day she was born, I swear, but I can’t help but worry about her too. We’re just being worry warts over everyone right now.” Jinsol tapped her fingers on her knees. “I need a drink, you need a drink.” She stood up and held a hand out for Sooyoung to take as they walked into the kitchen.

Sooyoung took a seat at the island while Jinsol went to go get out a bottle of wine and poured a glass for each of them.

“How do you think Yerim is doing?” Jinsol asked taking a sip.

Sooyoung took a big gulp. “Although she seems happy most of the time, I sometimes feel like she’s the hardest to read out of the three.”

“Agreed. She always says she’s doing okay and maybe she is, but when she’s clearly not, she still says she’s okay.” Jinsol poured more wine into their fast empty glasses. “Sometimes I wish she would just complain, just about anything, I don’t even care. I want her to know that her opinion matters.”

“She’s gotten a lot better though if you think about it. In between having Hyunjin and Chaewon by her side all the time, she has gotten more vocal about what she wants. I mean, Yerim doesn’t straight up complain, but at least she’s expressing herself more and that’s a start.” Sooyoung swirled the liquid in her glass. “And then there’s Hyunjin who is only a few minutes older than the other two but has some sense that it’s her duty to protect her sisters from the evils of this cruel and chaotic world.” She glanced up at Jinsol. “Those were her exact words when she was 8 by the way.”

“I was chosen champion to defeat all smelly boys and stupid girls that dare bother my lovely sisters,” Jinsol said in a Hyunjin voice.

“I swear I have no idea who she gets it from.” Sooyoung laughed at Jinsol’s imitation of their oldest.

“She definitely got her dorky cockiness from you.”

“Oh come on, I’m not that bad.”

Jinsol let out a small laugh as well. “No, you’re not. I think she just combined both of our silliness into some crazy athletically built bread eating machine.”

“Where’s the lie?” Sooyoung took another sip of wine. “You know, we really got to get her to eat more than just bread though.”

“She once only had a loaf of garlic bread for dinner and argued the green specks were all the vegetables she needed.”

“And you let her?”

“She does this really cute like puss in boots eyes and I just,” Jinsol’s voice trailed as she shrugged.

“Really Sol?”

“She’s really cute. I can’t help it! I made her eat an amazing nutritious breakfast the next morning though,” Jinsol argued back.

“I swear she knows she’s cute and she uses it to her advantage. We can’t have her ruling the house.” Sooyoung finished the rest of her wine. “Okay, that’s enough alcohol for me for now. It’s not even night yet.”

“We should probably start dinner.”

“Can we just do take out today? Everything is just stressing me out a bit.” Sooyoung picked up the glasses to put into the sink.

Jinsol followed her wife, wrapping her arms around Sooyoung from behind as she washed the cups. “We’re going to be fine.”

Sooyoung leaned back into the embrace. “I know. As long as we all have each other, it’s going to be fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alexa, play tigers jaw "never saw it coming"


	6. FALLEN ANGELS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: violence and language

Chaewon had a pounding headache as she lazily walked up the stairs to her house. Each step felt longer than the next. She readjusted the backpack that was slung over one shoulder and let out a sigh before opening her room door.

The smell hit her nose immediately and she closed the door as fast as she could. “You’re smoking in here again?” Chaewon asked angrily.

“What the fuck! You scared the shit out of me,” a girl a few inches taller than Chaewon with a messy ponytail hissed out. She put out the cigarette she was smoking by the window and threw the half smoked cancer stick in a portable ashtray.

“If they catch the smell of this in the room again, you better own up to it. I’m not going to keep letting you drag me down every time.” As if Chaewon’s headache didn’t hurt enough, her anger was making it worse.

The girl scoffed, rolling up her sleeves and sat down on one of the two bottom bunk beds. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What?” Chaewon had wanted to go up the ladder and lay in her bunk, not to have some talk where she was already annoyed.

“Is that why you’ve been stealing my stoges?”

The smaller blonde furrowed her eyebrows. “What are you talking about?”

The girl on the bunk shook her head and stood up, walking over to Chaewon until they were only about two feet away. “You’ve been stealing my shit,” she accused.

“I don’t touch anybody’s shit.” Chaewon stood her ground, fists clenched.

“Fuckin’ liar!” The girl shoved Chaewon back, causing her to stumble, but kept her footing.

“What the hell, Suyeon!” Chaewon threw her backpack down and shoved back. “I didn’t steal your shit! There’s two other people that live in this room if you’ve forgotten.”

“Quiet down, do you want them to hear us?” Suyeon hissed. “Are you saying that the others took my stuff, because we’ve known each other much longer than you’ve known you.” The girl took a handful of Chaewon’s collar and shoved her back again, this time, her back hit the ladder to the bunk hard and at an awkward angle. “You think I don’t know every time you take one or two out? It starts to get suspicious after a while, you know.”

Chaewon bite her inner bottom lip to keep a wince from coming out before saying through gritted teeth, “I said, I didn’t take your shit.”

Suyeon pulled the blonde closer to her and then threw her to the right, making Chaewon hit the nightstand that was between the beds as she fell to her side.

Before Chaewon could get up, a foot kicked her in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her. She looked up to see Suyeon looming over her.

“And I don’t fuckin’ believe you.” The girl was fuming and bent down to tug at a handful of hair.

Chaewon couldn’t hold in the wince this time as she tried to blink away the tears that were forming. Her eyes suddenly widen and she stopped trying to scramble up higher on her elbows when Suyeon took something out of her pocket.

“They’re just cigarettes,” Chaewon’s voice shook as she spoke.

Suyeon opened the blade up with one hand and placed the cold steel right behind the blonde’s left ear. “So you admit you stole them?”

Chaewon was taking shallow breaths, finding it difficult to try to keep her breathing even and repeated again, “I didn’t take them.” Silent tears rolled down her cheeks.

Chaewon felt the blade press harder and then pain hit her. She tried to pull back, but Suyeon grabbed at her hair again and before she knew it, she was shoved flat on the ground. Chaewon’s hand flew up to where the pocket knife was and drew it back to see her fingers covered in blood. She sat up until she was against the wall and put pressure on the wound.

“You better clean that up. If they see blood on the floor, we’re all going to get into trouble.” Suyeon took tissues from the nightstand to wipe the blade before closing it and putting it in her pocket.

“Maybe you should have thought about that before you cut me.” Chaewon was a lot more scared than she showed, but she couldn’t break down here.

“That was just a warning.” The girl went to lay on her bed as if nothing happened. “If you want to sleep peacefully tonight, I suggest you take my dinner shift.”

Chaewon stood up on shaky legs and walked towards the door without cleaning the few drops of blood on the floor.

“Are you taking my shift or not?” Suyeon asked in an annoyed tone.

She gripped the doorknob tighter. “Yeah, whatever.” Yanking the door open, she went out and into the restroom.

Chaewon stood in front of the mirror, watching as blood slowly ran down, staining one of Hyunjin’s hoodies that she gave her. She stared at herself in the eyes and clenched her jaw. Chaewon then turned on the sink, washed her hands, and grabbed one of the hand towels to wipe off the blood from behind her ear. She opened up the bottom drawer and pulled out a first aid kit, taking out all the items she needed as if she has done this before. The wound was placed to where it was hard for Chaewon to see, so she blindly cleaned it up as best as she could before bandaging it up.

Chaewon slowly pulled the hoodie off of her, placing it to the side of the sink. She sighed in relief to see that the blood didn’t touch the shirt underneath. She stared at herself in the mirror again, not being able to stop thinking about the ruined grey hoodie. Chaewon’s eyes wandered back to the clothing. She grabbed it and leaned back against the wall, sliding down until her knees were up to her chest. The blonde hugged the hoodie as her hand flew up to the mouth to stop the sob that was threatening to escape her.

Life has never been easy, but it got a bit better once the triplets entered Chaewon’s life. She was hesitate to befriend them at first, never being one to trust anybody, but when she saw Yerim being bullied by some senior, she just couldn’t back down. Usually, Chaewon would just walk away, but something about the doe eyed girl made her want to protect her, so that’s what she did.

Chaewon shoved some tall senior girl to make her get away from another girl that was on the ground. “What the hell is your problem?”

“This isn’t any of your business!” The girl shoved back, but the blonde shoved harder, hands going up to take a hold of the girl’s collar.

Chaewon spat out curse words when the senior pushed her and was about to again when someone else got in between them. 

Her vision filled with dark hair.

“Who the hell are you?” The girl asked and attempted to shove the newcomer when the senior yelped in pain instead at her wrist being twisted.

“I’m her sister and I’m not the only one, so you better back off.” The new girl’s voice was low as she let go of the wrist.

Chaewon looked between the two sisters, though they looked alike, their features were very different. Maybe it was because the girl on the ground was crying, but she looked gentler while the other sister looked surprisingly threatening even though her cheeks gave her an angry puppy look. 

She watched the senior walk away and the angry puppy girl’s face fell with concern as she went over to check up on her sister. Chaewon stood there on the side, feeling jealousy bubble up her throat. She turned and left the scene when she felt tears well up.

“You can’t cry, Chaewon. Not here,” she mumbled to herself.

Chaewon put her other arm through the strap of her backpack and tightened it so it wouldn’t get caught on the gate as she went to ditch school. She walked slowly, wondering what it would be like to have siblings. She wondered what it was like to cared for and wondered how it felt to want to always protect someone.

The night passes and she’s back in school. Chaewon almost forgot about yesterday’s event when a girl that looked just like the two sisters walked up the bleachers and sat next to her in P.E. class.

“You’re Chaewon,” the girl said.

“Um, yeah?” The blonde raised an eyebrow at this random interaction since most kids didn’t talk to her.

“I’m Hyunjin. Hyejoo’s and Yerim’s sister.”

“Okay?” Now she was confused on what this girl wanted. Everyone knew who Hyunjin was, including her, since she was a star athlete at the school. 

“That senior that gave my baby sister a busted lip? I’m going to destroy her and I’m here to recruit you,” Hyunjin said with a straight face.

Chaewon’s confused face turned into surprise as a small smile appeared. “I’m listening.”

Chaewon had nothing else better to do anyways. If she wasn’t ditching school, she might as well be doing something fun while she was in it.

Hyunjin smirked and held out her hand for a shake, which the blonde took. “Thanks for standing up for my sister by the way. That kid is always worrying me since she has no mean bone in her.”

“Yeah, sure, so what are we doing?” Chaewon asked.

“Well, I was thinking of busting her lip too, but I guess we can’t do that. Yerim wants us to graduate together, so I’m trying not to get expelled.” 

“Together? I thought you said she’s younger than you.”

“Well, she technically is, but us three are actually triplets, so they’re still my baby sisters.” Hyunjin puffed her chest proudly, talking about her siblings.

“Must be nice,” Chaewon commented softly.

“Yeah, it is. They can get annoying sometimes though, but then again, I’m annoying them way more.” The taller girl let out a small laugh.

Chaewon studied the oldest triplet. She looked mature and elegant when her face was neutral, but at this moment, with her playful laughter, she could see the mischief behind her eyes.

“Do you have any siblings?” Hyunjin asked back.

“No,” she said almost too quickly.

Hyunjin hummed in response. “You know, I see you around some time. I wish I could ditch school like you, but my moms would kill me.” She watched students exit the locker room, signaling that class was going to start any minute now. “You wanna hang out with us during lunch? Beats sitting alone by the tree.”

Chaewon looked up in surprise, never having thought that someone would notice her presence. “Are you stalking me?” She didn’t mean it in an insulting way, but she was wary of people knowing what she was up to.

Hyunjin let out another laugh. “There’s not many blondes around the school. Well, besides one of my moms anyways. She teaches here. You kind of look like her.”

“Mrs. Jung?” Chaewon asked, only knowing of one blonde teacher.

“Yeah, are you taking her class? She’s pretty funny right? I mean, she tries to be funny, but it’s not really funny, so it kinda makes it hilarious.” Hyunjin had two thumbs up as she smiled a goofy smile.

“Yeah, she’s pretty funny.” Chaewon couldn’t help but laugh at this girl’s dorkiness. She would have never guessed that Hyunjin had this side to her. She had to admit that it was hard to not judge people by their looks, but Hyunjin had always looked a bit more intimidating than most to her. The star athlete always looked serious when playing sports and the competitiveness made her seem even more unapproachable. The girl before her now though was just a ball of silliness that she has never seen in a person.

“Ah, I want to talk to you more, but we gotta run laps now.” Hyunjin stood up from the bleachers and hopped down the last step.

Chaewon was about to do the same when a hand was offered to her. She looked up to see Hyunjin with a friendly smile. Chaewon returned it and took the hand as she carefully stepped down.

Chaewon had wanted to leave school after class, but Hyunjin dragged her off to lunch without her even agreeing. There, she was formally introduced to the two other sisters, Hyejoo and Yerim. They talked a bit about getting back at the senior, but the talk quickly turned into a conversation about her. The sisters asked the blonde questions and she found it awkward to talk about herself at first, but the genuine curiosity behind their voices made her answer although she usually didn’t share parts of her life with anyone.

“Are you not eating?” Hyunjin asked, having already inhaled half of her lunch.

“No, I’m not hungry.” Chaewon fidgeted with her fingers under the table.

“It’s lunch, you can’t skip the most important meal of the day,” the oldest triplet said in disbelief.

“You say that about every meal,” Hyejoo spoke with a flat tone as she closed her bento box.

If Chaewon thought Hyunjin ate fast, Hyejoo ate double the speed.

“Well, every meal is equally as important, okay?” Hyunjin dug around her backpack before pulling something out and placed it down for Chaewon. “Here.”

Chaewon blinked at the homemade looking sandwich in front of her. “I’m fine. This is your’s.” She didn’t like taking other people’s things. She didn’t want to owe anybody anything.

Hyunjin crossed her arms and shook her head. “You’re not going to want to pass up on this, trust me. You know Mrs. Ha? That’s my other mom and she makes bomb ass sandwiches. Like you would think it’s just a sandwich, but no, my mother, Ha Sooyoung, was blessed with god like sandwich making skills. Only the worthy can have a taste of it and I’m presenting my beautiful after school snack to you, so just take it.” 

Chaewon didn’t know how to respond. This girl got more ridiculous as she spoke and Chaewon kind of liked it. 

Hyejoo rolled her eyes. “Just take the sandwich, so she’d shut up.”

“I, um, thanks.” Chaewon took the ziplock bag and slowly opened it. She was trying to justify it by how if she helped Hyunjin get back at Yerim’s bully that she wouldn’t have to owe her back for the food.

Chaewon’s stomach growled as she placed the sandwich in front of her mouth and took a small bite. She was not going to lie. She thought Hyunjin was just over exaggerating the taste, but this was probably the best sandwich she has ever had.

“So?” Hyunjin asked with her hands clasped together in front of her, waiting for the food review.

“You’re right. Mrs. Ha has some god like sandwich making skills.”

“Hyunjin calls it the “fallen angel”,” Yerim added on, throwing up air quotes. “You know how ridiculous it sounds when she tells Mom she needs a fallen angel?”

“Look, there’s a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, there’s ham and cheese sandwiches, so how’s Mom going to know what sandwich I want if I don’t give it a name?” Hyunjin defended herself.

“I don’t know, call it the Korean reuben sandwich?” Yerim shrugged.

“That’s dumb. It’s more than just a reuben that’s been Koreanized, Yerim. That homemade kimchi, added tomatoes, red onions, sriracha, and love? That’s a fallen angel, bro,” Hyunjin said making a chef’s kiss gesture.

Chaewon almost wanted to laugh at how unaffected the other two sisters were by the oldest triplet’s words as they went back to their regular talk.

The rest of lunch went by too fast, which was something Chaewon thought she’d never think, but it was nice talking to people, almost too nice that it scared her. She was used to making friends and then moving away, only for the same process to happen over and over that she eventually just gave up. Even the few people she talked to when she was younger couldn’t be considered friends if she thought about it. None of them really knew her. None of them were ever interested enough to ask her how she was doing or what interests she had. She never had the chance to make real friends.

Chaewon thought that after the whole getting revenge on the bully, she’d go back to being a loner, but a week’s worth of detention proved her wrong. They combined a whole bunch of pranks leading up to the finale where they paid tributes to the show “The Office” and decided to put all of the bully’s locker supplies in jello. She was almost scared of getting suspended, so she accepted the detention in relief.

“Hey, you wanna hang out at my place on the weekend?” Hyunjin asked from the desk to her right.

Chaewon raised her head off of her arms. “Why would you invite me to your house?”

Hyunjin quirked an eyebrow, confused. “What do you mean? We’re friends. Friends hang out at each other’s houses.”

Chaewon sucked in a breath at the mention of the word “friend”. “You’ve known me for like a week.”

“Yeah, but I like you and I can’t say that about a lot of people. You also stuck up for my baby sister and she’s never going to let go of you now, so it sucks to suck, but you’re now our friend and you gotta come over ‘cause my moms can make more than just a beautiful sandwich.” Hyunjin had on such a genuine smile that Chaewon didn’t want to disappoint her.

“Yeah, sure,” she said before she could change her mind and went back to placing her head on her arms and before she knew it, her eyes opened when she felt a light tap on her shoulder to only realize she had fallen asleep. She sat up to feel something on her head. The blonde frowned, reached up, and pulled the object off of her.

“You’re going to get sick if you’re only wearing a t-shirt. It’s fall already you know?” Hyunjin said, packing up her stuff. “Detention is over by the way.”

Chaewon looked at the grey hoodie in her hand and then to Hyunjin before handing it back to her.

Hyunjin pushed the hoodie back. “Nah, keep it. I have a bunch of them from all the sport teams I’m on and I see you walk home from school sometimes. It gets pretty cold. You should hitch a ride with us. My parents won’t mind.”

Chaewon clenched the hoodie with both hands, wanting to give it back again, but knew Hyunjin wouldn’t take no for an answer. “Thank you,” she whispered out. Chaewon wasn’t sure how to respond to something being given to her. “Thank you,” she repeated louder, “for the hoodie, but my house isn’t that far, so I would rather just walk there.”

“Alright, but put on the hoodie, I could see your goosebumps from the AC.”

Chaewon nodded, not noticing the cold, but pulled the hoodie over her head anyways. It was oversized on her, with the bottom reaching midway down her thighs and long sweater paws that made her feel like a child.

“It looks good on you.” Hyunjin reached over to adjust the collar so that there was more space in the front to be comfortable.

Chaewon blushed at the contact, not being used to this type of attention and care. “Thanks,” she mumbled out.

They walked out of the classroom and didn’t stop talking until Hyunjin went to get Mrs. Ha from her class.

“Just wait here and then we can walk together to the front gate,” Hyunjin said.

Chaewon scratched the back of her neck, already nervous about going back to her place late. “Nah, it’s okay. I should really get going. See you later and thanks for the hoodie again.” She turned around and walked away before Hyunjin could argue back.

Chaewon clenched at the hoodie tighter, seeing the blood she knew she couldn’t wash away. It wasn’t the only clothing Hyunjin had given to her over the years, but it was the first item that has ever made her feel safe and one of the foster kids just had to ruin her safety blanket.

Slowly forcing herself to stand up, Chaewon went over to the sink to wash her face. Once she looked as decent as she could look, she exited the restroom and went down the stairs to head for the kitchen.

“Where’s Suyeon?” Was the first thing she heard from the living room.

“I’m making dinner instead,” Chaewon replied, hiding the hoodie by her side.

“Well, you’re late,” the woman’s voice came out stern.

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“You’re always sorry, yet you can’t seem to do anything right around here, huh?” The woman wasn’t even looking at her, her eyes glued to the television.

Chaewon apologized again, looking down at the ground as she made her way into the kitchen. She quietly opened the glass door that led to the backyard and stepped out. Walking over to the trash can, her hands started to sweat on the clothing she was holding. Chaewon held it out so that she could see the entire hoodie. The name of the school was on the front, Hyunjin’s name printed on the back as she turned it around, and the blood stain on the shoulder that she knew won’t come off. She hugged it one last time, sighing into it, and then opening the lid of the trash to throw it inside. Chaewon closed it quick and walked back in the house before emotions could hit her again.


	7. THE OGs

Sooyoung went to get the door when it rang around noon. “Hey, Jiwoo,” she greeted the woman before her.

“Unnie!” The redhead outside of the house squealed as she threw herself at the taller woman. “Jungeun’s getting stuff from the car, so she’ll be in in a bit.”

Sooyoung nodded. “Jinsol’s in the kitchen making lunch.” But before they could walk farther in the house, more squeals were heard.

“Auntie Jiwoo!” A loud voice could be heard at the top of the stairs as fast footsteps made their way down. 

Hyunjin skipped the last two steps and jumped herself in Jiwoo’s arms, burying her face in her Aunt’s shoulder.

“Hyunjin-ah! You’re so big now.” Jiwoo laughed while spinning the 5 year old around.

“What did I say about running down the stairs Hyunjin?” Sooyoung scolded lightly from the side.

“Sorry Mom.” Hyunjin pouted as Jiwoo nuzzled herself at the oldest triplet’s cheeks.

Sooyoung gave out a soft smile. “I just don’t want you getting hurt, honey.”

“Auntie Jiwoo!” Another loud voice came shouting out.

“No running down the stairs!” Yelled Hyunjin before she turned to her Mom, giving her two thumbs up with a goofy smile.

Sooyoung laughed and took Hyunjin into her arms before the next kid jumped onto Jiwoo. “Why are you so cute?”

Hyunjin gave her another wide smile with a missing front bottom tooth. “Because I’m your baby!”

“That’s right.” Sooyoung tickled the girl who was giggling, trying to squirm out of her grip.

Sooyoung turned to Jiwoo who was now at eye level with Hyejoo, talking to the girl as Yerim was latched onto the redhead’s back.

“Yerim, you got to loosen your grip when you want a piggyback ride or your Aunt won’t be able to breathe.” Sooyoung tapped Yerim’s bottom to get her to listen.

Yerim looked up at her Mom at the touch but quickly turned her attention to the front door when it opened again. “Auntie Jungeun!” The girl ran off and jumped at the taller woman’s lower torso so that she was off the ground, almost making Jungeun lose balance.

“Hey kiddo.” Jungeun smiled and picked up Yerim.

“Auntie Jungeun!” Hyunjin squirmed more until Sooyoung let her down.

“Auntie Jungeun!” Came another tiny voice that belonged to Hyejoo as they both went to hug one of the woman’s legs.

Jungeun laughed and looked up at the other adults helplessly now that she had all the triplets attached to her.

“You guys need to take turns hugging Aunt Jungeun. She doesn’t have enough arms to hold all of you,” Sooyoung explained as Hyunjin let go of a leg to let her sisters get their chance first. 

“Didn’t you want a piggyback ride from Aunt Jiwoo?” Jungeun asked the girl in her arms.

Yerim nodded excitedly as Jungeun placed her onto Jiwoo’s back before picking up Hyejoo. “I haven’t seen you guys in such a long time.” Jungeun kissed the top of the youngest’s forehead.

“I missed you.” Hyejoo buried her face in Jungeun’s neck and hugged her tightly.

“I missed you too, baby.” Jungeun gave her another kiss as Hyejoo lifted up her face, exposing her fluffy cheeks for Jungeun to plant yet another quick peck on them. She then placed the girl down to pick up the last triplet who was getting antsy from waiting.

“I’m missing a teeth!” Was the first excited thing Hyunjin announced as she got into Jungeun’s arms.

The woman let out a chuckle. “I can see that. It’s adorable.”

“You think so? Yerim says I look like a goofball, but don’t I always look like one?” Hyunjin grinned playfully so that all her front teeth were exposed.

“You act like one too, you silly cutie.” Jungeun gave Hyunjin a quick spin as the girl squealed with excitement.

“Come on guys. Mama’s making food so we have to help her right?” Sooyoung said walking towards the kitchen.

The triplets all gave out a response of agreement, being used to helping around the house even at a young age. Sooyoung and Jinsol made sure to teach their daughters about responsibilities while making sure they still had fun. It was a way of working together as a family that would translate into the real word of showing compassion and empathy.

They entered the kitchen to see Jinsol’s back towards them at the stove.

“Unnie!” Jiwoo called out with Yerim still on her back.

Jinsol turned around with a huge smile and anyone could tell where Hyunjin’s wide open mouth smile came from. “Jiwoo-ah! I missed you!” The blonde wiped her hands on a towel as Sooyoung took over cooking at the stove.

The two gave each other a tight hug before Jinsol went to Jungeun to give her one as well.

“Mama, you’re squishing me,” Hyunjin said from Jungeun’s arms, trying to push the two women apart.

Jinsol laughed and took her oldest daughter out of her friend’s care before talking to Jungeun. “How have you been? We’ve all been so busy that it’s hard to catch up sometimes.”

“I know right? Jiwoo and I went back to our hometown for a bit to visit our families. I almost spent my whole time at Jiwoo’s place since her brothers kept wanting to play games.” Jungeun was going to pick Hyejoo up when the youngest said she was going to set up the table. “I swear, your kids are the sweetest, but I really shouldn’t be surprised since you two practically raised us too,” Jungeun said pointing to herself and Jiwoo.

“Don’t be ridiculous. You guys were like 15 when I met you guys.” Jinsol let out a laugh and placed Hyunjin down who went to help her sisters and Mom.

“Ok, maybe “raised” was the wrong term, but you two really did help us out a lot when we were growing up. Being a moody teen was hard and I know I was a handful.” Jungeun smiled gently at old memories. The shorter woman then glanced over at Jiwoo and spoke softly at the kitchen island. “I know we’re not together anymore, but I still love her. I struggled a lot, but you and Sooyoung unnie taught me that staying best friends after breaking up was still okay. That no matter what, our relationship was strong enough to get us through it.”

“Even if you two aren’t meant to be in a relationship, you’re still soulmates in terms of two people who just understand each other completely, you know what I mean?” Jinsol added on, remembering the days when Jungeun and Jiwoo would come separately to her and Sooyoung to talk about their situation after being together throughout all of high school and college.

Jungeun took another glance at Jiwoo who was helping Sooyoung finish off cooking. “I’m happy now, you know?”

Jinsol gave her a smile. “I know. I could see it in your eyes. Her’s too. I’ve always hated her fake happy smiles, but Jiwoo seems to be doing okay now.”

“Yeah, and we have a lot to thank you and Sooyoung for that.” Jungeun looked down at a tug at the hem of her shirt.

“Can you hug me now?” Hyejoo’s quiet voice asked after she finished helping out around the kitchen.

Jungeun laughed at how cute and shy the youngest triplet was. “Of course, honey.” The woman bent down to pick up the girl before sitting back down.

“It’s not like our friendship is one sided and it’s not like Sooyoung and I haven’t gone through rough patches either where we counted on you guys too,” Jinsol continued. “I’ve never really had close friends, but after Sooyoung introduced me to you two, I couldn’t be more thankful.”

“It was like a buy one get two free kind of deal. Too good to be true, but here we are.” Jungeun laughed thinking about how close they were with Sooyoung even though she was two grades older and they mainly hung out with kids their age when they first met her during freshman year.

“Although I didn’t know Sooyoung until senior year, I was really glad to hear she had friends like you two. It was obvious she struggled with other people misunderstanding her because of her cold looks. She’s too soft for her own good sometimes.” Jinsol looked over to her wife who was now walking toward them.

“Food’s ready,” Sooyoung announced. “Jiwoo almost put salt in the dessert, but we’re okay.”

“You guys don’t label your jars!” Jiwoo’s loud voice came through, defending herself.

“The little jar is salt and the big one is sugar,” Sooyoung stated.

“How was I supposed to know that?”

Jungeun and Jinsol looked at each other and laughed.

“I still don’t get how you guys became friends first and stayed friends,” Jungeun said, laughing at their usual bickering.

“This squirt wouldn’t leave me alone,” Sooyoung grumbled as Jinsol got up to help carry stuff onto the dining room table.

“Sooyoung unnie was nice!” Jiwoo said brightly.

“She literally told you you were annoying when you were being annoying and loud when you were being too loud,” Jungeun deadpanned.

“Exactly, she wasn’t fake like everyone else.” Jiwoo smiled and backhugged Sooyoung.

“You’re still annoying, but I love you anyways.” Sooyoung smiled along as Jiwoo hugged her tighter.

“Let go of me.” They looked over near the table to see Hyunjin copying Sooyoung and Jiwoo by giving Yerim a tight back hug.

“But you’re annoying and I love you anyways.” Hyunjin gave her sister another tight squeeze before letting go.

Yerim grumbled and turned around to return the hug as the adults laughed at their cute interaction.

“Do you want to join your sisters?” Jungeun asked Hyejoo who was still in her arms.

“No,” came the reply. “I get hugs from them all the time. I want to hug you.” Hyejoo snuggled closer.

“We have to go eat now though. I’ll give you more hugs later okay?” Hyejoo nodded as Jungeun stood up with the youngest triplet and walked over to place her down in her usual chair.

“Thanks for the food guys. We definitely need to hang out more sometimes.” Jiwoo set down the last dish as Jungeun thanked them as well.

“Yeah, of course. We’ve all just been so busy, but it’s nice to catch up.” Jinsol scooped food into Hyunjin’s kiddie plate that was next to her while Sooyoung did the same for the other two.

“I could totally babysit the kids too. You two haven’t had a break in such a long time,” Jiwoo suggested.

“I’m so down to babysit too. I definitely don’t see them as much as I’d like to,” Jungeun said as she poked Yerim’s cheek who was concentrating on picking up food with her training chopsticks.

“Are you sure you guys could handle these three on your own?” Sooyoung asked more out of concern than skepticism. She knew her friends were capable and they were the only people she trusted with her kids, but the triplets could be a handful.

“Of course! My two little brothers were the devil when I took care of them and they still are sometimes. I love your kids,” Jiwoo reassured.

A bunch of “I love you too’s” were thrown at Jiwoo and included Jungeun as well from the triplets as they tried to talk at the same time.

“See? It’s settled then. Jungeun and I will take care of your kids while you guys go out for date night or something sometimes.” Jiwoo clasped her hands together, excited by the idea.

“That actually sounds fun.” Jinsol loved being a mom but it has been awhile since she got to spend time with Sooyoung alone.

“Will you kids be fine with me and Mama being away for a bit and having Auntie Jiwoo and Auntie Jungeun here with you?” Sooyoung asked the triplets.

“Yeah!” They exclaimed in excitement.

“That was a quick response. Are you guys trying to get rid of us?” Sooyoung joked.

“You’re going to back anyways.” Yerim smiled but then it quickly turned into a frown. “Right?”

Sooyoung let out a small laugh and caressed Yerim’s cheek. “Of course, honey. We’ll just be out for a part of the day while you guys hang out with your Aunts and we’ll be back some time at night to tuck you in.”

“Great, we should set up a day soon. I’m free for the next few weekends,” Jiwoo said while shoving more food into her already full cheeks.

“I sometimes forget that you’re an adult.” Sooyoung rolled her eyes and picked up a napkin to wipe at little bits of food that was around Jiwoo’s mouth.

“Thanks, Unnie.” The younger woman beamed at her.

“How are you not tired of kids when you’re a kindergarten teacher?” Jinsol asked, not being able to imagine managing a class of 5 year olds when she already had three of her own.

“That’s different. I love my kids, but me and the triplets are blood,” Jiwoo explained.

“You’re not blood related to them, Jiwoo,” Sooyoung pointed out with a flat tone.

“What are you talking about? We’re practically family. I’m like the little kid sister you wish you never had,” Jiwoo said laughing and made funny faces as the triplets laughed along at their silly Aunt.

“I actually would not mind you as my sister. All me and my older sister do is bicker and throw each other through walls. Though I don’t know how being a middle child is like.” Sooyoung turned to Yerim. “How do you like being the middle sister, Yerimie?”

The girl looked up and smiled brightly. “I like it!”

“See? How could you say that we’re not related? She definitely got that beautiful smile from me and Hyejoo has Jungeun’s Moomin cheeks.” Jiwoo looked over at Jungeun who pouted.

“What about me?” Hyunjin asked while asking Jinsol for more food.

“You definitely got my appetite, kid.” Jiwoo laughed.

“I like bread!” Hyunjin announced with a roll in her hand.

“I know you do, honey, but that’s your third roll and you could get a stomachache from eating too much of that,” Jinsol lightly said. “Besides, we have dessert and you need to have room for that right?”

“Mom says there’s a separate tummy for dessert.” The oldest triplet patted her stomach.

Jinsol glared at Sooyoung who only shrugged in return.

“Hyunjin says she has a separate tummy for bread too,” Hyejoo said, having finished her food even before Hyunjin.

The adults laughed from the silliness, but the triplets didn’t understand why it was funny.

Lunch ended with Jiwoo and Jungeun insisting to help wash the dishes, but Sooyoung and Jinsol kicked them out of the kitchen before they could go to the sink.

“I still can’t believe you guys have kids sometimes,” Jungeun commented, watching the triplets play with a mix of toy cars as they used fake plastic food as ramps.

“It’s crazy right?” Sooyoung sometimes couldn’t believe it either. If someone told her that this was her future back when she was 17, she would have told them that they were lying. “I always thought I was going to be a dancer, but I couldn’t be more happy with my kids.”

“Yeah, she had practice taking care of me,” Jiwoo joked.

“Oh come on, I joke about you being an adult, but you’re more mature than you give yourself credit for.” Sooyoung lightly punched the redhead in the arm.

“That really does mean a lot coming from you, Unnie.” Jiwoo smiled softly.

Everyone knew Jiwoo was bright and playful, but it would be a wrong assumption to think that the woman was immature. She knew how to take care of herself and always had enough to care for everyone else. 

“Sometimes I think it’s crazier how we’ve remained friends for this long than us having kids,” Jinsol added on. “There’s not a lot of high school or even college friends who could say that at our age.”

“Communication is important, but comprehension is even more key to our relationship I feel,” Jungeun said as everyone nodded along. “Even if we don’t always agree on everything, we still try to understand each other and,” her voice trailed, “and I’m just glad we love each other enough to not let stupid things get in the way.”

“You’re right. Even when we don’t see each other for a long time, we still pick up on our friendship as if there’s a pause button. Paused from the last time we saw you guys and then it just starts up again when we see each other again.” Sooyoung had other friends but they weren’t like Jungeun and Jiwoo. Like Jiwoo said earlier, they were all practically family with how they could just be themselves around each other.

“We all grew up together, seeing each other through our highs and lows, so being able to witness you guys happy with your kids makes me so happy too,” Jiwoo said. None of them were always well off in terms of where their lives were and their mental health, but they got through it together. 

“I mean, once you’re a part of the Losers’ Club, you can’t get out right?” Jinsol laughed at the name they gave themselves back in college when they all were struggling with different things in life.

“To the Losers’ Club!” Jiwoo yelled with her arm outstretched.

“To the Losers' Club!” The others yelled the same as they all crossed their arms over one another.

“Sooyoung unnie should say a speech since she’s the president.” Jiwoo had on a playful grin.

“Shut it, Jiwoo!”


	8. BREATHE

“I don’t think I can do this,” Chaewon said with worry etched all over her face. 

“You’ve faced way scarier things than this.” Hyunjin had her hands on the smaller blonde’s shoulders. “If anyone could do this, it’s you.”

“I’m scared. I don’t want to fall.” 

“I can’t promise you that you won’t fall, but I can promise you that I’ll be there to help you back up.”

Chaewon still looked uncertain but nodded anyways.

“Well, I might laugh first and then help you back up though,” Hyunjin clarified with a playful grin.

Chaewon gave her a death glare.

“Don’t listen to her. I got you,” Yerim said from the other side. “The faster you pedal, the easier it is.”

The blonde nodded again and took a deep breath before using her feet to push off the ground and lifting them up to place on the pedals. “I don’t think I got this!” Her hands were shaking, making the bike unsteady as she rode it.

“You’re already doing it!” Yerim yelled from her own bike as she caught up to hold onto Chaewon’s shoulder lightly with Hyunjin doing the same on the right. “Just focus your eyes on Hyejoo ahead and try to reach her.” 

The youngest triplet was at the end of the neighborhood, standing there as Chaewon’s checkpoint for her bike lesson. When the sisters found out that their friend never learned how to ride a bike, they made it their goal to teach her when summer came around, and now that they were finally out of school, they were trying to make the most out of their break.

Chaewon reached Hyejoo in no time while making random squeaks from being scared as the girl at the end cheered her on. The blonde slowed her bike down before coming to a complete stop and hopping off as adrenaline pumped through her body making her heart pound. Chaewon’s legs felt like jello and she almost fell, but Hyejoo took a hold of her, lifted her up, and spun her around.

“You did it! Your first lesson and you rode all the way over here on a freakin Naruto bike!” Hyejoo exclaimed, looking more excited than the blonde in her arms that looked out of energy.

Chaewon felt the grip on her loosen when two more bodies crashed into her, giving her excited hugs. She couldn’t even make out the words between Yerim and Hyunjin who were talking at the same time excitedly.

“Yo, that was sick! It took Yerim a lifetime to learn how to ride a bike.” Hyunjin’s smile was wide as she complimented her friend while putting down her sister.

“I was like 7 and you kept threatening to push me down!” Yerim raised her voice, defending herself.

“I did not,” Hyunjin argued back. “I said I was going to kick you down, not push you down, and it was only because you kept hogging the cool bike.”

“All three of us had the same bike!”

“Would you guys shut up?” Hyejoo butted in, rolling her eyes.

“I really wish Heejin was here,” Chaewon finally spoke up being thankful that her friend let her borrow her bike that was covered in Naruto stickers. “She’d definitely tell you both to shut up too.”

“We should break her out of summer school.” Hyunjin placed a hand on Chaewon’s head, but the blonde wasn’t sure if it was because the taller girl was proud of her or just making fun of her height or both.

“Yeah, let’s break her out of your Mom’s summer class. She’d love that.” Chaewon rolled her eyes and pushed Hyunjin’s hand off of her.

“As if she even needs it. Her parents just doesn’t want her hanging with us or something.”

“Like that’s going to stop her.” Hyejoo got back on her bike and started riding towards their house. “Bet you anything that she’s gonna come back with Mom when class ends,” she yelled out up ahead.

“Come on, Chae. Time to reach Hyejoo again,” Yerim said patting her friend’s back.

“My heart just calmed down.” Chaewon had her hand up to her chest, but hopped back on the bike anyways. She wobbled for a bit until she felt hands on her shoulders again, steadying her. She couldn’t even look to the sides to say thanks, too scared she’d get distracted and fall off.

They put away their bikes when they reached the house. It was empty since both of their parents were working for summer school and trusted the triplets enough to let them stay home alone. Though the triplets were mischievous, Sooyoung and Jinsol knew that they’d never do anything that would get them in real trouble.

Hyunjin fanned herself with her hand as she opened the front door for everyone to enter. “It’s so damn hot today.”

“Wanna play games?” Hyejoo asked, already going up the stairs to her room.

“I think I’m just going to lay down for a bit.” Yerim coughed into her arm and took in a deep breath.

“You okay?” Hyunjin asked in concern, knowing that physical activity in the heat usually tired Yerim out.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Just lay on Hyejoo’s bed while we play,” Chaewon suggested, not wanting the other girl to be alone.

Yerim nodded her head before coughing again. She reached into her pocket to pull out her inhaler and shook it before taking the medication. 

They got to Hyejoo’s room and Yerim took a seat on her sister’s bed, resting her back against the frame, knowing that laying down would just make it harder to breathe at this point.

“Is it the allergies?” Hyunjin asked, wanting to make sure Yerim was really okay. “Maybe we shouldn’t have stayed outside for that long.”

“Might be. I took medicine for that already though.” Yerim felt a little dizzy and out of breath as she used her inhaler again. She looked up to see three pairs of eyes looking at her with worry. “I’m really fine, guys. Go play your games. I want in next round,” she tried to reassure them.

Yerim silently prayed that the inhaler will do the trick this time. It wasn’t that long ago when she had a really bad asthma attack that scared her family and she didn’t want them to go through that again. 

She remembered waking up in the middle of the night half asleep while coughing. Sitting up and reaching over to the nightstand, Yerim blindly searched around for her inhaler before taking the medication. She held it in her lungs for a few seconds before coughing again.

“Hyunjin.” Yerim looked to her right where her sister was sleeping. When she didn’t get a response, she called out again, but a little louder this time. “Hyunjin.”

There was rustling of blankets on the other side as Yerim was wheezing trying to breathe. 

“Yerim?” Hyunjin called out in a sleepy voice before throwing the blankets off of herself, making her way over quickly as she heard her sister struggle.

Hyunjin was now wide awake and turned on the lights to see Yerim trying to sit up straight to breathe easier.

“Sit with me?” Yerim asked under her breath.

Hyunjin nodded and sat down on the bed, facing her sister. “Did it just start?”

Yerim nodded and coughed again. She was grasping at her blanket when Hyunjin took a hold of her hand to calm her down.

“Hey, you’re doing good. I know it hurts, but try to take in deep breaths,” Hyunjin coached her through.

Yerim started to feel dizzy and ran her other hand through her hair before placing her forehead on the same hand.

“You gotta sit up.” Hyunjin reached over to Yerim’s shoulder to get the girl to stop slouching. “Do you want me to get Moms?”

Yerim usually was able to keep her asthma attacks under control, but this one felt different. She nodded her head as Hyunjin quickly left the room. She wasn’t alone for long, but it still scared her when her chest tightened.

“It’s been a few minutes and she already took her inhaler, but it doesn’t seem to be kicking in yet.” Yerim heard Hyunjin explain as she reentered the room with their parents.

“Honey, try to calm down okay?” Sooyoung sat on the edge of the bed, seeing the panic in Yerim’s eyes. 

Yerim tried to nod, but coughed instead, the wheezing making it hurt her chest.

“I’m going to measure your heart rate.” Sooyoung took out her phone to get to the timer app and held onto Yerim’s wrist. 

“Hey, you’re doing good okay?” Jinsol sat on the other side and swept some hair from Yerim’s face that was covering her eyes.

Yerim grabbed onto the blonde’s hand with her free one and Jinsol pulled her in so that Yerim was in her arms.

“Your heart rate is a bit high, baby.” Sooyoung tried not to look too worried, but she wasn’t sure how well she was hiding it with Yerim now taking in short breaths. “Let’s take you to the emergency room right now and if you get better on the way there, then we’ll head back home, okay?”

Yerim nodded, finding it a bit difficult to talk.

Sooyoung stood up and lifted Yerim up into her arms.

“I’m going to get Hyejoo.” Hyunjin was already out of the room before anyone could respond.

They got into the car quickly with Sooyoung driving, Yerim and Jinsol in the middle row, and the other two siblings in the back.

Sooyoung gripped the steering wheel tightly, looking at the rear view mirror to see Jinsol saying comforting words to Yerim.

“You’re going to be okay. You’re going to be okay,” Jinsol repeated with her daughter’s hand in her own.

“Mama, I can’t—,” Yerim gasped out. “I can’t breathe.” She was taking quick shallow breaths, a hand flying to her chest now as panic started to set in even more.

“We’re almost there, Yerim. Please, you gotta stay calm.” Jinsol looked up front to catch Sooyoung’s eyes in the mirror.

Hyejoo was silently crying in the back as Hyunjin held her, trying to keep it together. 

Yerim has had asthma attacks before, but most of them got better with the inhaler. This time, it didn’t seem like the medication had any effect on her as her chest felt like it was on fire from the lack of oxygen she was taking in.

Yerim was barely getting any air in as her eyes welled up with tears. “I love you,” she struggled to get the words out, being more scared than she has ever been in her life. Dying crossed her mind, but she didn’t want to voice her fear out loud, not wanting her family to worry even more.

“Baby, I love you too.” Jinsol tried to keep her voice steady. She looked up to see that they were in front of the hospital. “We’re here, Yerim.”

Sooyoung stopped the car, not caring that she wasn’t in a parking spot as she jumped out of the driver’s seat to open the back door. She quickly picked her daughter up who was getting pale, eyes barely open, and rushed through the automatic door.

After the doctors took Yerim away, the family couldn’t do anything but wait. Hyejoo was now in Jinsol’s arm as Hyunjin sat there, frozen. Sooyoung sighed and sat down next to her oldest. She didn’t say anything as she reached over Hyunjin’s shoulder to pull the girl in. Hyunjin feeling the warmth of being in her Mom’s arms, she finally allowed herself to cry. 

“She’s in good hands. Yerim’s going to be okay.” Sooyoung tried to comfort her daughter and kissed the top of her head.

“You don’t know that,” Hyunjin’s voice snapped. She didn’t mean to, but what if’s ran through her mind and she couldn’t help but feel scared.

“Your sister is strong, so you have to trust her.” Sooyoung wasn’t religious, but at this very moment, she was praying as hard as she could because she didn’t know what else to do.

It wasn’t long before a female doctor came out and everyone stood up from their seats. “Yerim’s resting right now.”

Everyone let out a breath that they were holding, sighing in relief.

“The mucus build up in her airway was quite thick so that’s why her inhaler wasn’t working properly. We gave her something to thin it out for the medication to reach the places it needed to,” the doctor explained.

“Can we see her?” Jinsol asked.

“Yes, but she’s sleeping since it took a lot of her. We’d also like to keep her overnight just to monitor her and discuss some new medications.”

Yerim remembered waking up in the morning with someone holding her hand. She looked to her right to see her Mom with her head resting on her hospital bed, sitting in an uncomfortable looking chair. She reached over with her other hand and placed her hand on Sooyoung’s head. The woman immediately moved from the contact and looked up with tired eyes.

“Hey, baby.” Sooyoung smiled softly. “How are you feeling?”

Yerim hummed in response, still feeling drained from last night.

“I’m going to get the doctor okay?” The tall woman kissed her middle daughter’s forehead.

The doctor came in and sat her up to check her over. “Are you feeling alright, Yerim?”

Yerim cleared her throat. “Tired,” her voice coming out hoarse.

“That’s understandable. It must have been scary for you, but you did a really good job keeping calm last night.” The doctor commented. “Your going to have to stay for a couple of days so we can monitor your condition, okay?”

Yerim had a headache as she nodded. Her mom explained to her after that the rest of the family were already at the house. It took a lot of convincing for the other two triplets to go home, but it wouldn’t do anyone any good if everyone stayed at the hospital.

Yerim hated worrying others. Whether it was her asthma or something else bothering her, she mainly kept to herself, not wanting to burden anyone with her problems. She knew it was a bad habit, but as long as everyone else was happy, she was okay with dealing with things on her own. She was fine, she would always tell herself and she was fine when anyone else asked. She was always just fine, but her sisters always knew when she wasn’t.

“What did I say? Heejin just texted in the group chat that she’s coming over after class,” Hyejoo said, hopping onto the bed as Hyunjin and Chaewon bickered on the floor playing games.

“Awesome. I found this Gaara sticker at the bookstore I want to give her,” Hyunjin said, not looking up from the television. “Loser’s gonna love it.”

“I love how you always call her a loser, yet you fuel her anime obsession.” Chaewon was leaned on Hyunjin’s shoulder as they played.

“Stop trying to elbow me!” Hyunjin scooted over to the left. “That’s not why she’s a loser. She’s a loser ‘cause she hangs out with us,” the taller girl clarified. “All of her parent’s friends kids hang out with other snobby rich kids and yet here Heej is, too cool for their bull, hanging with us cooler kids.”

“So is she cool or is she a loser, ‘cause I’m confused,” Hyejoo asked from the bed as she took a hold of Yerim’s hand. The other girl was paying attention to their conversation, but wasn’t taking any part in it.

“Losers are the coolest kids. Ask Mom. She fell in love with some nerd from the mathlete club. Not saying that mathlete kids are losers, but Mama seriously was scared to try anything new before Mom showed her that life was all about taking risks,” Hyunjin explained, having heard the story of her parents past a million times.

“Yeah, but you take the whole taking risks part a bit too seriously,” Chaewon deadpanned.

“You shut your mouth.” Hyunjin elbowed the small blonde. “You know you have fun when you’re with me.”

“I never said I didn’t. I just wish you’d be more careful sometimes.” Chaewon shrugged. Hyunjin was the oldest, but she also was the most free spirited, always wanting to do random things and at times, getting herself injured in the process.

“Look, climbing trees is all about taking risks okay? If I didn’t climb that one tree with Heej back in 5th grade, who knows how our relationship would have turned out like? Her crying all over me after life flashed before her baby eyes like sealed the deal that we were going to be best friends forever.”

“You’re an idiot. You guys would have been bffs no matter what anyways. Y’all are soulmates.” Chaewon rolled her eyes. “No one else could handle your guys dumbasstirfy.”

“Aw, come on, Chae, you’re my bestest friend slash soulmate too!” Hyunjin tossed the game controller to the side gently and gave the blonde a tight hug, not caring that the game was still going on.

“Yo, watch the controller!” Hyejoo yelled, not believing that her sister just tossed her baby.

“Get off of me!” Chaewon struggled to get out of the grip and gave up after a few seconds to just sit there and let Hyunjin do whatever she wanted. Her body swayed side to side as Hyunjin kept the hug going on for way longer than necessary.

“You guys are annoying,” Yerim finally spoke up, her voice flat with no amusement behind it. But in truth, they all knew they called each other annoying more out of an endearment term than them actually being annoying.

Yerim felt the medication working, finding it easier to breathe as she leaned her head on Hyejoo’s shoulder.

“You good?” The youngest triplet asked, looking down at her sister.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Yerim responded like how she usually did.

Since the asthma attack that landed her into the hospital, she hasn’t told anyone that every time symptoms came up again, she was more scared than she was before the attack. Yerim always tried to keep calm in front of others, but she couldn’t help but feel what she felt that night all over again. The helplessness on both sides was something she could never get used to. It was more than just being terrified of not being able to breathe no matter how hard she tried, but seeing her family scared over her hurt her even more. Yerim didn’t want to tell them how she felt. She didn’t want them to worry them, so she kept to herself. 

Yerim knew her sisters could tell that she has been off since the incident, but was glad they didn’t push her to talk when she wasn’t ready. She also knew that she had to talk to her parents. The walls were thin and she could hear them cry in the middle of the night even days after the hospital visit. Yerim couldn’t bear the thought of her parents crying over her when she rarely even saw them cry. They had enough on their plates and she didn’t want to be another reason for them to be stressed.

Yerim snapped out of her thoughts when Chaewon screamed victory in Hyunjin’s face.

“See, I told you gaming with me would help you!” Hyejoo added onto the cheer and then said to Hyunjin, “throw me the controller, loser.”

“Sorry, but you told me not to throw it.” Hyunjin placed the controller on the ground stubbornly and crossed her arms.

Chaewon rolled her eyes, picked it up, and lightly tossed it on the bed next to Hyejoo. 

Yerim smiled at the interaction and then went to lay down, but before her head could hit the pillow, Hyejoo tugged at her arm to get her to rest her head on her lap instead. Yerim complied knowing that although Hyejoo wasn’t one to talk much either, she showed her care through little gestures and it was definitely something she needed right now. Yerim wasn’t alone in her struggles and her sisters always made sure she knew that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know anything about asthma...


	9. BROKEN

“Hey, honey, how are you feeling?” Jinsol asked, brushing Hyunjin’s hair out of her face as her daughter laid in the hospital bed.

“Do you know Chaewon?” Hyunjin asked ignoring her mom’s question. “She’s like really small, but cute, like adorably cute, but don’t tell her I said that. Let’s just keep it between us two.” She narrowed her eyes and pointed back and forth between herself and her mom.

Jinsol raised an eyebrow. “Um, yeah, honey, Chaewon’s your friend and yes, she’s totally adorable.”

“You know, you kind of look like her, but a lot taller. You do that eyebrow thing too.” Hyunjin reached up trying to touch her mom’s eyebrows but a hand stopped her. “And why do you keep calling me Honey? Is that my name?”

“Gah, I can’t wait to send this to the group chat.” Yerim had on a big grin with her phone up, pointed at her sister. “Hyunjin is currently high off of anesthesia and she’s making a fool out of herself more than she already does,” she explained to future viewers.

“Hey, that’s not a nice thing to say.” Hyunjin pointed at Yerim before her eyes went wide. “There’s two of you!” She exclaimed, pointing at Hyejoo, who was next to Yerim. “I’m seeing double, Ma! I have multiple eyes!”

“You only have two eyes, honey,” Jinsol said stifling a laugh as Sooyoung had been uncontrollably laughing the whole time in the back.

“But there’s two of them!” Hyunjin tried sitting up but failed. “And my name isn’t Honey!”

“Hey, hey, you shouldn’t move so much.” Sooyoung composed herself and got up from her chair to help Hyunjin back into a comfortable position.

Hyunjin brushed her mom off and motioned for Yerim with her hand. “Hey, come here.”

Yerim got closer, amused by how her sister was acting.

“Tell your double to come here too.” Hyunjin taking a quick glance over at Hyejoo before whispering to Yerim loudly, “I don’t think she likes me much.”

“Who? Hyejoo?” Yerim looked over at the youngest triplet. “That’s just her face, permanently angry.” Yerim laughed before yelping, grabbing at her arm. “Ouch! That hurt!” She glared at the sister that just slapped her.

“That’s what you get.” Hyejoo glared, but got closer due to Hyunjin’s request anyways.

“Can I hold your guys hands?” Hyunjin asked with puss in boots like eyes.

The two slightly younger sisters looked at each other before sighing, both giving Hyunjin their right hand. “You guys are so pretty.”

Yerim grinned widely while Hyejoo’s face stayed emotionless.

“You’re basically complimenting yourself,” Hyejoo deadpanned at the oldest triplet.

“Whoa, what’s this?” Hyunjin let go of her sisters hands finally spotting her right leg.

“That’s a cast,” Yerim said.

“How’d I get that?”

“You broke your leg while playing soccer.”

“Soccer? I don’t play soccer.” Hyunjin waved Yerim off like it was the most ridiculous thing she has heard. “Pretty sure I fell off my broom.”

“Your broom?” Hyejoo asked with a smirk, wanting Hyunjin to say more things to embarrass herself once she watched the phone recording back.

“Yeah, my broom. You need a broom to play quidditch, duh.” Hyunjin looked at Hyejoo like she was dumb. “Mom, tell her about quidditch and how our lineage of Slytherins has kept our name on top.”

“Well, hate to break it to you, but Mama is a tad more Ravenclaw than Slytherin and Yerim has no Slytherin blood in her whatsoever.” Sooyoung patted her daughter’s arm.

Hyunjin’s eyes widen and then started tearing up before sobbing loudly.

Sooyoung stood up in shook and grabbed a tissue from the nightstand to wipe at Hyunjin’s tears. “Why are you crying, honey? It’s okay. You’re okay.”

“Yerim isn’t in the same common room as me? She’s going to feel so lonely. I don’t want her to feel lonely.” Hyunjin cried louder and tried to push her mom’s hand away from her face.

“I’m not lonely, Hyunjin,” Yerim tried to reassure her and held her hand. The situation was hilarious, but she couldn’t bring herself to laugh when her sister was crying, even if it was for a ridiculous reason.

“What would you know? You’re just a shadow clone.” Hyunjin sniffled back her tears and pointed between Yerim and Hyejoo. “That’s why there’s two of you.”

“There’s actually three,” Hyejoo said wanting to show Hyunjin a mirror.

“Stop it, Hyejoo. Your sister is already tripping over there being two of you,” Jinsol lightly scolded.

“Oh come on, Ma. You know Hyunjin’s gonna appreciate this once the anesthesia wears off.” Hyejoo placed her hand out to Jinsol. “Could I see your phone?”

Jinsol sighed but gave in, already knowing what Hyejoo was going to do but handed the device over anyways.

Hyejoo smiled and went over to Hyunjin, who was now trying to eat an otter pop the doctor gave her to stop her from crying. 

“Look.” Hyejoo showed Hyunjin the lockscreen of her mom’s phone.

Hyunjin stared at the screen for a few long seconds. “Why is there three of the same person on your phone? That’s kind of obsessive.”

Hyejoo let out a small laugh and turned on the self camera for Hyunjin to see herself. 

Hyunjin’s mouth went wide open and pointed at herself and then to Hyejoo and Yerim. “Heejin hasn’t taught me kage bunshin no jutsu yet!” Her eyes widen in realization. “Does that mean I’m a shadow clone too?” 

Hyejoo laughed loudly this time, not being able to hold it in with how her sister was being more dorky than usual.

“You’re a triplet, Hyunjin,” Jinsol explained, being the calmest one of the family at the moment.

“What’s a triplet?” Hyunjin scrunched her face in confusion and then lifted up her hand. “And what is this? It’s cold.”

“It’s a popsicle.” Jinsol helped her daughter lift up her hand to her mouth. “Eat it.”

“A papa what?” Hyunjin asked and tried to scoot her face away from the hand that held the treat.

“A popsicle. Now taste it. It’s good.” Jinsol tried again. Hyunjin didn’t move away this time and let her mom guide the otter pop into her mouth.

Hyunjin got a small piece and looked up, puzzled. “It tastes like blue.” She pushed the cold tube shaped treat to her mom. “Taste it, Ma. It tastes like,” she paused to think. “It tastes like a taste that Chaewon likes.”

“Yeah, baby. We have these at home too.” 

“Why isn’t mini Jinsol Mama here?” Hyunjin asked, obviously describing Chaewon. She then tried to lean in close to her mom but didn’t get far. “And where’s Heejin? She has to teach me how to unshadow clone because there’s only one of us that’s real.” She pointed around the room at herself and her sisters. “But how could you tell which one of us is the real deal?”

The doctor came around before anyone could answer Hyunjin’s question. “Hyunjin should be on bed rest and come back for her appointment a week from today for a check up. The anesthesia should wear off in a few hours, so she’s going to have to take the prescribed painkillers.”

Hyunjin looked at the doctor. “I have a question.”

“Sure, what is it?”

“So is my name Hyunjin or Honey?”

The doctor laughed and looked over at Jinsol and Sooyoung.

“Your name is Hyunjin but we like calling you honey and baby.” Sooyoung smiled at how childlike her oldest daughter looked.

“Because I’m your baby right?” Hyunjin lifted up her arms for Sooyoung when the remaining otter pop went flying out of her hand. Her eyes widen and welled up with tears again. “Chaewon’s favorite blue taste is on the floor,” she cried out in disbelief. “How could I disrespect Chaewon like that?”

Sooyoung jumped up again and grabbed another tissue to dab at Hyunjin’s tears. “Honey, you didn’t disrespect anyone. We have plenty of blue at home that you could give to Chaewon.” She hated seeing her daughter cry even in her current ridiculous mindset.

Hyunjin lightly sniffed and calmed down. “Really?”

“Yeah, she could come over and have all the blue she wants.”

Hyunjin nodded, but still looked a bit sad. “Could I visit Yerim in her common room? I swear if you tell me the password, I won’t tell anyone. Well, I have to tell Hyejoo because she would want to visit Yerim too, but that’s it, I swear.”

“Sure, we could visit your sister in her common room, but let’s take you home now okay?” Sooyoung stood up to thank the doctor and discuss a few more things before nurses came to help Hyunjin into a wheelchair.

“Adding this to my ButterCat collection.” Hyejoo waved her phone around now that Yerim had sent the hospital video of Hyunjin into the Losers’ Club group chat.

“What’s a ButterCat?” Hyunjin asked as she was being wheeled to the car by Sooyoung.

“Chaewon is a butterfly and you’re a cat, so together, you’re ButterCat,” Hyejoo explained although Hyunjin probably wouldn’t understand in her state anyways.

“I’m a cat?” Hyunjin tilted her head, already making her seem more cat-like.

“Yeah, say “aeong”.”

Hyunjin did what she was told. “Aeong!” She laughed at the sound that came out of her mouth. “Aeong!” She repeated a bit louder. “Mom, I’m a cat! Aeong!” Hyunjin got excited and started to move around in the wheelchair.

Sooyoung stopped pushing and laid a hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder. “Hey, you can’t be moving around like that. You could hurt your leg.”

“My leg is in a cast. It’s fine.” Hyunjin smiled, but kept still as Sooyoung began to push again.

“Sorry, I’ll try not to get her so hyped up,” Hyejoo mumbled and grabbed onto Hyunjin’s hand to hold.

“It’s okay, but you just need to remember that after the anesthesia wears off, her injury is real and it’s going to hurt, so you guys need to be careful.” 

Hyejoo and Yerim nodded, letting it sink in that their sister was going to need a lot of their help once she was back home recovering. Hyunjin has had other injuries and broken bones before, but it never got easier when they saw her in pain and the struggles she went through to get back in top condition. 

Hyejoo sighed and kissed the back of Hyunjin’s hand before helping her mom carry her sister into the car.

“Why’d you kiss my hand?” Hyunjin asked as she settled into the seat and Sooyoung buckled her up.

“‘Cause I love you, you dork.” Hyejoo tapped the tip of Hyunjin’s nose with her index finger and then got into the back seat.

“That’s like loving yourself. You’re just a clone of me.” Hyunjin turned around in her seat. “Or am I a clone of you?”

Yerim sat next to the oldest triplet and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Hyunjin, sit facing the front.”

Hyunjin listened, but turned her head to look at Yerim. “Hey, you kinda look like my sister.”

“Which one?” Yerim asked, letting out a small chuckle of amusement.

Hyunjin narrowed her eyes. “You look like a Hyunjin.

Yerim laughed a little louder this time. “Yeah, I get that sometimes.”

“Mama,” Hyunjin called out. “Mom?”

Sooyoung and Jinsol answered at the same time.

“I’m sleepy.” Hyunjin rested her head against the seat.

“Go to sleep, baby. We’ll wake you up when we’re home.” Jinsol looked back and gave Hyunjin a smile.

The rest of the car ride was uneventful as they finally made it back after being in the hospital for longer than they wanted to. Hyunjin proved to be harder to wake up than they thought, having felt drowsy from the anesthesia.

“Mama?” Hyunjin groaned out as she opened her eyes.

“I’m here. We need to carry you out okay?” Jinsol reached over to unbuckle her daughter’s seatbelt.

“I’m tired.” Hyunjin placed her arms around her parents as they lifted her up.

“I know, honey. You can sleep once we get you into bed.” Sooyoung made sure Hyunjin was sitting upright when they got her onto the wheelchair that Yerim had gotten out of the trunk.

Sooyoung and Jinsol tucked in their oldest daughter due to her request and asked for a kiss from her shadow clones.

“Is it okay if Chae comes over? We’re just going to hang out in my room quietly.” Hyejoo asked her parents once everyone was settled down.

“Of course. You know Chaewon’s welcomed over any time,” Jinsol said and started following Sooyoung into the kitchen. “There’s a bunch of popsicles that taste like blue for her too,” she joked.

“Mama, it’s only funny when Hyunjin says it.” Hyejoo rolled her eyes at her mom’s joke as she disappeared off. The woman was sweet, but her sense of humor just wasn’t there.

“You know this can’t be like last time right?” Yerim was standing by the couch in the living room with her arms crossed.

Hyejoo already knew what her sister was talking about. “We just have to get her to pace herself.”

“That’s easier said than done. Hyunjin’s stubborn when it comes to trying to recover as fast as possible.” 

“Then we make sure we’re there to watch her. I don’t care if she’s going to think we’re annoying or breathing down her neck, but we’re not going to let her overwork herself again to the point of passing out.” 

Yerim nodded, remembering one of Hyunjin’s other bad injuries and how much she wanted to forget how different her sister was when she was in recovery mode. “I’m going to just stay in my room in case she needs anything. Is Chae sleeping over?”

“Yeah.” Hyejoo ran her hand through her hair before heading towards the stairs as Yerim followed behind. “Has she seemed off to you lately? I mean, more than usual.”

“I don’t know. Chae’s good at hiding things. There’s days where she smiles more and days where she smiles less, but it’s never consistent.”

Hyejoo clicked her teeth and stood by her room door when they reached the top. “If something serious was going on with her, like really really serious, do you think she would tell us?”

Yerim sighed and slumped her shoulders. “I don’t know.”

They both knew that their best friend kept things from them, things she’s been trying to hide so well, but bits and pieces were leaking out, and they didn’t know how to process it.

“I--,” Hyejoo paused for a moment. “I try not to pry, but there comes a point where she has to talk to us. I just don’t know how to get her to.”

“She’s turning 18 soon. She’ll be out of there.”

“Yeah, but not soon enough.” Hyejoo got in closer and lowered her voice. “She told me not to bring it up again, but I saw a giant bruise on her stomach the other week. She said it was running into things, but that’s such a lame excuse.”

“You think someone’s hurting her?” Yerim held her breath. The possibility has crossed all of their minds, but Chaewon always denied it when anyone hinted at it.

“I mean, how else did she get that bruise? Run into a fuckin’ foot?” Hyejoo slightly raised her voice out of anger.

“Do you think she would talk to Mom or Mama?” Yerim suggested. Talking to friends about home situations was different than talking to adults about it and it seemed that Chaewon trusted their parents enough to let down most of her guard around them.

“I’m scared if we push her too far, she’ll run away.” There’s been times where the small blonde would disappear for one or two days at most, but she always came back. It would be a lie to say they weren’t afraid that every time Chaewon ran off, they would never see her again.

“She’s been talking to Heejin about getting a place of their own.” Yerim tapped her fingers on her thigh. “I think we just need to sit her down.”

“And if she shuts us out? ‘Cause she’s done it before.”

“Even when she does, it isn’t like how it was when we first started getting to know her. Chae trusts us more and we have to trust her to not run from us.”

“I don’t want to lose her.” Hyejoo let out a shaky breath.

“She loves you too much to leave you. She loves us too much, okay? We’ll figure this out together.” Yerim reached out to rub her sister’s arm.

Hyejoo nodded, but was still worried nonetheless as she entered her room and shut the door. She plopped down on the bed and checked the time before closing her eyes. Hyejoo just wanted her brain to stop cycling through all of her worries, but the longer she laid there, the more thoughts filled her mind. 

The youngest triplet let out a frustrated sigh, got up, and went over to one of her gaming systems and turned it on. It was the only distraction that got her mind off of things. She lost count of how many sleepless nights she has spent just playing different games when her mind just wouldn’t shut up.


	10. THESE WALLS WE BUILD

The score was tied 2 to 2 when it went into overtime at a home game. Hyunjin didn’t usually get nervous, but this time, she couldn’t help but think about all the mistakes she could make in the next few minutes. She’s worked even harder than she usually did and wanted to prove to herself that she was ready.

Hyunjin had just completed her physical therapy for a broken leg she sustained during another soccer game a few months ago, and she wasn’t confident being back on the field. The doubt that clouded Hyunjin’s mind made her slip up, letting the opponent steal the ball from right under her, leading to the other team’s victory. 

Ryujin, the vice captain, immediately ran after Hyunjin, knowing her teammate would be hard on herself. “Hyunjin!” She called out, trying to catch up to the slightly older girl, but she was already storming off the field.

Ryujin shook her head and ran faster, following her friend into the locker room. She thought she’d find the captain angry, throwing things around or cursing, but when she entered the quiet room, Hyunjin was just sitting on one of the benches, slowly taking her shoes off.

“Hey, we did the best we could out there.” Ryujin knew not to compliment Hyunjin on her performance. The captain didn’t want to hear it. Hyunjin knew when she did bad and she didn’t like when people said pointless things to try to make her feel better. 

Hyunjin didn’t respond. She stood up to put her soccer shoes into the locker and took out her sneakers.

“They were a tough team. We’ll get them next time,” Ryujin continued, taking a seat on the bench.

Hyunjin closed the locker and rested her forehead on her right hand that was pressed against the metal door. “I messed up,” she said under her breath and lightly banged her head against her hand.

Ryujin frowned, reaching out to grab Hyunjin’s arm to get her to sit down next to her. “What are you talking about? Just because we lost doesn’t mean you messed up, it just means we have to practice more for next time.”

“I have been practicing.” Hyunjin gritted her teeth. “This damn leg won’t cooperate with me.” She glared at her right leg that was still shaking from the aftermath of the game.

Ryujin placed a hand on her friend’s shoulder, who now had her head in her hands, arms resting on her knees. “No one expects you to be back at hundred percent right away, Hyunjin. You’re giving yourself way too little credit for how hard you’ve been working on getting better.” 

Hyunjin looked up with scared eyes. “But that’s just it, what if I never get back to a hundred percent?”

“You can’t think like that.” Ryujin sighed, hating to see the usual playful girl so down. “You’ve already recovered before your doctor’s expected time, so stop thinking so negatively. We can’t predict the future, but we can work on today, and today, you scored the first goal of the night. That’s something, okay?”

Voices could be heard by the entrance of the locker room, indicating the arrival of their team.

Hyunjin shook her head and stood up. “Thanks, Ryujin. I think I’m just going to go home.”

“I know you’re not in the mood to eat, but you don’t want to hang with the rest of the team?”

“Not tonight,” Hyunjin mumbled and excused herself when her teammates tried to talk to them, leaving Ryujin behind to chat with their friends instead. 

Hyunjin zipped up her hoodie and exited the locker room with her duffle bag slung over her shoulder. She wasn’t surprised when she saw her sisters with Heejin and Yeojin waiting for her outside. They didn’t say a word as they followed Hyunjin to the parking lot.

“I don’t want to see Mom or Mama right now,” Hyunjin finally spoke up as she stood on the edge of the curb.

“I could tell them to go home without us,” Yerim suggested, already pulling out her phone.

“Even if I wanted to, I can’t walk home like this,” Hyunjin bitterly said, keeping her weight off of her right leg.

“I brought my bike.” Heejin held up the keys that kept her ride locked by the gate. “You guys go home first. I’ll take Hyunjin.” She took a hold of the other girl’s arm as they all silently agreed to the plan.

They began walking towards the front gate and unlocked the bike. Heejin hopped on first before Hyunjin got on the back with her duffle bag on her lap.

“Be way cooler to say you can ride with me on my motorcycle, but all I have is a Naruto sticker covered bicycle,” Heejin joked as she started pedaling.

Hyunjin sat behind with her legs dangling off to the left, holding onto Heejin’s waist as she rested her forehead on the other girl’s back.

Heejin rode the bike slowly, knowing Hyunjin didn’t want to go home so soon. “You’re always so hard on yourself.” She took a glance back, but all she could see was dark hair as Hyunjin kept her head down. Heejin sighed when she didn’t get a response and continued on, “Sometimes I feel like you’re so used to taking care of others that you forget that you could rely on us too.” She gripped the handlebars tighter. “You could rely on me.”

“I know,” came a quiet voice.

“Then why don’t you tell us when you’re hurting? Physically and mentally because I’ve been with you throughout your whole recovery and you never once complained.” Heejin hated that about her best friend. Everyone saw this dorky playful girl, but not many knew the other sides of Hyunjin. “It’s okay to be weak sometimes, you know?”

Heejin heard a small sniffle and fists clenched at the bottom front of her oversized t-shirt. 

Hyunjin lifted her forehead up and placed the side of her face on Heejin’s back. “I’m just so used to showing people that I’m fine that I find it hard to break from that.”

“I can’t say that I didn’t see it coming, but growing up together, I’ve watched you build this wall up around yourself, and I,” Heejin’s voice trailed as she tried to keep it from shaking. “I can’t help but feel sorry towards you for not trying hard enough to get you to open up.”

Hyunjin let out a small sob. “Please don’t say that.” She clenched tighter onto Heejin’s shirt. “Nothing would have made a difference. The people around me made sure of it, but you being my best friend is one of the only things that has been keeping me sane.”

“You’re one of the only things that keeps me sane too.” Heejin let go of the left handlebar to hold onto Hyunjin’s hands that were around her waist.

Growing up hasn’t always been so easy when having two moms was just the start of being an easy target for bullying.

Hyunjin knew her sisters had a hard time dealing with people talking so she tried her best to shut those people up, but it only ever got her in trouble in the process.

“This is the second time this week that Hyunjin’s been reported assaulting another student.” Her middle school principal’s voice was losing her patience. “I thought it was fair giving her detention the first time since the other student was at fault, but this behavior is unacceptable.”

“Assault seems like a harsh word for a well deserved shove,” Sooyoung scoffed at the principal’s choice of words.

“Mrs. Ha, this is not a light matter.” The stocky woman started writing on a piece of paper. “I can’t let Hyunjin off this time. She’s suspended for the rest of the week.”

“What?” 12 year old Hyunjin yelled in disbelief as she finally looked up at the woman behind the desk. “Yuna started it first, Mrs. Park!”

“Did she shove you first?” The principal countered.

Hyunjin slumped back into the chair and didn’t reply back.

“Isn’t there a zero tolerance for bullying in this school?” Jinsol asked, trying to keep her voice even.

“There is, but I can’t do anything when Hyunjin was the one to lay hands on a student first.” The woman shook her head and clicked her pen.

“So you let other kids harass and bully my daughter until she can’t do anything but shove back and she’s the one getting into trouble?” Sooyoung raised her voice when she felt Jinsol’s hand on her arm to calm her down.

“That does not give her the right to resort to violence,” Mrs. Park simply said.

“Violence?” Sooyoung scoffed again.

“Forget it, Mom. It’s not going to make a difference.” Hyunjin fidgeted with her fingers knowing no matter how many times the same hurtful things are said to her and her sisters at school, there’s no changing that her family will always be different in the eyes of others.

“Have you talked to Yuna’s parents yet? ‘Cause I’m sure their homophobic asses are proud of their kid for ridiculing my daughter for something she has no control over,” Sooyoung angrily said before placing a hand up to her temples. “I knew my kids would have a hard time because of my relationship, but this,” her voice trailed as she shook her head. “As if I don’t know how much of a failed system school is, you and all the other adults here don’t even try to make this place safe.”

“Mrs. Ha,” the principal started.

“No.” Sooyoung felt Jinsol grip her hand to show support. “Hyunjin is a good kid.” She looked over to see her daughter staring at the ground and sighed, deciding to not say any more as she leaned back on the chair.

“Mrs. Ha, Mrs. Jung, I know you both are angry with how things have turned out, but there are rules and Hyunjin has broken them. I am not saying that Yuna will go scot free, but since she did not physically touch Hyunjin in the altercation, I could only give her detention.” The woman behind the desk let out a loud sigh. “I know Hyunjin’s a good kid, but like you said, we live in a system where there’s only so much I could do. You could talk to Yuna’s parents, but we all know how that turned out the last time.”

“Yeah, I rather not have grown adults insult me and my wife in front of my kids.” Sooyoung stood up and placed a hand on top of Hyunjin’s head to get her attention. “Come on.”

Hyunjin stood up with her head bowed before looking up slightly. “Bye, Mrs. Park.” She fidgeted with her sleeves until Sooyoung took a hold of her hand as they exited the office.

Jinsol was about to follow them out, but turned around. “Thank you, Mrs. Park, really, because I know how cruel kids could be, but the next time you call us in and one of my daughters are crying again because your staff can’t keep their persistent bullies away from them, I’m taking this to the board,” she threatened before leaving the office.

The tension in the car was thick as Sooyoung started it up to head back home. Both of them had to leave work early after receiving the call from the triplet’s school for the second time that week. As if knowing their kids are bullied because of their relationship wasn’t stressful enough, they had to worry about rent and paying bills with both of them missing work on top of that.

“I’m sorry Mom, Mama,” Hyunjin quietly said as she sniffed back tears and quickly wiped her face with her sleeves. Her parents always taught her and her sisters that violence wasn’t the answer, and she felt like she kept disappointing them.

“Honey, you don’t need to be sorry.” Sooyoung looked in the rear view mirror to see her daughter hiding her face with her hair. “I’m sorry I sounded angry when talking to Principal Park, but it wasn’t because of you, okay?”

“You said not to use violence unless it’s to defend myself or the people I love from physical harm, but I pushed Yuna really hard and she cried and her elbow bled,” Hyunjin’s voice trembled at the end and she kept wiping at her face, but the tears wouldn’t stop falling as she tried not to cry out loud. “Am I bad?”

Sooyoung gripped the steering wheel tighter until her knuckles were white.

“Could you pull off to the side?” Jinsol asked as she clenched her eyes tightly.

Sooyoung did what she was told and Jinsol got out of the passenger seat to sit in the back with her daughter as Sooyoung began to drive again.

“Hyunjin.” Jinsol reached out and tucked her oldest’s hair behind her ear. 

Hyunjin was sniffling loudly with her head down, but she didn’t allow herself to fully cry.

“Baby, look at me.” Jinsol tried again.

It broke Jinsol’s heart when her daughter finally looked up at her with such pain in her eyes that no child should feel.

Jinsol caressed her daughter’s cheek and used her thumb to wipe away tears. “Don’t ever think that you’re bad, okay? Sometimes doing the wrong thing is right.” She pulled Hyunjin closer and kissed the top of her head. “Yuna shouldn’t have said those mean things to you and I know you only pushed her because you felt like it was the only way to get her to stop, right?”

Hyunjin nodded slowly. “I tried to tell her to leave me alone, but she wouldn’t listen. And then she said mean things to Yerim and Hyejoo, so I pushed her, but I didn’t mean to. I just didn’t want them to get hurt by what was being said,” she explained with trembling lips.

“I know, honey.” Jinsol pulled back with Hyunjin’s face in her hands, but her daughter wouldn’t look at her. “I’m sorry that you have to go through this because of how our family is, but never be sorry for who you are. Trust your judgment, Hyunjin. Just because your Mom and I tell you something doesn’t always mean that we’re right. Everything depends on the situation, do you understand?”

Hyunjin slightly nodded.

“You did what you had to do to protect your sisters, and I couldn’t be more proud of you.” Jinsol gently smiled when Hyunjin’s eyes finally met her own again.

Hyunjin was starting to understand. Not everything was black and white. Just because Yuna got the lightest punishment while she got suspended doesn’t make what her bully did less wrong than her. 

School was a flawed system.

Life was a flawed system full of social norms where everyone at one point or another have tried to conform to fit in, but fitting in was impossible when the molds they laid out were flawless, and Hyunjin knew she was flawed.

Hyunjin learned at a young age that the world was cruel and unfair, so she slowly built this wall around herself without knowing, and soon, the walls were built so high and thick that she didn’t know how to get out or let people in. The oldest triplet was so used to being the strong one. She protected her sisters and her friends that when people tried to take care of her, she’d just freeze up.

“We’re almost at your house.” Heejin’s voice snapped her out of her replaying old memories that shaped who she is today.

Hyunjin tightened her grip around Heejin’s waist. “Why is it so hard to say what I want to say?” She mumbled into her friend’s back.

“Because we’ve been conditioned to shut up,” Heejin bitterly said, thinking about how she was never allowed to express her opinions at home and only began to open up after meeting the triplets. “This is about more than just your injury,” she concluded.

“I just hate feeling useless. It’s like no matter how hard I try, it’s pointless sometimes.”

The bike came to a stop and Hyunjin carefully got off the back as Heejin kept it steady. 

“You’re not useless, Hyunjin. And it’s not pointless, the world is just unfair, but you can’t give up.” Heejin laid down her bike and walked Hyunjin to her door. “I know you’ve been depressed since your leg injury. You’re not used to feeling helpless, but let us help you,” she pleaded to her friend, scared that the taller girl would spiral down from this setback. “I have to go home, but talk to your sisters or call me later. Don’t go to sleep feeling like this, okay?”

Hyunjin nodded and shoved her hands in her pocket to pull out her house keys.

“We all suck at talking, but we have to work on it.” Heejin sighed and back hugged her best friend, who froze at the touch. “I know I don’t say it enough, but I really do love you, Hyunjin. Please don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Hyunjin turned around to return the hug. “I love you too,” she mumbled against Heejin’s shoulder. “Thanks for the talk. I’ll see you later.”

Heejin pulled back to give her a soft smile. “I’ll see you later.” She got off the porch, picked up her bike, and rode off into the night to a place she couldn’t quite call her home.

Hyunjin closed her eyes tight before opening them again as she twisted the key to get the front door open. The television in the living room was playing at a low volume as she entered. 

“Hey, honey,” her mom greeted her tiredly from the couch.

“Mama really can’t stay awake watching dramas huh?” Hyunjin commented as she walked over to see Jinsol’s head on Sooyoung’s shoulder, fast asleep.

Sooyoung smiled down at her wife before looking back up. “How are you doing?” She asked, not wanting to directly mention anything about the game, knowing her daughter was probably still beating herself up for it.

“I could be better,” Hyunjin replied honestly. She was going to go with her usual “I’m fine”, but she knew her parents worried even more when any of the triplets answered like that. “Could you help me with some stretches in the morning?”

“Of course. Is your leg giving you trouble?” 

Hyunjin shook her head. “It’s just aching a little, but it’s still healing, so that’s a given right?” It’s not like she hasn’t been hurt before, but this was the first time it’s taken an injury this long to heal and she wasn’t used to sitting around all day, being such an active person.

“And if it starts to hurt, you know you don’t have to be back on the field so soon right?” Sooyoung said, not wanting her daughter to injure herself further.

“Yeah, I know.” Hyunjin bent down to give her mom a kiss, who returned with one on her cheek. “You should wake Ma up to go sleep. She’s drooling on your shoulder.” Hyunjin smiled, pointing at her other sleeping mom before going over to kiss the blonde on the head. “Goodnight, Mom.”

“Goodnight, baby,” Sooyoung replied, watching as her daughter made her way up the stairs.

Hyunjin dragged her exhausted body to her room before opening it quietly. She should have known her sisters weren’t asleep yet. Yerim was laying on her stomach looking through pictures on her camera while Hyejoo laid sprawled out on Hyunjin’s bed, facing the ceiling with eyes closed.

“Hey,” she greeted her sisters, dropping her duffle bag on the floor.

Yerim sat up on her bed with her legs hanging off the side and placed her camera on the nightstand. “Hey,” she greeted back.

Hyejoo, on the other hand, only lifted up her head to acknowledge her sister before dropping her head back on the pillow. “I think my body is stuck to your bed.”

“Is that just your way of asking if you could sleep with me tonight?” Hyunjin walked over and sat besides Hyejoo, who still didn’t move.

“I mean, seems like you could use a cuddle?” Hyejoo turned her head to look up at her sister. 

Hyunjin could only let out a small laugh at how even more puffy Hyejoo’s cheeks looked when she was tired. “Yeah, I could use a cuddle.” She then looked over to Yerim who was shaking her head.

“I love you guys and all, but the both of you cling in your sleep way too much and I’m not about to be squished in the middle or kicked off the bed again.” Yerim scrunched her face remembering the times when they would cram themselves onto each other’s small beds. 

“We can always sleep on Hyejoo’s.” The youngest had her own room, so her bed was bigger than the other two who shared a room.

“I said, I think my body is stuck to your bed.” Hyejoo had her eyes closed as she spoke but opened them again to look at Hyunjin. “Are you feeling better?”

Hyunjin bit her bottom lip. “I talked to Heejin. We should all hang some time this weekend,” she replied instead to ignore the question.

The other two nodded in agreement. It was usual for their friends to gather when one of them was feeling down.

“Ryujin called earlier. You should probably get back to her before going to bed. She’s worried,” Yerim mentioned, giving her sister a look.

Hyunjin sighed, knowing she shouldn’t have left her friend back in the locker room like that and also thankful that she had so many people that cared for her.

“I’m worried too, you know?” Yerim got off of her bed and walked over to Hyunjin’s, taking a seat next to her.

Hyejoo had sat up by then, placing the pillow she was laying on onto her lap as she leaned her back against the wall.

“I know.” Hyunjin rested her head on Yerim’s shoulder and felt her slightly younger sister sling her arm around to pull her closer. Hyejoo, on the other hand, opted to lay her legs across Hyunjin’s lap as her own way of comforting. “I just needed time to cool down. All this time I spent by myself with this injury just made me feel so,” she paused to try to think of the right words. “I’ve just been feeling really isolated, but it’s no one’s fault. I just— I’m dealing with things I haven’t fully dealt with since I was a kid and they just seem to keep piling up when I’m stressed.”

Hyejoo took her legs off of Hyunjin’s and crossed them before linking their arms together. 

Hyunjin fidgeted with her fingers out of an old nervous habit, but it was quickly stopped when both her sisters held onto a hand like they always did when her hands became restless. “Growing up hasn’t been easy, but I’m really glad I have you two by my side.”

“Same,” Hyejoo replied. “I know I’m a pain in the ass to deal with most of the time, but you guys have seen me at my lowest and you still love me, so,” her voice trailed as she shrugged. She knows there has been times where she has hurt her sisters, but they always made sure to let her know that they understand where she’s coming from.

“You’re not a pain, Hyejoo-ah.” Hyunjin looked over at the youngest triplet, who has been dealing with depression and anxiety most of her life. “We all have shit we deal with, that we don’t talk about, but should, and sometimes that screws with the way we communicate with each other. But in the end, I have your guys backs no matter what and I know you two have mine.”

Yerim sighed and hugged her sister. “Well, I guess we’re all sleeping on your bed tonight, Hyunjin,” she said laying back. “Can I have the middle though? I think I like being squished more than being kicked off the bed. I got a bruise last time.”


	11. NUMB

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: mentions of mental illnesses and self-harm

“Stop asking me if I’m okay,” Hyejoo growled out as she stomped up the stairs.

Hyunjin and Yerim looked at each other before following their sister.

“You’re going to have to talk to us some time whether you like it or not.” Hyunjin tried placing a hand on Hyejoo’s shoulder as they reached the top, but it was just shrugged off.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” The youngest triplet opened her room door and was about to close it when a hand stopped it.

Hyunjin shook her head. “Then why are you failing your classes when I know you could do better?”

“Could I do better?” Hyejoo turned around with the door still half way closed. “Stop lying to yourself because who I am is probably not who you make me out to be.” And with that, she shut them out completely.

Hyejoo exhaled loudly out of frustration and turned on one of her gaming systems, plopping down on the floor with her back against her bed, she was ready to zone out from the world. The game was only beginning to load when her phone went off as she let out another sigh of annoyance already knowing what the alarm was for. She just wanted to forget about her problems, but every little thing was keeping her from it.

The dark haired girl got up from the floor and sat on the side of her bed. She stared at her nightstand before opening it to reveal several pill bottles. Hyejoo pulled one out, hearing the rattle of tablets that made her sick to her stomach. She held it in her hands and gritted her teeth at the thought of taking her medication. They didn’t do anything but make her numb. Feeling too much drove her crazy, but not feeling anything at all was like the colors of the world were drained dry when they were already dulled to begin with. 

Hyejoo opened the bottle and stared at its contents. She shook her head, closed it back up, and threw it back into her nightstand for the fifth day in a row. 

A knock on the door made her jump as she checked the time on her phone before silently cursing to herself. Hyejoo ran her hand through her hair before getting up to face whoever was there.

“What?” She spat out as she yanked the door open.

“Is that how you talk to your mother now?” Sooyoung had her eyebrows raised in surprise, but her voice wasn’t angry.

Hyejoo cast her eyes to the floor. “Sorry,” she mumbled. 

“I had a talk with your teachers today.” When Hyejoo didn’t answer, Sooyoung sighed. “Could I come in?”

The youngest triplet opened her door wider to let her Mom through as they walked over to sit on her bed. Hyejoo sat with her back against the wall, knees up to her chest while Sooyoung sat on the edge next to her.

“I know you don’t want to talk, but you can’t keep all of these thoughts to yourself when it’s affecting all these parts of your life.” Sooyoung placed a hand on her daughter’s knee to try to get her to look up, but the latter rested her chin on her arms instead. “Mama and I were thinking since you don’t want to talk to us, maybe it would help if you talked to someone else once a week again.”

“I already talk to a stranger about why I need to take my meds and now you want me to talk to another one? I don’t need to see another therapist,” Hyejoo snapped, pulling her knees away so that Sooyoung’s hand was no longer touching her.

“Honey,” Sooyoung started. “I’d just like you to at least try for a while and if you don’t like it this time, we could discuss other options, but right now,” her voice trailed. “Right now, you’re not talking to anyone and that’s not healthy.”

“It isn’t healthy to be taking a bunch of medication made from chemicals that has side effects either,” Hyejoo countered back. As if the anxiety attacks she suffered at the beginning of her treatment wasn’t bad enough, the feeling of being numb suffocated her.

Sooyoung swallowed the lump in her throat. “I watched your Mama spiral down when we were younger. It was our first year of college and I don’t know if it was because she thought she had to be at the top for every class or social pressure of fitting in, but she wasn’t the same person she was when she’d visit me during weekends and breaks.” Sooyoung looked over at her daughter who had her gaze elsewhere. “She could have talked to me and tried to explain to me about everything she was feeling, and she still wouldn’t believe I understood anything. But the thing is, even if I didn’t understand how the constant battle of depression felt like, I wanted to be there for her and she knew that. Sometimes you could keep pushing people away, but if they constantly come back, they’re making an effort to try to understand for you.”

Hyejoo finally looked up. “Did Mama take medication?”

Sooyoung smiled softly. “Yeah, she did, for a long time. She hated it at first too, but it got better. Mama still struggles with things, but she knows she has us and we’re always here to help her like how we’ll always be here to help you.”

“I know,” Hyejoo quietly said. She wanted to say more, but the words were caught in the back of her throat. “Could we talk about this later, please? I’m tired.”

Sooyoung nodded already knowing that it would be a long process before Hyejoo felt like she could open up. “Yeah. Come down for dinner though okay?”

Hyejoo nodded back before laying down on her bed, facing away from her Mom. Once the door closed, she turned on her back and stared up at the ceiling. Her parents made sure she had everything she ever needed to be happy. Nothing particular major has happened to her to make her feel like this, but why wasn’t she happy?

Hyejoo couldn’t remember a time where she was actually content with her life. No matter how well things were going, her thoughts always bombarded her with self doubt and anxiety over nothing at all. She could be fine in one moment and then moody the next and she hated it. She hated everything about herself.

School was never a fun place for Hyejoo. While her sisters were outgoing, she avoided people so much that when she eventually did want to make friends, she didn’t know how. Heejin was someone she knew since 5th grade through Hyunjin, but while they were close, the skater girl has seen her grow up to someone who was closed off. Sometimes it’s hard to talk to people that have been there for most or all of her life, so when Chaewon came into the picture, they became each other’s silver lining in a time where they couldn’t see anything beyond misery.

“Your shoes are untied.” 14 year old Chaewon pointed to the pair of feet in Conserve next to her in the hallway.

Hyejoo looked down to see that her shoes were indeed untied before looking back up to the small blonde. “Are you waiting for Hyunjin because she had to stay after class for something and Yerim is hanging with other friends.”

Chaewon looked at the tall girl and then back down at her still hazardous shoelaces. “Yeah, I know, I just thought you were going to the cafeteria to eat at the usual spot or something.”

Hyejoo raised an eyebrow. “You want to hang with me?”

“I um.” Chaewon scratched the back of her neck. “Hyunjin said we were friends, so I just thought that this whole friends thing included you too, but if you don’t want to be, that’s fine too,” she rambled and readjusted her backpack before slowly walking off.

“Hey, no, that’s not what I meant.” Hyejoo went after the girl. “Sorry, I just thought you only talked to me because you’re friends with my sisters. We’ve never really hung out one on one.”

Chaewon nodded her head in agreement after coming to the realization that that was true. “The cafeteria is probably crowded by now anyways. Did you want to come up to the roof with me? Might get in trouble if we’re caught though, so you could say no.”

Hyejoo was used to breaking little rules, but it was always with her sisters, otherwise, she’d probably just be doing nothing by herself. “Sure.” She hasn’t thought about Chaewon considering her as a friend, but she would be lying if she said she didn’t wish she was closer to the girl that always seemed like she was in her own world.

Chaewon smiled and then pointed down. “Your shoes are still untied.” She bent down this time to tie the shoelaces that have been flopping around as the other girl walked.

“Thanks,” Hyejoo quietly said before clearing her throat and gripping onto her backpack straps with both hands. 

They walked wordlessly towards the school’s theatre and into the back where costume change happened.

“It’s only locked at night, but during the day, it’s like an open invitation to be a little rebellious.” Chaewon had on a mischievous smirk as she opened a door to a tiny room that only held a ladder. She saw the hesitation in Hyejoo’s face. “You want me to go first?”

The other girl nodded, not sure if she should trust the blonde. There has been times where people were nice to her only to find out that they were talking behind her back or hung out with her to get closer to her sisters. Chaewon didn’t give out that vibe though, but she still wanted to be careful.

Chaewon made it to the top and peeked her head back down. “Come on.”

Hyejoo quickly sent a text to her sisters to let them know where she was before climbing up the ladder. She didn’t know what to expect, but as she stepped her foot on the roof, it felt like the world around her disappeared with how empty it was compared to the rest of the school.

“I used to come up here a lot before I met you guys.” Chaewon walked a bit over to a shaded part of the roof that was blocked off by where the entrance was. “It was either ditching school or staying up here.”

Hyejoo sat down next to the smaller girl, opened her backpack, and dug around to pull out a sandwich, handing half of it to Chaewon.

“A fallen angel?” Chaewon asked, remembering the first time Hyunjin gave her the sandwich she raved about.

Hyejoo chuckled. “Yes, this is the fallen angel.” 

Chaewon took it thankfully and gave it a big bite.

“I never see you with food,” Hyejoo commented, but quickly continued on when she saw Chaewon’s face fall a little. “Sorry, you don’t have to say anything to that. But yeah, I could see why you like staying up here, away from everyone and everything.”

“You don’t have to keep apologizing, you know.” Chaewon sighed. “I live in a foster home. This one is better than the last, I think, but man is the system fucked.” She let out a bitter laugh. “If you only had to feed your kids once a day and got to keep the rest of the money to yourself, would you do it?”

Hyejoo frowned at the question. 

“Okay, now I should be the one saying sorry. I didn’t mean to let that on you, it’s just— nevermind.” Chaewon shook her head and took a small bite from her food.

“People shouldn’t be foster parents if they don’t care about the kids,” Hyejoo kept the topic going anyways. “I can’t do anything about your situation, but if you’re ever hungry, my moms always pack extra.”

“I’m alright most of the time, but thanks anyways.” Chaewon raised up the half eaten sandwich as a grateful gesture. “I didn’t say all that to make you pity me either, you know.”

“I didn’t take it as pity,” Hyejoo simply said. The blonde looked over to see Hyejoo stabbing a juice box with a straw before handing it to her. “Friends talk right?”

The corners of Chaewon’s mouth turned into a smile as she accepted the juice. “It’s nice having someone to talk to.”

Hyejoo returned the smile. “I don’t talk much.”

“You talk just fine.” Chaewon shrugged.

Their talks became more frequent as Chaewon often found herself hanging out at the triplet’s house. There were a lot of things she didn’t know about Hyejoo. On the outside, it looked like the girl had everything she ever needed in life. She had sisters who would fight tooth and nail for her and loving parents who seemed to be more understanding than any other adults she has ever come across. Hyejoo had everything Chaewon didn’t, but the youngest triplet seemed just as miserable as she was.

15 year old Chaewon was laying on her stomach on her friend’s queen sized bed. “Your sisters are worried.”

Hyejoo rolled her eyes and changed the game she was currently playing to another one. “When aren’t they?”

“Hyejoo,” Chaewon softly called out.

“What?” The dark haired girl gritted her teeth.

“You know, I used to wonder why I got the short end of the stick in life. Everything sucked and no one wanted me, but befriending you guys was the best thing that ever happened to me and I thought, maybe all the shit I’ve been through led me to find you.” Chaewon got off the bed and sat down next to her friend on the floor. “You have people that care for you, so don’t throw that away. Even if you tried, none of us are going anywhere.”

Hyejoo bit the inside of her bottom lip. “I don’t get why you’re always comforting me when you’ve had it so much worse while I’m just a moody teen.”

“Being a moody teen and dealing with mental health issues are two different things.” Chaewon sighed when Hyejoo still kept her attention on the games. “It doesn’t matter if your life seems perfect on the outside. Sometimes,” her voice trailed, “sometimes life’s just unfair and were dealt with shitty cards that we have to work through.”

Hyejoo paused her game and placed the controller down. “I just don’t get it. Why do I feel like this? I don’t want to feel like this anymore.” She had a hard time getting her thoughts out into words, so she often just didn’t say anything at all.

Chaewon shrugged. “I’m not you. I can’t tell you how you’re feeling, but I can listen to you.”

Hyejoo shook her head angrily. “There’s no point. You guys can’t change anything.”

“You guys changed my life,” Chaewon said back, tucking her knees up to her chest. “For the first time, instead of keeping everything to myself, I try to talk to you when I can, knowing that there will be no judgement. We might not always understand, but we would never judge you for who you are.”

“My parents wants to put me on medication,” Hyejoo said, trying to keep her voice from shaking. “They didn’t want to start it when I was younger, but I’m turning 16 soon and they said it might help.” She scoffed bitterly. “You guys don’t judge me, but the way you look at me makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me.”

“We’re just worried. It’s not healthy to keep things to yourself.”

“You’re one to talk,” Hyejoo raised her voice. “I’m just so sick of everyone looking at me like I’m broken.” She stood up and sat down on her bed. “I don’t feel like playing anymore. I don’t want to talk anymore.”

Chaewon leaned her head back on the bed before standing up too. “I could go if you want.” When she didn’t get a response, she made her way towards the door. “We’re all broken, Hyejoo. It just depends on if we do something about it or not.” Chaewon didn’t want to leave her friend when she was feeling down like this, but it wouldn’t help if she stayed either.

Hyejoo couldn’t count how many times she has hurt her friends and family. She thought back at past moments where she has pushed everyone away, but like her Mom said, they’d always come back, the ones that mattered anyways.

She placed her pillow on her knees, dropped her head onto it, and silently screamed knowing she had to face her family for dinner soon. Hyejoo was so angry earlier, but thinking about what she said to her sisters only made her feel disappointed in herself. She often found herself saying things she didn’t mean only to regret them later and she didn’t know how to stop it. 

Hyejoo unclenched her fists to see her nails had dug into her palm, breaking the skin, but she didn’t even feel the pain. Her mind flashed to awful things, but she quickly shook them out of her head and decided to text her sisters.

It was probably less than a minute before there was a knock on her door and in came the two. They wordlessly sat on either side of the bed so that their knees were touching and waited for Hyejoo to speak up first.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you guys earlier. It was uncalled for,” Hyejoo spoke quietly, fidgeting with her fingers. “I didn’t mean to say that you don’t me, because there isn’t anyone else that knows me better than you two.”

“Sometimes I wonder if I really do know you though,” Hyunjin whispered out. They’re together all the time, but Hyejoo rarely talked about what she was dealing with. No one ever knows what’s going on in her head.

“I don’t even know myself.” Hyejoo clenched her jaw and wiped at her eyes as frustrated tears silently fell.

“I know that you’re sweet and caring although you pretend like you don’t care.” Yerim scooted closer so that their shoulders were now touching. She knew Hyejoo didn’t like to be comforted through too much physical contact unless she initiated it first, so she always waited patiently. “We’re all confused with who we are. It’s okay to be lost because that’s just life, but we could figure it out together.”

“Mom and Mama wants me to talk to some therapist again instead.” Hyejoo already hated the idea, remembering going to one when she was younger only to feel like she wasn’t like other normal kids. 

Yerim winced thinking back to when Hyejoo would come home crying after her sessions because she didn’t want to talk to some stranger. “Maybe it could help this time. Knowing you need help doesn’t make you weak, Hyejoo.”

“We all deal with things differently and maybe if you went in with an open mind, you might get something out of it,” Hyunjin added on.

“I haven’t been taking my medication,” Hyejoo confessed as she tucked her knees in tighter.

Hyunjin and Yerim gave each other a look, already having discussed this as a possibility to why their sister has been more easily irritable as of late.

“You don’t know what it could do to you if you just stop cold turkey,” Hyunjin said concerned.

“I know.” Hyejoo lifted up her head and leaned it on the wall behind her. “I just— I just felt like everyone around me was going on with their lives while I just stayed rooted in one spot. Do you know what it’s like to feel nothing? I rather be angry or sad than to be,” she exhaled loudly in frustration, not knowing how to put her thoughts into words.

“That’s why talking to someone who knows more about what you’re dealing with could help.” Yerim sat so that she was now facing her sister. “There’s only so much I could say, but the truth is, I’m just a kid that doesn’t even know what she’s talking about either.”

Hyejoo nodded, finally listening to what her sisters had to say. She knew her problems were affecting everyone around her and she didn’t want to hurt them anymore. 

“We’ll take this one day at a time.” Hyunjin took the chance and held her youngest sister’s hand and was glad when she didn’t pull away.

“One day at a time,” Hyejoo repeated under her breath as she reached out to hold Yerim’s hand as well.


	12. WHO WE ARE

“Mama! Hyejoo has chocolate all over her face,” 7 year old Hyunjin called out to Jinsol who was by the front door of their house helping Yerim put on shoes.

Hyejoo sat on the curb with a frozen chocolate banana on a popsicle stick clenched in one hand while trying to eat the outer chocolate shell as fast as she could before it could fall off.

Jinsol turned to look at her other kids. “Hyunjin! Don’t try to lick your sister’s face. There’s wet wipes in the bag.”

Hyunjin did what she was told and ran to the bag next to her mom. She was about to unzip it when she looked down at her hands sadly. “I have chocolate hands, Ma.” She raised them up for Jinsol to see.

The blonde turned to her daughter and gave out a laugh at how cute Hyunjin looked with her scrunched up face. “The door is open. Go back inside and ask your Mom to wash your hands for you.”

The oldest sibling nodded and sped walked with her arms out like a zombie so chocolate wouldn’t get on her clothes.

“How are you not a mess like your sisters?” Jinsol asked, turning her attention back to Yerim who was carefully eating her cold treat.

“Can’t waste sugar, Ma,” Yerim replied with a teeth full of chocolate.

Hyejoo walked over with her finished popsicle stick. “Can I have another one please?”

Jinsol let out another laugh at how serious her youngest was with chocolate everywhere on her face and hands. “Maybe later, sweetie. Go get cleaned up.” She nodded her head back at the house.

Hyejoo puffed out her cheeks and stuck the popsicle stick back into her mouth.

“Hye, don’t walk around with that in your mouth. It could be dangerous.” Jinsol watched as Hyejoo obeyed and took it back out to play with it in her hands instead. She then looked down at Yerim who was hugging her waist.

“Mama, I’m getting tall now,” her middle daughter said with her face on Jinsol’s stomach.

“Yeah, you are.” Jinsol smiled knowing the sisters were for some reason competitive about their heights these days. Yerim has always been the smallest out of the three, but that didn’t stop her from being convinced that she’ll catch up to her siblings one day.

“Honey, Jiwoo called and said that they’re already at the park,” Sooyoung said, coming out of the house with the other two triplets. “She said she’s playing with some other kids ‘cause we’re not there yet.”

“How is she not tired of kids when she’s already a kindergarten teacher?” Jinsol shook her head picturing their friend playing with other peoples’ kids like they were her own. “You know, she told me that she didn’t want to have children of her own.”

“Yeah, it kind of makes sense when she explains it though.” Sooyoung unlocked the van and got the girls in as Jinsol helped buckle them in from the other door. “I mean, she loves kids, but at the end of the day, I think she would rather be alone.”

Jinsol hummed in response and got into the passenger seat as Sooyoung got in too and started driving. “While I think Jungeun only likes our kids.” She smiled thinking about how grumpy their friend could be, but was always happy to play with the triplets.

“Auntie Jungie is all ours!” Hyunjin yelled from the back and swung her legs to shake the car seat. She had a toy t-rex that she was holding above her head, also shaking it around.

“Give that back!” Yerim whined, reaching for the toy from the right seat.

“But Pancakes wants to see outside,” Hyunjin insisted and shoved the dinosaur against the window.

Yerim grabbed at her sister’s arm, who only pulled away. “Pancakes wants to nap!”

“Guys, you know who else is napping?” Sooyoung asked with a calm voice, looking through the rear view mirror. “Hyejoo, so you two need to settle down and play nicely or Pancakes is going to hang out with Mama up here, okay?”

“Yes, Mom,” they both mumbled. 

Hyunjin glanced at Yerim who was frowning and decided to hand the dinosaur over to her sister. “I guess Pancakes should nap too.”

“You can play with her when she wakes up.” Yerim placed the t-rex on her lap and covered it up with a blanket.

“Is Pancakes napping in the car or playing at the playground ‘cause we’re here, girls.” Sooyoung turned into the parking lot and found a spot under a tree for shade.

“Nap in the car, but Hyejoo has to wake up and play with me though.” Yerim turned around in her seat to look at her sleeping sister in the back. “Hyejoo-ah, you need to wake up,” she called out softly, but the other girl didn’t stir.

Sooyoung and Jinsol opened the van door from both sides as the girls unbuckled themselves.

“Can you please wake up Hyejoo, Yerimie?” Jinsol asked as her daughter nodded and went into the backseat.

Yerim unbuckled Hyejoo’s belt and lightly shook her arm. The youngest triplet slowly opened her eyes and yawned, instinctively reaching out to whoever was in front of her without knowing who it was.

“We’re at the park, Hyejoo-ah.” Yerim let her sister grab onto her as she began to drag the sleepy girl out. “She’s awake, Ma.” She held her mom’s hand and hopped out of the car, running towards Hyunjin who was already walking to the playground with Sooyoung.

“Hey, baby,” Jinsol said softly, caressing her daughter’s puffy cheeks before planting a kiss on them. “Want a piggyback ride?”

Hyejoo nodded, rubbing the sleepiness from her eyes. She got on Jinsol’s back and rested her head on her mom’s shoulder. “I want a chocolate banana popsicle.”

“You already had one. You can have another after dinner, okay?” Jinsol did a little hop to readjust Hyejoo to keep her from slipping.

“Unnie!” They heard a loud voice and looked up to see Jiwoo with a wide smile and Jungeun already with the other two triplets hanging off of her.

“Auntie Jiwoo.” Hyejoo lifted her head off of Jinsol’s shoulder and tried to squirm out.

“Hyejoo, stop that. You’re going to fall,” Jinsol lightly scolded.

“My baby!” Jiwoo exclaimed and grabbed Hyejoo off of Jinsol’s back. “You’re definitely too big to carry now.” She placed the small girl down as Hyejoo hugged her.

“Hey, Unnie,” Jungeun greeted and hugged Jinsol.

“Hey, how have you guys been?” Jinsol asked while keeping an eye on Hyunjin and Yerim. Hyejoo had stuck around a little longer to hang with her aunts before running off to her sisters too.

“We’ve been good.” Jungeun glanced over to Jiwoo who caught her eye as well. “Better.”

Jiwoo smiled softly. “Yeah, we’ve been doing a lot better.”

“No more ignoring each other?” Sooyoung questioned and sat down on a bench as the others sat down too.

“We weren’t ignoring each other,” Jiwoo defended and looked at Jungeun who nodded in agreement. “We just had to have some time apart to figure things out.”

“People are still giving us a hard time about staying best friends and living together,” Jungeun added. “It’s just taking others some time to get used to it, you know, us not dating. Our families are just,” she exhaled in frustration.

Sooyoung sighed. “You two have been together for as long as I’ve known you and that’s when you guys were 14, so of course it’s going to take some time, but it’s not unheard of to stay friends after, you know?” She knew her friends have been struggling with their break up for awhile now, but also knew nothing could break the friendship of what Jiwoo and Jungeun had.

“It’s been years and people still question us. I’m just glad we both had you two when we thought we were going crazy.” Jiwoo smiled a sad smile as Jungeun held onto her hand, giving it a light squeeze.

“You guys are our family and we’ll always support you. You can’t get rid of us even if you tried,” Jinsol joked to get the mood back up.

“You’re right, and your kids are mine forever.” Jiwoo chuckled looking at the triplets running around the playground. “Careful of the swings, Yerim!” She yelled out, seeing the small girl get too close to ones that were in use.

Sooyoung frowned looking at where Yerim was running to. A taller girl was in front of Hyunjin before pushing the oldest triplet down. Sooyoung stood up from her seat as Hyunjin let out a cry. Hyejoo was in front of her sister now and pushed the taller girl back only to be shoved as well, but the smaller girl stood her ground.

“Hey!” Sooyoung shouted, getting closer to the scene. “What’s going on?” She bent down and picked up her crying daughter.

Jinsol was close behind, taking Hyunjin from Sooyoung to check her over for injuries.

“Hyunjin accidentally bumped into her, but she said sorry,” Hyejoo explained and then pointed at the older girl. “But she pushed Hyunjin anyways!” Her clenched fists we’re being held by Yerim.

“She should have watched where she was going!” The girl yelled and crossed her arms.

“Where are your parents?” Sooyoung tried to keep calm, but the bratty girl was annoying her.

“What’s happening over here?” A woman walked over to them with a man following.

“Is this your daughter?” Sooyoung asked, pointing at the girl.

“Yes, what’s the problem?” The woman questioned in concern and pushed her kid behind her.

“Your daughter just pushed mine after she apologized for accidentally bumping into yours,” Sooyoung repeated what Hyejoo had told them.

“She pushed me too!” The girl yelled, pointing at Hyejoo.

“‘Cause you pushed my sister!” Hyejoo yelled back. She was normally shy, but didn’t let anyone get away with messing with her sisters.

“Hyejoo,” Sooyoung said firmly. “Go to Ma.” 

The youngest triplet grumbled and stood besides Jinsol who was brushing dirt off of Hyunjin’s clothes.

The girl’s mother scoffed, her attitude totally changing. “Ma? You two dykes or something?” She crossed her arms and took a step back.

Sooyoung let out a sigh, already being used to this type of harassment. “My relationship is none of your concern.”

“Look, I don’t care what the hell happened, but stay away from my daughter. You people are sick,” the woman spat out and turned around, pulling her kid and husband away.

Sooyoung slumped her shoulders and shook her head as she felt a hand slip into hers. She turned around to see Jinsol giving her a sad smile.

“Hyunjin’s okay, but her elbow is bleeding a little.” Jinsol stood up and held onto her daughter’s hand who was still sniffing a little from crying. “I’m going to get her cleaned up,” she said before walking off with the triplets and Jiwoo.

“Forget that bitch.” Jungeun rubbed her friend’s back as they began following after Jinsol. “People like that really be raising their kids to be little demons huh?”

Sooyoung exhaled loudly. “I don’t know whether to feel sorry for their kid or not, having to grow up with that.”

“I really hope she doesn’t turn out like them, but I guess we’ll never know.” Jungeun sighed. “I was a jerk when I was a kid too, you know? My parents were assholes, so I didn’t know any better but to be an asshole too, but when you grow up, you get a choice on whether you let people define who you are or you become your own person.”

“That’s what scares me. I’m raising my kids as best as I could, but eventually, they’ll go off into the real world and be who they want to be. What if,” Sooyoung’s voice trailed, “what if what I teach them isn’t good enough? Seeing how cruel the world is just scares me.”

“You can’t think like that. Your kids are smart, even for 7 year olds. The amount of empathy and compassion they have for each other and people around them is almost unbelievable thinking about how much of a little shit I was,” Jungeun tried to reassure her friend.

“How’d you do it, Jungeun?” Sooyoung knew the brunette didn’t have a happy childhood, yet she grew up to be one of the best people she knew. She wanted to believe kids like the girl that pushed Hyunjin can grow up to be someone unlike her toxic parents.

Jungeun shrugged. “I used to be angry a lot. Angry that all of these people in my life that were supposed to love me, didn’t care for me like how I wanted them too, but then I took my life into my own hands and decided I wasn’t going to be like them, that I was nothing like them.” She glanced at Jiwoo who was with the girls. “Jiwoo helped me a lot too, but you already know that. She told me, there comes a point where you can’t keep blaming people for how you are. It’s your choice on how you want to live your life.”

“I’m really glad the triplets have you and Jiwoo in their lives ‘cause I can’t tell them these things. I’ve never experienced a crappy childhood, so I got lucky, but they’re going to struggle just because of who their parents are.” Sooyoung never cared when people bothered her for her sexuality, but now that it affected her daughters, she couldn’t help but worry about what they’ll have to go through.

“People are going to be mean and nasty, but your kids get to come home to a family where they know they are loved every day.” Jungeun gave a comforting squeeze to her friend’s shoulder. “You guys will be okay.”

Sooyoung nodded and continued walking to where everyone else was. She bent down to see Hyunjin examining her cartoon band aid on her elbow.

“How’s my baby?” Sooyoung asked, kissing Hyunjin on the head.

“Mama let me choose the dinosaur band aid. Now I have Pancakes on my elbow,” Hyunjin replied excitedly, showing off her arm with her eyes still a little puffy.

Sooyoung gave her another kiss and pulled her into a hug. It was as if Hyunjin had already forgotten about the incident as she continued rambling on about the band aid before going back to Jinsol. She glanced over at Hyejoo who was fidgeting with her fingers and digging her right foot in the dirt.

“Baby, come here,” she called out to Hyejoo who looked up and dragged her feet over to her mom. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I got Hyunjin in trouble.” Hyejoo was looking at the ground, not wanting to make eye contact.

Sooyoung frowned at why her daughter would think that. “You didn’t get Hyunjin into trouble. Hyunjin’s not in trouble.”

“Am I in trouble?” Hyejoo finally looked up with worried eyes.

“What? No, of course not.” Sooyoung pulled her youngest into her arms. “That other girl should be in trouble for starting a fight.”

“Her mom and dad didn’t look mad at her.” Hyejoo was confused on why the older girl didn’t get in trouble for making Hyunjin cry. “Why were they mean to you?”

Sooyoung bit her lip, not knowing how to answer her daughter. “Sometimes people are just mean because they don’t understand something, but we shouldn’t stoop to their level and be mean back. It just makes us as mean as them, do you understand?”

Hyejoo nodded, only partially understanding what her mom said. “We should be nice to one another. Those people were mean.”

“And that’s why we’re not going to be friends with them right?” Sooyoung didn’t know whether it was right or wrong to tell her daughter that, but she believed Hyejoo understood where she was going with the talk.

Hyejoo nodded again and placed her arms around Sooyoung’s neck, burying her face in her mom’s shoulder. The taller woman looked up to catch Jinsol’s eyes as she picked up her youngest. The girls were too big to hold now, but she didn’t mind carrying them once in awhile when they needed it.

“Your sisters still want to play on the playground. You want to go with them?” Sooyoung asked softly, rubbing her daughter’s back.

“Not really,” the girl mumbled.

Sooyoung knew Hyejoo was the most sensitive out of the three and it made her worry about how she’d be growing up in a world that just seems to keep getting crueler. Her youngest reminded her of Jinsol and Jungeun. Those two were both people who had to build this outer shell around them at a young age in order to protect themselves and she hated seeing Hyejoo do the same.

“Hyejoo!” They heard Yerim calling out. The small girl ran up to them, tugging at Hyejoo’s leg. “Come play with us. Hyunjin says you can touch her band aid if you’re careful.”

Hyejoo looked down at her sister and then back up at her mom.

“Go play. We’ll eat good food in a bit.” Sooyoung kissed those puffy cheeks again and set Hyejoo down. The girl smiled at the mention of food.

Yerim held onto her sister’s hand as she dragged her towards the slides. Instead of climbing up the structure, they went underneath where Hyunjin sat.

“I’m okay, Hyejoo,” Hyunjin said right away, knowing her sister wasn’t in a good mood.

Hyejoo didn’t answer, but instead lifted up Hyunjin’s arm to see the band aid. The area around it was still red. “I don’t like that girl.”

“Me either, but she’s gone, so who cares.” Hyunjin stood up. “Thanks for standing up for me, but don’t do that again. She was ready to punch you.”

“I would have punched back,” Hyejoo countered with a scowl on her face.

Yerim grabbed at Hyejoo’s arm and clung onto it. “Let’s stop talking about fighting. Let’s just play.” 

“That lady called Mom mean names.” Hyejoo looked at the ground. It wasn’t the first time they heard the word ‘dyke’ being thrown around. They never asked their parents but have heard explanations from their classmates.

“That was a grumpy old lady who’s just jealous that Mom’s a million times cooler than her.” Hyunjin held onto one of Hyejoo’s clenched fists to get her to relax. “And we’re a million times cooler than that girl. Did you see how red her face got when you pushed her back?”

Hyejoo cracked a smile. “I thought she became a tomato.”

“Tomatoes are good.” Yerim patted her stomach, starting to feel hungry. “You think we can get pizza?” She asked off topic.

“Mom says we’re getting good food later,” Hyejoo mentioned.

“You think we can get ice cream?” Yerim smacked her lips thinking about food.

“I want another chocolate banana.”

“I want both,” Hyunjin exclaimed excitedly as they all slowly forgot about the incident and went back to playing.

Memories fade, but they also resurface in the future when they’re almost forgotten. It’s these little things that build up and change who people are. It changes the way people think until these walls are built and we are no longer who we want to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was suppose to be a cute chapter but then the day got late and then my mood changed xD


	13. BETTER OFF

“Come on, just one drink Yerim.” A classmate who she thought was her friend pulled at her arm, but she yanked it away.

“I said no.” There weren’t many times when Yerim had to raise her voice, but she had to stand her ground.

“What about you, Yeojin?” The girl turned to the smaller of the two.

“She’s not drinking either, so stop asking us.” Yerim stood in front of Yeojin before the younger one could say anything. “You said it was going to be a low key party.”

“This is low key and you said you wanted to be fun, so loosen up will you? Stop being such a square.”

Yerim had many friends, probably more than most because of her outgoing nature. She’s not naive though, she’s heard people talking behind her back about how she didn’t know how to have fun. She had nothing to prove, but still wanted to try going to a party even though she wasn’t really interested. Now, she regretted it, not wanting to be here with these people who didn’t know how to back off when she asked them too.

Yerim stared at the girl before her. They’ve been friends since elementary school and she used to think it meant something, but sometimes it didn’t matter how long you’ve known a person, they could still be toxic.

“You can call me what you want, Hayoung, but I’m going home.” Yerim pulled her phone out of her pocket when it was snatched out of her hand. “Hey! Give that back!” She turned around to see a tall boy with her phone up high.

“It’s only 10, Yerim. Where you going?” The boy asked with a playful smile.

Yerim sighed. “Could you please give me back my phone?”

The boy lowered himself to be at the purple haired girl’s level. “No. Just stay a little longer.”

“She said to give back her phone.” Yeojin stood there with her arms crossed.

“No one asked you to talk, dwarf.”

Yeojin was about to kick the boy when Yerim pulled her back. “Hey, that’s not funny, Taehoon. Don’t talk to her like that.” She reached out again.

The boy gave out a small laugh and lowered his arm, but pulled it back up when the purple haired girl went to take it.

“You know what? Screw you. I’m gonna borrow someone else’s phone.” She began to walk away with Yeojin when the boy called out for her.

“Oh, come on, Yerim. I’m just playing.” Taehoon finally gave back her phone, which she snatched back angrily.

“Do you see me laughing?” Yerim had a scowl on her face.

Hayoung was still next to the bunch. “Yerim, we’re your friends. We’re just trying to get you to be a little more independent. You’re always with your sisters. It’s like you always just want to be in their shadows.”

“Yeah, well, I rather be in their shadows than at this lame party.” Yerim dialed a number and held it up to her ear. It rang twice before a voice was heard on the other line. “Could you come get me?” She gripped the phone tight and tried to keep her voice steady, but her sister could always tell.

“What’s wrong? You said you’re sleeping over at Yeojin’s.” Hyunjin was already throwing on a jacket as she made her way to Hyejoo’s room.

It was 10 pm and the youngest triplet was still playing games from when she came home from school that Friday. She didn’t even look up as the older one stood in front of the tv, only moving her head so she could still play.

“Put on a jacket, we’re going to go get Yerim.” Hyunjin pulled the phone a little to the side and told her youngest sister.

Hyejoo sighed not knowing the situation before turning off her game and getting up lazily.

“You’re where? Yerim, what the hell?” Hyunjin’s voice got louder, which got Hyejoo’s attention as she frowned realizing something was going on. “No, don’t go out of the house, just stay there. We’re coming right now. Yeah, bye.”

“What’s going on?” Hyejoo asked as they exited the house and got into the car. “The moms are not going to like that you’re driving at night.”

“Yeah, well, Yerim decided she wanted to go to a college party and now we have to go get her.” 

“What? She said she was going to Yeojin’s.” Hyejoo was about to get out her phone to call her friend.

“Don’t. They’re together at some party. I guess they both lied.” Hyunjin sighed not understanding why they would do that. “They’re lucky our parents won’t be back until midnight or something.”

They arrived shortly at a house with loud music and cars parked everywhere. The door was unlocked as they pushed their way through the crowd of people, trying to find their sister and friend.

“Call her,” Hyunjin instructed as she scanned the area.

Hyejoo did what she was told and let the phone ring, but Yerim didn’t answer.

They entered the backyard where people were hanging in the pool or playing drinking games. It wasn’t hard for them to finally spot Yeojin and Yerim who looked like she was arguing with some boy.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Hyunjin asked, getting in between her sister and the boy who she now recognized as one of their classmates.

“You really called your sisters, Yerim?” Taehoon asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, she did. Do you have a problem with that?” Hyunjin was about a head shorter than the boy, but she didn’t care as she looked up at him.

Taehoon smirked and backed up. “You know, you guys can stay too.”

“And hang out with you losers? No thanks,” Hyunjin scoffed and started to walk away when the boy grabbed at her arm.

“Oh, come on, Hyunjin. Don’t be like that.”

Hyunjin turned back and yanked her arm away. “Touch me again and see what happens,” she threatened.

Taehoon threw up his hands in defense. 

“Let’s go.” Hyunjin started to walk through the back with the three following her.

They exited the place and got into the car with Yerim and Yeojin in the backseat.

The ride back was silent until Hyunjin broke it. “What the hell were you thinking, Yerim?”

“I wasn’t,” came the simple reply. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re only sorry ‘cause you got caught, and you’re lying to us now?” Hyunjin asked angrily.

“I didn’t lie. I really was at Yeojin’s, but her mom went out and then Hayoung called me up.” Yerim fidgeted with her fingers, not being able to keep still.

Hyunjin slowed down at a red light before accelerating again as it turned green. “You should have told us where you were. What if something happened huh?”

“Hyunjin, just drive. We’ll talk about it when we’re home,” Hyejoo said trying to calm her sister down from driving while angry.

Hyunjin shook her head in annoyance. “Am I dropping you off Yeojin or you staying over?”

“Can I stay over? I’ll call my mom,” the smaller girl finally spoke up. “I’d rather talk about this than let it build,” she mumbled. It was rare to see the sisters fight although Yeojin hasn’t known them for long, but she didn’t want them to think that she was like those other people at the party.

Luckily they reached the house while their parents were still out. They walked up the stairs and into their shared room.

“I’m sorry you had to come get me. I should have told you guys where I was,” Yerim spoke first as she sat down on her bed with Yeojin following her.

Hyunjin sat down on her own bed while Hyejoo sat on the floor. 

“Did you know Taehoon was going to be there?” Hyunjin questioned, running her hand through her hair.

Yerim shook her head. “No.”

“What did he want with you? Did he bother you?” Hyunjin shook her leg nervously, waiting for her sister to answer.

“We were just talking.” 

“You guys were arguing,” Hyunjin pointed out what she saw in the backyard. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying to you,” Yerim raised her voice. “He was being annoying, but nothing happened. I just don’t want you to make a big deal out of things.”

“A big deal out of things? You know his reputation. Did he— did he try anything?” Hyunjin hesitately asked.

“She pushed him away,” Yeojin spoke up for Yerim instead.

Hyejoo shot up from the ground. “He fuckin’ touched you?”

“Yeojin!” Yerim glared at her friend. “No! I mean, he was just drunk, but nothing happened!”

“But he did try something?” Hyunjin wanted to hear a clear answer.

Yerim bit her lip, trying to find the right words to say. “He might have grabbed my arm a few times when I told him to leave me alone, but that was it. I swear.”

Hyunjin shook her head and exhaled loudly, trying to keep calm.

“The next time I see him. I’m going to destroy his family jewels,” Hyejoo threatened with clenched teeth.

“See? This is why I didn’t want to say anything. It’s not that I’m lying. I just don’t want you guys to try to kill everyone that bothers me.” Yerim gripped her blanket in her fists. “I could take care of myself you know? Just because I’m not tough like you guys doesn’t mean that I’m weak.”

Hyunjin’s expression softened immediately after hearing what Yerim thought. “I don’t think you’re weak, Yerim,” she said quietly. “I just— I just, I know how people are. It doesn’t matter how strong you are when assholes like him exist.”

Yerim sighed, understanding why her sisters were concerned. “I’m sorry I went to a party without telling you guys, but I’m okay. I would be angry too if you guys didn’t tell me something like that.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry too,” Yeojin apologized in a timid tone. “I was the one that convinced her to go,” she admitted. Yeojin didn’t have any siblings, so this was her first time experiencing something like this. She was usually left to her own devices, making mistakes on her own without anyone telling her otherwise.

“I’m my own person, Yeojin. I make my own decisions, so we’re both in the wrong here.” Yerim didn’t want her friend to think that this situation was all her fault.

Hyunjin walked over to Yerim’s bed and sat down besides her. “I didn’t mean to be angry. I was just worried.”

“I know.” Yerim looked at her sister who was just staring at the ground.

Hyunjin then turned to look at Yeojin. “You’re okay too right?” 

Yeojin nodded her head. “I was going to kick his ass myself, but Yerim pulled me away.”

“You should have just let her.” Hyejoo clicked her teeth and walked over to Yerim’s bed too.

“And this is why I exist,” Yerim rolled her eyes, “to keep you all from getting into real trouble.”

Yerim could see Hyunjin spacing out before her sister spoke again. “Do you really think that we think you’re weak, Yerim?”

Yerim bit her lip. “I don’t know. Sometimes it feels like you guys think I’m too passive when it comes to people, but it’s not that. It’s not like I let people walk all over me. I know when people are being mean to me, but I just choose to ignore them.” She shrugged and tucked hair behind her ear. “I’m not like you guys. I can’t just say what I want all the time, but everyone has their limits and I know when to speak up when I need to.”

“Honestly, ignoring people and their bullshit is probably the most mature thing you could do.” Hyejoo picked up Yerim’s pillow to put on her lap and leaned against the wall. “But you’re right. There has been times I wish you’d just say something. I hate how you just smile when people are being fake with you.”

Yerim shrugged again. “Those people don’t matter to me. I don’t care what they think about me, so why bother wasting my breath on them?”

“Should I be here right now?” Yeojin asked from the corner of the bed.

They all turned to the smaller girl who looked a bit awkward having to hear their sisterly talk.

“Didn’t I appoint you mascot of the Losers’ Club?” Hyunjin raised her eyebrow at her friend.

“Why am I the mascot when you literally think you’re a cat?” Yeojin countered back, but was happy that the sisters didn’t think of her presence as an intrusion.

“Sucks to suck, but I guess you’re stuck with us now.” Hyejoo threw the pillow at Yeojin. “It’s kinda your fault that you kept bothering me to hang out.”

“Kinda my mom’s and Ms. Kim’s fault for keep bringing up your puffy cheeks, so I got curious. I didn’t even know how you looked like, but when I saw them cheeks. I knew it was you.” Yeojin had on a proud smile.

“Principal Jo and Aunt Jungeun talks about my cheeks?” Hyejoo questioned in a monotone voice.

Yeojin laughed at her friend’s face. “They like watching dramas together and always point out how your cheeks are cuter than an actresses’s cheeks who are puffy too, but not as much as yours.”

Hyejoo reached up and touched her own face.

“Your cheeks really are cute,” Yerim agreed, not wanting her sister to feel self conscious about herself.

Hyejoo frowned, but it only made them more prominent. “Are they really?”

“Yes, you’re adorable.” Yeojin beamed at Hyejoo only to get a glare from her friend.

“Where is your mom anyways?” Hyunjin asked, remembering that Yeojin said that she wasn’t home.

“She’s out with Ms. Kim.”

“Aunt Jungeun is playing a show with Aunt Jiwoo and our Moms today though,” Hyunjin commented and then it clicked in her head. “Oh, Aunt Jungeun invited your mom to watch their band play? That’s cute.”

“How are your parents so cool?” Yeojin loved her mom, but the coolest thing her mom has done was wear a leather jacket.

“I mean, they are the original Losers’ Club,” Hyunjin pointed out. “That’s where we got the name. My parents birthed the second generation losers and have tasked us the responsibility of carrying on their legacy, and boy were they proud when I recruited Heejin.” She smiled, taking every chance she got to drag her best friend.

Hyejoo checked the time on the nightstand. “They should be home soon.” She then turned to Yerim. “They’re going to ask you why you’re home and how you got back.”

“Can’t I say a half truth? That I went out, but needed a ride back?” Yerim had forgotten that she was going to have to see her parents after telling them she was staying over at Yeojin’s.

“Just don’t make it a habit.” Hyunjin felt herself getting annoyed again thinking about the boy that was bothering Yerim at the party. “And are you really going to keep hanging out with Hayoung after this? That kid’s a jerk and no friend leaves their friend alone with some douche like Taehoon.”

Yerim knew her sister was right, but it was hard having to break off a friendship. “I’ve been trying to hang out with her less, but she keeps coming back and I don’t know, it’s just that I’ve known her for so long.”

“So what? You guys have been friends since you were kids but does she really even know you or care about you?” Hyunjin glanced at Yeojin. “Hell, we only became friends with Yeojin this year and the squirt has done more for you than Hayoung ever has.”

“I’m going to ignore the squirt part and only pay attention to the compliment,” Yeojin voiced.

“You’re right,” Yerim agreed. “Like Aunt Jungeun always says, gotta get rid of toxic people no matter how hard it is.”

“We’re just lucky the toxic people in our lives aren’t our family like how it was for Aunt Jungeun,” Hyejoo added on, knowing that their aunt was closer to her family than her own.

“Is that why my mom has never meet Ms. Kim’s family?” Yeojin asked, finally piecing things together.

Hyunjin scrunched her eyebrows thinking about her aunt. “I mean, Aunt Jungeun still visits her family once in awhile, but I don’t know. She doesn’t talk about them often and when she does, she calls her parents by their first names like they’re just strangers to her.”

“It’s crazy to think about how lucky we are with our parents.” Yerim looked over at Yeojin who nodded, thinking about her own mom. She then let out a sigh. “I don’t want to lie to them about tonight,” she said, changing her mind about telling a half truth.

The other two triplets nodded, knowing how guilty they felt when they kept things from their parents. They got in trouble like any other kids, but they knew that their parents were more understanding than most, so they didn’t want to betray their trust. While most kids got yelled at or lectured, their moms opted to hearing them out and explaining things to them instead of talking at them like they were incompetent.

“Can we please promise we’ll always tell each other about where we are?” Hyunjin requested before turning to Yeojin. “That means you too.”

Yeojin looked up in surprise. She has had friends, but never any that actually cared about her well being, so it was caught her off guard whenever the triplets said things like that. The small girl smiled and nodded along with the other two siblings.

“And try to stay away from smelly boys?” Hyunjin made a face. She hated that the male species started to bother her and her sisters now that they’re older. “Especially jerks like Taehoon.”

“He’s a jerk but you guys are going to leave him alone when we see him in school right?” Yerim looked at her sisters.

Hyejoo rolled her eyes. “Yeah, sure. Whatever.”

“I mean it, Hyejoo. I don’t want to give him an excuse to send his minions after you guys.” Although the boy was a jerk, he also had many friends who had his back.

“But the next time he bothers you, you either let me and Hyunjin kick his ass or you tell the Moms, you got it?” Hyejoo demanded. It wasn’t the first time their classmate had caused a problem for their sister.

“Yes and no more hanging out with Hayoung,” Yerim agreed. “You can’t choose family, but you can always choose friends,” she said, remembering what Chaewon always told them. 

It was about respecting yourself and knowing when to cut out toxic people from your life. It’s called growing up, not giving up.


	14. THE THINGS WE HIDE

“Waking up on Saturday without Yerim is hard,” Hyunjin grumbled sleepily, looking out the window on her way to soccer practice.

“Yerim quitting photography was a bit sudden.” Sooyoung glanced over at her daughter while driving, but didn’t get a response. “Or not?”

Hyunjin sighed.

Sooyoung took another glance and drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. “Your Aunt Jiwoo talked to me.” 

“About what?” 

This time, it was Sooyoung who sighed. “Maybe I should be talking to Yerim about this, but is your sister having some trouble with some of the kids at school?”

Hyunjin turned to her mom. “You should talk to Yerim about that.”

Sooyoung figured that would have been the answer. The triplets cared too much about each other’s privacy to just blurt out anything to their parents. Sometimes she wished it was different, but being a parent sometimes means understanding that there’s just some parts of your children’s lives that you’ll never get to know.

“If someone was bothering you, you’d let me know though right?” Sooyoung asked a little nervous of the response.

“Yeah, of course, but no one bothers me ‘cause I use your’s and Mama’s names to threaten them,” Hyunjin said in a flat tone.

Sooyoung lightly smacked her daughter’s arm while keeping her eyes on the road.

“Ouch, Mom! I was just joking.” Hyunjin rubbed her arm although the hit didn’t hurt at all. “But in all seriousness, you don’t have to worry about me when it comes to that.”

“I still worry about you anyways, maybe not on that topic, but the other ones you don’t like to talk about.” Sooyoung took her chance in trying to get at least one of her daughters to open up to her.

“We’re almost at practice, Mom,” Hyunjin pointed out, trying to avoid the subject.

“Yeah,” Sooyoung whispered with a hint of sadness.

Hyunjin exhaled, knowing how much her parents worry over her and her sisters. “Look, Mom, if there’s something that’s really affecting me, I would let you and Ma know, okay? I eventually do anyways.”

“Okay, I’m glad.”

Sooyoung remembered back to the days when she knew Hyunjin was struggling getting over her injury after surgery, but she wouldn’t say a word. Hyunjin just kept pushing herself while pushing everyone else away, and it hurt her so bad to see her daughter think she had to go through that alone. 

It wasn’t until after all the exhaustion piled up that Hyunjin came to her and Jinsol to break down. She hated that it had to come to that point for Hyunjin to feel comfortable enough to talk to them about her problems, but was thankful she actually did open up.

Sooyoung stopped the car at the parking lot of the school.

Hyunjin took off her seatbelt and twisted her body around to reach for her duffle bag in the backseat.

“You know you can always get out of the car and open the back door to get your bag.” Sooyoung watched as her daughter struggled to yank the bag up to the front.

“Yeah, well, that’s another step in a process I could just accomplish in one.” With one final tug, the duffle bag was set on her lap. Hyunjin leaned over to give Sooyoung a kiss on the cheek and was returned with one on the forehead. “Bye, Mom.” She opened the door, but before closing it, Hyunjin stuck her head back in. “And Mom? Maybe do talk to Yerim?”

Sooyoung smiled. “Yeah, I will.”

Hyunjin gave her a small smile back before closing the door and walking as slowly as possible to practice.

Sooyoung could already see Heejin with her skateboard, showing off tricks to Ryujin, the co-captain, who was always early to every practice unlike her daughter.

She drove off, turning the mixed CD in the car a little louder. While Sooyoung usually streamed music like most people these days, she often found herself listening to mixes Jinsol used to make her before they started dating. They had a box full of them that they would exchange with each other back in high school and their early college days when they lived apart. Music was something that brought them together and it’s still a prominent part of their lives.

Taking the last turn into her neighborhood, she parked the car in the driveway and sat in silence for a moment before stepping out. Sooyoung heard chatter in the house as she entered and started walking into the kitchen.

“Hey,” she greeted the two blondes that were around the island making cookies. Sooyoung walked over and softly rubbed Chaewon’s back before going to the fridge to pull out juice. “I could have picked you up to come over, you know.”

“Yeah, it’s okay. I like the walk.” Chaewon shrugged and went back to adding the wet ingredients to the dry ones according to Jinsol’s instructions.

“The kids don’t want to help make cookies or what?” Sooyoung asked, watching the two with flour everywhere around the kitchen.

Jinsol tried rolling up her sleeves without getting them dirty. “They don’t even know I’m making these. Chae just happened to come by when I started and I think she’s only helping ‘cause then she’d be able to eat them sooner,” she teased with a smile.

“Aw come on, I definitely just wanted to help ‘cause I’m nice,” Chaewon defended herself. “And maybe because I get to eat the extra chocolate.”

Sooyoung laughed at the comments and walked over to help Jinsol with her sleeves. “I don’t know how you guys managed to make such a mess.”

“Ma threw flour at me,” Chaewon blurted out right away.

Jinsol glared at the smaller blonde. “You weren’t supposed to tell.”

Sooyoung shook her head in amusement. “You two have fun, I’m gonna go see how Yerim’s doing on her first Saturday after quitting photography.” 

She walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs, stopping at Yerim’s and Hyunjin’s shared room. She knocked, waiting for a reply, but didn’t get one. Sooyoung frowned and knocked louder until she heard shuffling on the other side and the door swung open.

Yerim was still in her sleepwear. “Oh, hey Mom. Sorry, I had my headphones on.”

“It’s fine. What are you doing?” Sooyoung asked.

Yerim walked back into her room with the door open. “Just looking through some pictures on the camera actually.”

Sooyoung took that as a sign that her daughter was letting her in, so she stepped inside and closed the door. 

“You want to see some pictures?” Yerim sat on her bed and left space for her Mom.

“Yeah sure. I uh— I actually wanted to talk to you too.” Sooyoung sat beside her daughter as Yerim was still scrolling through her camera.

“Is this about me quitting photography? I already told Aunt Jiwoo it’s because I just haven’t been into it lately anymore.”

“Your Aunt Jiwoo also talked to me about some stuff.”

Yerim sighed and placed the camera down on the bed. “About what?”

Sooyoung gave her a soft smile. “You know you could tell me anything right?”

“Yeah, I know and I do tell you everything, well, most things anyways.” Yerim shrugged. “Look, Mom, I really did quit because I wasn’t that into it lately and I honestly don’t want to be around some of the people there. I still love photography, but I can still get amazing shots outside of the club and do more things with it.” Yerim looked at her Mom and frowned. “Please don’t make that face, that’s your worried face and you have nothing to worry about. I’m fine. I’m not getting bullied if that’s what you’re scared about.”

Yerim knew her parents have always worried over that since they were bullied when they were younger over having two moms, but things got better as they got older. Although bullying does happen from time to time, but it was never something they couldn’t handle on their own.

“Okay,” Sooyoung replied, relieved that that wasn’t the issue, but she knew Yerim was still hiding something from her. “Are you sure you’re okay though? You’ve been quieter than usual,” she pointed out softly, not wanting Yerim to close herself off.

Yerim cleared her throat and picked up her camera again, fidgeting with it before looking back up to her Mom. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, of course,” Sooyoung replied, shifting in her seat so that she was facing her daughter.

Yerim bit her lip before hesitantly asking, “Are you and Mama okay? You two seem a bit more stressed lately and I don’t know, you always ask us if we’re okay, but,” her voice trailed.

“It’s my job as your mother to ask if you guys are okay, and I thought this was about you?” Sooyoung was confused by the random concern.

Yerim shrugged. “Everyone just seems so sad lately and I guess it’s affecting me too.” It wasn’t just her parents, it was also her siblings who worried her.

“Oh honey, I’m not sad.” Sooyoung scooted closer and threw her arm over Yerim’s shoulder to pull her in. “There’s just been a lot going on, but we’re okay as long as you guys are okay, and you’re okay right?”

Yerim stayed silent for a little.

“It’s okay to talk about how you feel, Yerim. You’re always listening to your sisters and worrying about others, but it’s okay to be selfless for once too you know?” Sooyoung ran small circles on her daughter’s back.

Yerim exhaled. “Maybe I am a little sad about quitting photography.” She pulled away slightly to look at her Mom. “I had friends in there I’ve known since I was a kid and sure some of them turned out to be jerks, but it still doesn’t mean that I don’t miss some of the things we used to do together.”

“Friends come and go, but the real ones stay. It’s okay to miss memories, but it’s also okay to let go of people. It’s a part of growing up.”

“I guess I’ve just been thinking a lot about what friends really mean lately since I tend to think everyone is my friend.”

Sooyoung nodded, understanding. “Friends mean different things to different people, and there’s nothing wrong with how you view friends. Your two aunts have been my friends since high school, but I also had other people I hung with. They didn’t know me as well as Jiwoo and Jungeun, but they were still my friends. Not all friendships have to be serious to mean something.”

“Yeah, it’s just my first time having to actively not be friends with some people I’ve known for so long and it’s just hard for me,” Yerim said in a quiet voice. “Hyunjin seems to have no problem dropping people and it just makes me feel like I get attached too easily.”

“Hyunjin is Hyunjin, and you’re you. You can’t compare her experiences to your’s. Everyone handles situations differently and it’s okay to dwell over things that meant something to you. It just takes time,” Sooyoung explained the best she could.

“Yeah,” Yerim answered with a sigh. 

Sooyoung could see that her daughter wanted to say more and waited patiently until she spoke again.

“Mom,” Yerim started, “How did you know you liked girls?”

Sooyoung raised an eyebrow, not expecting that to be the next topic in Yerim’s head. “I, well, I guess I’ve always known, but it wasn’t something I told anybody until I met your Aunts. They were loud and proud, though they did run into some trouble here and there, and that’s how I came into the picture.”

“They got bullied over being together?”

“Kind of, but not really? I mean, I met them when some kid was pushing Jungeun around. I tried to step in, but before I could do anything, Jiwoo came flying in with her taekwondo skills that totally caught me off guard. Like who would have thought some short stack with bangs could kick ass?” Sooyoung retold the story with a laugh.

Yerim laughed along. “So you basically didn’t do anything?”

“Yeah, I was half way telling the bully to back off, but never got the full sentence out. I walked away all embarrassed, but then felt someone hugging me from behind and sure enough, I turned around to Jiwoo thanking me for protecting her girlfriend. I tried to leave, I really did, but then those two wouldn’t stop hanging around me, so I just got stuck with them.” Sooyoung was glad they stuck around, because before them, she never really had real friends. “They taught me a lot of things. I knew I liked girls, but I also tried to keep that away from everyone else, but they showed me that it was okay to let others know because that was a part of who I was. They were the first people I told, but they already figured. They just didn’t say anything because they didn’t want to assume and let me come to them when I was ready. I guess it’s different for everyone.”

“Was Grandma okay with it?”

“Yeah, she was. I know I shouldn’t have been surprised when she was okay with it, but it still scared me, you know? It wasn’t something we talked about although we’re close. I definitely cried telling her, thinking she’d hate me, but it wasn’t anything like that, so I was lucky.”

Yerim shifted in the bed. “Ma wasn’t so lucky huh?” She knew her grandparents on Jinsol’s side loved her and her sisters, but she also knew how strict they could be.

Sooyoung gave out a sad smile. “They came around eventually, but yeah, they weren’t really happy about it when your Ma started dating me. We actually hid it for a very long time,” she wanted to say more, but stopped herself, not sure if Jinsol would want her to say anything about her side of the story.

Yerim hummed in response. “Mom?”

“Yeah?”

Yerim fidgeted with her fingers, not knowing why she felt nervous. “I, I don’t think I like boys,” she mumbled, not looking at her Mom.

Sooyoung blinked, also not expecting Yerim to confess something like that. “Well, whoever you end up liking or dating, you know I’ll always support you right?”

Yerim nodded slowly, tucking hair behind her ear.

“Have you told anyone else or have you been keeping this to yourself?” Sooyoung asked carefully.

“You’re the first person I told.” Yerim pulled her knees up to her chest. “I think I’ve known for awhile, but I don’t know, maybe I’m just confused?” She finally looked up at Sooyoung, trying to find answers in her Mom’s eyes.

“Sexuality can be complicated sometimes, I think. It’s not always so black and white. Like your Ma dated guys before me, she never even considered dating woman until I came into the picture. I don’t even think she’d date any other woman besides me.” Sooyoung tried to think of the right words to say. “Sometimes you just fall for a person, you know? Don’t view sexuality as something concrete. View it more as something that is fluid and changeable.”

Yerim tilted her head, taking in as much information as she could. “Hyunjin and Hyejoo think I quit photography because Hayoung and some of my other classmates are jerks, and they are, but it was a little more than that.”

Sooyoung listened without interrupting, knowing Yerim has been friends with Hayoung since they were little kids and hearing that they were no longer friends didn’t really surprise her. The two girls used to have a lot in common, but started to take interest in different things as they got older.

“I think I might have had a little crush on Hayoung and maybe that’s why I kept trying to stay friends with her, but,” Yerim swallowed the lump in her throat, “but then we entered high school and she changed, and I felt like I had to change with her, but it just wasn’t me. I didn’t want to tell Hyunjin and Hyejoo because I didn’t want them to judge me for liking her. I know they don’t like her, but she was one of my closest friends.”

“Honey, you know they won’t judge you for that. If anything, I think they might just worry over you being hurt by her, but they mean well.” Sooyoung pulled Yerim back into her arms and was glad when her daughter rested her head on her shoulder instead of pulling away. “I think they’ll understand if you talk to them.”

“Well, it’s over now, so there’s no point. I quit photography and I’m not going to hang with Hayoung anymore, especially after, you know, the whole college party thing,” she mumbled the last part, remembering how disappointed she was in herself for sneaking off without telling her parents.

Sooyoung sensed the sad tone. “Yerim, you’re a teen. I’d question you more if you didn’t try to break some rules sometimes, but I’m just glad you feel comfortable enough to tell me and your Ma about it. And honestly, I’m happy to know that you trust your own judgement with other people and know when you need to break things off. I’m proud of you and I hope you know that.”

Yerim nodded against her Mom’s shoulder.

“And I know it’s over now, but I’m sure your sisters would want to know the whole truth. They might not understand right away, but you guys always work it out together.” In all honesty, Sooyoung was a bit scared of her daughters keeping things from each other. They all have been doing their own things lately and knew as they grew older, they have been starting to be more closed off about their feelings.

“Thanks Mom. I definitely needed that talk.” Yerim felt a bit of weight falling off her shoulders, but now, there were even more things swirling around in her head after the talk. “Is that cookies I smell first thing in the morning?”

“Did you not go down for breakfast?” Sooyoung asked, pulling away.

“No, I wanted to laze around in bed for once.”

“Chaewon is downstairs helping your Ma.”

“Are you sure she’s helping or is she just eating everything?”

“Both.” Sooyoung swung her legs off the bed. “Come on, wake up Hyejoo and go downstairs. I’m going to order some food because you kids need to eat more than one meal a day on the weekends.”

Yerim grumbled. “Can’t you wake up Hyejoo? She’s gonna be annoyed with me.”

“Fine, you order food then. Ask your Ma for her card,” Sooyoung said, walking out of the room and then to Hyejoo’s. She quietly knocked, but didn’t get a reply, so she knocked louder. Hearing a grunt in response, she entered the room. Sooyoung walked to her youngest daughter’s bed to find the blankets fully over Hyejoo’s head. “Honey, I know it’s passed breakfast, but there’s cookies downstairs.”

The blanket was slowly pulled down to reveal Hyejoo and her messy hair. “Are you really bribing me with cookies as my first meal to get me out of bed?”

“Well, is it working?” Sooyoung brushed hair out of Hyejoo’s face and bent down to kiss her on the forehead.

Hyejoo stretched out her limbs. “Do I have to go to therapy today?”

Sooyoung sighed, knowing her daughter didn’t like it, but she was actually making progress. “Yeah, baby. Your appointment is in the afternoon so you should eat something first.”

Hyejoo groaned and sat up. “I don’t like the sleeping meds they give me. It makes me feel foggy and forget things during the day, like glitches in my head.”

“I know. I’ll talk to them about that.” Sooyoung rubbed comforting circles on Hyejoo’s back. “Are you still getting nightmares?”

“Sometimes,” Hyejoo hesitantly answered. She used to go to her sister’s room in the middle of the night when she had them, but have been trying to deal with them on her own lately.

“Okay, we’ll try to see if there are other options or lower the dosage or something okay?”

Hyejoo nodded and got off the bed. “I’m going to go brush my teeth,” she mumbled.

Sooyoung left the room first and went back downstairs to the kitchen. She entered to see Jinsol checking on the cookies in the oven and Yerim and Chaewon talking to each other at the table.

Jinsol turned around, hearing her enter. “Hey, is Hyejoo awake?”

“Yeah, she’ll be down soon,” Sooyoung replied. She took a seat at a stool next to the island, watching Jinsol do her thing around the kitchen.

Sooyoung glanced at the table to see Yerim happily chatting away with Chaewon as if she wasn’t just conflicted over her feelings earlier when they talked. She blinked a few times, feeling moisture build up in her eyes as she thought about all the things her family has had to overcome and how things are getting even more complicated as they were growing up. 

“Hey, you okay?” Jinsol asked quietly, placing the tray of cookies down on the counter.

Sooyoung gave her a small smile. “Yeah,” she simply answered.

Jinsol gave her a knowing look, but didn’t question any more.

Sooyoung just wanted her family happy, and they were for the most part, but people were complicated and complicated people tend to overthink. She kept overthinking and thought to herself that she should take her own advice and talk about her feelings too, because she felt like she was going to burst with all of the thoughts in her head.

Jinsol finished plating the cookies before standing next to Sooyoung, placing her arm around her wife’s shoulder and kissing her on the head. “You want to watch a movie with me later?”

Sooyoung kissed Jinsol’s hand that was on her shoulder. “You’re just going to fall asleep.”

“Yeah, well, you can tell me what’s in that pretty head of yours first before I fall asleep,” Jinsol whispered and then pulled away, resting her hand on the small of Sooyoung’s back.

“I’d like that.”

They’ve known each other for so long that it was easy to tell when one of them needed the other for a listening ear, and Sooyoung was thankful for that because she wasn’t one to initiate those kinds of conversations first, though she has gotten a lot better at it. 

Hyejoo entered the kitchen still in her oversized t-shirt and shorts, hair messier than it was before. “Sup losers,” she greeted Yerim and Chaewon. She then walked over to Jinsol, giving her a small hug. “Morning, Ma.”

Sooyoung shook her head at the usual greeting. At least some things never change.


	15. EVEN THE SUN GOES DOWN

Chaewon shivered in the cold walking up to the triplets house in only a loose t-shirt and joggers. It was band night, so she knew their parents were out, but the sisters usually stayed up late doing whatever they were doing. 

Ringing the doorbell, she waited for a minute and rang again when no one answered, figuring they had their TV on too loud or something. Taking her phone out, she dialed Hyejoo’s number, and again, waited.

“Hello,” came Hyejoo’s tired voice.

“Hey, I’m outside of your house.” The wind blew and Chaewon hugged herself tighter with her free arm.

“We’re actually heading back right now. We’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Chaewon could hear how flat Hyejoo’s voice was. “It’s okay. I’ll just go back to my place.” She got off their porch and started to walk.

“No, no, just stay there. We’re almost home,” Hyejoo said between talking to someone else.

“Are you sure? You sound tired.” She paused in her walk and went back to sit on the front steps.

“Yeah, we’re turning onto the street right now.”

Chaewon stayed on the phone until she saw their car, wondering why they were with their parents. She watched them get out of the car wordlessly and frowned at the missing family member. “Where’s Yerim?” Chaewon asked right away.

Hyunjin looked up and raised an eyebrow. “It’s freezing outside and you’re wearing that?”

By now, Chaewon had forgotten about the cold as she shrugged and entered the house after Sooyoung had opened it. She followed the sisters up to Hyejoo’s room and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Yerim’s okay right?” Chaewon was nervous of the answer, seeing that none of them really wanted to talk. 

Hyejoo sighed, turning on her TV as her usual distraction. “She had another asthma attack and the doctor wants to keep her in the hospital for a few days to monitor her.” Her voice sounded rough from exhaustion.

“She did seem really tired lately,” Chaewon pointed out, knowing how the difficulty breathing affected Yerim’s bright personality at times.

Hyunjin sat down besides Chaewon on the bed while Hyejoo took a seat on the floor on the other side of the blonde. “I shouldn’t have asked her to walk with us.” They could have ordered food to be delivered, but the walk to the restaurant wasn’t that far.

“It’s not like you would have known that was going to trigger an attack,” Hyejoo replied in a slightly annoyed tone that her sister would blame herself.

“Even Chaewon noticed she’s been tired. I sleep in the same room as her and couldn’t even tell something was off,” Hyunjin raised her voice at how guilty she felt.

Hyejoo tossed her game controller to the side carelessly before the console even loaded. “You’re so frustrating.” She looked up to her sister who had her eyes cast on the ground. “You’ve been dealing with a bunch of shit, so stop moping around at something that’s not even your fault.”

“Dealing with things doesn’t give me an excuse to be a shitty sister,” Hyunjin countered back.

Chaewon sat in the middle, not sure of what to say. It wasn’t unusual for Hyejoo to curse, but for Hyunjin to swear meant something more. She knew Hyunjin had been stressing about doing well in soccer these days since her leg keeps giving her trouble, so she’s been working even harder than usual.

“If you’re a shitty sister then what does that make me?” Hyejoo didn’t hide her anger this time as she glared at Hyunjin. Her mood swings often caused fights with her sisters, but her siblings never left her side even when she was being unreasonable.

“Would you guy stop?” Chaewon let out a loud exhale. “I don’t even have siblings and know you two are anything but bad sisters, so just stop before I tell Yerim how annoying you both are.”

Hyunjin let out a small cry, surprising the other two since she rarely cried in front of anyone. Hyejoo quickly got up from the floor and went to her sister’s side, placing an arm around Hyunjin with Chaewon running circles on the other girl’s back.

“Why the hell are you crying?” Hyejoo wasn’t good at comforting others since it was rare that her sisters would need it, but she couldn’t help but pull Hyunjin closer. “You know this is your fault for trying to keep your reputation as the funny sister right?” She figured it was everything that was piling up for Hyunjin, knowing the oldest sibling hated talking about her feelings even more than her and Yerim.

Hyunjin laughed a little by the off comment in between sniffling at Hyejoo’s own way of comforting her. “I— everything was already going bad and then Yerim just had to go to the hospital and I don’t know.” She let out a shaky breath before continuing, “I’m just so tired of everything.” It was rare for her to admit how she really felt and saying those words out loud made her feel vulnerable.

“You know,” Chaewon started with hesitation. “When things in my head gets bad, I try to write things out when I don’t want to talk to people. I’m not saying that it’ll help you like it does for me, but maybe you should try it ‘cause I know how stubborn you are at talking to others.”

“You’re one to talk,” Hyunjin mumbled. “I can’t tell if you’re trying to help me out or insult me,” She wiped at her face with the back of her sleeve, feeling a bit ridiculous for having a small breakdown in front of her sister and Chaewon.

“Chae’s right. My therapist tells me the same, but it’s not like I listen to her,” Hyejoo added on. “I guess I’m not the writing out my feelings type of person.” She shrugged.

“Yerim writes. Maybe that’s why she’s so bright all the time.” Hyunjin wondered if her sister was okay, hating how she couldn’t stay overnight at the hospital with her.

“I think the kid was just born bright,” Hyejoo commented, questioning how someone like Yerim exists, but then remembered her Aunt Jiwoo and how bright that woman was too.

“I swear, she’s Aunt Jiwoo and Aunt Jungeun’s child,” Hyunjin joked.

“They’re not even together,” Chaewon had to point out.

Hyejoo sat back on the ground and picked up her game controller again. “Yerim is the child of divorced parents.”

Chaewon smacked Hyejoo’s shoulder. “I dare you to say that to your aunts so I can watch them kick your ass.”

Hyejoo scoffed. “They would never. And Yerim can’t be their kid anyways. My Moms need her since I’m pretty sure just having me and Hyunjin would drive them crazy.”

“I can’t even be offended by that because it’s probably true.” Hyunjin placed a hand on Hyejoo’s head, who pushed it away knowing her sister does those things on purpose to annoy her.

“Honestly, I think you guys only work in threes anyways,” Chaewon commented. “It’s like a balance between ying, yang, and,” she furrowed her eyebrows in thought, “and Yerim.”

“Yerim gets a whole section named after herself?” Hyejoo looked up in question.

“All I’m saying is that although you’re triplets, your guys personalities are so different that you balance each other out,” Chaewon tried to explain.

“I honestly think you balance us out the most,” Hyunjin muttered to the blonde. “You should have seen how much we bickered with each other before you.”

Hyejoo rolled her eyes. “We still bicker, but now we just have someone else to bicker with too, so I’ve gotten better at annoying you less,” she directed her remark to Hyunjin.

“Pretty sure I can annoy you more.” Hyunjin placed her hand back on top of Hyejoo’s head as the girl beneath pulled her head away and glared up at her smiling sister. She then hopped off the bed before Hyejoo could say something back. “I’m gonna go get water.”

Leaving the room and walking down the stairs, Hyunjin saw lights in the kitchen. She figured her parents would be in their room by now, but it didn’t seem to be the case when she entered to find them sitting at the table.

“Hey,” she greeted them, getting a glass for water.

Her parents looked up and gave her a smile.

“Not sleeping yet?” Sooyoung asked, flipping through an album.

Hyunjin shook her head. “What are you guys doing?” She filled the cup and took a sip.

“It’s your guys birthday soon.” Jinsol raised up the photo album for Hyunjin to see.

Hyunjin walked over and noticed which one they were looking at. “Yerim was in the hospital for that birthday,” she pointed out with a frown seeing them as 4 year olds.

“Yeah,” Jinsol said quietly. “She was so tiny. She still is.”

Yerim has always been the smallest out of the three. They were born prematurely, but while Hyunjin and Hyejoo were of a healthy weight, Yerim had a low birth weight and needed a ventilator to help her breathe. Their childhood was spent in hospital rooms, but got better as Yerim grew older. Having her back in the hospital a couple of times in the past few months brought back unpleasant memories they didn’t like to talk about.

Hyunjin walked over and placed an arm around Jinsol’s shoulder. “She’s going to be fine, Ma,” she tried to reassure although she was worried for Yerim too. Her parents always tried to act strong when they were just as scared as she was.

Jinsol wrapped her arm around Hyunjin’s waist to pull her closer. “I know, honey.” She held her daughter’s hand that was over her shoulder and gently kissed it. “Are you and Hyejoo doing okay?”

Hyunjin nodded slightly, but had to blink a few times when she felt her eyes getting wet again. 

“You two don’t have to go to school tomorrow if you don’t want to,” Jinsol softly said, closing one of the photo albums. “I’m going to take the day off to stay at the hospital with Yerim.”

“What about you, Mom?” Hyunjin asked looking down over at the brunette.

“I’m still working, but I’m going straight over there after.”

“I can go to school.” Hyunjin actually didn’t want to go, but also didn’t want to leave her Mom there alone, since she knew Hyejoo would definitely take the option of not going to school.

“Another day of rest won’t hurt, Hyunjin. I know you don’t want to talk about it, but your coach talked to me.” Sooyoung let out a small sigh. “Please try to not push yourself too hard.”

Hyunjin bit her lip, hating that she was just another worry her parents had to stress about. “Okay,” was her only reply.

All three sisters had been in and out of hospitals for physical and mental reasons that they were starting to get sick of the white walls. Not to mention how much money her parents had to spend knowing being teachers didn’t pay well. It was probably the only reason why her Mom was still working when she should be by Yerim’s side too.

Jinsol patted Hyunjin’s butt in a loving manner. “Tell Chaewon to try not to ditch school if you two aren’t going.”

“I’ll tell her but she probably won’t listen. She’s going to want to see Yerim,” Hyunjin replied.

“She can see Yerim after school. I’ll drive her,” Sooyoung suggested since there was no way Chaewon could go there on her own.

“Okay. She’s probably going to sleep over.”

“I’ll drive her to school too.”

“She’s gonna hate going alone.”

Sooyoung nodded out of sympathy, knowing Chaewon found it hard to find motivation to go to school. “She has Heejin and Yeojin. They can catch a ride after school too if they want.”

“Alright.” Hyunjin nodded in agreement. “I’m going to head back up.” She got out of Jinsol’s hold although her Mom tried to hold on as they exchanged goodnights.

Hyunjin made her way up slowly, each step made her ache as she tried to put her weight on her good leg. It has been some time since she had broken her leg, but with how active she was, it still bothered her. She wasn’t sure if it would ever heal back up to 100% and was afraid to voice it out when Heejin was the only person she has told about her worry. Everyone knew that Hyunjin was the type to bottle things up until she couldn’t hold it in anymore, and she felt like a ticking time bomb with how up and down her emotions have been lately.

Entering the room again, she told Hyejoo and Chaewon about tomorrow. While Hyejoo was happy to not have to go to school, Chaewon was bummed out.

“You gotta go to school, Chae. You already missed too many days and you have to graduate,” Hyunjin tried to convince her friend.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Of course I’d go if your Moms ask me to anyways.” The triplet’s parents were one of the only adults Chaewon actually listened to. They were the first grown ups that didn’t treat her like some misfit.

“It’s getting late. You can sleep in Yerim’s bed.” Hyunjin held her hand out for Chaewon, who took it lazily. “Moms said not to stay up too late, Hye, but I know you’re just going to play games anyways.”

Hyejoo grumbled in response and continued to stare at the TV as the other two left her room.

It only took about 10 minutes before Chaewon ended up laying in Hyunjin’s bed with her because they both couldn’t sleep and ended up talking the whole night. Chaewon usually slept in Hyejoo’s bed when she slept over since the youngest triplet had the biggest bed, so it wasn’t often that it was just Chaewon and Hyunjin. They eventually fell asleep after some time, both not remembering when.

For once, Hyejoo woke up first the next morning and found the two cuddled up together as she smiled and snapped a quick picture with her phone. She smirked, sending the picture to their group chat, the vibration on Hyunjin’s phone stirred her awake.

Hyunjin groaned, stretching out, causing her to kick Chaewon, but that was her intention.

“Chae has to go to school.” Hyejoo went to the blonde’s side and pulled the blanket off of her friend.

The blonde curled up and whined, scooting closer to Hyunjin for warmth, but the taller girl just kicked her away in amusement.

“Why are you up? Did you even sleep?” Hyunjin asked Hyejoo with a yawn.

“A little,” Hyejoo answered truthfully, her insomnia always getting the best of her. “Mama asked if we wanna go see Yerim early too. I was thinking of bringing some stuff for her so she isn’t bored.”

Hyunjin sat up and rested her legs over Chaewon’s stomach. “Yeah, I’m up anyways, unlike somebody.”

“I wanna see Yerim. I don’t want to go to school,” the blonde mumbled with her arm over her face to block out light.

“Well, you have to. You’ll see Yerim with Mom.” Hyunjin rolled her body lightly over Chaewon in a playful manner to get off of the bed.

“You’re so heavy!” Chaewon grunted at the weight, pushing her friend off.

Hyunjin just laughed and flicked the blonde on the forehead.

Hyejoo looked over at Hyunjin. “You know what to do.”

Hyunjin nodded, grabbing both of Chaewon’s arms to pull the girl up into a sitting position and placed them over Hyejoo’s shoulders who was in front of the blonde. “Up you go, tiny.”

Chaewon whined, but hopped onto the youngest triplet’s back anyways for a piggyback ride to the restroom. She got ready for school quickly, not wanting to make Sooyoung late for work. Even when none of the triplets were going to school, their parents still made Chaewon lunch and had her sit down for breakfast.

“School won’t be so bad. You’ll get to suffer with me,” Sooyoung said with a smile as she finished up her food at the table.

“Is that why you’re making me go to school?” Chaewon narrowed her eyes from across.

Sooyoung laughed and Chaewon could see where Hyunjin gets her laugh from.

“Come on, time to go.” Sooyoung stood up and went over to give Jinsol a kiss on the cheek before placing her plate in the sink. She then turned to Chaewon and pointed at the bag on the counter. “Don’t forget your lunch, baby.” 

Chaewon smiled, never being able to get used to her friends’ parents calling her names reserved for their daughters. Her smile dropped after a bit remembering that no matter how much she considered Sooyoung and Jinsol family, they would never legally be her parents. She slung her backpack over her shoulder with a sigh and said bye to everyone, walking out the door with Sooyoung.

The two sisters and Jinsol were getting ready to head to the hospital after the others left for school. Jiwoo had dropped off her car for Jinsol and got a ride with Jungeun since the van was the only vehicle they owned.

“You think Yerim would like these books?” Hyejoo asked, breaking the silence.

“I’m sure she’d like anything you bring her, honey,” Jinsol replied, looking through the rear view mirror.

“Are books on aliens the only thing you have?” Hyunjin questioned without turning around from the passenger seat.

Hyejoo looked through the pile on her lap. “There’s books on ancient mysteries and secrets of the universe that doesn’t have aliens.”

Hyunjin glanced over at her Mom. “Remember when we thought this whole thing was a phase?”

“You’re really asking Ma that? I talk about aliens and quantum physics with her the most,” Hyejoo’s voice had a bit of annoyance in it. Although she didn’t enjoy school, she loved learning about stuff she was actually interested in on her own time.

“I didn’t say it was a bad thing, geez,” Hyunjin defended herself and shrugged. “It’s cute. Anyways, I brought her bread.”

“Are you sure you’re bringing it for her or is that for you?” Hyejoo teased.

“Contrary to popular belief, I can control myself when I need to.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Guys, remember that Yerim is probably tired, okay?” Jinsol reminded them as they arrived at the hospital and she found a parking spot. Her daughters meant well, but knew how rowdy they could get with each other.

“I know. I’ll try to not talk her ears off.” Hyunjin took off her seatbelt and hopped out of the car, following her Mom in. She was joking now, but as they got closer to the hospital, she started to feel nervous.

Instinctively reaching out, Hyunjin held onto Hyejoo’s hand. The youngest sister usually pushed her away when they were playing around, but she knew that Hyunjin needed her at the moment. 

They reached Yerim’s room and pushed the door open. The purple haired girl was lying in the hospital bed with her eyes closed. They walked in quietly and although Yerim was a light sleeper, she didn’t stir with the noise they were making.

Jinsol sat down on a chair next to the bed as the other two pulled chairs up to the other side. The blonde reached out and held onto Yerim’s hand.

Yerim took a sharp inhale from surprise and slowly opened her eyes. “Ma?” Her voice was hoarse from the coughing and wheezing.

“Hey, baby,” Jinsol said softly and stood up slightly to brush hair out of Yerim’s face and kiss her on the forehead. “How are you doing?”

“Tired,” Yerim simply said.

Jinsol caressed her daughter’s cheek. “I just talked to your doctor and she said you haven’t been eating.”

“I haven’t been hungry,” she replied.

“I know, but you have to try. You’ve lost some weight since the last time you were here, so you’re a bit underweight now.” It scared Jinsol to know that her daughter was dropping pounds at an unhealthy rate.

“I know. I’ll try,” Yerim reassured, but really didn’t have the appetite to eat.

Hyunjin clenched the bag of bread in her hands, knowing that Yerim probably wouldn’t get around to any of it since the doctor told them Yerim found it tiring to chew and opted to just eating soups. She started to feel disappointed in herself for not noticing that Yerim was losing weight when they were together all the time, but didn’t voice it, knowing that she had a habit of blaming herself for things she couldn’t control.

“I brought you some books and your laptop.” Hyejoo showed to her sister before placing them down on the nightstand. “You should catch up on shows before Mom comes to visit you with all of your in class assignments and homework.”

Yerim smiled gratefully. “Can’t I just copy yours?”

“Like I actually do my homework,” Hyejoo mumbled before raising up her hands in defense when Jinsol gave her a look. “I’m just kidding. I do my assignments, okay?”

“When do I get to go home?” Yerim asked, trying to adjust herself in the bed to be more comfortable, since laying in bed all day was starting to hurt her back.

Jinsol gave Yerim’s hand a squeeze. “They said a couple of days, but they’re not exactly sure when. The doctor has to make sure that they’re taking precautions and that it’s safe for you to come home, okay?”

Hyunjin held onto Hyejoo’s hand again when she felt her youngest sister fidget with her sleeve. Yerim was usually bright even when she was in the hospital as a kid, but the Yerim now just looked drained.

“Chae, Heej, and Yeojin are coming after school,” Hyunjin spoke up, but Yerim only hummed in response. “Remember when we talked about having our own rooms? Well, it sucks.”

“Make Hyejoo sleep with you,” Yerim said in a quiet tone.

“As if Hyejoo even sleeps.”

Hyejoo looked over a little annoyed. “I would if I could.”

“Guys,” Jinsol warned.

“Sorry,” they replied in unison.

Hyunjin turned to Hyejoo. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Hyejoo sighed. “It’s fine.” Having trouble sleeping caused her to be easily irritated, which she hated that she often took it out on her sisters.

“You don’t have to stay all day. I might just be sleeping most of the time.” Yerim closed her eyes for a second, feeling tired again.

“Can I nap with you?” Hyejoo asked all of the sudden.

Yerim finally showed a small smile. “Like old times?”

Hyejoo gave her a sad smile back, remembering that she used to nap with Yerim in the hospital bed when they were kids. “Yeah, like old times.”


	16. ALL I WANT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> play "all i want [dawn golden cover]" by echos

“She looks distracted,” Heejin pointed out while shaking her leg out of her own nervousness.

“She hasn’t been able to practice lately,” Hyejoo replied, straightening her back from it aching sitting on the bleachers.

They watched Hyunjin on the field, looking elsewhere as Ryujin talked to her. Their school’s soccer team was up by a goal with time running out, but knew anything could happen in a short amount of time.

Heejin clamped her hands together, hoping that their team could win. Having lost their last game, Hyunjin had been more on edge than usual, especially since she was dealing with more than just soccer.

With only a minute left, their team went on the defense as Hyunjin ran up the field to where the ball was. Ryujin got there first and stole the ball from the opposite team, passing it to Hyunjin, who then in turn, kicked it over to Yeji, their other teammate. It went between members a few more times before going back to Ryujin as she tried to make a goal. The attempt was good, but their goalie was able to block it, and then the signal for the end of the game sounded.

Their school’s team huddled together for a moment before Hyunjin walked off the field first. As usual, Ryujin followed after picking up both of their water bottles.

“Alrighty, well, that was fun and all, but I wish people would put on some deodorant around here,” Yeojin commented while wrinkling her nose, quickly getting out of the bleachers where there was fresh air.

Hyejoo checked the time on her phone when a message popped up. “Chae says she’ll be at the skatepark in about 10 minutes,” she informed before pocketing the device and hopped off the last step.

“I still gotta call my Mom to tell her I’m going to hang out.” Yeojin pulled out her own phone to text. “You know, since Ms. Kim is dating my Mom for some time now and Ms. Kim is your aunt, we’re basically family.”

Hyejoo rolled her eyes. “You only want in on the family ‘cause you like my Moms cooking.”

“Hey, no, I like you guys sometimes too,” Yeojin defended herself with a smile while dodging an oncoming smack from Hyejoo.

They reached the locker just in time to see Hyunjin walking out. “Where’s Chae?” She asked, seeing the blonde missing from her group of friends.

“She tried to make it to your game, but couldn’t, so she’s meeting up with us.” Heejin linked arms with the taller girl out of habit with her skateboard under her other arm. “Ryujin says you guys are supposed to go out tonight.”

“Yeah, I told them not tonight.” Hyunjin adjusted her duffle bag so that it was across her body instead of her shoulder to keep it from sliding off.

“You’ve been canceling on them these days,” Hyejoo commented as they walked to the gates.

Hyunjin shrugged. “I just haven’t been in the mood. Is Mom coming home tonight?” She asked, changing the subject.

“I don’t know. Ma says she’s out with Aunt Jiwoo though, so we probably have the house to ourselves for a bit.”

Hyunjin hummed in response and reached for Heejin’s backpack. “Skate to the park?” She unbuckled the small penny board that was on the back and placed it on the floor.

“I really need a board,” Yeojin mumbled, watching Hyejoo unlock her bike that was by the fence.

“It’s okay, I don’t even notice you on my bike when you’re there, squirt,” Hyejoo teased, hopping onto her ride and motioned for Yeojin to get on.

Yeojin frowned at the name. “Seriously, my Mom calls me that when she’s only like an inch taller than me to feel better about her own height or something.”

“Definitely why I call you that.” Hyejoo started to pedal when Yeojin held onto her waist.

“I should just call you, love, or something,” Yeojin tried to tease back. “Remember when your Mom called you that in class on accident?”

“Which Mom? They’ve both called me that at school before.”

“Mrs. Jung.”

“Yeah, she really can’t stop herself. I sometimes think she doesn’t even remember our names, so she just calls all three of us that,” Hyejoo joked, knowing her parents just loved to use endearment terms.

“She would smack you if she heard you say that.” Yeojin held on a little tighter when they reached a speed bump going through a neighborhood.

Hyejoo let out a small laugh. “She probably would.”

They reached the park in no time to see a few people there, but no blondes in sight.

Hyejoo stopped the bike as Yeojin got off and she did the same before walking it onto the grass. They assumed Chaewon would be at the skate side of the park and continued on over there.

Seeing a figure leaned against a gate by a ramp with their school’s soccer team hoodie on, they approached the girl only to see her eyes closed.

“Hey loser,” Hyunjin greeted quietly, not wanting to scare her friend.

Chaewon blinked her eyes a few times before stretching out. “How was your game?” She asked right away.

Hyunjin placed a hand on the blonde’s head, something she often did to her friends and sisters. “It was good.” Although they had won the game, Hyunjin still wasn’t satisfied with her performance, but didn’t like to voice it. “I think you have more of my soccer hoodies than I do,” she pointed out playfully, liking how her clothes made Chaewon look smaller than she already was in them.

“You can have them back,” Chaewon said between a yawn.

“I gave them to you. They’re yours.” Hyunjin sat down besides the blonde and leaned against her as their other three friends were riding around the park.

Hyunjin had handed her penny board over to Yeojin and she couldn’t help but laugh at how it was such a perfect size for her small friend.

“Sorry, I couldn’t make it to your game.” Chaewon rested her head on Hyunjin’s shoulder.

The taller girl looked over, noticing how much more tired Chaewon looked than usual. “It’s okay.” She placed an arm over the blonde’s shoulder and pulled her closer. They weren’t usually clingy with each other, but Chaewon seemed to like the contact when she wasn’t feeling well. “Are you okay?” She hesitantly asked, knowing that Chaewon didn’t really like to talk about when she wasn’t in the best mood.

Chaewon stayed silent for a moment before answering. “I’m just tired.”

Hyunjin was about to say something else when yells could be heard and she turned her attention to the ramps.

“I’m okay!” Heejin shouted from the ground with one of her hands raised before groaning.

Hyejoo helped the girl up while Yeojin went to go fetch the skateboard that went flying.

“You guys wanna head back? I’m hungry,” Hyejoo suggested, dusting off Heejin’s legs of the dirt that got on them. “Mama left some money so we should order stuff.”

They were supposed to meet up with Chaewon and go back home anyways, but with everyone being easily distracted, they couldn’t help but play around in the park for a bit.

Agreeing, Hyunjin stood up and offered a hand out to Chaewon, who took it and got up as well.

They walked back slowly, enjoying being out before it got dark.

“Cool, my Mom says I could sleep over,” Yeojin said, looking at her phone. “Pretty sure she just wants to hang with Ms. Kim or something. She’s been over a lot lately. They’re kind of cute together, for old people anyways.”

Hyunjin smacked Yeojin on the arm. “They’re not even that old. This is why your Mom is always scolding you.”

“Ow, I’m just speaking the truth, geez.” Yeojin rubbed her arm.

“I wish I could stay over, but there’s some dinner party I have to go to later tonight,” Heejin groaned out of annoyance and kicked a rock on the ground.

“Are you sleeping over?” Hyejoo asked Chaewon, who hasn’t been talking.

“Are your Moms okay with that?”

“Why wouldn’t they be?”

Chaewon shrugged. “I don’t know. Seems like they could use some peace and quiet.”

“Nah, Ma called me earlier and even asked if you guys wanted to stay over since they’re gonna be gone for a bit,” Hyejoo reassured. “I don’t think they want us being alone.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll stay over then.” Chaewon was about to shove her hands in her hoodie’s pockets when Hyejoo took a hold of it.

For someone who wasn’t big on other people showing her affection, Hyejoo had a habit of holding hands with whoever was closest to her. Chaewon remembered the first time she did it and was a bit surprised, but eventually got used to it. As tough as Hyejoo tried to make herself out to be, everyone knew she was a big softie, though they’d never say it out loud, knowing Hyejoo would just deny it.

They reached their house shortly, kicked off their shoes by the door and made their way to the kitchen to grab some drinks before heading up stairs.

“I’m gonna put my stuff away,” Hyunjin said as she got to the top of the stairs while everyone else went into Hyejoo’s room.

Hyunjin opened the door to her room, taking off her duffle bag to place on the ground. She let out an exhale as she stretched out and sat down on her bed, facing her nightstand. She stared at it for a bit before opening the drawer to pull out a bottle of painkillers. Her hand went to her right knee and rubbed it gently as it ached. Unscrewing the cap, she shook out a bigger dose than usual and took it with some water. She put the bottle back where it belonged and placed her head in her hands. 

Looking over at Yerim’s bed, Hyunjin couldn’t help but hate seeing it still untouched with a camera by the pillow and a notebook tucked half under the covers like how she left it. If Yerim saw her now and what she was doing, her sister would be scolding her for being stupid. She didn’t need the painkillers. She was supposed to be off of it for some time now, but found herself going back to them when she had to do sports. She told herself she would stop once the bottle ran out, but was almost scared that she wouldn’t be able to play at her best without them.

Hyunjin squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m okay,” she mumbled to herself. “I’m okay,” she repeated.

She took in a deep breath before standing up and leaving the room. Once she entered Hyejoo’s room, she sat down on the bed next to Heejin who was in the middle with Chaewon laying down on the other side.

Hyunjin reached over and tapped the blonde on the shoulder as the girl opened her eyes. “Did you wanna nap in my room?”

“No, I’m good, thanks,” Chaewon answered and closed her eyes again, pulling the blanket up to her chin.

Hyunjin made eye contact with Heejin who gave her a knowing look, but didn’t say anything. She let out a soft sigh at how closed off Chaewon got at times.

“Food should be here in like 30 minutes,” Hyejoo said at the foot of the bed besides Yeojin.

For once, Hyunjin didn’t feel hungry. She just wanted to know if Chaewon was okay, but the girl wouldn’t talk to her.

Heejin let out a groan as she felt her phone vibrate. “Great,” she mumbled before picking it up. “Hello? You said I didn’t have to be home until later.” There was a pause before Heejin continued. “Fine, but I’m going out tomorrow. You can’t have me cooped up in the house all day.” She let out a sigh before hanging up.

“You gotta go already?” Hyunjin asked.

“Yeah,” Heejin answered in a low tone. She slowly dragged herself off the bed.

“I’ll walk you out,” Chaewon said from under the covers as she stretched, yawning another time.

Hyejoo pouted, making her cheeks stand out even more than they usually do. “But I got your favorite stuff,” she mentioned the food they just ordered.

“I’m sure your stomach will make space.” Heejin picked up her backpack and headed for the door. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

They said their goodbyes as Chaewon followed Heejin out. Hyunjin watched their backs, wanting to go too, but knew the blonde asked to walk her out for a reason. She had an uneasy feeling that the two were keeping something from the rest of them.

Heejin walked down the stairs slowly and the both of them stepped out of the house together.

“When are you going to tell them?” Chaewon asked, breaking the silence.

Heejin exhaled and adjusted her beanie. “I don’t know. They have so much they’re dealing with right now that I don’t want to add on to their plate full of stress.” She placed her skateboard on the ground and mounted a foot on it, pushing it back and forth. “What about you?”

Chaewon tucked hair behind her ear and looked up. “What about me?”

Heejin gave her friend a look. “You know what. If you’d just talk to someone, maybe the triplet’s parents could help you or something.”

“No one can help me,” she hissed out angrier than she’d like. “Why are you bringing this up again? Like you said, they have enough that they have to deal with.”

“They care about you.”

“But I’m not their kid, so they really should care less.” Chaewon crossed her arms, pinching herself to feel enough pain so it’d distract her from the feelings of anger that was bubbling up. “I came out here to talk about you.”

Heejin sighed. “I didn’t mean to make you mad. I’m just worried. We all are and I’m sorry you feel like you have to deal with this on your own when you really don’t.” She tried to search Chaewon’s eyes to see if her friend would understand her, but she couldn’t read what the blonde was thinking. “Remember that night at the park?”

Chaewon shook her head. “How could I forget?”

“You got me to talk, but you did it by doing it first. You said you’d talk to us about what’s been going on with you.” Heejin was desperate. She felt like Chaewon was distancing herself from the rest of them lately.

“I was on edge that day. I made promises I shouldn’t have,” her voice lacked emotions.

“You’re right. I made promises I shouldn’t have that night too.” Heejin bit her lip recalling the details of them at the park. “I thought we somehow could work this out, but we’re just kids. I’m really going to have to move back to France with how much earlier my parents want to get out of here.”

Chaewon squeezed her eyes shut.

“I might be gone for good and you won’t even talk to me.” Heejin tried blinking back the tears and quickly used her sleeves to wipe at her face.

“I’m sorry,” Chaewon whispered out.

“You should go back in before they come out and get you.” Heejin nodded her head back at the house.

Chaewon reached out to take a hold of one of Heejin’s sleeves. “I really am sorry, about everything. I’m a horrible friend.”

Heejin frowned and pulled the blonde into a hug. “You’re not a horrible friend. I just wish you’d trust us enough to talk to us.”

“I do trust you guys,” Chaewon mumbled onto Heejin’s shoulders. “I’m just scared,” her voice was barely above a whisper.

Heejin held her friend tighter. “I know, so am I.”

“When Yerim gets better, maybe we can all talk,” Chaewon hesitantly said.

They pulled away from the hug, each shoving her hands into their hoodie pockets.

“I wanted to go see her today.” Heejin could feel the annoyance surfacing again that she had to go home before seeing the middle triplet.

“Tomorrow. You should probably go now before your parents throw a fit.”

“Yeah,” Heejin agreed and waved. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you.” Chaewon watched Heejin skate away before heading back inside.

She walked up the stairs, thinking back at her conversation with Heejin and all the things that were going through her mind. She entered the room again to see her three friends at the foot of the bed.

Chaewon frowned to see Hyunjin and Yeojin rubbing Hyejoo’s back. “What’s going on?”

They looked up and Chaewon’s heart dropped.

“Mom just called. She’s not coming home tonight because Yerim has to stay at the hospital longer and we can’t even go visit her,” Hyunjin explained, trying to keep it together, but her voice still shook.

“Is she going to be okay?” Chaewon stayed rooted in her spot.

“Mom didn’t say much, just that Yerim has a fever, but I’m pretty sure it’s asthmatic bronchitis. She always had a fever with that as a kid.”

Chaewon didn’t know how to feel. She has felt pain before, but she couldn’t describe this one. “Should we leave?” She motioned to Yeojin.

“Could you guys stay?” Hyejoo’s voice was quiet as she wiped at her eyes. 

Chaewon nodded, walking over to the bed and took a seat next to her friends. It wasn’t often that Hyejoo wanted people around her when she was emotional, but Chaewon figured it was because this was about her sister and not herself this time.

This was new to Chaewon. She knew she loved her friends and cared for them, but never thought she’d have to go through the pain of being scared for one of their health. She never had to care for anyone like this until she met the triplets. It scared her to think that Yerim was hurting and she wasn’t able to do anything about it, and then she thought about maybe that was similar with how her friends thought about what she was going through too. She shook her head hating to compare the two situations with one another.

“Ma just texted saying she’s going to be home in a bit,” Hyunjin announced, looking at her phone. “Should I tell her we’re okay by ourselves at home?” She didn’t want her mom to stay with them, when she knew she should be at the hospital with Yerim.

Hyejoo nodded, sniffling a little, hating how it's been hard for her to control her emotions. 

After a bit, Hyunjin spoke again. “Ma’s being stubborn. She’ll be home soon.” She then sighed and reached over to hold Hyejoo’s hand. “Yerim’s going to be okay.” In truth, she hated when people said that to her, but she had to make sure Hyejoo wouldn’t spiral down when she knew her sister was vulnerable to overthinking.

It was different when they were younger. It was a norm for them to be in the hospital and everyone told them it was going to be alright, but being alright meant something different when they got older. It was a lie everyone told them. Life was unpredictable. Promises and plans and everything in between didn’t mean a thing when nothing in life was set in stone.


	17. SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Mentions of mental illnesses

Jinsol sat in the dark at the kitchen table. She didn’t even know what time it was or how long she had woken up and gone downstairs. Her head was in her hands as she tried to convince herself to go back to bed, but she knew once she laid down, she’d just toss and turn without any rest. 

She glanced over at the stove where the digital numbers read 3:46 am. Her body felt so tired, but her mind was restless as she took in a deep breath and got up from the chair. Making her way up the stairs, she tried to be as quiet as she could. She was almost to the top when she frowned and stopped her movements, hearing sounds coming from Hyejoo’s room. Getting closer, she listened before slowly opening the door.

“Hyejoo?” Jinsol whispered out, not wanting to scare her daughter, but when the girl didn’t answer, she stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. “Hyejoo?” she repeated.

“Mama?” came a soft voice.

Jinsol could make out the figure of her daughter sitting up against the wall on her bed. She walked over, hearing whimpering noises coming from her youngest. “Are you okay?” She sat down on the bed and placed a hand on Hyejoo’s upper back.

The girl pulled away. “Don’t touch me,” she hissed out, tucking her knees tighter to her chest with her arms wrapped around them as she rocked back and forth.

Jinsol scrunched her eyebrows in concern, knowing Hyejoo didn’t mean it in a rude manner. “How long has it been?” She stayed close, but also kept some distance between them, not wanting to trigger Hyejoo with how sensitive she was at the moment.

“I don’t know. I just,” her voice began to tremble. “Everything’s okay,” Hyejoo whispered out, but Jinsol knew the last part was her daughter talking to herself.

“Everything’s going to be fine,” Jinsol reassured her too. “You’re doing good, honey, just breathe.”

“I can’t.” Hyejoo looked up with tears streaming down her face. “Mama, I can’t.”

“Can I hold you?” Jinsol asked, not wanting to touch Hyejoo without permission with how she reacted the first time.

Hyejoo nodded, allowing her mom to pull her into an embrace. Her breathing was labored as she tried to take in air, feeling dizziness wash over her.

“You’re okay,” Jinsol gently said, letting Hyejoo cry it out.

It wasn’t an uncommon sight to see Hyejoo in this state, but it hurt Jinsol’s heart every time her daughter had a panic attack. She remembered the days she used to cry to Sooyoung about how Hyejoo probably got them from her. She blamed herself for Hyejoo’s mental health, but her wife would reassure her each time that it was more than just that that factored into everything.

Nights like these, where she couldn’t fall asleep made her ache for Hyejoo, knowing her daughter often stayed up late too. They sometimes would catch each other downstairs, wandering around or just sitting on the couch, letting the TV play quietly in the background as they tried to clear their minds.

Jinsol remembered back to the time she had a panic attack while on the phone with Sooyoung and how patient she was with her. They were in their first year of college after graduating senior year of high school together. They’ve only known each other for about a year then, but they quickly became best friends.

“Jinsol?” Sooyoung asked when the other woman stopped talking mid sentence. She could hear heavy breathing, but no verbal answer. “Hey, are you okay?”

Jinsol had her phone on speaker as she sat on her bed in her shared dorm room, but couldn’t hear what Sooyoung was saying as she raised her hands up behind her head, trying to breathe.

“Jinsol,” Sooyoung repeated a little louder this time.

“I need to go,” Jinsol spoke abruptly. “I need to go to the hospital.”

“What? Hey, talk to me. What’s wrong?” Sooyoung got up from her own bed and paced around her room.

“My chest hurts. I need to go.” Her sentences were firm, like she was getting mad.

Sooyoung could hear Jinsol shuffling around on the other line. “Hey, no, stay where you are. You can’t drive like this.” She didn’t know what was going on, but she knew Jinsol was no state to get behind the wheel. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I,” Jinsol started. “Panic attack. God, I think, I just can’t. I really need to go to a hospital.”

Sooyoung had no idea that Jinsol had panic attacks let alone even know what the symptoms were or how to calm the scared woman down. “Jinsol, just breathe. You’re in no condition to drive.” Grabbing her laptop from the nightstand, she started Googling things. “Okay,” she murmured under her breath as she scrolled and clicked on some links. She sighed in relief reading that these attacks go away after some time without having to go to the hospital although one might feel like they needed to. “Hey, Jinsol? You’re okay, alright? Just stay on the line with me.”

Jinsol listened, sitting back down on her bed after having gotten up, trying to leave the dorm room. “I’m okay, I’m okay,” she repeated to herself.

Sooyoung got up, threw on her hoodie, and grabbed her keys. “I’m gonna go to your dorm, okay?” They went to separate colleges, but were only about a 50 minute drive away from each other. It was late, but she didn’t care at this point with how scared she felt, experiencing Jinsol panic like this for the first time.

“I’m okay,” Jinsol just kept repeating.

Sooyoung wasn’t sure if Jinsol was even listening to her as she talked to let her friend know that she was still there. Getting into her car, she started it up, and drove as the sound of one of the mixed CDs Jinsol had made her played quietly.

Jinsol had calmed down after some time when Sooyoung was getting closer to her college. The other woman was responding to her better and kept telling Sooyoung that she didn’t need to go to her, but Sooyoung insisted.

She parked, getting to her destination faster than usual since there was no traffic at this time at night. She got out and pulled her hood up, speed walking to the dorm.

“I’m outside,” Sooyoung spoke into the phone before even reaching Jinsol’s room.

The door opened up to reveal the blonde wrapped in a throw blanket with puffy eyes.

Sooyoung felt her heart drop at the sight of her best friend. She stepped in and quickly pulled Jinsol into a hug. The other woman was tense in her arms, but eventually relaxed when Sooyoung rubbed small circles on her back.

Pulling away, Sooyoung tried to make eye contact with Jinsol, but she had her eyes elsewhere. “Are you okay?”

Jinsol slowly nodded and walked over to her bed to sit down. “You didn’t have to come over.” She pulled her knees up to her chest, blanket still tightly wrapped around her.

Sooyoung kicked her shoes off and went to sit with Jinsol. “I wanted to. Just tell me you’re okay.” She sat there, not sure how to comfort her friend. Jinsol was usually a little clingy, but right now, it looked like she didn’t even want Sooyoung close to her.

“I’m fine.” Jinsol placed her chin onto her crossed arms that were on top of her knees. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”

“What are you talking about? You’re my best friend. I’m going to be there for you whether you like it or not.” Sooyoung crossed her legs on the bed and fidgeted with her fingers. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

Jinsol shrugged. “Because, I don’t know. It’s not like it’s something I could just bring up.”

“Are you getting help for it?” Sooyoung asked, knowing that Jinsol also dealt with depression, but always denied it. The other woman would argue with her that what she felt was just what normal teens went through since she lived the life everyone would want.

“No,” came the simple reply.

Jinsol came from a well off family, lived in a big house, and made good grades that were on par with her two older sisters. She had no reason to be sad, but she always was.

Sooyoung exhaled and bit her lip. “You know, we talked about this before and I know you don’t want to hear about it, but,” she paused for a second. “Would you look at me, Jinsol?”

Jinsol slowly turned her head, already knowing where this was going.

“It’s okay to admit that you need help,” Sooyoung said carefully, not sure of how the blonde would respond. “Being sad once in a while is normal, but you’re sad all the time and it’s affecting parts of your life and, and, panic attacks? I’m just worried, Sol.”

Jinsol let out a small cry and buried her head back into her arms.

Sooyoung wanted to hold her, but wasn’t sure if her friend would want that. She decided she was willing to take the risk and reached out to pull Jinsol into her arms. She sighed in relief when the blonde didn’t pull away.

Jinsol felt so exhausted as she cried in her best friend’s embrace. It felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders being able to trust someone with her problems. She has always felt ashamed, never telling her parents about any of her issues because they expect nothing but perfection.

Sooyoung was different.

For the first time in her life, she felt like she belonged and was accepted for who she was.

They ended up laying down with Jinsol’s blanket tucked up to their chins as they faced each other.

“They say friends grow apart when they go off to different colleges after a while,” Sooyoung spoke, breaking the silence. “But every time I’m apart from you, I just wish we were closer.”

“You’re still friends with Jiwoo and Jungeun.” Jinsol’s voice was a bit husky from crying.

Sooyoung smiled thinking about their other friends. “Do you see me trying to visit them every weekend?”

“What are you trying to say?” Jinsol narrowed her eyebrows.

“Nothing.” Sooyoung searched Jinsol’s eyes for answers she wasn’t sure she was going to find. “I’m just glad you’re my best friend.” She swallowed the lump in her throat.

When they had first met each other, both of them didn’t really pay attention to the other. They weren’t at school to make friends, but life somehow threw them together. They met during a time where they were both lost, questioning everything, and wasn’t sure if anyone understood them. But then they clicked and became fast friends as they survived senior year together. Their last year in high school passed by so fast when they had each other and now they were already finishing up their first year of college.

Sooyoung never thought she’d fall for her best friend. She wasn’t even looking for a relationship, but something about going off to college away from Jinsol made her realize a lot of things. The problem was that the blonde never talked about her sexuality out loud, and Sooyoung just assumed that Jinsol was straight with how she had boyfriends in the past. And of course, Jinsol knew that Sooyoung liked girls, but still was touchy. At first, Sooyoung didn’t mind, Jinsol was her best friend, but now, every time the other woman got close, Sooyoung would freeze. 

She felt like a liar.

Sooyoung felt like it wasn’t fair to Jinsol that she had feelings towards her, but didn’t tell her, letting the other woman hold her hand, share the same bed, while she tried so hard to suppress her feelings. 

Her breath would hitch every time Jinsol grabbed at Sooyoung’s arm to place over her shoulders when they’d watch movies on the couch and settled herself close. They’d hold hands in public, but all friends did that she told herself. But she wasn’t sure if all friends ran their thumb over the back of her hand like what Jinsol always does.

Sooyoung wasn’t even sure if Jinsol was even aware of the things she was doing.

“You’re too good to me, Sooyoung,” Jinsol whispered out. She was so thankful that she had someone that knew every part of her and still accepted all of her.

“That’s because I love you.” Sooyoung winced right after she said it. She meant it, but as more than just friends and it made her feel guilty.

“I love you too,” Jinsol said softly. This time, she was the first to reach out as she took a hold of one of Sooyoung’s hands and like always, she ran her thumb over the back of it.

Sooyoung yanked her hand away quickly and sat up a bit.

Jinsol frowned and propped herself up on her elbows. “I’m sorry.” She wasn’t sure what she was apologizing for.

Sooyoung could feel her heart race. “What? No. I’m sorry for pulling away. God, I’m sorry for being weird right now.”

“I told you, you didn’t have to come. You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to, but it’s pretty late.” Jinsol didn’t know what she did wrong. Sooyoung has never done that before.

“No, I’m staying, if you want me to, it’s just,” Sooyoung exhaled out of frustration of not being able to find the right words to say. “Don’t you find it strange? We hold hands and we cuddle and people talk about us. People ask us if we’re together. Doesn’t that bother you?”

Jinsol raised her eyebrows. “Where is this coming from?”

Sooyoung sat all the way up with her back against the wall. “I don’t even know when it started.” She let out a nervous laugh and then shook her head. “I’m so stupid.”

“Okay, now you’re the one scaring me, Sooyoung.” Jinsol sat up as well, her body slightly facing towards the other woman. She felt her own heart race, afraid of what her best friend wasn’t telling her.

Sooyoung placed her face into her hands and mumbled, “I don’t want to ruin this.”

Jinsol has never heard Sooyoung’s voice so little. “Whatever you need to tell me, I’ll always be here for you. You know that right?” Jinsol wanted to hold Sooyoung’s hand again, but refrained from it. “You just helped me through one of the most vulnerable things I don’t share with anyone. You mean everything to me, Sooyoung.”

Sooyoung wanted to cry at those words, but she bit her lip to prevent herself from doing so. “We can’t keep doing what we’ve been doing,” her voice shook a bit. “Because, because I hate that every time you’re close to me, I just want to kiss you.” She gritted her teeth, knowing it’d be no use to hide this from Jinsol. It was now and never, and she respected Jinsol too much to keep something like this away from her. She knew if Jinsol really loved her, even if it was just as a best friend, Jinsol would understand her.

Sooyoung held her breath, not ready for the response, but when she got it, she wasn’t expecting a smack on the arm. She whipped her head over to the blonde. “Ow, what the hell was that for?” She rubbed her arm confused.

“I thought it was something serious or something,” Jinsol exclaimed, glad that Sooyoung was okay.

“This is serious.” Sooyoung glared at the girl. “This is my heart on the line, okay?”

Jinsol exhaled out of annoyance. “So are you going to kiss me or what?”

Sooyoung’s eyes widened. “I— what?” She asked dumbly, feeling her face flush red.

“Like you said, we hold hands and cuddle and I tell you that I love you all the time, and I really mean it,” Jinsol explained. She wasn’t sure when she fell for her best friend either, but she knew she couldn’t imagine her life without Sooyoung in it.

“You like me?” Sooyoung asked in an almost childlike tone.

“I love you, you idiot.” Jinsol smiled. “I just, I didn’t know how to tell you either. I thought you’d get the hint and ask me out first or something. I don’t know. I was scared and maybe I should have asked you out first?”

“Well then.” Sooyoung wasn’t sure how to respond to that. She wasn’t even expecting it to go this well.

Jinsol rolled her eyes when Sooyoung stayed rooted in her spot. Reaching a hand over, she placed it behind Sooyoung’s neck and pulled her in as their lips touched. It was short and sweet as they both smiled with their foreheads touching.

“Who knew the almighty dancing queen, Ha Sooyoung, could be this shy,” Jinsol teased as she stole another kiss before pulling away.

Sooyoung lightly hit Jinsol on the arm. “Shut up,” she replied with a smile.

Jinsol smiled back and rested her head on Sooyoung’s shoulder. She laced their fingers together and placed their hands on her lap. “I really do love you, Sooyoung. Thank you for always being there for me and trying your best to understand me.”

“Any time, love.” The pet name rolled off her tongue as if she has always said it.

Jinsol remembered all the panic attacks after that got a little easier. Sooyoung was patient and she couldn’t be more thankful for her now wife. They took things slow, but they knew that they wanted kids eventually, and when the triplets were born, they were both so happy.

She never thought that she’d be the one comforting someone else that was going through panic attacks and other mental illnesses, let alone it being her own daughter. Watching a loved one go through so much pain as she stood by helplessly made her heart ache more than she thought it could.

“You haven’t had one of those in a while,” Jinsol commented after Hyejoo had calmed down.

“I had one a few days ago,” Hyejoo confessed in a quiet voice.

Jinsol pulled away slightly. “Why didn’t you tell me or your Mom?”

Hyejoo shrugged.

“Have you been telling your therapist?” Jinsol was almost scared that Hyejoo was going to close herself off at the mention of therapy.

“Sometimes,” her answer came out short.

Jinsol sighed. “You gotta tell her these things. They’re there to help you.”

“I know. I just don’t want to talk about it sometimes.” Hyejoo felt exhausted, but she didn’t want to go to sleep, missing just talking to her mom like this.

Jinsol rubbed Hyejoo’s back and kissed her on top of the head. “I know there’s a lot going on and it could be overwhelming, but you just have to remember to breathe okay?”

Hyejoo nodded against her mom’s shoulder.

“How have you been doing?”

“I miss Yerim,” Hyejoo sniffled, wrapping her arms around her mom.

Jinsol pulled her in closer. “I know, baby. I do too.”

“I don’t want to cry anymore.” Hyejoo squeezed her eyes shut.

“It’s okay if you do.”

“I cry too much.”

“I do too sometimes.”

“How do you do it, Ma?” Hyejoo mumbled.

“Some days it’s easier than the others. Some days I just want to stay in bed all day, but I know that if I don’t get up, I’m just letting it win. And I know it’s hard, I know how damn hard it is to get out sometimes, but,” Jinsol paused, stroking Hyejoo’s hair. “But I know that I have people that love me. You have people that love you too, Hyejoo-ah.” She was open about her mental illnesses. She had to set an example for Hyejoo and her other daughters that it was okay to talk about it and that it was nothing to be ashamed of. 

While her parents made her feel like something was wrong with her, Jinsol was thankful for them for the lesson that she would never treat her own daughters like how her parents treated her. Don’t get her wrong, she loved her parents, but they sometimes were too blinded by their own wants and needs to understand anything about Jinsol.

“Am I going to have this for the rest of my life?” Hyejoo asked, knowing that her mom still went through some difficulties from time to time.

Jinsol sighed at the question. “I don’t know, sweetie. No one does, but that’s why we get as much help as we can and we learn different techniques on how to deal with it.”

Hyejoo let out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry for yelling at you the other day.” Yesterday was one of those days where every little thing irritated her. She hated that she always regretted the things she said right after, but she couldn’t help it as she let out frustrations.

“I know, honey. I’m sorry for being on your case all the time, but I was just worried.” Jinsol understood, having had snapped at Sooyoung at times when her wife was just concerned too. But although Hyejoo had some of the same mental illnesses as her, they both dealt with it differently. Hyejoo was much more angry and often isolated herself, and it scared her that her daughter wasn’t coping well.

Hyejoo felt safe in her Mom’s arms. She hasn’t felt safe in a long time. Her mind would always work on overdrive, making it hard to focus, to sleep, and every day tasks became almost impossible. She wasn’t so sure how much more she could take as the frustration kept bubbling up so overwhelmingly that she didn’t have words for it. All she wanted to do was scream, but instead, she puts on a mask every time she goes out, pretending that she was okay.


	18. FLOWER CHILD

Yerim woke up with a start, eyes opening, only to close them again when sunlight peered through the slightly open curtains of the hospital. She blinked a few times, trying to move her hand only to realize that it was being held. Giving the hand a light squeeze, she exhaled softly.

“Yerim?” She heard a raspy tired voice.

The purple haired girl turned her head from her slightly up position on the bed. “Hey, Ma.” Her voice was hoarse, throat hurting.

“How are you feeling, honey?” Jinsol asked her daughter while brushing hair out of her face.

“Tired,” came her usual answer. “Did you sleep like this all night?” Yerim questioned, looking at the blonde who was previous hunched over in the uncomfortable looking chair.

“No, I slept over there.” Jinsol nodded her head back at a couch way too small for anyone to sleep on. “I just woke some time ago.” She gently smiled and kissed the back of the hand she was holding.

Instead of answering, Yerim let out a rough cough that hurt her chest as it made crackling sounds when she exhaled.

Jinsol reached over to rub small circles on Yerim’s back, eyebrows scrunched in concern. “Do you want hot tea or anything?”

Yerim coughed a few more times before shaking her head. “I’m okay.”

“Do you mind if I lay down with you?” Jinsol asked, wanting to feel close to her daughter.

“I’m going to get you sick,” Yerim countered back.

“It’s okay.” Jinsol knew it probably wouldn’t be a good idea if she really did get sick and got the rest of the house ill, but she couldn’t help but feel the need to have Yerim in her arms.

Yerim scooted over as Jinsol gave her a smile and climbed into the bed that was big enough for the both of them.

Jinsol stretched her arm out for Yerim to rest in and pulled her close, kissing the top of her head. “I love you,” she mumbled.

“I love you too, Mama.” Yerim relaxed in the warm embrace. “You know you and Mom don’t have to keep alternating to stay with me right? I’m fine here on my own.” In truth, she loved having someone around with her, but knew how tired her parents have been because of everything that has been going on lately.

“We want to be here,” Jinsol reassured. “Do you want some alone time?” She hadn’t thought about if Yerim just wanted to be by herself, especially since it was rare that she’d be alone, considering she also shared a room with Hyunjin at home.

“No, but sleeping on a tiny couch in a cold room must suck.”

Jinsol smiled that her daughter always thought about others before herself even though she was the one that was stuck in the hospital. “You really don’t need to worry about me or your Mom.”

Yerim gave a small smile back, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. She’s been feeling exhausted lately even though she’s mostly been lying in bed for the past few days. It wasn’t uncommon for her to develop bronchitis after having bad asthma from her immune system being weakened, but it’s been a while since she has had it.

“It’s still really early. You should try to get some more sleep,” Jinsol suggested.

Yerim nodded but coughed again, facing the other way as her mom said comforting words. She stayed that way, not wanting to turn back, afraid she wouldn’t be able to hold in her emotions if she saw the worried look on her mom’s face.

Being positive was something Yerim was born with. It’s just the way she is, not letting things get to her and trying to see the bright side of things, but lately, it’s been hard when every inch of her body and mind ached. Everything hurt, but it hurt her even more that her family was suffering because of her. They already had so much to deal with that she hated being another part of that list. She couldn’t help but worry about everyone else even when she was the one in the hospital.

Yerim could feel her mom burying her face into her shoulder and gripped Jinsol’s hand that was around her stomach tighter. She let out a small sigh and decided to turn back around to face her mom again.

“I really will be okay on my own here. You and Mom should be together. I’m pretty sure Hyejoo and Hyunjin miss the both of you in one place.” Yerim didn’t like to think about one of her parents sleeping by themselves after coming home from a tiring day at work.

“What did I say about worrying about us? It’s my job to worry about you,” Jinsol countered firmly, and as much as she did miss sleeping in the same bed as Sooyoung, she wanted to be with her daughter as well.

Yerim shut her eyes before opening them again and blinked a few times to hold back tears. It wouldn’t do her any good to cry now.

Yerim was never much of a cryer. Even as a kid, she probably shed the least amount of tears compared to her sisters, but she could recall a time where she couldn’t contain her emotions and just let everything out. She remembered having to miss the first day of kindergarten because of her asthma and had to go to the hospital instead when she was looking forward to going to school with her sisters.

“I want to go home,” 5 year old Yerim whined and kicked at her blanket in frustration.

“I know honey, but the doctor says you have to stay here for a few days until you get better.” Sooyoung stroked her daughter’s frowning face. “Mama is picking up Hyejoo and Hyunjin so they’re coming to see you right now, okay?”

Yerim wanted to see her sisters, but with how tired she felt, she couldn’t help the tears that began to fall down her face anyway. She couldn’t even think of why she was crying since being in the hospital wasn’t something new to her, but everything just felt so overwhelming at the moment.

Sooyoung got out of her chair immediately and climbed onto the bed to lay besides Yerim. “Oh, honey, it’s okay. I know it’s hard, but you’re doing great.” She held Yerim’s small frame in her arms. Crying it out to relieve stress was normal, but with Yerim having a hard time breathing lately, she had to find a way to get her daughter to calm down. 

Yerim clenched onto her mom’s shirt and cried harder, finding it difficult to control anything that was going on.

“Shh, you’re alright. Once you get out of here, you’ll get to go to school with your sisters and make friends and play with everyone,” Sooyoung tried to reassure. She ran small circles on her daughter’s back, trying not to panic as Yerim took in short breaths in between crying. Reaching over to the nightstand, she got a tissue to wipe the tears on Yerim’s face.

The small girl rarely complained, but not being able to go home must have been getting to her.

Yerim eventually calmed down after a bit, her body feeling even more tired than before. Lying in her mom’s arms, she felt lightheaded but she refused to fall asleep, wanting to see her sisters who were coming to visit.

“Are you okay now, baby?” Sooyoung pulled away slightly, cupping her daughter’s face in her hands.

Yerim gave a slow nod, burying her face back into her mom’s chest.

The phone rang, turning both of their attention to Sooyoung’s jacket that was hanging on the chair beside the bed.

Yerim got out of her mom’s embrace for a moment for Sooyoung to sit up and reach over to get the device before lying back down in her mom’s arms.

“Hello?” Sooyoung answered. “Anything is fine.” She then looked down at Yerim. “Do you want something to eat, Yerim? Soup?” She asked, knowing that Yerim hasn’t had much of an appetite. Getting another nod from her daughter, she talked into the phone again. “Yeah, soup is good. Get one with some protein like chicken, something easy to eat. Okay, see you in a bit.” Hanging up the phone, she kissed Yerim on the head. “Mama should be here in a few minutes.”

“I’m tired,” Yerim said quietly. Crying took a lot of energy out of her and being in bed all day in general made her feel groggy.

“Do you want to nap?” Sooyoung pulled the blanket higher on the both of them.

“No, I want to see Mama,” Yerim replied between sniffles.

Sooyoung smiled at the response. “Just close your eyes. I’ll let you know when she’s here.”

Yerim did what she was told as Sooyoung hummed a song that she and Jinsol have been working on. They haven’t been making a lot of music together lately since the triplets were born, but Sooyoung came home one day to find Jinsol at the piano, singing softly to a song she hasn’t heard of before. Her wife had set their kids down for a nap and decided to write for a bit when Sooyoung pulled out her old acoustic guitar to play along. They made songs about their daughters and their love for one another, the struggles they’ve been through and everything in between. Music was their way to express themselves when nothing else made sense.

Sooyoung continued to hum the song they made for Yerim during days where they had to ask her parents to take care of Hyunjin and Hyejoo while they stayed in the hospital with their middle child, their flower child. No one was as caring and loving as their daughter, Yerim. She radiated positivity through the toughest times and always showed everyone what love really meant.

Shutting her eyes tightly, she thought about how happy she was, how Jinsol had the biggest smile on her face when the triplets were born only to be told that they would have a long road ahead of them. Her wife went through a difficult depressive stage that she thought maybe becoming parents at a young age wasn’t such a good idea, but when they finally got to have all three of their daughters home, they knew that they were meant for this. 

Sooyoung snapped out of her thoughts when the door opened. She turned her head to find a sleepy Hyunjin in one of Jinsol’s arms and Hyejoo holding her hand while half dragging a plastic bag full of food in the other.

“Hey, love,” Sooyoung greeted her wife. “Yerim’s a bit tired, but she said to wake her up when you got here.”

“Mom,” Hyejoo called out right away as she let go of Jinsol’s hand to walk over.

“Hi, baby.” Sooyoung reached over to caress her youngest daughter’s cheek who was trying to climb onto the bed. “You can get on the bed in a bit. Be patient, Hyejoo.”

Hyejoo listened and opted to just holding onto Sooyoung’s fingers with her tiny hands instead.

“Just let her rest,” came Jinsol’s reply. She went to take the bag of food and placed it on the nightstand.

Sooyoung gave her a look. “I think it’d be good for her if she saw you and her sisters. She really missed you guys.”

Jinsol got the hint, returning a sad look when she saw how puffy Yerim’s face was from crying. She walked over to the other side where Yerim was curled up in her wife’s arms. Rubbing her daughter’s back gently, Yerim started to stir.

Yerim turned her body slightly at the contact and looked at Jinsol through squinted eyes. “Mama?”

“Yeah, baby.” Jinsol brushed hair out of Yerim’s face and bent down to kiss her. When she tried getting up, she found herself stuck as a fully awake Hyunjin was now grabbing onto her sister. Jinsol chuckled at the scene and set Hyunjin down on the bed.

Sooyoung gently took her arm away, lying Yerim down beside her sister. She got off the bed and reached down to lift Hyejoo up, giving her a bunch of kisses before placing her on the other side of Yerim. She also gave Hyunjin kisses before standing off to the side for a moment, watching her family talk to each other. Yerim was back to her normal bright self as if she didn’t just break down from exhaustion. Letting out a sigh, she gave Jinsol a small smile when their eyes met.

Jinsol gave her daughters each another kiss before standing up. Walking over to Sooyoung, she stood by her side, wrapping her arms around the slightly taller woman, kissing her on the shoulder. “Are you okay?” She asked, feeling how tense her wife was.

“Not really,” Sooyoung admitted quietly.

Jinsol rubbed her arms to comfort her. “Jiwoo and Jungeun should be here soon. Do you want to talk later?”

Sooyoung nodded, resting her head onto Jinsol’s shoulder.

“And there’s silk worms in the classroom,” Hyunjin said in an excited tone. “Ms. Park says we get to play with them once we learn how to take care of them. Hyejoo’s scared of them.”

“I am not,” Hyejoo argued back with a frown on her face.

“Are too. You won’t even get close to them,” Hyunjin countered.

“Because Byungho kept saying they’re going to crawl out and eat me,” Hyejoo raised her voice.

Hyunjin shook her head. “They’re not going to eat you. They’re nice. Byungho’s mean and I’m going to protect you anyway,” she said nonchalantly as if Hyejoo should know that she’d always have her back. Hyunjin has always shown an overprotective side to her, always stealing back toys for her sisters when other kids took them even before they could talk.

“Are there nice people in the class?” Yerim asked, listening to her sisters talk about their first day of kindergarten.

“Everyone’s nice except for Byungho. He’s a butthole,” Hyunjin said as Yerim giggled at the word.

“Hyunjin,” Jinsol lightly scolded. “You shouldn’t call people mean names. That’s not nice.”

“He called Hyejoo that first because she didn’t want to play with him,” Hyunjin tried to defend herself.

Jinsol let out a sigh that her kids were already dealing with misbehaving kids, but they were kids after all. “But you shouldn’t stoop down to their level and say mean things back. If he says those things again, you tell Ms. Park, okay?”

Hyunjin grumbled in response. “Okay.”

There was a knock on the door before two heads peeked in.

“Hey, Unnies,” a redhead greeted happily, stepping into the room with a brunette.

“Jiwoo, Jungeun,” Sooyoung answered, walking over to give her friends a hug. “Thanks for coming by.”

“Of course. I wanted to see my little babies,” Jiwoo replied with a huge smile.

“Can you guys actually watch them for a bit?” Jinsol asked. “We just need to step out for a moment.”

“Yeah, take your time.” Jungeun walked over to the nightstand. “Did they eat yet? We can feed them.”

“No, they haven’t yet and that’d be great. I got you guys some stuff too if you’re hungry,” Jinsol said gratefully.

Jiwoo waved them off. “We got them. Go. Take as long as you need.”

They thanked their friends and told their daughters that they’d be back before leaving the room. 

Taking only a step out, Sooyoung gripped onto her wife’s hand, taking in a shaky breath. “Can we go to the car?” She just wanted to be away from people, not sure if she could contain all of her emotions.

Jinsol nodded, leading them out of the hospital and into their vehicle. They sat in the back with the window shades down for privacy.

“What happened, babe? Are you okay?” Jinsol’s voice was full of concern. She could already tell right when she stepped into Yerim’s room that Sooyoung was a bit off.

Sooyoung shook her head and fidgeted with her fingers. “Yerim wasn’t feeling too good today. She rarely cries when she’s in the hospital, but I think she’s just been so exhausted lately that it’s getting to her.”

“It would be weird if she didn’t cry. She’s getting older now and it’s probably just stressful for her to not be home with her family.” She hated how it was normal for them to be at the hospital. Yerim was used to it, but as she started to grow up and was out of there, going back became a somewhat scary experience for her.

“I know. I just,” Sooyoung stopped mid sentence and exhaled out of frustration. “She missed her birthday last year and now she missed her first day of kindergarten. We’re making a family photo album with our kids, but half of those pictures are of Yerim in the hospital,” her voice choked on the last part as she closed her eyes, letting tears stream freely down her face.

Jinsol immediately pulled her wife into her arms when Sooyoung finally let herself cry from all the pent up stress she has been feeling. “Just let it out, love. It’s okay.” Jinsol rubbed Sooyoung’s back, resting her chin on the brunette’s head as she held her close.

It wasn’t often that Sooyoung cried. Their roles were usually reversed since she was the more emotional one, so she was almost glad that Sooyoung wasn’t bottling up her feelings like how she always did. 

They stayed glued to each other for a while until Sooyoung was able to calm down.

“We should go somewhere when Yerim gets better. We haven’t had a family vacation yet, and now that they’re a little bit older to remember things,” Jinsol suggested, breaking the silence.

Sooyoung sniffled for a bit and then cleared her throat before speaking. “The holidays are coming up. An amusement park would be fun,” she agreed as they held hands with her head on Jinsol’s shoulder.

“Going for Halloween could be fun,” Jinsol added on, “or is that too scary? The kids aren’t really scared of things right?”

Sooyoung looked up to see her wife’s eyes on her. “Hyunjin kinda hides when scary stuff comes on TV. I don’t think Hyejoo cares and Yerim just laughs while hiding, so I don’t know what’s up with that kid.”

Jinsol chuckled picturing the scene in her head. “Yerim laughs and smiles at everything though. I don’t know who she got it from.” While all of their kids were full of smiles, Yerim just seemed like she rivaled the sun.

“Jiwoo claims that Yerim takes after her.” Sooyoung rolled her eyes thinking about her hyperactive friend.

“Oh, they’re definitely related,” Jinsol half joked, but she did mean it. 

Their friends were their family and they made sure that Jiwoo and Jungeun knew it too. They’ve been together for so long, through the highs and lows that the four of them were practically soulmates. They couldn’t imagine their lives without each other.

“We should head back inside.” Sooyoung played with Jinsol’s fingers that were in her hand. “The kids need to go home soon. They have school tomorrow.”

“Are you sure you’ll be okay to take care of them tonight? We can always ask Jiwoo and Jungeun to take them for the night, so you could get some sleep.”

They decided they were going to take turns staying at the hospital with Yerim, not wanting to leave her by herself, but that also meant that both of their sleeping cycles were off.

“No, it’s okay. I want them with me.” Sooyoung figured that she was going to spend the night sleeping in between her daughters as if both of them knew that she didn’t want to be alone.

Jinsol drew Sooyoung back into her arms again and kissed her head. “You know I love you, right?”

Sooyoung smiled into the embrace. “Yeah, I love you too.”

They pulled apart, giving each other another kiss before getting out of the car and heading back inside.

Opening the door to the room, they found Jiwoo playing a game with the kids she brought in as a present while Jungeun was tidying up the place.

“Mama,” Yerim called out as the blonde approached. She reached out her arms for her mom.

Jinsol raised hers and Sooyoung’s intertwined hands up as she kissed the back of her wife’s hand before letting go and walking over to pick up her daughter. “How’s my baby?” She lifted Yerim up and kissed both of her cheeks.

“Full,” Yerim replied, laying her head on Jinsol’s chest.

Jinsol smiled at her daughter’s response. “Yeah? Was your soup good?”

“Uh huh. Auntie Jungie tried to eat my soup.”

“Oh come on, Yerimie. I was just playing around,” Jungeun joked back.

The small girl giggled, content to be in the presence of her family.

It got a lot better after that. There were fewer hospital visits and Yerim got to go to school with her sisters, making friends fast with her bright personality. She was able to mostly control her asthma with medication, but now that she was in her late teens, it started to come back out of nowhere, bringing her back to times when she was why her family was sad. Although Yerim knew it was something out of her control, she still felt guilty every time she was in the hospital, making her parents and sisters worried.

Yerim tried taking in a deep breath when coughs racked her body instead. She covered her mouth with her arm and turned away from Jinsol again.

“I’m going to get you some water okay?” Jinsol climbed off of the bed and went over to the side Yerim was facing, softly patting her daughter’s back.

Yerim instinctively reached out for her mom, not letting her go anywhere as she let out another tiring cough that made her chest feel like it was on fire. She tried gasping for breath, but the coughs wouldn’t let her take anything in.

Watching her daughter choke for air set Jinsol into a state of panic. Letting go of Yerim, she quickly went out of the room to call for help.

A few nurses ran in a moment later, adjusting Yerim’s bed so that she was sitting upright for easier breathing.

Jinsol stood by the door with her arms wrapped around herself, trying to keep calm as they helped her daughter. She watched Yerim struggle to breathe, hands flying up to her chest to gasp for air. Jinsol took in her own breath, but was also having a hard time breathing as her hearing went out, replacing it with the sound of ringing. Tears began to well up and rolled down her cheeks uncontrollably. 

“No, no, not now,” Jinsol murmured to herself as she felt a panic attack coming on. Clammy hands went up to her mouth to stop herself from crying. She hated feeling this way, but it wasn’t something she could control although she was trying her best to calm down. “Yerim,” she softly called out, seeing two nurses preparing an IV after putting an oxygen mask on her daughter while another nurse was monitoring her heart rate.

Jinsol didn’t understand why her daughter had to go through this. She didn’t understand why her family had to struggle so much when they always tried their best they could to be good people. She felt like she was being punished for no reason. Life was cruel and she wasn’t sure how much she could handle.


	19. SINKING DOWN WITH YOU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: physical and emotional abuse, suicidal thoughts, mental illnesses
> 
> inspired by vinxen's song "sinking down with you"

“What? You gonna stare at me all day?” A girl by the open window asked with annoyance in her tone.

“Uh yeah, if it gets you to stop smoking,” Chaewon replied with just as much attitude on the top bunk from the other side. “I’m not in the mood to get in trouble for your shit again.”

The girl took another drag of the cancer stick and blew the smoke out of the window before smashing the end into a portable ashtray. “Tell me, who are you more afraid of? The fosters or Jiae?” She questioned with a smirk. “Or is it me?”

Chaewon clenched her jaw at the mention of those people. “Fuck you, Suyeon,” she growled out and laid back down.

The bigger girl let out a small laugh. “You know, you’re pretty brave when you’re the one that skipped out on your shift this week. We never did get to talk about that, did we?”

Chaewon sat back up to face Suyeon. “I took extra shifts after didn’t I? I told you guys I had somewhere to be.” 

“Somewhere to be? Jiae had somewhere to be, but she had to stay here to cover you because you’re an unreliable little shit,” Suyeon said in a flat tone and then waved her phone around. “Guess who just texted that they just got back?”

“Look, I told you and I told Jiae and the fosters that I’ll take all the dinner shifts this week already,” Chaewon tried to reason, but she knew it was pointless knowing how these kids operated.

“Not good enough.”

They heard the slam of the front door.

Chaewon headed for the ladder on her bed when Suyeon got off of hers to block the blonde’s way. “Where you think you’re going?”

Not listening, Chaewon climbed down anyways and came face to face with the taller girl as she reached the bottom.

Suyeon pushed her up against the ladder with her hand on the blonde’s shoulder. “You really don’t ever learn your lesson do you?”

“Get your hands off of me,” Chaewon said with clenched jaws and pushed the girl back.

“Jiae’s downstairs. What are you going to do? Just run passed her?” Suyeon had a smirk on her face that Chaewon wanted to hit so bad, but refrained from it.

“Yeah, maybe I’ll do that.” Chaewon headed for the door quickly when she was grabbed back. Yanking her arm loose, she threw the door open and ran down the stairs.

“Jiae!” Chaewon heard Suyeon shout.

She didn’t turn to look back as she reached the bottom, unlocked the front door, and opened it, but before she could step a foot out, a hold on her shirt pulled her back, causing her to slightly stumble. Throwing her elbow behind aimlessly, she was able to land a hit and loosen the grip when another pair of hands, nails digging into her arms, threw her to the ground. Chaewon tried to scramble up as feet kicked her back down.

“You really trying to get out of dinner duties again?” A voice growled out next to her ear. “You already fucked me over earlier this week!”

“I already made it and I got places I need to be right now.” Chaewon was yanked up by her upper arm and she came face to face with a much bigger girl. “You owe me one, Jiae,” the blonde whispered out.

She saw the punch coming, but didn’t defend herself, knowing it’d just make things worse. The side of her face throbbed and the metallic taste surfaced in her mouth.

“Why? Because you took one for the team the other night?” The tall brunette loomed over her, still having a grip on her arm. “I’ve been here much longer than you, so when I say you take the blame, you take the blame, you got that?”

Chaewon didn’t answer as she breathed heavily.

“Are you not going to answer me now?” Jiae hissed out, pushing the blonde up against the wall by the front door. She then turned to Suyeon who was just standing by the side, watching. “Get me a cigarette,” she commanded.

Suyeon did what she was told and dug inside of her jacket pocket to fetch out the carton. Opening it, she took one out and handed it over along with a lighter.

Jiae took it, sticking the cigarette into Chaewon’s mouth. “You’re gonna smoke this and when the fosters come home and smell it, you’re not going to take the blame, because you are the blame.”

Chaewon trembled in the older girl’s grip, but didn’t protest.

Jiae lit up the cigarette in the blonde’s mouth with a smirk. “I don’t see you inhaling,” she then growled dangerously.

Tears silently fell down Chaewon’s face. She wasn’t a smoker, she didn’t do drugs or drank alcohol like most kids were prone to do in her situation. She wanted to believe that she was different and there was a way to get out of this, but every day that passed, she wasn’t so sure anymore and wondered if she should just give in.

Jiae frustratedly took the lit cigarette from Chaewon’s mouth and placed it in her own instead. Taking a drag, she blew the smoke into the blonde’s face.

Chaewon stayed still, not flinching.

Jiae leaned in close. “You’re so useless,” she said in a quiet voice. “If you ever want to sleep good again. You’re just going to have to get used to being my ashtray.” 

Chaewon didn’t get what the other girl meant by that, but understood a second later, feeling a burning sensation when the lit end of the cigarette was pressed onto her upper arm as she let out a pained scream. Thrashing around, she tried to push away, but Jiae kept her in place before throwing her back onto the ground. Scrambling up, Chaewon got onto her elbows when both girls grabbed her by the arms.

“Let go of me!” Chaewon yelled, trying to kick her way out, but the girls kept pulling at her. She could see where they were dragging her to as panic started to set in. “No, no, please. I’ll take all your shifts. You can blame me for everything, please,” Chaewon begged, but they weren’t listening. She knew they were going to lock her up in the confined space under the stairs as she thought back to the claustrophobia that made her dig her nails into the door for them to let her out.

They got deeper into the house and stopped at a door. Suyeon yanked it open to reveal a basement, but before they could do anything, Chaewon kicked at them again, yanking her arms out. Getting angry, Jiae reached out for the blonde when Chaewon lost her footing from being grabbed and fell backwards. She let out a scream as she felt nothing underneath her until her body came into contact with the stairs as she tumbled down harshly.

Landing at the bottom, Chaewon let out a groan from all the new cuts and bruises she knew was going to form. She shook her head from dizziness as she started to crawl further into the dark room. Hearing footsteps, Chaewon tried to move faster as every inch of her ached. Reaching a small window, she stepped onto a few boxes to unlock it, and squeezed herself through. She was half way out when she felt hands grabbing at her ankles. Kicking back, she was sure she made contact when one of the girls let out a yell. Her fingers dug into the dirt as she pulled the rest of herself out. Rolling onto her back, she laid there, breathing heavily, hearing Jiae and Suyeon shouting at her, but she wasn’t listening.

“Fuck you,” Chaewon whispered out so no one could hear and stopped wasting time as she got up.

“I’m gonna get you!” Jiae screamed out the window, but Chaewon knew there was no way that bigger girl was going to get through that small space.

Chaewon started to run as fast as she could. Cars honked when she recklessly sprinted across the street, but she didn’t slow down, scared of the consequences she would have to face if the other girls decided to go after her. She didn’t stop until she made it to the first place that came to her mind.

Shaky legs took steps up the porch of the triplet’s house. She contemplated knocking, knowing she looked like a mess and that she would have to explain herself to them. She was scared the triplet’s parents would answer. They would ask her questions and they’ll try to help her, but she was afraid of going back into the system.

Standing there for a moment, Chaewon hesitantly raised her finger up to the doorbell. She closed her eyes as she pressed it and waited for a few minutes, but when she didn’t hear anything coming from the other side of the door, she opened her eyes again. 

Her hands flew up to her mouth to stop herself from crying, but the stinging on her face made her pull back only to see blood on her hands. Reaching up again, she wiped at her face for it to come back with more red.

Silently cursing to herself, she got off of the porch, thankful that the sun was going down to hide her in the dark.

Standing still for a bit while the adrenaline faded made her realize how much her body ached. She winced as arms went around her ribs, where she had hit it falling down the stairs at the same spot a kick had landed on.

Letting out a shaky breath, Chaewon went to the right of the house where there was a fence. She wheeled the garbage can over and climbed on it before hopping over, grunting as she landed into the triplet’s backyard. Walking to Hyejoo’s window, she looked up and then leaned her back against the house, sliding down until her knees were up to her chest. She hugged herself tightly to keep warm from being in just a t-shirt and sweats. Looking down at her feet, dirt covered socks were the only thing that were there. 

Chaewon couldn’t tell how bad any of her injuries were, but she figured she was fine since nothing hurt too much. It wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. Everything just ached and some spots stung as she rested her forehead on her arms that were on top of her knees. Biting her lip, she let out a small sob, but quickly tried to not make any noise. 

She shouldn’t be here right now.

She had no idea where the triplets were or when their parents would be home, but she knew she didn’t want to face any of them if they found her out here. She didn’t move though. She didn’t want to get up. Their house always made her feel safe even at times like this where she’d just sit outside of it.

They’ve done so much for her. They don’t even know how many times they have saved her. The things she’s been through and all the things she doesn’t talk about. They’ll never know how many times she was so close to giving up, but they always gave her a reason to stay.

It was freshman year when she met the triplets.

14 year old Chaewon was on one of the roofs at the school. If she wasn’t ditching school, one could always find her wandering the forbidden parts of the buildings. She hopped up on the ledge and walked along it, looking down a few times before bringing her attention back to where she was going. It was something she often did. She wasn’t sure if it was because of the adrenaline rush of danger or if it was the freedom she felt being in control of her life for once.

Sitting down with her feet dangling off, she let out a sigh. She wondered how far the drop was as she watched dirt fall from the roof. Gripping the ledge, she could feel her heartbeat start to race and her palms started to get sweaty. She took in a shaky deep breath when too many thoughts bombarded her mind. All of these what if’s and things in her head that she’d never be able to tell anyone ate at her as tears started to fall. Reaching a hand up, she quickly wiped them away. She just felt so frustrated that no one will ever know her struggles. They see her and they judge her, but no one ever cared enough to ask her how she was doing or why she was the way she was.

Sometimes it got too overwhelming.

Sometimes she just wanted to stop feeling.

Clenching her eyes shut, Chaewon cursed under her breath as she tried to shake the emotions away. She kept trying and trying, but every time it happened, it came back stronger the next and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could hold on. She just wanted someone to lie to her and to tell her that it gets better when she knew it’d only get worse.

Voices below the roof made Chaewon’s eyes shoot open. Taking in another breath, she got off the ledge and walked over to where she could hear shouting. Looking down, she could see a senior girl by the lockers pushing a much smaller freshman, she recognized as Yerim from the photography club. Frowning, she tried to hear what they were saying, but the echoing of their voices made it hard to make out the words. She stayed rooted in her spot, just watching the scene underneath her unfold until the tall senior pulled her arm back before slamming it onto the freshman. Yerim fell to the ground, hand holding her face as she used her elbows to get away as fear flashed across her face.

Chaewon felt her breath hitch and her heart started to race again. She has been in that position so many times before that she could picture Yerim as herself. And before she knew it, she was sprinting to get down from the roof without thinking anything over. She ran until she got to the lockers to see the senior looming over a defenseless Yerim.

Chaewon never defended herself, but she wasn’t going to let someone else make another person feel powerless like how she often felt when she was the one on the ground in a place that should be called her home.

Running on instinct, Chaewon pushed the taller girl back against the locker. “What the hell is your problem?” She shouted angrily.

“This isn’t any of your business!” The girl shoved back, but the blonde shoved harder, hands going up to take a hold of the girl’s collar.

Chaewon spat out curse words when the senior pushed her and was about to again when someone else got in between them.

Her vision filled with dark hair.

“Who the hell are you?” The girl asked and attempted to shove the newcomer when the senior yelped in pain instead at her wrist being twisted.

“I’m her sister and I’m not the only one, so you better back off.” The new girl’s voice was low as she let go of the wrist.

It wasn’t the first time Chaewon has seen Hyejoo around, but she didn’t realize that she was sisters with Yerim. She didn’t even know until later that there were actually three of them, with Hyunjin being the oldest of the triplets.

Yerim on the ground reminded her of herself, but the angry look on Hyejoo’s face at that moment was closer to how she felt inside when the mask she showed everyone else was blank.

All of the sudden, she couldn’t stand being in their presence as she saw Hyejoo comforting a crying Yerim.

She bolted out of the school without looking back. So many feelings were bubbling up that she could hardly differentiate between any of them. It was like a mix of jealousy and anger and desperation that she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs, but instead, she dug her nails into her palms until the skin underneath broke.

Reaching the park she often frequented, she passed by the playground and walked up the hill where the top was concrete. She took off her backpack and angrily threw it off to the side, not caring where it landed. Pacing around for a moment, she ran a hand through her hair before slamming it down onto the concrete seats that surrounded the top. The pain that ran through her fist, forearm, and then radiated up to her upper arm made her slow down her breathing as the world around her came back to her.

Sinking down to the ground, she cradled her now bleeding knuckles as silent tears fell. It was like the switch to her anger just turned off and now she was just left feeling numb. 

She leaned her head back on the seat and looked up to the sky to see how peaceful it looked. It was so quiet where she was with everyone still in school. 

She hated being alone, but it was all she knew. And then she got so used to it that maybe feeling alone by herself was much better than feeling alone when she was surrounded by others.

This was just another day, she told herself.

The girl she saved didn’t even need saving. Everyone had someone else. No one needed her.

Getting up, she wiped the remaining tears that fell and went over to pick up her backpack. Every overwhelming feeling she just felt was gone and was replaced with a numbness that was almost just as unbearable.

All the days after that felt so surreal, like she was living a life that wasn’t hers. 

She was planning to just forget about the incident when Hyunjin decided to befriend her. At first, she just went along with it, knowing that eventually, she’ll be alone again, but that never happened. Soon, she was invited over to their house where they talked about everything and nothing. She didn’t say much even after hanging out with the triplets for some time, but they never minded. They listened to her when she had something to say and they talked to her instead when they knew she wasn’t in the mood to be the one doing the talking.

When they got closer, Chaewon tried to distance herself from them. She was scared of considering them as friends, but Hyunjin kept insisting that they were soulmates that she didn’t know how to deny it. No matter how much she tried to stay away, they would always pull her back.

It wasn’t until Hyejoo called her crying one day, asking for her to come over because she couldn’t talk to her sisters that Chaewon finally realized that maybe it wasn’t so bad to let a bit of her guard down. Maybe they needed her as much as she needed them.

Hyejoo was someone that had her walls built so high that Chaewon sometimes felt like they were in a competition to see who had the thickest walls up. But it wasn’t a competition. Everyone had their own problems and for once, Chaewon was able to put hers aside to be there for her friend.

Hyejoo taught her that even the strongest people were vulnerable sometimes, but that didn’t make them weak. If anything, Hyejoo was the strongest person she knew whether the girl believed her or not.

Yerim was a flower child. She chose to stay positive when life sometimes treated her like shit. Chaewon couldn’t understand how someone like Yerim could exist, but with how messed up the world was, everyone needed a Yerim in their life.

Thinking about Hyunjin made her crack a smile. The oldest triplet was a mix of her parents with an added flare of extra dorkiness that was unmatched. She had to thank Hyunjin for never giving up on her even when she gave the taller girl trouble. Hyunjin just always knew when she needed a hug instead of a talk and she couldn’t be more thankful.

She never told the triplets what she was going through that day they took notice of her after helping Yerim with the bully. She hasn’t told them things she should be telling them that it made her feel angry at herself for not allowing herself to open up. There were so many times she just wanted to blurt everything out, but the words were always caught in the back of her throat, so she kept her mouth shut and prayed that maybe one day she’ll be able to give them a piece of her she had locked away for so long.

Leaning her head back on the outer wall of the triplet’s house, she looked up at the darkening sky to see how peaceful it looked. It was so quiet when the sound of an approaching car snapped her out of her thoughts. Turning her head to the front of the house, she sat there and listened. Frowning, she realized it wasn’t the triplets or their parents, but instead, it was the triplet’s aunts, Jiwoo and Jungeun’s voices.

Standing up, Chaewon made her way to the fence to listen to their conversation. She could make out some words about Yerim and the hospital and how they all needed clean clothes for the night. Chaewon held her breath as thoughts ran through her head of what was going on. 

She couldn’t be here when the triplets got home. Their parents treated her as if she was their own daughter, but she knew she wasn’t. She couldn’t do this to them. She couldn’t make her problems theirs when they were already dealing with so much.

Chaewon waited for Jiwoo and Jungeun to enter the house before climbing back over the fence and began to walk aimlessly with no destination in mind.


	20. MY UGLY MOUTH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: "my ugly mouth" by meg and dia

It was different when they were younger. They didn’t know anything back then. They thought everything was going to fine because that’s what the adults kept telling them and they believed those lies. 

It was different now that they were older. They knew that life was so fragile that everything could change in a split second. The adults stopped telling them lies, but that didn’t keep them from lying to themselves that everything was going to be okay. It was the only thing they could repeat over and over to keep sane when nothing else made sense.

Hyunjin placed a hand on Hyejoo’s shaking leg causing her sister to stop moving for a second.

“Please don’t touch me right now. Everything’s a bit much right now,” Hyejoo said gently, making sure not to offend her sister, but she knew Hyunjin understood.

Hyunjin pulled away as Hyejoo went back to shaking her leg. “Sorry, but you need to stop doing that.” She pointed at Hyejoo’s hands that were clasped together so tightly that her nails were digging into the back of them.

Hyejoo looked down, loosening her grip, not even realizing that she was leaving marks on herself. She leaned back in her seat, hands resting on her legs instead. “She’s going to be okay,” Hyejoo whispered out, not sure if she was trying to reassure herself or Hyunjin.

The slightly older of the two glanced over and sighed, seeing the dark circles under Hyejoo’s eyes from the constant lack of sleep. “Can you at least hold my hand?” Hyunjin asked, feeling the need to feel close to her sister. She knew Hyejoo didn’t like being touched at times, but also knew that it could also help if Hyejoo would just let her.

Hyejoo stared at the hand for a moment before placing hers onto Hyunjin’s. She didn’t even realize how tense she was until Hyunjin gave her hand a little squeeze. The feeling of something else other than all of her senses heightening at once made her come back down to her surroundings.

They were at school when they were both called to go to the principal’s office in the middle of class. Making their way over, they tried not to think of all the horrible scenarios that could be the reason for them to be pulled out, but couldn’t stop their hearts from dropping when they saw their mom standing there with red eyes. 

“Mom?” Hyunjin was the first to speak up as they entered the principal’s office.

Sooyoung turned to face her daughters. “Hey, honey,” she said in a soft tone.

“Is Yerim okay?” Hyejoo asked without greeting her mom.

Sooyoung glanced at Haseul who was also in the room before her attention went back to them. “Hyejoo,” she replied instead.

“No, don’t just say my name and answer my question,” Hyejoo had some anger behind her voice, but she didn’t mean to sound rude.

Hyunjin placed a hand on Hyejoo’s arm to calm her down when the slightly younger girl pulled away.

Sooyoung sighed, knowing that it was no use to keep things from them when they were heading to the hospital anyways. “Yerim’s in the ICU right now.” She bit her lip, trying to keep strong for her daughters after just hearing the news herself.

Hyejoo let go of the breath she didn’t know she was holding as a cry escaped her mouth. She reached out for Hyunjin this time and allowed her sister to pull her in for a hug.

“I don’t know much, but Ma called, so we should head there.” Sooyoung looked over to Haseul again. “I’m sorry for keep having to leave work like this.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. There’s already a sub in your class so you’re fine. Go take care of your family.” Haseul gave Sooyoung’s arm a squeeze when the taller woman pulled her friend into a hug too. “Please let me know when I could come see Yerim, okay?”

Sooyoung nodded, thanking her friend again before she left the office with her daughters. Getting in the driver’s seat, she turned around to see Hyunjin wordlessly wiping tears from Hyejoo’s face and trying to comfort her. She shut her eyes tight, the scene before her reminded her of when her daughters were little and they’d be doing the same thing. As much as Hyunjin liked to goof around, she was also forced to grow up quickly, always taking care of her sisters while holding in her own emotions. 

Sooyoung hated that.

She hated that the unfair obstacles in their lives has changed them and molded them into ways she couldn’t help prevent.

Hyejoo had calmed down for the most part as the sisters just sat there silently holding onto each other’s hands. She didn’t know how to feel at the moment. Nothing felt real to her. Everything was moving while she stood still.

“Hyejoo.”

She heard her name being called as she snapped out of her thoughts that were repeating the same scene over and over again. She was back in the waiting room as she saw her parents walking towards them. The only thing Hyejoo could hear was her own breathing as she tried to keep it steady. Hyunjin gave her hand another light squeeze, jolting her attention to her sister, who looked more nervous than anything.

“Hey,” their mom greeted softly, pulling both girls into a hug as they stood up from their seats.

They returned the hug, feeling another pair of arms around them as Jinsol joined the group hug. It was their first time seeing their other mom since they’ve arrived at the hospital. The blonde was in Yerim’s room as the doctor explained what was going on and the new visitation hours.

“Can we see Yerim now?” Hyunjin asked impatiently as they pulled apart.

“We gotta talk about some things before you guys go in, okay?” Jinsol rubbed Hyunjin’s back and then crossing her arms, feeling a bit out of body with all the emotions that she was experiencing. She let out a shaky breath and took a glance at Sooyoung who understood what it meant.

Sooyoung cleared her throat before speaking. “Yerim’s hooked up to some machines that are a bit noisy, so it might be a little shocking at first, and she,” her voice trailed for a second. “And she’s not awake right now because she’s on a ventilator that’s helping her breathe. It might look scary, but just know that everything is there to help her.”

“We want to be in there with you guys, but it’s only two visitors at a time so we don’t get in the way of the nurses if they need to be there,” Jinsol added on. “You two will be okay on your own, right?”

“So you’re basically telling me that she’s on life support?” Hyunjin stated more than asked at the mention of a ventilator.

“Honey,” Jinsol started.

Hyunjin took a step back as her mom stepped forward. “No, don’t try to make this into something better than it really is,” she tried not to sound angry, but she couldn’t help the rise of her voice from the worry.

“Hyunjin,” Sooyoung tried this time. “The mucus build up in her lungs are pretty bad, so they have to use a machine to clean that out, but it’s only for a little while. Once it’s a bit cleared and she can breathe easier, they’ll take her off of the ventilator,” she explained the best she could without trying to keep information away from her daughters.

Hyunjin took in a breath and nodded, trying to keep calm to not make a scene. It didn’t scare her any less though, but she had to keep it together for herself and her family. Slipping her hand back into Hyejoo’s, they hugged their parents one more time before making their way to Yerim’s room.

They were right outside the door when they both stopped.

“I don’t know if I could do this,” Hyunjin blurted out quietly. 

Hospitals weren’t new to them, but going to see their sister that had to be moved into the ICU was. They didn’t know what to expect or how they were going to react, and the unknown scared them.

“It’s only temporary. Yerim’s going to be fine,” Hyejoo tried to reassure as she lied to herself, knowing that nothing in life was certain, but it was the only way to keep herself from breaking down.

Hyunjin nodded and reached her hand out when the door flew open, revealing a nurse. The woman smiled at them, holding the door open as they thankfully stepped in, letting the door close behind.

Hyunjin couldn’t help the immediate tears that welled up as her eyes landed on her sister in the hospital bed. Her back hit the door when Hyejoo stood in front of her, blocking her vision.

“I got you, okay?” Hyejoo had both her hands on Hyunjin’s arms, trying to get her sister to look at her. She was usually the more emotional one, but at times when Hyunjin needed her, she was always able to step up to be there for her sister.

Hyunjin nodded again and took in deep breaths, wiping her eyes with her sleeves. “I’m scared,” she admitted.

“I am too.” Hyejoo blinked back her own tears. “Come on.” She gently pulled at Hyunjin’s arm to make their way over.

Taking a seat in the chairs that were already there, they sat in silence for a moment as the machines around them were louder than they thought they would be. The device over Yerim’s mouth and the tube that came from it made Hyunjin turn away, burying her face into Hyejoo’s shoulder. Hyejoo held her sister as she tried to even out her own breathing. 

Reaching out, Hyejoo gently took hold of Yerim’s hand. It was cold under her touch, but she could blame it on the AC that made the room feel like it was freezing. She swallowed the lump in her throat, wanting to cry, but at the same time, all she felt was guilt. 

It was her fault.

She was feeling irritated that day and Yerim wasn’t exactly in the best of moods either, so they both got on each other’s nerves.

“You really going to just let Hayoung walk all over you, huh?” Hyejoo questioned, annoyed that her sister was hanging out with that girl again.

Yerim sighed, rubbing her temples as she kicked off her shoes when they entered the house. “She’s not my friend if that’s what you’re asking.”

Hyejoo turned around, blocking the stairs. “You sat with her at lunch instead of us.”

“I can sit with other people too, you know?” Yerim’s voice got louder. The truth was that Hayoung had asked for help on a class she wasn’t doing too well in and Yerim being Yerim agreed to helping someone in need. She didn’t tell Hyejoo that though, annoyed that her sister would even think she’d pick someone else over her.

“Guys,” Hyunjin said firmly, but raised up her hands in defense when both of her sisters glared at her. “Come on, it’s Friday. Can we not start the weekend with fighting?”

“Tell Yerim to stop hanging out with jerks then.” Hyejoo crossed her arms.

Yerim exhaled out of frustration. “Maybe if you listened to me instead of judging me all the time, I’d tell you why I do the things I do,” she hissed out angrily, pushing passed her sister to get up the stairs.

“Don’t,” Hyunjin warned before Hyejoo could say something she’d regret. “Cool it, would you?” 

Hyejoo shook her head. “I just, I just don’t like people taking advantage of her. I don’t want to see her hurt,” she tried to explain herself.

“Well, she’s hurting now and you’re not helping.” Hyunjin didn’t want to sugarcoat what Hyejoo was doing. The youngest sister meant well, but the way she approached some things weren’t exactly ideal especially when it came to her temper.

Hyejoo bit her lip knowing that Hyunjin had a point. “Does she,” she started out hesitantly, “does she talk to you about things more than she talks to me?” she asked, almost scared to hear the answer.

Hyunjin let out a sigh. “She was just mad, okay?”

“No, she’s right. Yerim never talks to me, about anything serious anyways.” Hyejoo sat down on the bottom step of the stairs. “Am I really that hard to talk to? Am I a shitty listener?” She asked, looking up at Hyunjin.

The oldest triplet took a seat next to Hyejoo. “You’re not hard to talk to and I don’t know about the listening part ‘cause I’m sometimes bad at that too. Yerim just doesn’t talk to anyone in general.” Hyunjin leaned back on the step behind her. “You’d think sharing a room with Yerim would get her to open up, but it’s like she doesn’t want to burden us with her problems or something. She’d always stop short on our conversations when they get too personal and it annoys me to no end, but it’s not like I call her out on it when I probably should.”

“I don’t know how to approach her sometimes,” Hyejoo admitted. They all got along fine when they were younger, but as they got older, walls were built and relationships changes. She felt like she was becoming distant with everyone she cared about and it was her fault.

“What do you mean?” Hyunjin asked out of annoyance. “Why are you overthinking this? We fight all the time, but we’re always fine after. Hell, you and me fight way more than we do with Yerim.”

Hyejoo fidgeted with her fingers out of habit. “I just feel like she’s been more annoyed with me lately and it’s not like I could blame her. I don’t even blame you for days where you don’t want to talk to me. I know I could be hard to handle sometimes.”

“What are you talking about, Hyejoo?” Hyunjin wanted to hug her sister, but refrained from it, not knowing how Hyejoo would react to the contact. “You don’t know what she’s thinking so why are you assuming that she’s been annoyed with you? You can’t read her mind,” she paused to try to get her sister to look at her, but continued when she didn’t look up. “You can’t read my mind either, you know? There’s days where I avoid everyone, not just you. You can’t just assume things like that. It’s not healthy.”

“I can’t help it.” Hyejoo was prone to overthinking. She often times made up her mind on how other people were feeling when she knew it wasn’t accurate without actually talking it over with them. She’d replay conversations and events over and over, ruminating on things no one else probably worried about.

“We should grab something to eat. Maybe walking will give us a chance to sort things out.” Hyunjin stood up and held her hand out.

Hyejoo took the hand as she was helped up.

“Nothing fixes a dumb quarrel like getting some food, right?” Hyunjin joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, sure.” Hyejoo followed her sister up the stairs. 

Making it into her own room, she tossed her backpack on the floor before sitting on her bed. Sighing, she placed her head in her hands and then stared at the polaroid pictures that were hung on her wall by LED string lights. There were a bunch of the triplets when they were younger up until present day with their friends and family. Yerim has always loved cameras, so she’d take a bunch of polaroids and give it her sisters as a way to remember moments that could be easily forgotten. Hyejoo didn’t like getting her picture taken much, but always agreed, knowing it made her sister happy.

She wondered if her sister was happy now.

Thinking about it, Hyejoo couldn’t remember the last time the sisters got together to actually talk about anything that was going on in their lives. They’ve all been so busy with their own stuff that they’ve forgotten about the little things that kept them together.

She felt like they were drifting and she couldn’t help but think it was her fault.

A knock on her door jolted Hyejoo out of her thoughts. She hated how she was so easily startled, always being lost in worlds that weren’t here. Getting up, Hyejoo made her way out, seeing that Yerim was already at the bottom of the stairs while Hyunjin waited for her to come out of the room.

They left the house without a word, walking in silence as Hyejoo wondered if the air was as thick with tension as she thought it felt. 

Glancing over at Yerim, she could see her sister looked more tired than usual with her shoulders slumped, but didn’t want to think it was because of their earlier argument. 

“Are you okay?” Hyejoo asked when Yerim let out a few coughs and tried to take in deep breaths.

Yerim hummed in response, but coughed again.

Hyejoo and Hyunjin made eye contact and stopped in their steps.

“Maybe you should sit down for a second,” Hyunjin suggested, grabbing Yerim’s arm to get her to sit on a step at someone’s yard.

Yerim nodded, taking a seat before reaching into her pocket to pull out her inhaler. Shaking it a few times, she took her medicine, and then waited for a moment before repeating the process.

“Sit up,” Hyejoo instructed, placing her hand on Yerim’s back to get her to straighten it.

Yerim did what she was told, but her medication didn’t seem to be kicking in as she wheezed for air. She closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on breathing. “Hye,” she managed to get out as her chest felt like it was tightening.

“Yeah, I’m here.” Hyejoo kneeled in front of her sister and ran circles on her back as comfort.

They waited to see if the medication was going to kick in, but after some time, Hyunjin stood up.

“I’m going to call Mom,” Hyunjin said, pulling out her phone. It rang a few times before the other line picked up. “Mom? Yerim’s having an asthma attack. No, we’re outside. We went to get food.” She then turned to Hyejoo, motioning at the inhaler. “Get her to use that again.”

Hyejoo nodded, taking the device out of Yerim’s hand to shake it for her, before getting her to take the medication.

“Mom, I’m going to hang up. I think I need to call for help.” Hyunjin looked down at Yerim to see her struggling to breathe even more after using the inhaler again. 

Hyunjin stayed on the line, talking to an operator as Hyejoo tried to guide Yerim through the asthma attack.

“Hey, come on, deep breaths,” Hyejoo coached, holding onto one of her sister’s hands.

Hyejoo couldn’t help the silent tears that fell, angry at herself for fighting with Yerim when her sister was obviously in an off mood. She hated to think that their argument added stress on Yerim, triggering her asthma attack.

This was one too many times where they had to take Yerim to the hospital in the past months and each time, it got scarier. They’ve never seen her so drained of energy, smiling less as everything exhausted her. They couldn’t stop the what ifs that flooded their minds and gnawed at their souls as they sat by her hospital bed, wishing they could take back every hurtful thing they’ve ever said and just to start again.

Yerim was supposed to be out in a couple of days, but now she was in the ICU and no one was sure of when she’d get to come home. That’s all they wanted, for Yerim to be safe and sound in the comfort of their home, but life didn’t care about what they wanted as it kicked them down after they just learned how to be okay again.

“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin whispered out with her head still on Hyejoo’s shoulder. She didn’t know what she was sorry for, but she just was.

“Me too,” Hyejoo said quietly. She ran her thumb on the back of Yerim’s hand, wishing her sister knew how much she loved her although she rarely said it out loud. 

No matter how messed up things got, no matter how many ugly words Hyejoo has spat out, Yerim and Hyunjin were always by her side even when they didn’t understand what she was going through. They gave her space, but never left her alone even when she yelled at them to. She thought she deserved to be alone, but they made sure she knew that she wasn’t.

“I think Yerim would like it if we had pictures up in here,” Hyejoo spoke up randomly, thinking about how Yerim always kept printed photos of them even when she had her phone to store them in.

Hyunjin looked up in response, but still clung to Hyejoo’s side, glad that her sister didn’t mind. “Can we even have that in here?” Noticing the lack of any surface to put things on.

Hyejoo shrugged. “I don’t know.” She thought she would have broken down by now, but all she felt was numb. She couldn’t tell which was worse as she placed an arm over Hyunjin’s shoulder, pulling her sister in close. 

Comforting her sister wasn’t something she did much since the roles were usually reversed. It didn’t come natural for her like how it was natural for Hyunjin and Yerim to show love through physical contact. She thought of how selfish she was. She wanted them to know how she felt when words weren’t enough to express it. Hyejoo didn’t know how to be a good sister, but she was trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sure it can't stay angtsy forever right?


	21. WHAT MATTERS

“Don’t.”

“I swear, if you…”

Words fell on deaf ears as shrieking could be heard and the sound of objects falling, splatting on the ground.

“Oops?” Hyunjin grinned sheepishly at the eggs that were smashed on the kitchen floor.

“I told you not to try to juggle them and now they’re on my feet!” Hyejoo hissed out while making a face at how gross the eggs felt between her toes. She then turned to her other sister and smacked her upside the head. “Shut up, you’re gonna wake up Moms.”

“I’m sorry, but,” Yerim’s voice died in her throat as another laugh escaped from it. Reaching over to get some paper towels, she ripped a few and bent down to help clean the goop off of Hyejoo. “Hyunjin, you’re such an idiot,” she said between giggles.

Hyunjin still stood there grinning, but bent down to help clean the mess too. “I’ve always wanted to try juggling eggs, so no regrets.”

“Yeah, no regrets ‘cause none of them got on you, you jerk.” Hyejoo placed a hand on top of Hyunjin’s head to keep balance as her sisters lifted her leg up to clean the remainder of it. “At this rate, we’re never going to finish this.”

“Stop worrying, Chae and Heej will be here in a second,” Hyunjin tried to reassure, leading a hopping Hyejoo over to the sink as she got on the counter to wash her feet. 

“Is that supposed to make me feel better? The only thing they do in the kitchen is eat,” Hyejoo grumbled, but couldn’t help the laugh that came out of her mouth as her feet tickled from Hyunjin trying to wash it. “Are you trying to make me mad? Stop tickling me!”

“I’m not! Ow! Stop yanking at my hair!” Hyunjin tried to pull away from her sister who had a death grip on her shoulder and some hair.

Hyejoo let go, not realizing she was hurting Hyunjin. “Sorry, okay? It tickles.”

“Watch the pot. I’m gonna open the door for Chae and Heejin,” Yerim announced, walking out of the kitchen.

Smiling to herself, she shook her head at how ridiculous everyday life was in the Jung-Ha household. It was never quiet when the three of them were together no matter how hard they tried. They always ended up laughing or bickering or both at the same time. She wondered how their parents could deal with them, but then remembered just how rowdy their parents could be too. She used to think that that was how all families were, but soon came to realize that they got lucky. 

She remembered Hyunjin coming home after befriending Heejin in 5th grade, rambling on about how Heejin couldn’t get a skateboard because it wasn’t girly or dress how she wanted to because black wasn’t a color. At that time, she didn’t understand why Heejin’s parents didn’t let her do the things she wanted to do, but as she grew older, that style of parenting seemed more of the norm than how her parents treated her and her sisters.

Heejin came from a well off family, but she was restricted from being herself and it didn’t matter what money could buy, because it couldn’t replace the emptiness Heejin felt growing up in a household that didn’t support her for who she was. Yerim saw her friend grow up to be someone bitter and sarcastic, hiding behind unspoken words she wished she could pry out of her, but knew childhood habits from all the emotional damage was hard to break from.

Sighing, Yerim opened the front door to reveal Heejin in one of her usual beanies, a skateboard tucked under her arm and a goofy smile on her face. Next to her was Chaewon in an oversized hoodie and ripped black beans, arm loosely hanging onto Heejin’s.

“Hey,” Yerim greeted, stepping to the side to let her friends in.

“Your Moms still asleep?” Heejin asked, placing the skateboard down on the ground as they walked to the kitchen.

“Yeah, they were out pretty late last night and they usually sleep in after playing shows,” Yerim answered, knowing how her parents along with her aunts liked to hang out and have a few drinks to destress.

“I picked them some flowers.” Chaewon carefully took off her backpack to reveal a small bouquet of different colored flowers that were arranged thoughtfully. “My neighbor let me pick some after I helped her clean up her yard,” she explained, shyly holding them up.

“Aw, Chae, they’re beautiful.” Yerim showed a puppy face at how cute the blonde looked holding the flowers. “They’re gonna love it.”

Chaewon tucked hair behind her ear. “I hope so. I couldn’t get them anything else.”

“Are you kidding me? This is perfect. Moms don’t even let us buy them anything anyways. They seriously just want love.” Yerim smiled thinking about how her parents and the triplets made it a deal to not spend money on materialistic things, but instead, to spend it on memories, going out and spending time with each other.

They entered the kitchen to see Hyunjin drying off Hyejoo’s feet with a towel before the youngest triplet hopped off the counter.

“What happened here?” Heejin raised an eyebrow, seeing ingredients all over the place.

“Hyunjin wanted to see what happens if she tried juggling eggs when she can’t even juggle.” Hyejoo glared at her sister, who just smiled in return. “We’re almost done though, just cleaning up now.” She walked over to stir the food and then turned off the stove, placing the pot on a different spot.

“Smells good,” Chaewon commented as she placed a hand on her stomach, trying to stop it from growling. “Do you have a vase?”

“You got flowers for Moms?” Hyunjin asked, walking over to give Chaewon a hug. “Why do you always look cuter than me in my own hoodies?” She took notice of the oversized clothes on the blonde, wondering if they were all the clothes Chaewon owned as she was always seen in them.

“You look cute in hoodies too, Hyun,” Yerim piped up.

“I think you look annoying,” Hyejoo said with a flat tone before trying to move out of the way as a roll of paper towels were thrown at her. “What the hell? You’re gonna get them dirty.” She caught the roll and placed it back.

“I think you look annoying,” Hyunjin mocked under her breath before getting a vase out from a cabinet. She filled it with water and placed it on the counter before throwing an arm over Chaewon’s shoulder, pulling her friend in. “I’m so tired of not being appreciated, Chae,” she sighed dramatically and leaned her head onto the blonde.

“What are you guys baking?” Heejin questioned as she sniffed the air.

Hyunjin eyes widen, letting go of Chaewon. “Oh crap. Did the timer not go off?”

“There’s still 4 minutes left. We’re fine.” Yerim walked over to turn on the oven light to check the cake. “Looks moist,” she dragged out the last word on purpose, knowing how disgusting it sounded.

“How are your parents not awake? I could smell all the food right when I stepped into the house,” Heejin asked, taking the different colored icing from Hyejoo to place on the table.

“They’re either trying to be nice and stay in their rooms until we get them or they’re really just exhausted. They came home at like 3am last night.” Hyejoo knew this because she was up playing games. She then gave the last of the ingredients to Heejin before taking a seat next to her. “And it’s still early anyways.” She glanced over at the time on the stove as it showed it was a little past 10am.

“Yeah, I’m still a bit sleepy.” Chaewon yawned, using her sweater paws to cover her mouth.

“You wanna nap?” Yerim asked, scrunching her eyebrows, noticing the bags under her friend’s eyes.

Chaewon walked over to sit next to the purple haired girl who was organizing the things on the table. “I’m okay. Maybe later.”

Yerim reached under the table after she was finished and held onto the blonde’s hand as her friend leaned against her. Chaewon has been feeling exhausted lately and the warm contact of another made her feel at ease, thankful that her friends knew when she needed it.

“The cake looks good,” Hyunjin spoke, taking the tray out of the oven, carefully placing it on top of the stove. “Okay, gonna let it cool down a bit before we could start decorating it.” She took off the oven mitts and went over to the table where everyone else was, sitting on the other side of Hyejoo and across from Chaewon. “We should make one for Aunt Jiwoo and Aunt Jungeun too.”

“Didn’t Yeojin say she was doing something for her Mom and Ms. Kim?” Heejin took off her beanie and twirled it on her hand.

“Oh yeah, be weird if we did something for Aunt Jiwoo and not Aunt Jungeun though,” Hyunjin commented, thinking about how important her aunts were to them. “We can just do a dinner like we always do too and invite Principal Jo along.”

“Isn’t Aunt Jiwoo gonna feel like she’s 5th wheeling or something,” Hyejoo pointed out.

Hyunjin furrowed her eyebrows. “I didn’t think about that.” They never had a problem with it before, but now that their Aunt Jungeun’s relationship with their principal was out in the open to them, it was their first year having to deal with this kind of situation. 

“Do you think Aunt Jiwoo ever gets lonely?” Yerim frowned at the thought. As happy as the woman always seemed, she wondered about the sides their aunt never showed them.

“Stop, now you’re making me sad.” Hyunjin pouted, hating to think the happiest person she knew could be hurting. She then thought of how their aunt was similar to Yerim in that they only showed a positive side to them to the world while keeping everything else to themselves.

“Aunt Jungeun recently moved out of their shared apartment too,” Hyejoo added on with a sigh.

“I said, stop.” Hyunjin laid her head on the table with her arms hanging down the side before lifting it up again. “Aunt Jiwoo said she was fine being single. It’s not always a lonely thing, you know. People make it seem like being single is so bad and that everyone’s goal in life should be to get married. She already gets crap from her parents that she doesn’t want kids.”

“Ms. Kim doesn’t want kids?” Heejin questioned, a little surprised to hear this new information.

Hyunjin got up from her seat and started to walk to the cooled cake. “She likes the freedom. Says she already worries about all of us too much already that she can’t imagine worrying over her own kids.” She placed the cake in the middle of the table as they got started on decorating it. “I think there’s just things she wants to do for herself that she can’t do with kids. I mean, we all know Mom wanted to be a dancer growing up, but that couldn’t happen.”

“Yeah, but she also says dreams change.” Yerim didn’t look up from putting frosting on the cake.

“I know. I’m not saying that we’re keeping our parents from doing what they want, but while Moms chose to have us, Aunt Jiwoo is choosing to do what she wants even when everyone else is telling her otherwise,” Hyunjin tried to explain the best she could. “Everyone has different goals in life and shouldn’t just try to follow what others expect from you, ya know?”

“Ms. Kim is my idol,” Chaewon concluded half jokingly, but she meant it too.

“Yeah, Aunt Jiwoo’s pretty cool,” Yerim agreed, glad that they had someone to look up to that wasn’t conventional in the way they thought. “She’s all about doing what she wants because it’s her own life type of thing.”

Heejin sighed, thinking about her own life and how restricted she felt. “As much as I don’t want to listen to my parents, I still feel like I have to follow what they say though. I wish I could be more like your Aunt, but it’s kinda scary to do things with no support.”

“You have us,” Hyunjin reassured.

“I know, but it’s different when it’s my parents that keep telling me what to do, you know what I mean? If I listen to them and fail, it’s fine, but if I try to do my own thing and fail, then I’d feel like maybe I should have listened to them in the first place.”

This time, it was Hyunjin who sighed. “Heej, but the thing is, you’ll never know if you never try. You’re just gonna live your life with what ifs and regrets if you keep listening to others. Your parents might think they know what’s best for you, but ultimately, you’re the one that knows what you truly want.”

“They keep wanting me to major in things I don’t even care about when I’m off to college.” Heejin put down the icing and just fidgeted with it.

“Do what makes you happy. I know it’s harder said than done, but what’s the point of pleasing others when it’s your life? If they truly love you, they’ll support you in anything you do,” Yerim was talking from experience, always having the support of her parents even when she did things differently.

Heejin slumped in her chair. “You know how my parents are.”

“We can’t choose our family, but as your friends, you know we support you right?” Hyunjin asked. As much as she liked to joke around with Heejin, she knew her friend had a hard time, feeling like an outcast who was never understood in her own home.

“Yeah, I know. Thanks.” She then looked up to see all eyes with concern on her. “Argh, I made the atmosphere all gloomy again.” 

Yerim shrugged. “I think it’s nice to hear you talk about your problems for once.”

“Yeah, well, the next problem is how to get Chae to stop eating all the frosting,” Heejin joked, trying to lighten the mood as she looked at their blonde friend who currently was holding a spoon next to her mouth.

“We’re almost done anyways.” Hyejoo was using the icing pen to write stuff on the cake. “But yeah, Chae, stop eating that. You’re gonna get a stomachache with too much sugar in the morning,” she lightly scolded.

“Yes, mom.” Chaewon pouted, but finished the rest of the frosting on the spoon anyways before placing it down.

“Okay, cake goes in the fridge and then set up the table,” Hyunjin instructed, getting up from her seat to take the cake away.

The rest got up as well to get everything ready.

“Hyejoo should go wake up Moms,” Yerim suggested while she passed bowls over to her friends to put on the table.

“Why me?” Hyejoo questioned.

“Because you’re their youngest baby,” Yerim teased and pinched Hyejoo’s cheeks, who tried to slap her sister’s hand away.

“Fine,” Hyejoo grumbled, but left the kitchen anyways.

Walking up the stairs, Hyejoo hummed a song her parent’s band has been working on. They had asked her to play drums for them since they couldn’t always practice with the full band. She never minded hanging out with her parents on weekends while her sisters were off somewhere else. She was just happy to see how well her parents worked together even when they had disagreements. One day, she wished she could find someone who understood her completely too, but she knew it would never happen if she kept having her guard up all the time.

Sighing, she reached their door and gave it a light knock. The response was instant and she figured that they have been up for some time now. Opening the door, she peeked her head up to see her parents still in bed, but one was reading while the other was on her phone.

“Hey, honey,” Sooyoung greeted, placing the device down.

Hyejoo smiled and walked in, walking over to Sooyoung’s side of the bed when the older woman sat up, hugging her around the waist before throwing her into the middle of the bed.

Hyejoo let out a squeak at being tossed as she struggled to get up, but Jinsol on the other side had her pinned down as well.

“Where you think you’re going?” Jinsol asked laughing with an arm around her daughter, keeping her from moving.

“Hyunjin and Yerim are waiting for you guys downstairs,” Hyejoo answered as she laid between her parents.

“Smells good,” Sooyoung commented, brushing hair out of Hyejoo’s face before giving her a kiss on the forehead.

Hyejoo leaned against Jinsol’s embrace, facing Sooyoung. “Yeah, kinda hard keeping anything a secret when the smell of food is everywhere.” She then jolted a bit, feeling the vibration of her phone in her pocket. Reaching down, she pulled it out to read the text. “Hyunjin’s getting impatient,” she informed.

“Reminds me of when you guys were little and we had to separate Hyunjin from you two during bedtime for birthdays and holidays because she would get too excited and kept everyone up at night.” Jinsol laughed thinking about the days when they were younger.

Hyejoo groaned. “She’s still like that. Her and Yerim usually sleep in my bed during those times now.”

“Okay, let’s get up before she comes running up the stairs,” Sooyoung said, swinging her legs off of the bed and getting up. She reached a hand out for Hyejoo to grab, pulling her daughter off the bed as well. “You’re so tall now,” she commented, standing next to Hyejoo who was about the same height as her.

“Please don’t make that face, Mom.” Hyejoo held her mom’s hand who was pouting, being all sentimental over how fast the triplets were growing.

Sooyoung didn’t listen, caressing her daughter’s cheeks before not being able to help but plant a kiss on them.

“Mom,” Hyejoo whined, but secretly loved being babied by her parents no matter how old she got.

“Stop hogging her to yourself.” Jinsol came from behind and kissed Hyejoo’s other cheek.

“Hyunjin’s going to be so jealous,” Hyejoo joked, knowing just how much the oldest triplet liked being babied even more.

“Oh please. We’ll give her all the hugs and kisses she wants later, and to Yerim too, although that kid always pulls away,” Jinsol grumbled the last part.

Hyejoo laughed before grabbing both of her parents hands to drag them out of the room. They went down the stairs to surprisingly not hear any noise coming from the kitchen. As they got closer, they couldn’t see anyone there until they got to the table and a bunch of heads popped up from under.

“Happy Mother’s Day!” They all shouted in unison with grins on their faces.

Hyejoo felt the grip on her hands tighten before her parents let go to walk to the rest of the kids.

Hyunjin was grinning ear to ear with her arms thrown up, but then her face turned to a frown when Sooyoung hugged her. “Mom, don’t cry.” She held onto the slightly taller woman.

“All my babies are here,” Sooyoung’s voice shook as she cleared her throat, kissing Hyunjin on the head before going over to do the same to Yerim. She then walked over to where Chaewon and Heejin were in Jinsol’s arms. Wrapping her own arms around the three, she sighed at her extended family. “I’m so happy you two are here.”

Jinsol reached over to kiss Sooyoung who was wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

“You’re really going to kiss each other with us in between?” Chaewon questioned, trying to wiggle out of the embrace, pulling Heejin along.

Jinsol let out a small laugh and patted Chaewon on the butt in a loving manner. “You’re stuck with us, baby.”

Chaewon smiled, leaning against Jinsol who still had a hold on her. “I got flowers,” she said quietly. Walking over to the counter, she brought the vase to the table and shyly tucked hair behind her ear before her eyes widen, mouth opening to say something, but stopped herself when Sooyoung burst out crying. “I— Mom, don’t cry.” It just felt so natural to call the older woman mom that she hadn’t even realize she had done it. She went over to give Sooyoung another hug, but then started to feel other arms around her as they got into a group hug.

“They’re just happy tears,” Sooyoung reassured, pulling the blonde in close. She saw Heejin standing off a bit to the side when she used her other arm to pull her in too. “I love you all, you know that?”

“I love all my babies too,” Jinsol added on, giving each kid a kiss, but had to try harder when Yerim was squirming away. “Hey, keep still.” She grabbed onto Yerim’s arm who finally listened. 

For a ball of sunshine, Yerim often herself being mischievous when it came to affection. She always made her parents work harder for it, finding it funny when they got frustrated. It was something she grew up doing and it was a habit that just stuck around. 

Yerim let Jinsol kiss her cheek, but ducked when Sooyoung tried causing her mom to stop crying and frown instead, smacking her arm to stay still. Yerim let out a laugh, lightening the mood as Sooyoung lifted her up in a bear hug to keep her from moving.

They settled down after some time, taking a seat around the table with food laid out. For the day, they forgot about every stress and put everything on pause as they just enjoyed their time together.

Sooyoung and Jinsol didn’t know when they became the collective moms of the triplet’s friends, but they were glad that they were able to give love to Heejin who felt she didn’t get it from her own parents and to Chaewon who never had parent figures to begin with. It felt familiar to Sooyoung since her parents were basically Jungeun’s too, but it was something new for Jinsol since she was the one that craved for love growing up. Never having that parental connection to her own, Jinsol found it easy to love others in place of what she never received. 

Looking around the table, Jinsol’s eyes landed on Sooyoung to find her wife staring at her with a soft smile. Returning the smile, she couldn’t help how grateful she felt having her family so happy even if it was just for that moment. 

She wished every day was like that, but knew it was impossible as that Mother’s Day became another memory that felt so long ago. Sighing, Jinsol leaned her head on top of Sooyoung’s who had fallen asleep on her shoulder. Replacing those once happy tears were dried sad ones down her wife’s face that she hated to see. 

Shifting around in the hospital chair, she gave up halfway on trying to feel comfortable and let out a sigh as she reached out to hold Yerim’s hand who was out cold on the bed. The other two triplets and Heejin were staying the night over at Haseul’s, but she couldn’t help but worry over Chaewon, who her daughters couldn’t get in contact with. She felt uneasy having not seen the little blonde in a few days and have driven to Chaewon’s place with her wife to try to see if they could find her, but left without any luck. She felt her stomach sink, thinking about the girl who was practically her daughter too and tried to shake the feeling, but couldn’t.

Pulling out her phone, she dialed Chaewon’s number again from the phone her and her wife had gifted the blonde for her birthday last year, praying to a god that wasn’t listening as she let it ring.


	22. HOME

Sooyoung held her phone over her ear as she finished putting away food in the fridge. Jiwoo and Jungeun had been taking turns making them dinner, knowing that they haven’t had time to eat a proper meal for days now. “How are the kids?” She asked over the line.

“They’re fine. Heejin is here too,” Haseul answered on the other side. “I feel like I’m at school on a Saturday. Why do these kids insist on calling me Principal Jo outside of school?”

“They think it’s hilarious apparently.” Sooyoung switched the device to her other ear as she drummed her fingers on the counter with the other.

“I’m trying to get Yeojin to stop calling Jungeun, Ms. Kim Jungeun, every time she’s over, but she says she has to include her first name to not get her confused with Jiwoo, the other Ms. Kim. As if anyone’s confusing the two when they’re not even in the same room,” Haseul rambled. “Jungeun doesn’t even work at the school anymore,” she mumbled the last part.

Sooyoung chuckled, knowing Yeojin just liked giving her mom a hard time. “Yeojin seems to like Jungeun though, so that’s good right? She definitely did not like your ex, but I mean, who did like your ex?”

Haseul could be heard groaning over the phone. “Remind me again why I ever dated men?”

“You just have really bad taste in them is all.” Sooyoung thought back to the people she dated in the past and was glad her teacher in senior year assigned her to be partnered up with Jinsol. If it weren’t for that, they probably would have went through high school without even knowing of each other’s existence.

“But Jungeun is different right?” Haseul hated to ask, but she was used to being hurt that she was scared to let down her guard again. Although they’ve been together for some time now, it was still hard for her to not think that everything could be ruined somehow.

Sooyoung sighed, but understood her friend’s concern with trust. “Jungeun is great. I mean, she can be stubborn at times and you know she has some issues, but doesn’t everybody? Look, Haseul, Jungeun isn’t anything like your ex. She loves Yeojin and she loves you, that much is evident. She raves about you guys all the time, but don’t tell her I told you this, because she likes to keep her cool image.” She shook her head thinking about her high school friend. “Cool image, my ass. Kid acts like a grandma,” Sooyoung mumbled.

“It’s kind of cute.” Haseul smiled at the thought of Jungeun nagging about keeping the house clean and setting an example for Yeojin. “You’re right. God, I feel so bad for keeping this wall up sometimes, but I can’t help it.”

“Out of all people, I know she’d understand. It just takes some time. You guys will make it work,” Sooyoung reassured.

“How’s Jiwoo?” Haseul questioned with hesitation. She knew of Jungeun and Jiwoo’s past, and it’d be a lie to say that she didn’t feel concerned over their long history together.

“Jiwoo? Jiwoo’s fine. She’s flirting with Vivi, but I can’t tell if Vivi likes her back or if she’s just dense.”

“Vivi hasn’t said anything about this to me.” Haseul took note to ask her best friend about this the next time they saw each other.

“I swear, that woman has no idea when Jiwoo openly flirts with her every time she goes to the nurse’s office. Who the hell visits the nurse’s office that frequently?” Sooyoung checked the time that was on the stove to see that it was getting late. “Sorry to cut this short, but I really should go. I gotta go to the hospital early tomorrow.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I kept you on the phone for some time now talking about nonsense,” Haseul brushed off the apology. “How’s Yerim?”

“It’s not nonsense, Haseul. You can talk to me about anything, even things that aren’t Jungeun related. And Yerim’s,” her voice trailed off for a second. “She’s the same.” She swallowed the lump in her throat before speaking again. “We’re just hoping her lungs clear out a bit and get stronger so that she can breathe on her own. Thanks again for letting my kids stay at your place for the night, by the way.”

“Yeah, of course. They can stay over whenever. You and Jinsol are okay, right?”

Sooyoung closed her eyes thinking about her wife. “Yeah, as okay as we can be anyway. It’s just been tough, but we’ll be alright.”

“If you two ever need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask or if you just need someone to talk to.” Haseul couldn’t imagine what it was like to have your child in the hospital. She was thankful that Yeojin was healthy, but her heart ached for Yerim.

“Thank you, Haseul. That really does mean a lot.”

“Alright, well, goodnight. Let me know when I could come visit Yerim with Yeojin.”

“She would love that. Thanks again. Night.” Sooyoung hung up the phone after Haseul said another goodnight.

Taking a deep breath, she put the device in her pocket and rested her elbows onto the counter, placing her face into her hands as she exhaled. She hated how quiet the house was, but Hyunjin and Hyejoo had wanted a night away from everything and she couldn’t blame them. It would be a lie to say that she didn’t need some time alone with Jinsol too as they tried to gather their thoughts together. 

As strong as she always tried to be for her family, she couldn’t help but feel like she could fall apart at any second. The feeling of being useless came back to her as if she was a young mother again, scared of the unknown, not sure how to take care of their daughters. 

She hated the silence. It made her overthink and overthinking was dangerous as she felt her throat getting dry and her eyes watering. Clearing her throat, she shook her head to get rid of the feeling and started to walk out of the kitchen.

Sooyoung was half way upstairs when she thought she heard something. Stopping in her tracks, she stood still and listened. Hearing it again, she frowned and walked back down the stairs, standing by the front door. She looked through the peephole and almost missed what she was supposed to see, but couldn’t mistake the fleeting figure as she threw the door open.

“Chaewon!” Sooyoung called out to the girl that was about to cross the street. “Chaewon!” she yelled again, stepping out of the house with bare feet.

The hooded figure stopped after the second call of her name, back still turned as she stood there trying to think of what to do, but before her brain could register anything, she found herself being embraced from behind by the woman who she wanted to call mom.

“Baby, where have you been?” Sooyoung questioned, turning the small girl around.

Chaewon let out a cry, not wanting to meet Sooyoung’s eyes as she bowed her head down so that her hair could hide her face.

Sooyoung’s eyes widen in alarm and pulled Chaewon close to her. They walked back to the house to get away from the cold night. Once inside, Sooyoung noticed that the girl only had one untied shoe on, while the other was missing.

Feeling her heart beat loudly in her chest, Sooyoung led Chaewon to the couch in the living room. Thoughts bombarded her mind, but she didn’t want to assume anything until she asked the girl herself.

Chaewon still had her head down, hands clamped together so tightly that her knuckles were turning white.

“Please look at me, Chaewon. I need to know that you’re okay,” Sooyoung pleaded softly as she rubbed circles on the girl’s back.

Chaewon shook her head. “I shouldn’t be here. I’m sorry,” her voice shook as she spoke, trying to think of a way to get out of the house before she exposed herself, but she was thinking that it was already too late for that.

“Don’t ever apologize for coming here. You can always come here,” Sooyoung reassured and took the risk, gently placing her hand below Chaewon’s chin. She had had a glimpse of the younger girl’s face earlier and she wanted to make sure that what she saw was actually true before she could say more. Lifting Chaewon’s head towards her, she bit her lip when their eyes made contact. She slowly brushed away the blonde’s hair from her face and held her breath when she saw the cut and bruises on the side that was once covered.

“Oh, honey,” Sooyoung whispered out, cupping the girl’s face with her hand.

Chaewon let out another cry and pulled away as she stood up from the couch to try to get away. She didn’t get far when Sooyoung grabbed at her wrist, causing her to let out a pained yelp.

The older woman immediately let go. “Chaewon, please. You came here for a reason, so please just let me help you,” Sooyoung begged, not knowing what else to do. She stood there, scared that Chaewon would run from her again. Scared that she wouldn’t see the girl for days again or if this would be the last time she saw her if she were to leave the house now.

Chaewon had her hand on the doorknob and contemplated on leaving, but the guilt she felt from hearing Sooyoung’s voice made her change her mind as she let go and crumbled to her knees.

Sooyoung let go of the breath she was holding and walked over, bending down to pull the smaller girl into her arms as sobs wracked the blonde’s body.

Hearing footsteps coming down the stairs, Sooyoung looked up to see Jinsol with wet hair, obviously just being finished with her shower. They gave each other such helpless looks as Jinsol rushed the rest of the way down to join the two on the floor.

Chaewon feeling another pair of arms around her, cried even harder. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she kept repeating. “I didn’t know where else to go,” she choked on sobs, trying to take in breath, but found it hard to concentrate on anything.

“You can always come to us, baby. You can always count on us,” Jinsol reassured, not even sure of what was going on, but she knew that her fourth daughter needed them and that was all that mattered.

Chaewon kept mumbling words, some incoherent compared to others as Jinsol and Sooyoung said words of comfort, rocking the young girl in their arms until her cries started to die down, turning to quiet whimpers.

“Honey, I need to check if you’re okay,” Sooyoung tried to say as gently as possible, not wanting Chaewon to push them away again. “We can talk about it later, but I need to see where you’re hurt.”

Chaewon was scared, but she knew she couldn’t hide from them this time, so she slowly nodded as they helped her up to her feet. She took the first step up the stairs when she winced, arms shooting around to her ribs.

Sooyoung frowned, wanting to hold Chaewon again, but didn’t know if she would hurt her. “Can I carry you?” She asked instead.

Chaewon hesitantly nodded, knowing that it would be no use to decline help at this point. She threw her arms around Sooyoung’s neck as she bent down to lift her up. Resting her head against the woman’s chest, she let out a small sigh, not used to being taken care of when she was injured.

They made their way to their room as Sooyoung gently set Chaewon down to sit on their bed.

Jinsol sat besides the girl. “I’m going to take off your hoodie okay?” Getting another nod, she helped Chaewon take the clothing off slowly, trying not to hurt her as the smaller blonde held back the wince she wanted to let out. Throwing the hoodie to the side, Jinsol breath hitched, seeing more bruises that matched the color of the ones on Chaewon’s face along with other faded ones. “I’m sorry, but I have to ask,” Jinsol’s voice came out quiet. “I know Sooyoung said we can talk later, but I can’t,” she stopped mid sentence, trying to figure out the right words to say. “I need to know if your fosters are hurting you.” She held her breath, not sure of what reaction was going to come out of Chaewon, not sure if she was ready to hear what was going to be said.

“No,” Chaewon said a bit fast, almost emotionless than how she was just moments before. “They don’t hurt me physically, but they let others,” she paused, feeling her breathing become shallow and her heart pounding in her ears. “The kids there, they just do what they want.” The truth came out easier than she thought once she already had her guard down. “They don’t like me because I take up space,” she quietly let out, feeling silent tears starting to roll down her cheekbones again.

Jinsol felt her own tears fall down, but she quickly wiped them away, not wanting to break down when she wanted to take care of Chaewon first. Glancing at Sooyoung, she could see her wife standing there with her hands clenched into fists, understanding the anger that could be seen in her eyes, but she watched as Sooyoung’s eyes softened, not wanting to show that side of her when Chaewon was already scared.

They wondered if their daughters knew of what Chaewon was going through, hoping that something as serious as this wouldn’t be kept a secret from them, but also knew how afraid they might be to say anything if their friend had told them not to. Pushing the thought to the side, they tried to focus on the here and now.

Bending down in front of Chaewon, Sooyoung placed a hand on the girl’s knee. “Honey, I need to see your ribs.” Not forgetting how the blonde had grabbed at it when she was trying to get up the stairs.

Chaewon fidgeted with the hem of her shirt before letting go so that Sooyoung could lift it up, She turned her face away, scared to see their reactions.

Sooyoung let out a small gasp at more bruises that lined the small girl’s body. “You might need to go to the hospital,” she said automatically at seeing the injuries.

“No,” Chaewon blurted out immediately, standing up out of instinct, but winced out of pain and sat down again. “I can’t.” Her eyes showed panic, looking between the two women.

“There could be internal bleeding or broken ribs,” Jinsol spoke up this time.

“I’m fine.” Chaewon stood up again, but slower this time. “I can just leave.”

Sooyoung got in front of the blonde to block her way. “Chaewon, listen to me. Sit, please,” she started.

Chaewon complied, sitting down, but a little farther away from Jinsol this time.

“Every part of me is telling me to take you to the hospital just to make sure you’re okay, but I know you’d just run at the first chance you get.” Sooyoung swallowed the lump in her throat, bending down to face Chaewon again, trying to get the girl to look at her. “You know that you’re safe with us, right?” It wasn’t always like this. There was a time when the broken girl first came to their house, closed off and untrusting of everyone around her, but they’ve come a long way from that.

Chaewon nodded, wiping away tears from her face before gripping the bed sheets tightly.

“Then just let us take care of you right now, but if the pain starts to get worse or you change your mind, you have to let us know,” Sooyoung chose her words carefully, afraid that the blonde would try to get away.

Chaewon nodded again, unsure of what else to do. She knew there was no turning back now as soon as she stepped foot inside of the house. She wanted to run, but she also just wanted to rest. She was so tired, so tired of everything that the exhaustion wouldn’t let her think straight.

“We can run a bath for you. Help you clean up if you need us to,” Jinsol gently said, stroking the girl’s hair. “You can borrow one of the triplet’s clothes,” she offered, knowing that Chaewon was often seen in one of the three’s clothing anyways. They had bought her clothes before, but Chaewon, never wanting help, only accepted them on birthdays or Christmas.

“Can I,” Chaewon stammered. “Can I borrow one of Yerim’s hoodies?” She hasn’t seen the triplets in days, not seeing the middle child even longer since only family was permitted to visit while she was in the ICU. She wanted to cry thinking about it as she felt frustration build up from not being able to see one of her best friends that she considered her sister.

“Yeah, of course.” Jinsol stood up from the bed. “Can you start the bath?” She asked Sooyoung, who nodded in return. “I’ll go get some clothes from Yerim’s.” 

Walking out of the room, Jinsol let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Shaky hands reached for Hyunjin’s and Yerim’s doorknob as she entered the dark room. Turning on the lights, she made her way to Yerim’s closet, taking her time to try her best to keep it together.

She was so emotionally drained, but she couldn’t imagine what Yerim and Chaewon were going through as she pushed her own feelings to the back. As tired she has been with Yerim’s situation, she couldn’t be more thankful that Chaewon came to them, finally trusting them enough to tell the truth, no matter how hard it was. She has been worried sick, not knowing where the blonde was while Sooyoung was so close to wanting to kick Chaewon’s foster’s door down, but glad it didn’t have to resort to that. But now, knowing what happened, she kind of wish they had.

They didn’t know what was going on with her. They had asked her before, but were only met with Chaewon closing herself off from them. It would be a lie to say that they didn’t suspect her being physically abused, but Chaewon hid it well, never letting anything slip.

Jinsol started to feel the guilt itch up as tears sprung from her eyes. She let out a small cry, covering her mouth to lessen the noise. Shaking her head, she cleared her throat to get rid of the emotions before she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from breaking down.

Pulling out one of Yerim’s hoodies, she gathered the rest of the clothes in her arms before making her way back into her room.

Stepping in, Jinsol could hear the water running as she walked towards the sound. She leaned her back on the open door, watching Sooyoung help wash Chaewon’s hair as the girl sat in the tub with her knees up to her chest. She never thought she could hurt more in the past few days, but the pain in her heart now made it so unbearable that she almost forgot how to breathe.

Sooyoung turned around, hearing Jinsol hanging the clothes by the towels. She clenched her jaw at how messed up everything has been, wishing that her family and Chaewon could just catch a break, but it just seemed like wishful thinking at this point.

After some time, Sooyoung turned off the showerhead and wrung the excess water out of Chaewon’s hair, taking the towel that was handed to her from Jinsol. Helping Chaewon stand up, she put the towel over her. “Will you be okay on your own for the last bit? There’s extra toothbrushes and everything else you need in the drawers.” She pointed below the sink.

Chaewon nodded, whispering out a thank you as Sooyoung and Jinsol left her for some privacy. She had wanted to shower by herself, but found it difficult to even move much with how exhausted she was. She felt like she could have taken care of herself if she was still on her own, but being here with the triplet’s parents made her mind and body feel like she were safe enough to just rest for a bit as she allowed them to love her.

Staring into the mirror, Chaewon let out a shaky breath, not sure of what she should feel at the moment. She didn’t know what any of this meant. She wasn’t sure if things would change or go back to the way it was, but she knew she was okay for a moment and that was enough for her because she hasn’t felt okay in such a long time.

Finishing up in the restroom, she grabbed the hoodie and exited to find Sooyoung and Jinsol sitting on their bed. They immediately sat up straight, seeing her standing by the door.

“I can help dry your hair,” Jinsol offered, getting off of the bed to get the blow dryer out of the restroom.

“Can you help me put on the hoodie?” Chaewon asked shyly, walking over awkwardly with only her arms through the clothing.

Sooyoung smiled and patted the spot next to her to get the girl to sit down. “Don’t lift up your arms too high, okay? I can get the rest over.”

Chaewon nodded, holding back a wince as Sooyoung helped her.

Jinsol came back shortly, sitting down to dry her hair.

They just sat in silence for a moment, letting everything sink in as they sank down together in a life that wasn’t ideal, but at least they had each other.

Turning off the hair dryer, Jinsol placed it on the nightstand and ran her fingers through Chaewon’s hair. “You can sleep in one of the triplet’s room, but I’d honestly would rather have you here with us, but again, it’s your choice,” Jinsol said, glancing at Sooyoung who had the same thought.

Chaewon looked at the two women and bit her lip. “Can I stay here?” She fidgeted with her fingers out of nervousness.

Sooyoung smiled and rubbed the small blonde’s arm. “Of course. Come here.” She had her arms open for the girl.

Chaewon thought it would feel awkward, but it was far from that as she laid down, being pulled close as she felt her body relax, feeling safe for the first time in a long time.

Jinsol got under the blanket too, laying down on the other side of Chaewon. “I’m sorry we don’t say it enough, but we really do love you, you know that? We were worried not knowing where you were,” she softly spoke, feeling an overwhelming amount of love for the girl between her and her wife.

Chaewon sniffled, feeling tears immediately spring up again, but didn’t let herself cry this time. “I love you too,” she mumbled, scared to say it any louder than that. “And I’m sorry. I should have called.”

“I love you, baby.” Sooyoung kissed the top of her head as Jinsol did the same. “We’ll figure this out, do you understand?” Getting a nod from Chaewon, she continued. “We won’t let anyone hurt you anymore. I swear you’ll be safe with us,” she promised.

In all honesty, they didn’t know what was their next step in this situation, but they knew that they’d never let Chaewon step foot in that house again. The guilt that ate at them for not prying sooner made them so angry with themselves, but knew they couldn’t have done anything to help if Chaewon didn’t want the help.

Jinsol and Sooyoung kept eye contact with each other after Chaewon had fallen asleep soon after, too exhausted to keep her eyes open any longer. They didn’t need to talk to know what the other was thinking, having spent so much time together, going through the highs and lows of life with each other’s support.

It would be a lie to say that they didn’t have rough patches in their relationship. They were just like any other couple, but the way they dealt with things differed. Their disagreements were settled through understanding, knowing no matter how many things life threw at them, they had enough love for each other and everyone else that no matter what, they’ll be okay in the end.


	23. WE'RE ALL JUST TRYING

Hyunjin had soccer practice after school today, but decided to skip out after not being able to concentrate in any of her classes. She talked to Ryujin, asking her friend if she should ask the coach to switch their positions, making her vice captain while the latter would be captain, but Ryujin being Ryujin just told her that the team could wait for her. Hyunjin didn’t like disappointing people. She didn’t want anyone waiting on her, not knowing when she’ll even be ready enough to play properly again.

Sitting down on the curb at the end of the parking lot, Hyunjin pulled out her bottle of painkillers and took a few without counting how many were in her hand. She was too distracted to care, too tired to think properly.

“What are you doing?” A voice came from behind her, jolting her slightly.

Hyunjin turned around to see Hyejoo standing there. “You scared me,” she mumbled under her breath and shoved the bottle back into her duffle bag before getting up. “Ma said she had a few things to do first. I already told Heejin I can’t hang today.”

Hyejoo nodded. “What do you think they want to talk to us about?” She asked, referring to the text they just got.

Shrugging, Hyunjin was glad that her sister didn’t seem to notice the medication she just took when she was supposed to already be off them. “I’m getting kinda nervous.”

“Me too.” Hyejoo fidgeted with her backpack strap and exhaled loudly. “You think it’s about Yerim?”

Hyunjin turned to face Hyejoo. “Let’s just stop thinking and wait for them to talk to us.” It would be a lie to say she hadn’t thought about it. Every bad possibility ran through her mind as they waited for their parents.

They stood with their shoulders touching, finding comfort in just being close to each other. Both weren’t good with expressing their feelings, but they knew how the other felt at the moment. 

It was only a few minutes until they heard their parents’ voices from behind. 

“Wanna go see Yerim?” Jinsol asked as she approached them.

“Why? Is something wrong with her?” Hyejoo immediately questioned what had been on her mind.

Jinsol frowned. “What? No.”

“We want to talk to you guys, but it’s not about Yerim,” Sooyoung spoke up, understanding why Hyejoo had asked that.

The two thirds of the triplets relaxed their shoulders, not even realizing that they were so tensed.

“Then why would you say you want to talk to us and not tell us what it’s about? You know how I get,” Hyejoo voice held a little annoyance, but she was just worried.

“Okay, that was my fault, but you both didn’t want to come home after school, so I had to say something,” Sooyoung explained, “and it didn’t seem appropriate over text, but we’ll talk when we get to the hospital.” Pulling out her car keys, she unlocked the vehicle that was close by as the family got in.

“Can we check up on Chae after visiting Yerim?” Hyunjin threw her bag and in the back and buckled up. “This time, I’m kicking the door down and no one’s gonna stop me.”

“Yeah, I’d agree with you, but um,” Sooyoung stopped in her sentence and then glanced over at her wife.

Jinsol bit her lip and then turned around in her seat. “Chaewon actually came to us while you guys were at Haseul’s,” her voice trailed and she held her breath, waiting for the reaction.

“What?” Both girls shouted at the same time, not believing what they were hearing.

“Is this what you wanted to talk about?” Hyunjin felt anger rising. “Why didn’t you tell us? We’ve been worrying this whole time.”

“Honey,” Jinsol spoke softly. “You know there are reasons on why we do things. Don’t you think we’ve thought this through?”

Hyunjin instantly regretted yelling at her mom. “Sorry,” she mumbled. 

Jinsol let out a sigh. “I know things have been stressful lately, but let’s please try not to be angry with each other and talk it out instead?”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Hyunjin sat back in her seat, taking a glance at Hyejoo who hadn’t said anything yet.

“It was part of what we wanted to talk about, but we can save the second half for later when your Mom isn’t driving,” Jinsol started. “Like I said, Chaewon came to us while you two were gone. She’s okay, but she will be staying with us while we figure things out.”

“What do you mean?” Hyejoo questioned, feeling her heart start to race. “Did something happen at her house? Why didn’t she come to school?”

Jinsol raised an eyebrow and looked over at Sooyoung again at the mention of Chaewon’s foster’s place. “If you two knew something that was going on with her in that house, you’d tell us right?”

This time, it was Hyejoo and Hyunjin who took glances at each other, but stayed silent.

Sooyoung looked at her daughters through the rear view mirror. “I think this is something we should talk about with Chaewon. I don’t want to say anything she doesn’t want us to.” She parked the car as they arrived and got out of the car with a heavy heart.

The sisters were glad their parents stopped the conversation. They didn’t know what was going on with Chaewon, but they also weren’t about to blurt out their suspicions to their parents about their friend’s situation. Although now, they felt like they knew less while they were kept in the dark.

They walked in, stopping by a waiting area near Yerim’s room where there weren’t many people.

“Let’s just talk out here first before going in,” Sooyoung said, getting her daughters to sit down on the chairs. “It’s nothing you guys should worry about,” she spoke, clearing her throat before continuing, “but Grandma is a bit sick, so I’ll be going to Busan for a few days just to make sure she’s okay.”

“But it’s nothing serious right?” Hyunjin held her breath, hands gripping at her chair.

Sooyoung shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. She’s just been feeling a little weak so she went to the hospital as a precaution. They’re monitoring her right now and I just want to keep her company with your aunt,” she mentioned her older sister that she hasn’t seen in a while.

“But you don’t know how long you’ll be gone?” Hyejoo asked this time.

The house already felt empty without Yerim and now having one of their parents not there made them not know how to feel.

“It could just be for 2-3 days because I have to work, but yeah, I’m not too sure.” Sooyoung reached out and stoked Hyejoo’s hair who had a frown on her face. “We can facetime every day, even during lunch unless that’s too embarrassing for you,” she joked to lighten the mood.

Hyejoo rolled her eyes. “It’s not like you don’t already embarrass me in class.”

“You’re the one that calls me Mom instead of Mrs. Ha all the time,” Sooyoung countered back.

“But you are my Mom. Mrs. Ha is so awkward. Even Chae calls you Mom in class.” Hyejoo winced after mentioning her friend. She slumped her shoulders and fidgeted with her fingers. “Chae’s my best friend and you know I’d do anything to protect her right?” She changed the topic, not being able to stop thinking about what was going on with the small blonde, but knew she could trust her parents with anything. “If I knew something, something bad was going on with her, like if I knew for sure,” she paused in her sentence, “Even if she didn’t want me to tell, even if she thought I was betraying her, I’d talk to you, but that’s the thing, I don’t know anything. She won’t talk to me.” Her voice became desperate, hating the fact that Chaewon has always been keeping things from her.

Hyunjin nodded in agreement, but didn’t say anything as guilt ate at her. She wanted to reassure her parents that she’d never keep big secrets like that from them, but she’d be a hypocrite thinking of the painkillers that she has become dependent on. She thought she could handle it on her own, but now, she wasn’t so sure.

Jinsol was still standing and wrapped an arm around her youngest to pull her in close. “Chae’s not saying a lot to us either, but just know that she’s going to be okay and we’ll talk this through when the time comes. And I’m glad you three trust us enough to not keep something major to yourselves. We’d do anything to protect you guys too and that’s Chaewon included.” She gave them a small smile and reached over to caress Hyunjin’s cheek.

The oldest triplet closed her eyes, leaning against her mom’s hand although she had the urge to pull away, not feeling like she deserved it. She wanted to just blurt everything out and own up to it, but didn’t get the chance when nurses came rushing in their direction.

Without thought, they all held their breath as they watched the nurses pass a few rooms before throwing Yerim’s door open.

Sooyoung’s feet moved on their own. “What’s going on?” She tried grabbing at one of them, but was told to wait outside as the noise died down and they were left in silence again.

“Mom.”

Sooyoung heard Hyejoo call out to her as she turned around to hug her daughter. “It could be anything. It could just be…” She didn’t have answers. She didn’t know what to say.

Taking a glance at Jinsol who was hugging Hyunjin, they communicated with their eyes, trying to comfort each other.

It was only a few minutes later when a doctor emerged from Yerim’s room. But in those few minutes, they couldn’t stop overthinking about every little thing as thoughts overwhelmed their minds. It was hard to think positive when life kept knocking them down.

The doctor came out and greeted them before explaining. “Yerim’s fine. The machine’s went off because she was waking and the ventilator had to be taken out because she’s breathing on her own again.”

The family relaxed a little, glad that they finally got some good news.

“She’s in and out of consciousness right now though since she’s still very tired and we had to give her more medication.” The doctor flipped through a clipboard to check other stats. “You can see her, but only for a short while since she should rest and we have to move her to another room. She also won’t be able to talk much though because of an oxygen mask.” She explained a few more things before giving them the go ahead to see Yerim.

“Can we all go in at the same time?” Jinsol asked while rubbing Hyunjin’s arm.

“Yes, of course. A nurse will come by when visitation is over though.”

The family thanked the doctor and stood still outside of Yerim’s room for a moment, half excited and half scared.

Sooyoung gave Hyejoo’s hand a squeeze before opening the door as the rest followed.

Yerim didn’t look any different besides the ventilator over her face was replaced with a mask. She still laid there unmoving with closed eyes, just like how they last saw her.

They moved chairs and sat on both sides of the bed. Jinsol was the first to reach out, holding onto Yerim’s hand. At first, she wasn’t expecting anything, but then a light squeeze on her hand caused her to smile, looking up to make eye contact with Sooyoung.

Yerim slowly opened her eyes, but found it hard with how heavy they felt from the medication. It made her feel like she was floating, not so sure which direction was up or down.

“Hey, baby,” Jinsol cooed, lifting Yerim’s hand up to her face to plant a kiss on the back of it. “How are you feeling?”

Yerim’s right hand was held by Sooyoung when she slowly wiggled out of the grip to hold it up, gesturing a few signs that they understood right away.

Sign language was something they picked up and taught Yerim when she was just a kid. It was suggested to them by the doctor to use it to communicate when her asthma got bad and signing was easier than talking. Although that skill was limited, she knew enough to get what she wanted to say across.

“I know you’re tired,” Sooyoung answered her. “We can only be here for a bit so you can rest after.”

Yerim signed again, indicating that she didn’t want them to leave. Usually she was okay on her own, but feeling this weak and dazed made her want her family with her.

Jinsol ran her thumb over her daughter’s hand. “I can ask if I can stay the night with you,” she suggested.

“I have to leave for Busan tonight,” Sooyoung reminded her that they couldn’t have the other two kids home alone.

“We can stay with Aunt Jiwoo or Aunt Jungeun if they’re okay with that,” Hyunjin spoke up, not wanting Yerim to be by herself either. She herself wanted to stay, but knew she couldn’t.

Sooyoung nodded. “I’ll give Jiwoo a call and ask.” She stood up and pulled out her phone, walking back out of the room to make the call.

Jinsol turned back to Yerim to catch her sign the word for “home”.

“Hyejoo probably won’t admit it, but she misses you enough to sleep in your bed sometimes. She thinks it gives her the rights to annoy me all night so hopefully you can come home soon,” Hyunjin joked to try to distract Yerim from feeling so sensitive in the situation that she’s in.

Hyejoo rolled her eyes, but knew what Hyunjin was trying to do. “Don’t listen to this loser. I can admit it. I’ve definitely missed you, Yerim.” She ignored the glare she was getting from the oldest triplet. “Imagine having to only see Hyunjin’s face 24/7, it gets pretty annoying.”

Hyunjin glared even harder, but Hyejoo only made a satisfied smug face in return, teasing her sister.

Jinsol couldn’t even scold them for bickering as she found herself smiling at their interaction that she had come to miss so much. Things were finally starting to feel a bit more normal, but she also had to remind herself of what the doctor had told them about being prepared for the possibility of Yerim having another asthma attack since her body was still weak.

She stayed silent, just watching her daughters talk as they filled Yerim in on what has been going on in their lives. It’s the most she has heard them talk since the middle triplet has been in the hospital. Hyejoo had shut everyone out, even refusing to talk to her therapist while Hyunjin was Hyunjin, always pretending she was okay when it was so evident that she was struggling just as much as everyone else. She wasn’t even sure how she’s been surviving, but thought of her wife and how lucky she was to have someone always by her side no matter how hard things got.

It’s been some time since Jinsol has had a bad panic attack since she’s been able to find ways to manage them, and although they usually came out of nowhere, seeing Yerim struggle so much brought them back full blast, making her feel like she was back to her younger self. She started to see her old psychiatrist again, trying to straighten things out and to find different methods of coping when she felt like her world was spiraling out of control. Old memories resurfaced that she hasn’t thought about in years and no matter how hard she tried to deal with them on her own, she needed Sooyoung there with her. It made her feel so guilty when her wife was having a difficult time too. She tried her best to be there for her, but at times, she couldn’t even find the motivation to get out of bed.

A hand on her arm jolted her out of her thoughts as she turned to Hyunjin.

“I think the medication is kicking in,” the oldest triplet informed.

Jinsol smiled sadly at Yerim who was trying to keep her eyes open. Her daughter then signed that she didn’t want to sleep.

“You need to rest for your body to heal, honey.” Jinsol placed her hand on the side of Yerim’s face and ran small circles with her thumb between her daughter’s eyebrows, which was something she often did for the triplets to sleep when they were kids. “I might not be here when you wake because I have work but I’ll be here with you through the night,” she assured. Jinsol was about to get up to get the nurse when the door opened up to reveal Sooyoung walking in with one.

Her wife came by the bed and gave Yerim an apologetic look. “I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to talk to you, baby.” Sooyoung bent down and kissed her daughter on the forehead. “I won’t be here for a few days because I have to go see Grandma in Busan, but I’ll be back for when you get discharged okay?”

Even nodding felt difficult as Yerim just signed the word for “okay”, not having the strength to do much more as she struggled to open her half lidded eyes.

“I love you so much, Yerimie,” Sooyoung said softly, but her daughter was already out. Sighing, she stood back up straight and placed her hand on her wife’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

They all said quick goodbyes before leaving, but as Hyejoo was about to step out of the room, she turned back around, pleading with her eyes at the nurse for a few more seconds. Getting what she wanted, Hyejoo swallowed the lump in her throat and caressed her sister’s cheek before planting a kiss on them.

“I love you, Yerim,” she mumbled, silently cursing at herself that she could only say it when her sister wasn’t even awake to hear it.

Hyejoo shook her head, being disappointed in herself for never being able to express the things she wanted to show to the people she loved. Walking back out of the room, she looked at her family who were waiting for her and wordlessly took ahold of Hyunjin’s hand as their parents talked to the nurses about Jinsol staying the night.

Hyunjin wasn’t surprised by the contact. As distant as Hyejoo was with everyone, she knew her sister wanted to be more affectionate, but just found it hard to be the first to initiate it. She could see Hyejoo trying every day to change a little and she couldn’t be more proud about it. Knowing her sister, Hyunjin wanted her to be more comfortable first before she said anything about it, scared that if she praised her too early that Hyejoo would take two steps back and push her away.

After they got the green light for Jinsol to stay, their mom turned to them and pulled them both into a hug.

“Don’t give your Aunt Jiwoo too much trouble okay?” Jinsol was only joking, knowing her kids were always good although they could get rowdy at times. “I’ll see you two at school and I already talked to Haseul about Chaewon’s situation, so it’s her choice on whether she wants to go or not. And try not to pry too much? I know you guys are concerned, but she’s going through a lot, okay? It’ll take time.”

They both nodded in their mom’s embrace, not sure of what to expect when they see their friend later.

Jinsol held each of her daughter’s face in her hands and gave them a kiss along with an “I love you” before turning to her wife. “Call me when you get to Busan okay?”

“Yeah.” Sooyoung pulled Jinsol in, giving her a quick kiss since they weren’t keen on PDA when it came to their relationship. “If you need help with anything, anything at all, you know you have your friends alright? Don’t try to do everything on your own,” she said quietly. “Call me at any hour of the day and I’ll pick up.”

“I know.” Jinsol sighed in Sooyoung’s embrace. “I’m gonna miss you.”

“College days, just sleep in my sweaters.” Sooyoung smiled, which got her wife to smile as well.

“You know we could hear you right? Y’all are so sweet, it’s kinda gross sometimes,” Hyunjin piped in, breaking up the moment.

Sooyoung let out a small laugh and reached out to smack her daughter on the arm. “You can sleep in my sweaters too if you miss me,” she teased.

“Of course I’m gonna miss you, Mom,” Hyunjin said seriously this time. Even though it might just be for a few days, these days, she wanted to be with her whole family since things have been tough for them.

“It’s only for a bit, baby. I’ll be back before you know it,” Sooyoung told her daughter as she held onto Jinsol’s hand for as long as she could, but knew they had to leave soon.

“Yeah, I doubt that,” Hyunjin mumbled. “I already miss you.”

Sooyoung smiled at how Hyunjin has always been the most vocal about wanting to be close to her parents when most teens were the opposite. Although she was the same way with her mom, she was always reminded that not all parent child relationships were like that when she thought of Jinsol and how distant she was with her parents. And then her mind wandered to Jungeun, wondering how her friend survived her life without parental guidance as a teen when they disowned her after finding out she was dating Jiwoo. How could parents give their child an ultimatum between love and family? It was something she could never understand when all she wanted to do was shower her daughters with as much love as she could.

No matter what they went through, their disagreements and fights, moments of avoiding each other and lashing out at one another. They knew at the end of the day, nothing could ever tear them apart. Sometimes they all regret the things they said and how they acted, but life was a learning process and as parents, they were there to show that even with how different they all were, unconditional love is to be understanding of each other. It takes patience and empathy for relationships to work. Nothing came easy, but loving each other was never the hard part.


	24. FAKE SMILES

They’ve been together for so long that at one point, they thought they should try just being best friends again. People say that you shouldn’t try to fix something that doesn’t need fixing, but for some reason, they decided to not listen. Life started to get stressful and instead of helping each other through it, they pushed each other away and called it quits, thinking the other will always be there in the end anyways. 

Jiwoo unlocked the door and entered her empty apartment. Walking over to the fridge, she opened it to find it equally as empty, wondering why she had opened it in the first place when she already knew there was nothing in it. Sighing, she went into her bedroom, skipping dinner to shower and then catch up on shows instead.

It’s been a long day.

Usually when it got tough, she’d talk it out with her best friend, Jungeun, but the women had recently moved out of their shared apartment and she didn’t want to call. Jiwoo saw it coming and knew they couldn’t be roommates forever, but still felt lonely thinking about it.

After the break up, they have lived apart only to come back together to inevitably be apart again. At first, Jiwoo took it hard, but got used to it. They both dated other people while trying to mend their friendship, slowly working their way to becoming comfortable enough to be best friends again.

While Jiwoo started to fall back in love with Jungeun after spending more time with each other, Jungeun fell in love with someone else. She was too late and she only has herself to blame. No matter how much she loved her, she would never come between Jungeun’s relationship when her best friend looked so happy these days. Jiwoo used to be Jungeun’s happiness, but she was also the cause of her misery after they ended their long relationship.

Jiwoo kept the feelings to herself, covering it up with fake smiles and little lies that she was okay. She was so used to pretending that she was sure no one would be able to tell the difference. She could be hurting so much inside, but the mask she put on when she went outside made her feel like a skilled actress.

Everyone had their own lives to live that it was so easy for no one to notice her as she felt her existence become nothing but background noise. She felt stuck in the past while everyone else moved forward.

Finishing up her shower, Jiwoo went back to her room to hear her phone ringing. Quickly walking over to her nightstand, she picked it up without looking at who was calling.

“Hello?” She answered.

“Hey, Jiwoo,” came the tired voice from the other line.

“Oh hi, Sooyoung unnie.” Jiwoo had hoped it would have been Jungeun, but was slightly glad it wasn’t.

“Are you busy? I have a favor to ask.”

Jiwoo switched the phone to the other ear and took the towel off of her hair. “I’m free, what’s up?”

“Yerim just woke up and one of us needs to stay with her, but I gotta go to Busan for my Mom,” Sooyoung’s voice got quiet at the end.

Jiwoo perked up at some good news and already knew where this was going. “Yerim’s okay? I can pick up your kids if you want,” she volunteered.

“She’s breathing on her own at least, and thank you so much, Jiwoo. I can drop them off though. I have to go back home anyways so they can get their stuff and also,” Sooyoung exhaled, “Is it okay if Chaewon stays with you too?”

“Yeah, sure, of course. I didn’t even know she contacted you guys? She hasn’t been in school and doesn’t she have to be at her fosters on weekdays?” Jiwoo asked in confusion.

The other line was silent for a bit before Sooyoung started talking again. “About that, um, there’s some stuff going on with her and I’m not sure how she’ll react by having to go to your place for tonight.”

Jiwoo sat up straighter on her bed. “It’s her fosters isn’t it?” Everyone had their suspicions and now hearing what the other woman was saying, she started to feel a lump in her throat.

“Yeah, um, I don’t want to say much but I do have to inform you of some stuff since she’ll be in your care.” Sooyoung paused again. “She is a bit, uh,” she wanted to be careful with her words, not sure of the right things to say. “She’s a bit hurt, injured, but nothing too serious from what I can see. Just try not to ask any questions unless she talks first?”

Jiwoo shut her eyes tightly and rubbed her temples at the information she hoped not to get, but knew it was just wishful thinking. “Does her fosters know she’s with you? How long has this been?”

“It’s just been the weekend and today. And of course her fosters don’t know. I know this is a lot to ask of you. I don’t even know if her fosters care enough to call her in as missing or whatever or if someone will come knocking on my door about her, but she needs a place to stay,” Sooyoung said desperately.

“No, I understand and she’s welcomed here no matter what. I don’t care if this can get me into trouble.” Jiwoo tried to stop her voice from shaking, but it was evident with every word she spoke. “She’s just a kid,” her voice cracked as she placed a hand over her mouth. “Did we not do enough to make sure she was okay?” She started to replay every interaction she had with Chaewon and questioned her role in her student’s life. But calling Chaewon just her student didn’t seem fitting. The younger girl was so much more than that.

“We’re all going through the same thing Jiwoo-ah. She’s with me and Jinsol all the time that I can’t believe we didn’t do more. She sometimes calls us her moms for god’s sake and I feel like, I feel like I’ve failed her in so many ways.”

Jiwoo could hear the guilt in Sooyoung’s voice and knew no matter what she said, it wouldn’t mean a thing, but she tried anyways. “You can’t think like that, Unnie. You know how secretive she is and how much she pushed us away whenever we tried to talk to her about that stuff. You did the best you could. We all did.” She lied to herself, but sometimes lying was the only way to cope.

“I know, but it doesn’t make me feel any better about the situation.” Sooyoung let out another exhale. “I gotta get back to Yerim before visitation is over. I’ll text you when we’re about to head over okay?”

“Alright. Let me know when I could come visit Yerim too. I hate that I can’t see her when we’re practically family.” She has felt so frustrated not being able to see her niece and knew Jungeun felt the same when they tried visiting her last time.

“They’re moving her to a new room, so visitation should be open soon. And Jiwoo, thank you so much for this and everything that you do for me.”

“Don’t even mention it. You know I’m always here for you. I’ll see you in a bit okay?”

They said their goodbyes and hung up, leaving Jiwoo back into the silence with more thoughts than she started out with. All of the sudden, her problems with Jungeun didn’t seem as important when her mind filled with Chaewon, the triplets, and their parents. 

She had to thank Sooyoung and Jinsol for always being there for her and Jungeun, especially when they were apart. Her support system has always been strong, but lately, everyone had their own things to worry about that she found herself alone more often.

Growing up, she wasn’t one to get stressed out easily, always finding herself being optimistic, but as she got older, her personality started to change. The confident teenager who thought she could do anything she put her mind to became an insecure adult. Learning to live without Jungeun by her side made her feel vulnerable. There was no one there to reassure her and ease her mind when she doubted herself. The voice in her head got louder, telling her things she didn’t want to hear.

Jiwoo has always thought that she was a good friend, someone who could read people easily, but these days, she couldn’t even put into words the way she was feeling. The news about Chaewon was just feeding into those insecurities. There were so many signs, so many signals that she could have picked up on. She should have pushed harder, but would it have made a difference?

She fidgeted with her phone, itching to call or just text Jungeun, being so used to telling her best friend everything, but she just felt like a bother. Sighing, she tossed the device onto the bed and flopped down beside it. Not even 30 seconds later, she groaned hearing the phone vibrate and rolled over to pick it up again. Sooyoung had texted her that she was on the way.

Getting off her bed, she went out of the room and crossed the living room to stand in front of Jungeun’s old room. She hasn’t been in there since the other woman moved out, so she hesitantly opened the door and stepped in. Feeling a rush of emotions, she pushed them aside and went to the closet to pull out extra blankets and pillows. 

She sat there for some time, just replaying old memories in her mind of the what if’s when she knew it was pointless. It was her that introduced Haseul to Jungeun after having met the older woman from the previous school she worked at. And as much as she was hurting, she really was happy for the both of them. 

Haseul was someone who was carefree but careful at the same time, elegant, but can be the biggest dork. Her personality was one of a kind and Jiwoo knew the moment Jungeun fell for her. They clicked right off the bat. For someone who was usually reserved with new people, Jungeun couldn’t help but laugh at everything the short haired woman said.

They were good for each other. Haseul brought out a side of Jungeun that Jiwoo hasn’t seen in a long time and Jungeun made sure Haseul knew she was loved even when she doubted her own self worth. 

Getting another text, Jiwoo got off the bed and headed out to open the front door.

“Hey,” she greeted right away seeing part of the Jung-Ha family plus Chaewon. Pulling Sooyoung in for a hug, she held her friend tight. “How’s Yerim?”

Sooyoung returned the hug before stepping into the apartment with her daughters. “Better. We’re hoping she’ll feel well enough to come home soon, but nothing is certain right now.”

Jiwoo nodded and then hugged her nieces. 

Chaewon was a bit behind Sooyoung, holding onto her hand. The small blonde was avoiding eye contact, but Jiwoo stepped over to lightly rub her arm to let the girl know that she was there for her.

“Hug?” Jiwoo asked.

Looking up, Chaewon hesitantly let go of Sooyoung’s hand and allowed Jiwoo to embrace her.

Kissing her head, Jiwoo sighed softly. She was relieved that Chaewon was safe although it was going to be a long road ahead for all of them with how the girl seemed to revert back to her more reserved ways like when they first met her.

“I gotta go.” Sooyoung looked at her phone to see the time. “Jinsol will be here after school tomorrow to pick up the car. I’m gonna take a Lyft to the station.”

Jiwoo gave her friend a look. “I told you I could have picked the kids up.”

“Yeah, I know, but I wanted to see them for as long as I can before leaving.” Sooyoung hugged her daughters before opening the door again. “Thank you for letting my babies stay with you. I’ll call when I’m there okay?”

“It’s really no problem. Stay safe and tell your Mom hi for me and hope she feels better.” Jiwoo gave Sooyoung another hug as they all said their goodbyes before she left.

“Mom bought food,” Hyunjin spoke up, lifting a bag in her hand and then headed over to the couch, taking containers out to place on the table.

“Is it okay if I go lay down?” Chaewon asked quietly. “I’m not really hungry.”

Jiwoo gave her a sad smile. “Yeah, of course. I set up an extra mattress and stuff in Jungeun’s room. You already know where everything is, but let me know if you need anything.”

Chaewon nodded and left quickly without another word.

They sat in silence for a moment. No one was feeling hungry, but stayed rooted in their spots anyways, knowing that they wanted to be in each other’s company for a bit.

“How are you guys?” Jiwoo asked to break the silence.

“Could be a lot better,” Hyunjin mumbled, picking at her food that she placed on her plate.

Hyejoo only shrugged in response.

“I know you’d rather be at home than here. If your Ma has to stay with Yerim for a little longer, I can always come over too,” Jiwoo suggested.

Hyunjin looked up at her aunt, taking notice how the redhead seemed a lot more tired than usual. “It’s not that. We’re fine here. You don’t have to worry about that.”

Jiwoo didn’t seem convinced, decided not to say more on it. “Is Yerim doing better?”

“I mean, she’s awake and breathing on her own again, so I would count that as better,” Hyunjin answered. “Is she out of the danger zone? Not really. There’s a high chance she might have another asthma attack while recovering.” She let out a sigh. “I’m getting sick of the hospital.”

“Imagine how Yerim feels,” Hyejoo finally spoke up. “Can I go to the room too?” She stood up before getting a reply.

Jiwoo nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

Hyejoo took her plate to the kitchen without another word before heading to Jungeun’s old room.

“I know you want to ask about Chae, but honestly? She hasn’t talked to us either,” Hyunjin broke the silence after her aunt wasn’t saying anything.

Jiwoo looked up. “What about Hyejoo?”

“What about her?”

 

“She hasn’t been talking to me lately,” Jiwoo commented, having tried talking to the girl at school.

“Hyejoo hasn’t been talking to anybody lately,” Hyunjin countered back, but didn’t say more.

“And you?” Jiwoo asked.

“Me?” Hyunjin scratched the back of her neck. “I’ve been okay.”

“You always say you’re okay.”

“What more do you want me to say?” She didn’t mean to sound rude, but it came harsh.

Jiwoo bit her lip at how messed up everything was and blinked back tears, not allowing herself to cry in front of her niece. “I can clean up here,” she said softly, standing up to pack up the food they barely touched.

Hyunjin exhaled loudly. “Aunt Jiwoo,” she started. “I’m sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say. Everyone’s just been dealing with things on their own and she was no exception. Picking up a bag, she began to help clean up as well.

“It’s fine.” Jiwoo waved her off with a small smile. “Just get ready for bed. I’ll take care of this.”

“You sure?”

Jiwoo hummed in response.

Hyunjin placed the bag back on the table. “Good night, Aunt Jiwoo.”

“Night.”

The oldest triplet hesitantly left the living room, making her way to the other room she was staying in.

When Hyunjin was out of sight, Jiwoo let out another sigh and sat down on the couch, placing her head into her hands. She thought she would feel better seeing her nieces, but seeing how emotionally exhausted everyone was just made her feel worse. She stayed rooted in her seat for a few more minutes before putting everything away and headed off to her own room.

Right when Jiwoo sat down on her bed, her phone started to vibrate, jolting her a little.

Without looking at who was calling again, she picked it up. “Hello?”

“Hey, Jiwooming.”

Jiwoo sat up straight, recognizing the voice. “Hey, Jungeun-ah. What’s up?” She tried to ask in her usual tone.

“Sooyoung unnie just called saying how the kids are at your place. You need me to come over to help out?” Jungeun asked on the other line.

“No, no, they’re all just staying in your old room. Probably just going to sleep and then I’ll drive them to school tomorrow.”

“You don’t need me to cook or anything? I know you’re not going to make yourself food.”

“Sooyoung unnie brought food over. You don’t need to worry.” But Jungeun was right. Her fridge was usually empty unless she got take out and even that didn’t last very long.

“Yeah, well. I worry anyways.” Jungeun could be heard talking to someone else on her side before going back to her phone conversation. “We haven’t hung out in a while. We should go out some time.”

“Yeah,” Jiwoo’s reply came short, not being sure how to answer that.

“You okay, Jiwoo?”

The redhead silently cursed at herself that Jungeun was able to read her even over the phone. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just tired.”

“I’ll come over tomorrow. We can hang.”

“It’s really okay. Tomorrow is a school night anyways. I’m probably just going to sleep early,” Jiwoo tried to convince her friend.

“You sleep early? Who are you trying to fool?” Jungeun asked in a half joking tone. “Jiwoo,” her voice trailed.

“Yeah?” Jiwoo hesitantly replied.

“You know that you’re my best friend and you can talk to me right?”

Jiwoo closed her eyes tightly. “I know, Jungeun,” she said quietly.

The other woman stayed silent for a bit before talking again. “Then why don’t you talk to me anymore?”

“Can we not do this right now?” Jiwoo rubbed at her temples.

“Then when?” Jungeun slightly raised her voice. “I know you’ve been avoiding me. I know that you probably skip dinner way more than you should. I gave you space so that you’d come to me, but I can’t keep pretending like I don’t know that something’s going on with you.”

“I just need time to figure things out on my own. I don’t need you by my side, holding my hand every step through my life, okay?” Jiwoo snapped, but instantly regretted it.

Jungeun didn’t say anything right away. “Is this about me?”

“Not everything’s about you, Jungeun-ah.” But everything was about her. Jiwoo just didn’t want to admit it. “Look, I’m just going through some stuff that no one could fix, alright? This is something I have to figure out on my own.”

Jungeun wasn’t used to hearing Jiwoo reject her offer to help. She wanted to know what was going on with her best friend and felt hurt that Jiwoo was pushing her away. “But if you do need someone to talk to, you know I’m here, or if you don’t want to talk to me, there’s Sooyoung unnie and Jinsol unnie.”

Jiwoo hated that Jungeun brought up their other friends. It made her feel like it was back to when they first broke up and didn’t talk to each other. Instead, they turned to Sooyoung and Jinsol to help them through everything. She felt like they were drifting apart again, but this time, there was no coming back.

“I’ll talk to you later, okay Jungeun-ah?” Jiwoo replied, trying to end their conversation.

“Okay. I love you, Jiwooming,” Jungeun said, wanting her best friend to know that she was always there for her.

“Love you too,” the redhead mumbled and then hung up.

Jiwoo threw herself down on her back and placed her pillow over her face, silently screaming into it. She knew if Jungeun knew something was wrong with her that it wouldn’t take long for their other friends to get suspicious too.

Letting out a frustrated growl, Jiwoo laid her arms over her face as hot tears finally fell. There was no way she was going to tell anybody about her resurfacing feelings for her best friend. She couldn’t hurt Jungeun like that even if it meant she was only hurting herself in the process.


	25. DYSFUNCTIONAL

Sooyoung stood silently by the kitchen sink, drinking coffee and going through emails on her phone when she thought she heard something. Placing her cup down, she listened and heard it again. Walking out of the kitchen, she smiled seeing someone in the hall with sleepy eyes.

“Hey, baby,” Sooyoung said in a soft tone as she picked up a 4 year old Hyejoo from behind the child proof gate they had set up around the house. She brushed the messy hair out of the little girl’s face and kissed her chubby cheeks. “Did you sleep well?”

“Hyunjin kicks,” came the quiet answer as Hyejoo laid her head on her mom’s chest.

Sooyoung smiled at the response, but took note to make sure Hyunjin was separate from her sisters when they fell asleep. “She keeps crawling over to your side, huh?” She asked, walking back into the kitchen, placing Hyejoo down on a chair as she went to the fridge to get out some juice.

“She was next to Yerimie and then she was next to me,” Hyejoo explained, taking the cup Sooyoung gave her.

“Yeah, she moves around a lot.” Sooyoung sat down, running her fingers through her daughter’s hair to untangle it. “You want to help me make breakfast?”

Hyejoo made a little grunting sound and nodded her head, but before they could get started, they heard another noise coming from the hall.

Sooyoung got up from her seat. “I’m going to go make sure your sisters don’t wake Mama up, okay?”

Walking out of the kitchen again, she went to open the gate, and walked into the room where all of them slept. The floor of the room was lined with mattresses so that it was easier for them to be together.

Sooyoung smiled at the scene before her. Yerim had half of her tiny body on top of Jinsol while Hyunjin laid awake, a leg resting across her sister.

“Hi, baby,” Sooyoung greeted as she took careful steps onto the bed and picked up Hyunjin before she woke the rest of the family up.

Hyunjin yawned in response and clung onto Sooyoung’s neck, almost colliding her head with her mom’s chin as she rested herself on Sooyoung’s shoulder.

Sooyoung rubbed the still sleepy girl’s back. “We’re going to make breakfast,” she announced, giving Hyunjin her morning kiss.

Hyunjin lifted her head up. “Bread?” 

Her eyes were so round that Sooyoung had to give her another kiss. “Why are you so cute, huh?” 

She placed Hyunjin down next to Hyejoo, both sisters were in yellow oversized t-shirts and shorts, making them look smaller than they really were. Grabbing Hyejoo’s cup, she went to fill it with more juice to give to Hyunjin.

“I want more juice, Mom.” Hyejoo shook her legs from excitement as she saw Sooyoung pull out other items from the fridge.

“You already had some, Hyejoo. You can have milk with your breakfast later.” Sooyoung set the cup down in front of Hyunjin who took it right away. “Hyun, drink slowly,” she instructed, knowing how her daughter gets.

Not listening, Hyunjin drank the juice in one go and placed the cup back on the table once she was finished. There was no sign of sleepiness anymore as she poked at Hyejoo causing the little girl to giggle.

Sooyoung shook her head at how the oldest triplet never listened when it came to filling her stomach, but then the same could apply to Hyejoo who was now reaching for bananas.

“No climbing on the table, Hyejoo-ah.” Sooyoung patted her youngest’s butt to get her to sit back down and picked up a banana, broke it in half, and give it to each of the girls.

Her and Jinsol had taken the triplets to get checked up the other week to make sure everything was okay and expressed their concerns of Hyunjin and Hyejoo eating way too much for each meal, but luckily, with their fast metabolism, it wasn’t a worry. Yerim, on the other hand, was always a little smaller than her sisters, so they were suggested to add more protein to her meals, but had to watch as she ate since the other siblings liked to take food from each other.

Taking out ingredients that she has prepped the night before, Sooyoung heated everything up and then placed it on the table. Setting rice in front of each girl, Hyunjin and Hyejoo already knew what to do as they put on plastic gloves and started to grab at different veggies and added it to bowl.

“Wanna make some for me and Mama too?” Sooyoung asked, scooping more rice out.

“Uh huh,” the sisters answered at the same time.

Hyunjin excitedly pushed her own bowl aside as Sooyoung placed another one down. “I’m make you one, Mom.” She stood up in her chair before sitting down again, feeling the pent up energy early in the morning.

“Thank you, baby.” Sooyoung smiled at her oldest and then turned to her other daughter. “You gonna make one for Mama?” She asked Hyejoo.

“Yeah, I’m gonna put a lot,” Hyejoo answered as she grabbed a handful of each veggies and meat in for Jinsol.

“I’m sure she’ll love it.” Sooyoung sat down across from the two and began preparing a bowl for Yerim, making sure she had enough of everything for her diet. “You can’t put all the meat in for Mama, Hyejoo-ah, you have to save some for Yerim,” she said, watching the youngest try to stuff everything into one bowl.

Hyejoo did what she was told and stopped going back for the beef. “Yerimie can have some of mine,” she offered in her tiny voice.

“Don’t you always try to grab food from Yerim?” Sooyoung questioned playfully, but she did have to scold them at times for trying to eat each other’s food. She was just glad the girls didn’t fight over it since they were fine with sharing, but it became a problem when some were getting less food than others, so they had to sit them a little farther apart from each other during meal time.

“I won’t do it anymore,” Hyejoo replied while shaking her head. “Yerim is small.”

“Yes and you want her to grow up big like you right?” Sooyoung and Jinsol had to talk to them about the food situation and make them understand so it wouldn’t be a problem anymore.

“Yerim stands in the front row at picture day,” Hyunjin added on, talking about their preschool and how height played a role in taking pictures. “I’m done, Mommy.” She lifted the bowl up with a proud smile.

“You did good, honey,” Sooyoung complimented before finishing up what she was doing and started to mix the rice with some soy sauce instead of red pepper paste so that it wouldn’t be spicy for her daughters. “I hear some noises. Mama and Yerim might be up.” She nodded her head towards their room.

Voices could be heard followed by giggles. It didn’t take long for Jinsol to emerge into the kitchen, carrying a messy haired Yerim who had a tight grip around a big toy dinosaur.

“Pancakes is hungry,” Yerim announced, referring to her t-rex.

“You’re hungry too, right?” Sooyoung asked as she placed Yerim’s bowl down in front of the middle seat.

Yerim nodded, reaching out her arms for Sooyoung who smiled and took her daughter, kissing her on the cheek like she did to the other two triplets.

“Breakfast is ready.” Sooyoung leaned forward and gave Jinsol a morning kiss too.

The blonde slightly whined when Sooyoung pulled away and went behind her wife to give her a back hug instead. Resting her chin on Sooyoung’s shoulder, Jinsol let out a sigh. “I’m not ready to go to my parent’s today,” she mumbled.

Sooyoung let out her own sigh, placing Yerim down and reminding her that she has to eat everything in her bowl before turning her attention back to her wife. “I know, but at least everyone will be there, so they probably won’t talk to us too much,” Sooyoung tried to reassure.

Jinsol groaned and led them to the living room. “That’s impossible. You know they’ll nag at me no matter what.”

“It’s nothing we can’t handle.” Sooyoung took ahold of both of her wife’s hands. “It’s just for today and then that means that we don’t have to visit them for a few more months or next year or something.”

Jinsol pulled away, placing her hands on her hips with slumped shoulders. “I just wish we didn’t have to deal with this.” She looked up with scrunched eyebrows. “I miss your Mom all of the sudden.”

Sooyoung smiled and tugged at her wife’s arm to get her into a hug. She kissed Jinsol on top of the head. “I miss her too and you know that she misses you too. My Mom is basically yours, so if you ever need her, she’s just a phone call away.” Sooyoung meant it. She knew how distant Jinsol was with her own parents, so she tried to make sure her wife had someone else to turn to.

“I know,” Jinsol mumbled against Sooyoung’s shoulder. “I just—,” she exhaled out of frustration. “I’ve just been doing so well, but having to see my parents again is bringing my anxiety back on overdrive. I always feel like I’m a teenager all over again every time I’m in their presence.”

Sooyoung rubbed the blonde’s back. “I know, babe. And just like when we were teens, I’ll be there by your side, so we can talk crap about them behind their backs together,” she joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Jinsol let out a small laugh. “Guess we should eat and then head over to help out.” She stayed in her wife’s embrace a little longer before pulling apart and walking back into the kitchen.

“I didn’t take Yerim’s food,” Hyejoo announced right as they came into view. The girl had some grains of rice around her mouth, but her bowl was otherwise empty.

“You’re finished already, honey?” Jinsol stroked her daughter’s hair and then grabbed a napkin from the table to clean her youngest. She then turned to Sooyoung who was mixing their bowls. “I’ll get Hyejoo ready first.”

Sooyoung looked up, pushing one of the bowls towards Jinsol. “Eat. I got Hyejoo.” She went over to pick up her daughter.

Jinsol smiled thankfully and sat down at the table as her wife walked out again. “You two excited for today?” She asked before shoving a spoonful of food into her mouth.

“Uh huh,” Hyunjin replied while shaking her legs.

Yerim nodded in response with her mouth full.

“I’m going to play games and eat a lot of food,” Hyunjin said while finishing up her own meal.

“But you can’t hide under the food table the whole time again, okay?” Jinsol reminded her of what happened the last time they went out.

“Because you can’t find me?” Hyunjin asked.

Jinsol nodded. “Yes, and because I know you eat more sweets than you should. We’re not going to eat that much sugar today, okay?”

Hyunjin looked like she was thinking for a bit before answering, “What about Hyejoo?”

“Both you and Hyejoo should not be eating that many sweets. Too much is not good for you, and we talked about how you two can’t give any to Yerim without asking me or Mom first, right?” Jinsol ate another spoonful, waiting for her daughter to answer.

“Sugar is bad for Yerimie’s asthma,” Hyunjin repeated what her parents had told the triplets. “We don’t give any to her,” she reassured.

“But you and Hyejoo sneak off to eat stuff you’re not supposed to on your own.” Jinsol was thankful that the triplets weren’t picky when it came to food, but sometimes they overate and it was a concern to start healthy eating habits at a young age.

“We won’t do it anymore.” Hyunjin lifted her bowl up to her face to eat the last bit of her food. “I’m done.”

“Good job, honey. You wanna go to Mom to get ready?” Jinsol asked, picking up Hyunjin’s empty bowl and her own to put into the sink.

Hyunjin made an excited noise and ran out of the kitchen.

Jinsol turned around to see the oldest triplet already gone and shook her head out of amusement. “You good, baby?” She walked back to Yerim who was still eating.

“Yeah,” came Yerim’s soft voice. “Can I eat cake today?” She asked a little worried after her mom talked about her not being able to eat a lot of sweets.

“Of course, honey.” Jinsol kissed the top of Yerim’s head. “You wanna share some with Mama later?”

Yerim wasn’t one that was big on sweets anyways, so Jinsol didn’t worry too much about that. What she worried about was that Yerim often times ate what others gave her, so she had to be wary to keep an eye out on that.

Yerim nodded. “I’m full, Mama,” she said with some food still left over in her bowl.

“There’s just a little left, Yerimie.” Jinsol picked you her daughter’s bowl and scooped some onto the spoon. “Just a bit more?”

The girl opened her mouth and ate the spoonful, chewing slowly while rubbing her eyes.

“Are you still sleepy, baby?” Jinsol leaned over and rubbed her daughter’s back, knowing that Yerim sometimes had a hard time staying asleep throughout the night because of her asthma.

Yerim yawned in response and continued to chew her food. “I’m not sleepy,” she tried to convince her mom since she wanted to play with her sisters.

Jinsol smiled at the obvious tired girl. “One more and then we can get ready, okay?” She scooped the last spoonful and fed it to Yerim before standing up to go to the sink again. “Finish up your juice.”

Yerim did what she was told and then got out of her chair to hand her mom the empty glass.

“Thank you.” Jinsol took the cup and placed it in the sink as well. Bending down, she picked up her middle child, blowing a raspberry on her stomach and getting giggles in return.

Yerim sighed in content as she clung onto her mom’s neck and rested her head on her shoulder.

The family got ready faster than they thought even with Jinsol trying to lag behind so that she didn’t have to see her parents so quickly. The girls actually weren’t running around for once when they usually did when trying to put on clothes, so that made the whole process a bit easier.

“Don’t forget Pancakes at Grandma and Grandpa’s because I’m not going back for your dinosaur, okay?” Jinsol reminded Yerim about her toy.

Sooyoung smacked her wife on the arm. “We’ll come back for Pancakes if we need to, but just try not to forget her again,” she reassured her daughter who was hugging her dinosaur tightly. Bending down, she picked up Yerim and held onto Hyejoo’s hand.

Jinsol carried Hyunjin up too as they made their way out.

The car ride was loud as usual with the girls being excited, but calmed down as apple slices were passed around.

Sooyoung reached out, holding onto Jinsol’s hand after seeing her wife fidget with her fingers. “We can make fun of how your parents have a whole tv just to display a fake fireplace and how I’m gonna purposely move their salt and pepper shakers an inch off and watch as they get frustrated trying to place it back where it belongs.”

This time, it was Jinsol who lightly smacked a laughing Sooyoung. “I swear, my Mom was grumbling the whole time when you moved everything a little off just to annoy them.”

“That’s what they get for bothering you.” Sooyoung gave her wife’s hand a squeeze. “We’ll be fine.”

Jinsol nodded with a sigh. “Yeah, I know.”

It was about another five minute drive until they reached a gated neighborhood. After the gatekeeper let them in, they drove into the area and parked a little down from Jinsol’s parent’s house.

“At least it looks like my sisters are already here,” Jinsol mumbled seeing her sibling’s cars parked outside.

“I haven’t seen them in so long,” Sooyoung commented, holding onto Hyunjin’s hand who was helped out first.

They walked towards the house when everyone was out of the car. As much as Jinsol didn’t want to be there, she led her family up to her childhood home and rang the doorbell.

The door opened a few seconds later to reveal a woman that was older than them. “Jinsol,” came the excited voice.

“Hey, Jessica unnie,” Jinsol greeted back with a grin, giving her oldest sister a hug.

“Ah yes, my favorite person is here,” another voice could be heard from within the house.

Jinsol let go of Jessica to see her other older sister, the middle child. “Hey, Krystal unnie.”

The said woman pushed passed Jinsol to give Sooyoung a hug. “I was talking to your wife, darling.”

Jinsol frowned and tugged at her sister to let go of Sooyoung.

Krystal let out a laugh. “I’m just joking.” She pulled Jinsol into a tight hug. “How have you been, baby sis?”

Jinsol was still glaring at her sister.

“Stop that. You’re gonna get wrinkles,” Krystal said with a playful grin still on her face. “You know I love you.” The older woman tickled Jinsol under her chin only to get her hand slapped away. She then turned to the triplets. “How are my little babies?”

The three girls latched onto their aunts, talking about this and that while they walked farther into the house.

Jinsol felt her breath hitch as they entered the kitchen, seeing her parents with their backs turned. Feeling Sooyoung slip her hand into her own, she relaxed a bit. “Hi Mom, Hi Dad,” she greeted.

Her parents turned around, eyeing everyone in the room.

“Weren’t you supposed to be here at noon?” Was the first thing that came out of Jinsol’s mom’s mouth.

“Yeah,” Jinsol mumbled. “It’s kinda hard getting everyone ready on time.”

“I raised three daughters and was able to get everywhere on time,” her mom countered.

“Mom,” Jessica tried to get their mother to back off.

“What are they wearing?” Jinsol’s mom gestured to the triplets. “They’re not even matching.”

“They don’t need to match. They’re their own person, you know,” Jinsol argued back, not seeing the big deal with how she dressed her daughters.

“Why don’t you three go play with the birthday girl in the backyard?” Krystal said quietly, ushering the triplets out to not hear what was going on.

“They should be wearing dresses to a party,” Jinsol’s dad spoke this time.

The blonde shook her head out of annoyance. “Yerim’s wearing a dress because she wanted to. Hyejoo and Hyunjin aren’t a fan of dresses, so I’m not going to make them wear something they don’t want.”

“You’re their parent. You’re supposed to be in charge, not them,” he said it like it was so obvious.

“You’re right. I am their parent, so I get to choose on how I raise my kids,” Jinsol said firmly. “How’d it turn out when you forced me to wear dresses when I was younger? Still don’t see me in them now, do you?”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Jessica interrupted before their parents could reply back. “I haven’t been home in almost half a year and I’m here to celebrate my daughter’s birthday with my family, so I’d like it if we don’t fight for once.”

“It’s kind of entertaining,” Krystal uttered under her breath.

The other two siblings shot glares at their middle sister as she raised her arms up in defense.

Krystal hopped off of the stool she was sitting on. “You two continue doing whatever you were doing.” She motioned to her parents and then grabbed both Jinsol and Sooyoung’s arms. “You guys can help me set up the grill.” She dragged them outside where the kids were.

They went to the back to see the triplets playing with their cousins on the grass. The kids didn’t pay any attention to them as they were too busy in their own world.

“It was your turn to get nagged since they already nagged at me when I got here. As if I don’t already know that I wear too much black. But uh, Jessica is perfect though. Golden child got a hug and a kiss, and from both parents too,” Krystal told them what went on before they arrived. “Imagine getting that much affection from our parents.” She laughed, but Jinsol knew there was always more behind those types of laughs.

“How do you deal with them?” Jinsol asked, sitting down on a lawn chair as her wife and sister sat on either side of her.

Krystal shrugged. “I just let them say whatever they want. What difference will it make if I talk back?”

“That’s the thing. I never talked back when I was younger, but when they involve my kids is when I won’t just keep my mouth shut.” Jinsol leaned back on the chair with Sooyoung’s hand on her thigh.

“I could imagine,” Krystal said. “Actually, I can’t, because I don’t have kids,” she pointed out with a chuckle.

“But you stand up for my kids, so it’s basically the same thing.”

“Because I know what it’s like not having anyone stand up for you, especially when you’re young and adults think they’re always right.” Krystal smiled bitterly.

“We were all just so timid.” Jinsol recalled what their childhood was like. “They sure did a number on us, didn’t they?”

Krystal reached out to hold her sister’s hand. “But we’re doing better now, right? You have the hottest wife ever and the triplets are just so adorable.”

Sooyoung snorted, hearing Krystal’s comment.

Jinsol rolled her eyes. “Please don’t feed her ego.”

“But seriously,” Krystal began. “All the shit we’ve been through just made us stronger. I watched you struggle when we were younger, but look at you now, Jinsol.” She tilted her head at her sister. “Our parents may never change and we have to accept that, but you keep growing and learning, and they’ll probably never say it, but I couldn't be more proud of you.”

Jinsol returned the smile and squeezed her sister’s hand. “Thanks, Unnie. That really does mean a lot.” No matter what she achieved academically or in extracurricular activities, it was never above than her oldest sister, so she never got acknowledgment from anything she did.

“So don’t let their words get to you too much. After today, you’re gonna go back home to your family and not have to deal with our parents again for a long time. They chose to be the way they are and that’s what they get, a once or twice a year visit from their kids when Jessica unnie comes back home.” Krystal shook her head at how their family dynamic was like. “I guess it doesn’t bother them that this relationship is how they made it.”

Jinsol swallowed the lump in her throat at how right her sister was, but it didn’t make it any easier. “I guess I should be thankful to them for raising us up the way they did, because I would never do that to my kids. I do the opposite of everything they’ve taught me and I couldn’t be happier.”

Sooyoung rubbed Jinsol’s thigh in comfort. “And you’re an amazing parent, Sol. I’m glad I get to raise my babies with you.”

“You two are so sickeningly sweet,” Krystal commented. “Gah, I’m so glad you two are together. I remember not being so sure about this Sooyoungie, but I guess anyone could fall for her after seeing her dance.”

“That wasn’t the reason why I fell for her,” Jinsol deadpanned at how ridiculous her sister always sounded.

“Oh, come on. You’d rave about her dancing to me every night. I think I knew you liked liked her before you even knew you liked her.”

“I thought I was straight my whole life, okay?” Jinsol defended herself.

Krystal laughed. “Can I just say that that was probably our parents fault too? We might as well would have been homeschooled by how they kept us from knowing anything outside of this house.”

“You talked about my dancing?” Sooyoung asked.

Jinsol turned to her wife. “Of course I did. You were my cool best friend who was the best dancer ever. It was my job to show off your skills.”

“Yeah, her cool best friend who was the hottest girl in school according to Jinsol,” Krystal teased.

The blonde glared at her sister. “Would you shut up?”

“Hey, come on. Without me, you probably would have never figured out that you had the biggest crush on your best friend.”

“Really?” Sooyoung questioned in curiosity.

Jinsol shook her head. “Don’t listen to her. I would have figured it out eventually.”

“I just helped speed up the process.” Krystal grinned.

“Thank you,” Jinsol said seriously this time.

Krystal was still smiling. “For what?”

“For being there for me when Mom and Dad were trying to break me and Sooyoung apart.” Jinsol intertwined her fingers with her wife’s. “For constantly reminding me that the past doesn’t define who I am and for telling me that I’m a good mom all the time.”

Krystal threw an arm over her sister’s shoulder. “Because you are a good mom, and you’re my baby sister. You know me and Sica would do anything for you even if Sica’s way is a little more subtle.”

Jinsol leaned against Krystal, almost forgetting how it felt to have her older sister take care of her. It’s been such a long time since they had a more serious conversation even though Krystal hid her feelings behind jokes half of the time. They all developed different defense mechanisms growing up in a household that didn’t support their individuality. 

Growing up confused and insecure taught herself to keep everyone at arm’s length like how her parents kept her. They were cold and distant, she wanted love and affection, but those were words she grew up not understanding. So she had no idea what she was missing out on until she met Sooyoung. Meeting Sooyoung taught her to forgive even when forgiveness wasn’t asked for. 

She didn’t blame her parents. She did for a long time, but not anymore. She was the one in control of her life and she wasn’t going to let anybody make her a prisoner of her own mind anymore.


	26. ANYWHERE BUT HERE

Missing days felt like a glitch in the memory. Waking up in a whole new week, knowing that life went on and waited for nobody.

Yerim couldn’t remember a time where she has ever felt this exhausted, both physically and mentally. She’s been in and out of hospitals before with lungs burning, throat closed, but this was something different. It left her feeling this heavy weight in her heart, dragging her soul down with it. She couldn’t exactly describe it, but with each painful breath, she wasn’t sure how much longer she was supposed to hold on for.

Was it the medication or shortness of breath or both that was making her tired? Everything blended together that it was hard to make sense of things. It almost felt like a dream, drifting back and forth between the wake and sleep state.

“Yerimie.”

She heard her name being called, not even aware that someone else was in the room. Turning her head slightly, Yerim could see her sisters and mom making their way towards where she was laying.

“Are you feeling any better today, baby?” Jinsol greeted, taking a seat on a chair Hyejoo had dragged over for her.

Yerim tried to smile but only grunted in response and then slowly adjusted herself on the bed.

Seeing her struggle, Hyunjin went to the other side. “Do you need another pillow? I can adjust the bed up,” she offered.

“Can you make the bed so that she’s sitting upright?” Jinsol asked before turning her attention back to the middle triplet. “Got you some food.”

“Not hungry,” Yerim managed to answer, but her voice still sounded a bit hoarse.

Jinsol tried not to show it on her face, but the reply made her feel a deep sadness that radiated numbness down her body. “I know,” she said quietly. “The nurse says it’s better to stick with their suggested meal plan, so you gotta at least try okay?” She didn’t want to bring up Yerim’s weight again, knowing how sensitive she has been being reminded of it over and over, but it was necessary for her daughter’s recovery.

The nurse had already changed her oxygen mask to a tube that ran to her nose for her meal, so she knew trying to get out of eating just delayed the switch back.

“This thing makes my nose bleed.” Yerim reached up, referring to the tube on her face.

“I already mentioned that to the nurse.” Jinsol held onto Yerim’s hand to get her to stop touching the tube. “We’ll find a better option for you too since you’re gonna need one of these things for your oxygen therapy at home.”

Yerim frowned although she already knew it was necessary. She just wasn’t looking forward to having to use a device to manage her asthma outside of the hospital too.

“Just get a mask instead. You can be like Darth Vader,” Hyunjin joked, making lightsaber noises.

“You’re an idiot,” Hyejoo mumbled under her breath as she handed her mom the small bowl of soup that was on the tray they brought in.

“You’re an idiot,” Hyunjin mocked back, throwing the youngest triplet a glare to only get an eye roll in return.

Yerim ignored the two, taking in a small spoonful of soup that Jinsol fed her. She ate slowly, concentrating on breathing between each chew. Her chest already felt like it was on fire and eating was only making it worse, but she didn’t want to voice it. She didn’t want to be put on more medication that made her sleepy when all she wanted was to see her family for as long as possible before they had to leave again.

“Is Grams okay? When’s Mom coming back?” Yerim asked, having only talked to her other mom briefly the day before on the phone.

Sooyoung had only planned to be gone for a few days, but now that it was passed the original plan, they couldn’t help but worry that something more serious was going on.

“Hopefully by the end of the week or earlier,” Jinsol answered, feeding Yerim another spoonful. “They had to run a few tests and then we could go visit Grandma once you get out of here, okay?”

Yerim nodded in understanding. No matter how much she wanted both parents with her at the moment, she knew that her grandma needed her mom as well.

Jinsol let out a small sigh, feeling the stress build up. Sooyoung’s mom was more of a parent to her than her own parents were. The older woman had taken a liking to her right away, basically adopting her into the family once Sooyoung introduced her as her best friend before they were even together. Jinsol had never felt that much love from a parent figure that it was almost overwhelming at first, but now, she couldn’t be more grateful.

“It’s okay if Mom needs to take her time and can’t be here for when I get out,” Yerim spoke before closing her eyes for a brief moment as dizziness washed over her.

Jinsol clenched her jaw, not sure of what to say. Her middle child always tried to reassure her that she was okay, but sometimes she wished that Yerim would just complain. There was no one more stubborn when it came to trying to keep everyone else around her happy.

“I’ll talk to your Mom about that but she really does want to be here to take you home.”

Yerim hummed in response. “How am I supposed to catch up on school work?”

“You don’t need to worry about that right now.” Jinsol wanted her daughter to just concentrate on getting better first before anything else. “Haseul is in the loop with what’s going on and she also wants to see you, by the way. Well, her and Yeojin if you’re up for that some time.”

“Heejin and Chae too, and of course Aunt Jiwoo and Aunt Jungie,” Hyunjin piped in. “They all miss you.”

“Yeah, some other time,” Yerim agreed, but wasn’t sure when she’d be well enough to face anyone other than her immediate family. It wasn’t like she didn’t want to see the others. She was just too out of it, not wanting her friends to see her like this.

Hyunjin glanced over to Hyejoo to see her reaction to Yerim’s reply, but the youngest triplet looked lost in thought with her gaze on the floor.

Jinsol placed a hand on Yerim’s head, stroking her hair. “It doesn’t have to be tomorrow or even the day after that. Don’t push yourself if you’re not up for any visitors. Just take your time and I’ll let them know when you’re ready to see them.”

Yerim nodded, taking in a sharp inhale and closed her eyes again. The pained expression on her face didn’t go unnoticed this time.

“I think we should get a nurse.” Jinsol stood up in concern.

“No,” Yerim responded a little too quickly as her eyes shot open.

“Yerim,” the blonde sighed out.

“Please, Ma,” Yerim begged. “You don’t have to stay overnight again, but can’t you just stay with me for a little longer?”

Jinsol’s heart ached hearing her daughter sound so desperate and sat back down. “I can stay overnight again if you need me to, you know.”

“We don’t mind staying at Aunt Jiwoo’s,” Hyunjin spoke up to reassure her sister.

“I’m just going to sleep. There’s no point,” Yerim replied, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

“And if I want to stay with you? Would that be okay?” Jinsol hoped that her daughter would just agree.

Yerim thought about it for a moment before hesitantly nodding. She hated being an inconvenience to others, but she couldn’t help wanting her mom there with her although she felt sorry towards her sisters for them having to stay somewhere that wasn’t their home.

“Can I get the nurse now then?” Jinsol didn’t want to risk anything at this point. She could tell Yerim wasn’t feeling good and no matter how much she wanted to keep talking to her daughter, she knew Yerim needed to rest.

Getting another nod, Jinsol stood up again. “I might take a bit because I gotta talk to them about a few things, okay?” She gave Yerim’s hand a squeeze before making her way out of the room, leaving the triplets by themselves.

“You want me to download some more movies onto your laptop?” Hyunjin asked. “I know Netflix’s selection can get a bit boring sometimes.”

“No, it’s fine. I haven’t been watching much of anything lately.” Yerim then glanced at her other sister who has been staying quiet. “You okay?”

“I’m sorry,” Hyejoo blurted out and then dropped her head down into her hands.

Yerim frowned at the sudden apology. “For what?”

“It’s just,” Hyejoo started, but stopped out of frustration from not being able to find the right words to say. “I’ve been an ass to you before this whole you staying in the hospital thing and I was going to apologize once you got out, but then you had to stay longer and then,” she paused her ramble before continuing. “I don’t want to keep talking without addressing what’s been going on with us.”

“What’s been going on? I still don’t know what you’re apologizing for,” Yerim answered in confusion.

“That’s still been on your mind?” Hyunjin spoke up this time, her question being directed at the youngest triplet.

Hyejoo exhaled, running a hand through her hair. “You said that I judge you and don’t listen to you,” she spoke quietly, avoiding eye contact.

Yerim thought for a moment before it clicked in her head. “Are you talking about the whole Hayoung fight ages ago?”

Hyejoo looked up slightly and nodded. It really hasn’t been that long, but it sometimes felt like it.

The other girl let out a sigh and reached out to hold her younger sister’s hand. “I should be apologizing for that too.”

Hyejoo raised an eyebrow at the unexpected reply.

“You weren’t the first person to call me out on being seen with her again and I was just mad that you’d jump to conclusions like everyone else without talking to me first, but I know you only said those things out of concern,” Yerim explained. She bit her lip and shook her head. “There’s so much I wanted to say to you, but then,” she stopped as her voice trailed, thinking about how her prolonged stay in the hospital made her forget about the problems she has been having with her sisters.

“You don’t need to apologize for something that was my fault.” Hyejoo tried to pull her hand back but Yerim only held on tighter.

“Hyejoo, we were both jerks that day, alright?” Yerim stared at her sister, trying to get Hyejoo to look up at her, and then the realization hit her. “You can’t possibly think this is your fault.” She knew what the slightly younger girl was thinking just by the expression on her face and hated that Hyejoo has been keeping this to herself the whole time.

Hyejoo finally looked up with guilt in her eyes, making Yerim frown again.

“The three of us have a lot of problems between us that we need to talk about instead of letting them drag on, but me being in the hospital isn’t one of them.” Yerim glanced between both of her sisters, knowing that she wasn’t the only one that felt like they have been drifting apart for a while now.

The triplets have always been close, but lately, it seemed as if they were all pushing each other away to deal with their own issues. It was obviously straining their relationship as they went on their days pretending that everything was okay. The unspoken words started to pile up and it was hard to keep track of when things got so out of control.

“This isn’t your fault.” Yerim said the words she knew Hyejoo needed to hear. She then turned to Hyunjin. “Tell her that this isn’t her fault.”

“This isn’t your fault,” Hyunjin repeated right away without much thought.

Hyejoo furrowed her eyebrows. “Why would you think I’d care what Hyunjin has to say?”

“Rude.” Hyunjin glared at her sister. “You really don’t listen to me ‘cause I’ve been telling you this whole time that Yerim wasn’t mad at you. She seriously goes to sleep to wake up with a clean slate of sunshine.”

Yerim shrugged. “She’s mostly right.”

“I’m always right,” Hyunjin scoffed and folded her arms.

The youngest triplet didn’t have a snarky remark this time, but instead, bowed her head down with her hands covering her face.

Hyunjin’s face immediately changed as she threw an arm over her sister’s shoulder, pulling her close. “Come on, Hye. We’re gonna be okay.” She turned her attention to Yerim who was trying her best to keep calm while she felt all too much.

Telling each other that things will turn out fine was a lie they always told each other when there were no other words of comfort. 

Yerim hanging on while she was on the ventilator was a wake up call for them that life was so fragile even though they were young. Thinking the three of them would be together forever was just naive, and it made them grow up faster than they liked to.

As if Hyejoo didn’t overthink enough, she overthought even more while Yerim was away from them. She knew her words and actions have caused the people around her pain, but lashing out was so easy when she knew that her family would always forgive her. It didn’t make her feel any less guilty, but knowing that her last conversation with Yerim before her asthma attack was an argument made her realize that no matter how hard it was for someone to change, she wanted to work on becoming a better person. She didn’t want to fight anymore. She just wanted to be okay.

“Hey, are you guys alright?”

They all turned their attention to the door to see their mom entering with a nurse.

Hyejoo stayed clung onto Hyunjin, but quickly wiped her eyes and nodded.

“We’re gonna need to go for them to check Yerimie over and give her some medication,” Jinsol informed, hating to separate her daughters again when they looked like they needed time together.

Hyunjin stood up first, reaching out to pat Yerim’s hand. “We’ll figure this out together when you’re better.” She smiled and poked the other girl’s cheek lightly. “I’ll see you later, baby sis. Love you.” 

Yerim wanted to roll her eyes at how Hyunjin always reminded them that she was the oldest triplet even if it was only by a few minutes. “I love you too,” she replied, being too tired to swat Hyunjin’s hand away from her face.

Hyejoo followed, slowly reaching out to fidget with Yerim’s sleeve before holding her hand. “I love you so much,” she mumbled with her eyes still red.

Yerim blinked a few times as she felt herself getting choked up, knowing her sister had a hard time expressing herself. “I love you more, Hye.”

Hyejoo sniffled a bit before replying. “Impossible, but I’ll let you keep thinking that,” she lightly joked.

Yerim let out a small chuckle before wincing as she turned away to cough. Her lungs still made crackling sounds as she tried to take a deep breath in.

The two sisters took a step back as their mom and nurse took a step forward.

Yerim had been trying to not show that even breathing was hurting her, but couldn’t hold it in anymore as she coughed harsher this time. She groaned at how the pain radiated throughout her body, making it hard to concentrate on her surroundings.

Feeling her chest tightening, Hyejoo bolted out the room with Hyunjin following right after.

Jinsol whipped her head back and wanted to go after her two other daughters, but decided to turn to Yerim again as the nurse switched out the tube that ran to her nose for an oxygen mask.

“I’m okay,” Yerim wheezed. She then switched to signing out what she wanted to say, telling her mom to go check up on Hyejoo. Her sister worried her to no end, knowing just how fragile the youngest triplet was no matter how tough she tried to be.

“I already called Jiwoo to come pick up your sisters,” Jinsol said as she brushed Yerim’s hair that was covering her face aside. She was conflicted on which daughter needed her the most at the moment, making Sooyoung’s absence feel more evident.

Yerim clenched her eyes shut and exhaled shakily. “Please go make sure Hyejoo’s okay,” she signed with her hands again, not trusting herself to talk without coughing. She didn’t want her mom to stay, seeing her like this. Her parents also have been focusing more on her lately and she didn’t want to take away more attention than she already was when her sisters needed their parents as well.

Jinsol nodded hesitantly before lifting one of Yerim’s hand up to her lips and planting a kiss on the back of it. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

Getting a nod in return, Jinsol left the room again, leaving Yerim alone with the nurse.

Yerim finally let tears fall when the door closed, but she didn’t cry. As much as she wanted to, she knew it would just make her asthma worse by building up more mucus that she didn’t need.

“You’re doing great, okay?” The nurse tried to keep her calm and handed her a tissue.

“Is it supposed to hurt this much?” Yerim whispered out, only now asking the question.

The nurse gave her a sympathetic look. “Your lungs have been working very hard to function on their own again so they might be sore for awhile,” she explained as she adjusted Yerim’s bed down a little. “The medicine will make you sleepy, so that you can rest easier. If you wake and it still hurts, alert someone.”

“Can my Ma have an extra bed?” Yerim forced herself to say although talking was tiring her out even more. “The couch is uncomfortable.” She nudged her head towards the bland colored looking furniture.

“I’ll see what I can do.” 

Yerim felt her eyes close and signed “thank you”, forgetting that the nurse probably didn’t understand it, but forming words was getting too hard to do.

After some time, Yerim opened her eyes again, not even realizing that she was by herself in the room for a while now. And before she could stop herself, a cry left her mouth. It was muffled and strained as the mask got in her way. Shifting in her bed, she tried to sit up a little and swallowed the lump in her throat to try to compose herself. She couldn’t fall apart now. She had to keep it together.

Yerim has never felt more alone while her family was with her. The things she couldn’t tell them and the emotions she held in was exhausting her more than anything else. She felt guilty for keeping things from them, but didn’t want them to stress more than they already were.

But she was scared.

It was a different scared from when Hyunjin had to go into surgery for her injured leg or times when Hyejoo’s panic attacks were so bad that she’d accidentally hurt herself. She’s always worrying about her family, but worrying about dying wasn’t something she thought she’d have to think about until she was old and grey.

Everyone kept telling her that everything was going to be okay, but with each breath she took, she didn’t know which would be her last.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading~ @loonachoz on the bird app


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